Friday, December 31, 2010

Buzz off 2010


It's the last mañana of 2010. I am sitting on Enrico's floor while he lays in bed. We're going to attempt to go dancing tonight in Philadelphia to celebrate the ending of the year. And while I wait for him to awake from his peaceful slumber, I am nostalgic and reflecting on all that occurred during the past 365 days...le sigh...

...Okay...enough of the melodramatic memory crap. Basically, 2010 was a clusterfuck of emotions, events and changes. Some good, others not...for multiple reasonz it will be a year I will always remember. I made friends, I lost friends. I worked incredibly hard and had my first real taste of what it means to be a grown-up adult real person. I spent a lot of time wiff my lurrrrved ones, but also made sure I had enough freedom to myself to keep from going nutzo.

And as always, I watched a lot of shit, read a lot of shit and listened to a lot of shit. Thanks for all the good schtuff, 2010! Now get your feeble ass outta my sight...I got some 2011 ass to go start kicking.

But before I got make 2011 my bitch, I decided to help you all relive my 2010 year in entertainment, by putting together these handy (not-so-much) & exciting (probably not) slideshows of all the books, movies & music I experienced dis year! Enjoy (please...one of you watch?!)!


What I Watched Dis Year:



What I Read Dis Year:



What I Listened To Dis Year:



What about youuuu folks?! What books/movies/albums did you enjoy this year?! Are you excited for 2011?? Raise your glass to hoping that it doesn't blow chunks!


Monday, December 27, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 FINAL EFFING Showdown!!!


This is it, ladiez & gentlesmutz...THE FINAL TWO. The Mario vs. Bowser; The Obama vs. McCain; The Diana DeGoingToProm vs. Fantasia...only one of the following two deserving Muses will be crowned wiffin the next seven dias and named the Monday Muse Of 2010 [cue: celebratory trumpeting]!

We've come a long way, but throughout the voting process, deez two formidable opponentz have both managed to secure impressive votes, week after week. But enough of that pansy shiz...every other Muse has fallen @ their feet [aka are relieved to be done wiff dis crap and are chilling out in the Bahamas].

It will be 2011 in less. Which Monday Muse will lead us into the Año Nuevo?! Review below and decide...

[Click da names below to review]


Marcel the Shell
vs


Here it is folkz...the final confrontation. Gather your wits and prepare to make an arbitrary the single most monumental decision of your entire existence!



Sunday, December 26, 2010

Xtinamas Home Moviez!

I hope y'all had a beautiful holiday! Mine was for def def deferishonishez relaxxxing and enjoyable. And since I am such a giver, I thought that I share with the 5 of you that still come here all of you beautiful chorizoz some HoMe MoViEs I taped during my visit to my parent's house!

No Christmas would be complete without a sexxxy, decked out (fake) Xmas tree, just how no Christmas would be complete with a demented, perverted possessed talking Santa doll! My mom has had this terrifying Santa for yearz and no matter how many times he talks, he never seemz to run outta batteriez. Pure evil, I tell you...



So after us chillunz all snuggled into our beds [read as: air mattress & couch], we drifted off into slumberville where we imagined candied laughter & sunshine kisses [aka I had a dream I was diagnosed with cancer]. My sisters Cindy, Melody [feat. fiance John] & I all awoke to discover stockings stuffed full of wonder and delight! As we began gutting the living hell out of our oversized socks, I began to entertain my lurrrved ones with my spoken-word interpretation of Ali Lohan's "Christmas Magic." Apparently, my talents go unappreciated...



Then we all opened our giftz & hugged & thanked one another & blah blah blah. We spent the rest of the day gorging the blackholes that had become our stomachs, drinking 'nog & cider and watching some of the most gawd-awful movies I've ever seen (the worst was a sequel to the dumbazz film adaptation of that artarded "Christmas Shoes" song).

As I was getting ready to bounce and make it back to my house before the blizzard (which is currently barricading me inside & will for totez ruin my life tomorrow morning when I try to get my azz up to Nueva Nueva for work!), mi madre asked if she could record a holiday wish to all of you bloggy readerz [feat. special-time shout-out to Anne Marie]. Isn't she just so dahling?!



I HOPE YOUR HOLIDAY WEEKEND IS GOING ALONG SWIMMINGLY AND THAT YOU GOT ALL THE SHIT YOU ASKED FOR! MWUAH MWUAH!!!


Friday, December 24, 2010

Every year, December comes...


Well, well, well...it's that time o' da year again. Time for us to rape our forests, decorate sum treez, purchase discounted expensive crap for our lurrrved ones & enjoy the company of family y amigoz.

I know that there are a bunch of scroogez out there that whine & bitch about how lame Xmas is, but whateva...they obvz don't carry Christmas magic [read as: a lot of booze] in their gut on December 25th! I have just finished wrapping all of my family's giftz [feat. Star, OK! & People magazine "wrapping paper"] and I'm about to ship out to la casa de mis padres, but I wanted to bequeath to you, my bloggy audience, some interweb holidaze cheer!

