Monday, February 7, 2011

My Monday Muse

Senorita Caliente

Last year I carelessly seduced all you foolz wiff a little lovey dovey ditty entitled "Pardon Me" that was performed by the apple of your eye airplane stewardess of tus sueƱos, Maxine Swaby. But that shiz, while timeless, is sOOoOOOooo 2010! For 2011 we need an exciting new anthem [read as: sumfing delightfully crappy that actually is a few yearz old]. We need a song that we spice up our livez and charm our undarooz off. And that's why, wiffout further ado, I present to y'all, "Rojo Caliente": red hawt is dat shiz?! It seemz to me that Meagan (who should totez adopt mah petname Senorita Caliente as her official alias), is set to become the new Willa Ford. The talentless slutty white grrrl popstar neeeeedz to make a comeback!! Sure, that reggaeton-tinged rapper is entertaining [read as: terrifying & incoherent], but Princess Caliente's sexxxy red mop & gorg pancake face totez stealz the show.

Do you also want to be rojo caliente?! Well, you betta use your platinum card [feat. endless charge] to get some bling-bling on expensive thingz! Not rich enough? Well, just hijack a schedule a photoshoot for a magazine and pout your glazed lips and wink your druggy eyez @ the camera. SENSUAL!'re ugly AND poor [see: me]? Well then, just swindle ur way [aka sleep ur way] into the nearest club's VIP room and order grey goose & Cristal [aka Majorska & boxxxed piss] for errrbody! INSTANT ROJO CALIENTENESS!

Wow...tanx Senorita Caliente for letting me know that I too can be a dizzzzgusting money-hungry slut! Wow...she's so inspirational [aka corny as wut-wut]!


Tam said...

My favourite part of that whole video? At :18 when the car magically changes from green to red. Oooooooooh.

Does she not sort of look like this chick from Cheetah Girls?

Michelle M. said...

"That's rojo caliente" is now my new phrase for awesomeness.

Chris D. said...

What a snazzy young lady, with a nifty song. You and see could be Spanglish Twins!

Mel said...

I kind of thought she was trying to work a Lohan look. You know, back when they could actually kind of pretend Lindsay wasn't constantly coked out of her gourd and actually ate food.

I love how they always conveniently put someone between her and the camera when she makes like she's actually about to bust a move. White girl ain't got no rhythm.

Ray Avito said...

I've heard of bad English and bad Spanish, but bad Spanglish?

Josh's reference triggered a buried memory. *clicking over to put "Spice Up Your Life" on my YouTube playlist...*