Monday, January 24, 2011

My Monday Muse

Chatterboxxxing Animalz

Animalz are wondrous things. They keep us company when we are sad. They brighten the rainiest of days. They taste derrrriciouz smothered in ranch They grow old wiff us and keep us young with their naive ignorance.

But what are they thinking? Science suggests that some animals have conscious thought, while others argue that we human sapianz are the only assholez on the face o' the Earth that have intelligent pondering skillz. Since science is boring as shit, I just pull up a chair in the middle and say "Eh, either side is right. I don't care."

But after watching this official documentary [read as: British overdubbing on B-roll nature footage], I think it's obvious that we might be underestimating our woodland brethren.

I're shocked that the savage animal kingdom has so much in common with urself! Us humanz prance about wiff our stuffy noses in the air all day long, shunning the animal world...pish, like our shit don't stank [note: actually, mine doesn't, cuz I'm awesome]! But lookie here @ deez aminalz and how they are more like us than we'd ever think...

Like, take the storks. You ever race some greedy old bitch in a crowded parking lot to a shiny front-row spot, only to have her park her azz even though you had your goddamn blinker on?! The storkz, they feel your pain.

And how about the seagulls/pelicans/ugly birds whatever the fuck they are? They must have just watched the last five minutes of Drag Me to Hell...cuz they are crackin' up just as hawd as I did in theaters!

Regret having a swarm of snotty nosed bastardo chillunz?! You're not alone! Mama seal is so over her loud screaming kids, that I bet she will rethink her stance on wildlife abortionz.

And last but not least...the groundhog. If you are desperately trying to get in-touch with your friend, what do you do? Email them? NO...TAKES TOO LONG. Call them? NO...PHONES ARE FOR TEXTING. Send them a letter? NO...THIS IS 2011, NOT 1911!!! You just stand out on your front lawn and scream their name until they appear. That's what I do whenever I need to get in-touch wiff mis amigoz [please note: which is never because all of my friendz have cut-off contact with me since I annoyed them by repeatedly bellowing their namez whenever I wanted their attention].

The animal kingdom is a wondrous place! So the next time you start to feel all high & mighty cuz of your highly developed brainz y emontionz, launch your nalgaz off to the nearest zoo and struck up a convo with some monkeyz or crap like that. You might JuSt MaKe A NeW FwIeND!!!


Chris D, said...

What chatty little critters (well I 'spose the Giraffes aren't so little).

I still miss Marcel.

Tam said...

Where the hell is Allan? The MJ dancer was pretty smooth and I liked whizzing meerkat.

Ryan said...

Is it just me, or do the seals sound like Walter and Perry?

Michelle M. said...

Nightime! Daytime! Too funny.

Anonymous said...

I love this! LOL LOL LOL So Fuuuunny! The Michael Jackson bird to "Beat It"...priceless. :)


madtexter (corey james) said...

Personally, I like to chat with spiders. Is that weird?

hoteltuesday said...

I hate giraffes attacking each other!!!!

Instead of Michael Jackson they should have played someone better, like Mandy Moore.

Ray Avito said...

Busted a gut laughing at Mama Seal! She was fed up.

tornwordo said...

I love pelicans! Two words - beak bag.