Monday, January 17, 2011

My Monday Muse


Makenzie the Beauty Queen

Much to the expected delight of Dave2, I have a feeling dat Steven the Beautiful might have a competitor in the field of most elegant Monday Muse of all time. It's hawd to be glamorous. You have to dress in fancy clothez [aka toss-aways from Britney Spears' last tour], smile like a demon brighter than the sun, trot about like a graceful steed and sadly, eventually go blind from the bright magical unicorn shade of pink that colors EVERYTHING in your room.

All of us ugly people [aka those who have livez], can't even begin to fathom the depths and strugglez it takes to be pristine/perfect/loved solely for your lookz. We best rezzzzpect the beautiful people...



So many heartz erupted from my stupid chest when I first laid eyez on Makenzie the Beauty Queen. And...like duh! You see that pearly white baby-teef smile?! It glistens! And her negligent, clearly uncaring mother best get her azz in gear. Did I hear your angelic daughter bark scream volcanically belch politely say that she was "late for DiVa DaY"?!?! Tisk...tisk...Momma Makenzie, you don't let a beauty queen EVER be late for DiVa DaY!!!

Sure, she looks like a strung-out Katie Holmes [feat. eye bags galore!], acts a bigger diva than Christina Aguilera and soundz like Lindsay Lohan after a pack or six of cigz, but in some eyes [read as: in my eyes], that's what computes as BEAUTIFUL! Cover her puss in some cucumberz & melted Hershey Kisses and, yep, I'm in love! Swoon City...hear I come!


13 comments:

hoteltuesday said...

Can this be my daughter? THAT IS THE BEST PICTURE BTW.

Tam said...

She does look like she needs several more hours sleep ... and a spanking. Ugh. I have only seen that show once and I was like "Why is not one calling CAS on these parents?" Those kids are frightening, their behaviour and how they look 4 going on 45. It's disgusting. Although to me hearing a southern accent come out of a little body is amusing as hell.

Ray Avito said...

Firecracker? How about Demon Seed? Girl said, "You are driving me nuts." I LAUGHED!!

Mel said...

All I know is if that child had been in my family, she'd a had a switch used on her little punk ass.

Paul said...

The only dissapointing thing is that we have to wait 15 years until she's on Intervention. She should sound like Harvey Fierstein by then.

Bre Slimmer said...

I love Toddles and Tiaras, i think that the parent's on these shows are hilarious in the way that they dance off stage and make cheesy smiley faces in order to try and cheer up there cranky three year olds.
It's amazing how many children do this type of stuff. lol

anne marie in philly said...

child abuse...pure and simple. call CFS on this woman's azz NOW!

Ray Avito said...

Josherz is on drawing blog..."and IIIIII..."

Naughty said...

Sweetie.

Oh holy shit, this little tart sounds just like Bobby on King of the Hill.

I love it: "Whaares muy drank?" Naughty predicts this will be the refrain most likely to follow little Makenzie to D-list celebrity rehab.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, I'm familiar with this little darling. Every once in a while I will catch an episode, and this was one of them. There is a reason why she needs a pacifier, and serious behavioral strategies, because she literally does not have a true parent figure.

Next time you can post the episode of the mother that made her 3 yr. old wear a dress with pointy breasts...so she could look like Madonna. Some people should never be parents.

-Cindy

Anonymous said...

Amazing, this little girl is growing up way too soon!! And yet she clings to her pacifier. Is there a problem here? I think so! This kid is so confused, she doesn't know how old she is...1 or 19, she doesn't have a clue what it's like to be a 4 year old. I think mom better get her shit together and start being a mom, or she's going to have serious issues with her child when she's a teenager. Can you imagine, how scary is that thought?!

Love, mom

Michelle M. said...

What a sweet, charming little girl. I'll take 5 just like her.

Why did I stop watching this show??

Sexy Trash said...

I don't know where I've been all my life, but I was just introduced to "Toddlers & Tiaras" and I'm officially obsessed. I can't wait to be a pageant mom