Sunday, January 9, 2011

My Monday Muse

The God Warrior

I've been saving this goldmine of unlimited shiny happiness since I started doing deez Monday Muse installmentz. I mean, for serial, is there anything more inspiring than watching someone profess their undying faith?! Yes, listening to "Firework" on repeat after you've had a bad day @ work and you start bawling on the subway NO!

I think we all need a little more angelic guidance in our lives. Like Mandy Moore wisely once said, "all you gotta do is have a little faith"! And there is no better teacher in the art of pure & loving [read as: loud & potentially violent] devotion than dis week's Muse!

Trading Spouses is a brilliantly constructed social exxxperiment [read as: fucked up exxxploitive reality TV show] that takes mommas from two completely different families, puts them in each other's houses and then lets the cameras roll as the shiz hitz the fizz.

And The God warrior is by far the most infamous and glamorous of all da wivez that have ever been switched about. Our Jesus soldier had to spend a week living with some free-spirited, open-minded non-Christian family (poor girl!) and her retelling of the surely Lucifer-inspired hell she went through is HeArTbReAkInG!!

GARGOYLEZ! PSYCHICS! TAROT CARDS! MOONS! WITCHBOOKS! The God Warrior was put through the ringa, and all she needed was for us to pray for her. And did we?! NO! We should all be ashamed of ourselves! She's been sayin' & preachin' & prayin' & sayin' the w3rdingz of Jeebuzz and I think it's high time we listen!

Who needs a well adjusted mind & a reasonable body fat percentage when Lawdy Lawd is in your heart & (deranged) mind?! think all dis "dawk-sided" blabbering is just for show? You think she didn't really rip up her prize moniez but instead just a rando piece of junk mail? Well take a pick at THIS HURR clip and you'll see how overcome with the barbaric/non-Christian lifestyle of her foster family she really got [read as: the dryer brole & she pretends sumfing smellz bad].


hoteltuesday said...

OMG I surprised this wasn't a Monday Muse in the past! So famous!

Remember when everyone found out she died or something like that and then felt bad about laughing at the clip? Then everyone stopped caring again. YAY!

Justin said...

Oh lord yes I actually saw this episode when it aired. It was unbelievably nasty.

High [low] points:

* The new age-y mother at a house gathering of the "Christian" mom's friends, being grilled (with visible contempt) by said friends, about what she believed in. One of the friends said (with air quotes) "I suppose you believe in a 'higher power'" [look of withering disgust]. This part wasn't funny. Just showed how evil these people (the so-called "Christians" are). In light of the recent events in Arizona it seems even less funny.

* The "Christian" mom being made to attend a gay psychic radio host's broadcast. This part was very funny. At one point she had to scurry out in the hall and repeat to herself over and over "I'm not going to hell. I'm not going to hell. I'm not going to hell." (This is what it's all about of course -- not whether you're a nice person, but whether or not you kiss god's ass in the right way so you don't go to hell.)

* The worst part: when the children (including the pre-teen adorable kids) of the new-age family give "Christian" mom some going-away presents, she goes mental and screams at them "You're not Chris-TIAAAANNNNN!!!" and throws their gifts back at them. Real nice. The little children look really hurt.

There were some funny bits in this episode, but on the whole it was kind of scary and nasty -- or at least she was.

At least the clip itself that you posted is funny, Josh :)

Ryan said...

This is the only episode of Trading Spouses that I saw. It was so sad how much pain and fear she caused others in her spiritual warfare. (I hate that term. It encourages spiritual war crimes.)

The video shows her tearing up the money that the new-age mother distributed to the family. The episode ended with a note that she took the money in the end.

Naughty said...


Naughty has seen this train wreck of a show a few times. DH & I have only the most basic of cable packages—we pay just enough a month to pull in the major networks, and whatever other unpopular stations Comcast feels like "gifting" us with. At any rate, this lack of channels translates into a truncated surfing experience. All this to say that, sometimes, we've landed on wife swap and have inadvertently been sucked into its slimy tentacles. All of the episodes I've seen, perhaps half a dozen or so, tend to pit Christianist martinets against more go-with-the-flow types. DH & I usually watch in morbid fascination as the religionists spew hate and vitriol, or inflict their evangelical terror on kids in the form of outrageously stringent moral and behavioral codes. Ways of being no child should be forced to endure. This person is clearly off the deep-fucking-end. One tries to feel sorry for her as she's obviously been horribly traumatized at some point in her life. But after what happened in Arizona, my tolerance is pretty low. I wish I could find her rantings and bizarre posturings even vaguely humorous, but I just find them...terrifying. I didn't see this episode. I hope someone offered the children of the family she descended upon some counseling after she left. As far as I'm concerned, the behavior exhibited here is nothing less than abusive. If this woman had come into my house, Wiccan-edition Naughty would be going crazy with the sage smudging, energy cleansing, and candle magick trying to get rid of her hideousness! Vomit. Srsly

Michelle M. said...

Marguerite! She's the gift that keeps on giving.

It was her daughter who died (car accident).

Tam said...

Um. Religious people scare me. Like bad. Even people who attend church make me nervous because you never know when they're going to tip over the edge into ... THAT! Cripes.

I like the dark side, we have cookies and the dork side has Craig.

Ray Avito said...

Dang, Jesus can make folks plum crazy! This is one of those clips where I would've loved to be in the room when she saw herself on TV. Mortified much?

Dave2 said...




Jake said...


It's Jake!! (hm, what's that) AND I"M BACK BITCHEZZZZ

Laura said...

Trading Spouses is totally the poor man's Wife Swap. <3 King Curtis, lord of the good for me bacon.

Mel said...

All I can say is I hope that family was compensated well for putting up with that crazy.

David said...

She is terrifying. And her ass is certainly a bigger dark side than anything else.