So scroll below to enjoy some yuletide delights from Ke$ha, the Osbourne famile & of course, Ali Lohan.


Now if you can exxxcuse me, it's time to get drunk, eat & then open some shit. TANXBAIHAVEAGREATHOLIDAY!!!!!!


Ke$ha [feat. homeless person] | "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"



The Osbourne Family Christmas



Ali Lohan | "Christmas Magic"


Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

Wowza...we are done to the final 3. Even though I found Movie Concessionz to be unbelievably delectable and educational, apparently the rest of you have no taste cherished the other three more! And while we bid farewell to LaToya London Chris Daughtry Jason Castro our animated cinematic treatz, we must suffer though our sadness and remember dat we all still gotza jerb to do!

The goddamn New Year is right around the corner, and a Monday Muse Of 2010 has yet to be chosen! Our three finalists are all fierce contenderz, and I for serial could see any one of the them elegantly chiseled [aka GIF-pasted] onto the side of mah blog, right underneath Steven the Beautiful.

So let's get to bizzzzznezz. You know the drill...links below...poll beneath that...VOTE FOR YOUR FAVO!!!

[Click da names below to review]


Marcel the Shell
vs
vs


Who made it soooo far only to ultimately fail and crash and burn and die in the flames of failure?!


Sunday, December 19, 2010

INFECTED!

I know I have been slightly MIA the past week...but I swurr it isn't mah fault! Last weekend, while I was trying to illegally watch The Big C attempting to donate large sums o' money to starving chillun foundationz, I somehow contracted a terrible new computer virus! It was one of those awful bastardoz that embed themselves deep inside your computer and inundate you with pop-ups.

This one in partix kept alerting me that my computer was about to esssplode and all my memory was shriveling up and that if I didn't purchase this bullshiz program, my world as I know it would come to an end. It also blocked all of my current virus software from running and fixxxing it. Luckily, Josh Is Trashy reader Justin is a computer expert or sumfing and sent me some spyware removal tool that I believe exorcised that virus from my poor laptop.

And while I am beyond thrilled that I got that effing bullcrap out of my computer, I am annoyed that I ended up wasting a good 5 hours farting around with it. It ticks me off that there are lame ass n3rd paradez that sit around all day making pointlessly obnoxious computer viruses, just to ruin my life.

My seething anger eventually mellowed into a pitying frustration. I began to brainstorm a plethora of things that a st00pid, ugly, out-of-shape, malicious bastard n3rd festival could do instead of inventing debilitating digital diseases...


Use your advanced (and misplaced) intelligence for good by brainstorming cost-effective & widely beneficial ways to help the homeless. Ideas? Holiday snack packs and insulated sidewalk-friendly sleeping bags.


Use your fancy fingawork to learn an instrument. Instead of typing out diabolical codes of disaster [feat. ruining many peepz' afternoons!], how about plunking about on a piano a delicious melody?! The first time you play "White Houses" all the way through, it will be like you've just been reborn!


Enrich your cultural mind and go see a critcally-acclaimed dark, psychologically provocative artsy thriller [ie Black Swan, Black Swan or Black Swan]. Then go home and have a 60-minute analytical discussion about the finer points of subtle symbolism throughout.


Why don't you extend your life by 10 years and start exercising to werk off that five-Hot-Pockets-for-dinner lard flab you've procured from yearz of over-eating greasy shit in front of your evil methlab of a computer?


I'm sure that since you started on your condemnable downward spiral into cyber-terrorism, you've lost touch wiff all of your amigoz. I'm sure if you picked up the telefono and gave dem a ring and apologized for ignoring them in exxxchange for ruining everyone's life via hackinating the interwebz, they'd forgive you and want to rekindle your friendship.


You readerz got any ideaz, just in case any virus-scheming buttholez stumble upon my blog?! Let's deter cyber chaos!


Monday, December 13, 2010

My Musical ABCs - M!

Musical ABCs are here again! Sorry for the delay...I was gonna post ova the weekend, but due to an obnoxious computer virus (more on that later) and my unwavering addiction to Donkey Kong Country Returns, I have had to postpone the entry until today. I hope y'all ain't too pizza-ed @ me! Okay...you may now share your magically miraculous and musically magnificent songs that start with that fatass letter, Mr. M!


"Me and Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin


"Feeling good was good enough for me."

Surprised? Didjoo tink I only dabbled in the musical stylingz of current *popstarz*?! Thought I didn't have an appreciation for the classic rock n' rollerz of yesteryear?! Well, to quote Kelly Clarkson, "You thought wrong"!


Not only is dis my favorite M song of all time, but it is also my third favorite song EVER of ANY letter (right behind my choices for B & J)! As we all should know, the fantastico Janis Joplin is one of the best singers that ever existed. Her voice makez mah effing skin crawl and shivers my bones to their very core. I am beyond saddened by the fact that she died sooooOOoOoOo early in her life and left us wiff only a handful of her tunez.


And not only is her voice perfecto, the lyrix to "Me and Bobby McGee" are some of the rawest and most heart-shredding I've ever heard! I want to have a busted flat in Baton Rouge! This tune was implanted into my skull back when I was still a wee little tot, and my appreciation for it has only grown and blossomed into a full-blown obsession as the years passed by.



runners-up:
"Mississippi" by Train
"More Than a Woman" by Aaliyah
"Maybe" by Kelly Clarkson

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!


We were down to the final 5. The votez were cast. Now 1 of the Monday Muse of 2010 finalists has to pack their bags and shamefully walk off the stage [feat. teary-eyed overdramatic video death montage set to Daughtry's "Home"]. And I'm sorry Yatta...but your shit is apparently funky & played out. Thanks for all the joy you brought to our lives. Now get the hell out of my face.

Now we're down the the final cuatro! There was a clear leader in the voting pool last week. But with one contestant axxxed, and things getting shaken up, I for def def deffers can see an upset [ala Jennifer Hudson] taking place before the year is out! Who will Ryan Seacrest murder nexxxt week? Don't let it be your favorite!



[Click da names below to review]

vs
vs
vs

Four Muses remain. Who will survive your ruthless voting gauntlet of pain and/or suffering?!





Thursday, December 9, 2010

I'm addicted to yoooouuuu.

For serial, I tried to think of my life before I exchanged it for cyber-living over the interwebz. Before I started creating countless online profiles and spending hour upon hours doing nuffin' but "liking" & "retweeting" & "scrobbling" & all that other bullshit, and all I saw was a scrawny, sad little kid crying himself to sleep each night [read as: a healthy and active young'un who had friends and enjoyed a plethora of different activites].

Back when I only used the computer to commit homicidal death houses in The Sims and Saw-worthy murda contraptions in Roller Coaster Tycoon, I would never think of spending horaz surfing...da web.

But then I got my own computer, a faster internet connection & moved outta mah parent's house. Now NOTHING will stop me from wasting countless hours I can never get back (sob, sob) on the web.

A Facebook, Twitter, Blogspot, MySpace, LiveJournal, My-Diary, Angelfire, Photobucket, Netflix, Skype account, Last.FM, Tumblr & YouTube later, and I must say that I have become just a tad preoccupied with da interwebz. So I wanted to get help (not really)! So I found dis online test that tells you how dependent you are on the interwebz.

My score? Only a 57%! Maybe I'm not a lost cause (or maybe I am, who cares?!)! Let's make our own little make-shift episode of mutual Intervention & share our stories of struggle over the Internet addiction we for obvz all suffer from! And don't try and deny it and say you have a healthy relationshit with the Internet...pages upon pages of Facebook thread comments, viral YouTube vidz and annoying FarmVille updates really beg to differ!



Sunday, December 5, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!


Holy nutz! After months y months of voting, we've come so close to picking the Monday Muse of 2010!!! I'm so exciterbiked that I could scream [read as: yawn delicately]! Our five finalists are below and have each pummeled to death the other 34,958 Muses I've featured on my blog this year [side note: that number is a rough estimate aka I just pounded the keyboard]. They are all of the highest caliber of elegance, beauty, hilarity and passion, but only one can be the Justin Timberlake of the group. Who will triumph and who will falter and fail [ala Lance "Asstronaut" Bass, JC Chasez, Joey Fat-One & that other guy who looks like a woodland creature]?

For the next month, we will eliminate one bitch each week. Fight to keep your favo in the competition. Who is your supastar?!


[Click da names below to review]

Yatta
vs
Marcel the Shell

vs
Movie Concessionz

vs
Awesome Toyz

vs
Missy the Cat


Next week, only four of these lovelies will still be standing. One will be dragged to Hell (not in good way). Save your favorite from certain torture!




Saturday, December 4, 2010

Jo$hr!co Double Feature!!

As you know, one of the world's hottest up-and-coming sadtime acoustic guitar strumming duoz is the incomparable Jo$hr!co, who I just happen to be one half of. We combine meloncholy and depression with loneliness and tearz to make a truly original sound unlike anything you've ever heard before!

I know, I know...we're blowing up faster than you can say "You guys aren't blowing up, you've only recorded like, two fucking cover songs that no one on You Tube cared about," but we still remember our rootz. And that's why we are debuting our pair of brand farting new videos on Josh Is Trashy & Hotel Tuesday. RollingStone.com was BEGGING us for the exclusive vid premiere, but since we lurrrrve you bloggy peepz soOoOoOoO much, we declined.

And since Jo$hr!co was snubbed [ala Ke$ha & AbLisa] for this year's Grammy Award for Best New Artist, I guess E. Copterz + I will just have to work exxxtra hard this year to prove to the recording academy that we deserve their golden gramophones!

So please look below for our cover of Kara Dioguardi's [aka the American Idol judge that isn't fat, drugged, British or a lesbanana] non-hit single "Terrified"! After that, head on over to Hotel Tuesday for our rendition of Katy Perry's rendition of Fountains of Wayne's "Hackensack."