Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

OMFLIPPIN'GAWDERCOPTERSKATEZ! We are down to the last semi-finalz death match before the nexxxt round in the Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown! Next week we'll take the five top vote-getters from the past month, and dump their azzez down into a lion pit of d00m. Each week we'll eliminate another until we're down to the ONE MUSE TO RULE THEM ALL!

And could one of dis week'z Muses be the champion of 2010?! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YET! Both of these week's assholes inspirations taught us a great deal about ourselves. One learned us in how to cope with loss and how we should never give up hope (or some shiz like dat). The other gave us a birds & beez lesson in how our sexuality blossoms into importance once we hit puberty [read as: get horny over some douche].

Which one meant the most to YOUR life?! Which can't you live wiffout?! Get ur vote on, ho.

Missy the Cat vs. The Dirrty Little Mermaid

The Monday Muse of September 2010: Missy the Cat - the long lost inspiration to all of our dreamz

The Monday Muse of October 2010: The Dirrty Little Mermaid - the outspoken undersea songstress with a libido that could cut glass

VOTE VOTE VOTE! BANG BANG BANG! (that's me shooting at your hoovez until you get your rump into that election booth)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

My Musical ABCs! - L

Musical ABCs are back! Now the Thanksgiving Day festivities can actually begin! What better way to repay your gratitude and happiness towards the world than by honoring your favorite songz of all time?! Let's lolligag no longer and lay out the lovely tunes that forever linger luxoriously in our mindz forever. Mr. L, list away!

"Last Beautiful Girl" by Matchbox Twenty

"You'll always be everyone else's girl."

We always remember the first band that we fell hardxxxcore in lurrrve with. The first band whose entire catalog is intimately etched into our brain, that no matter how many artists we listen to in our lifetime, will forevz be an important part of our history. For me it's the Goo Goo Dolls and the creator of mah favorite "L" song, Matchbox Twenty.

Big in the '90s on modern rock radio, with a crossover to pop radio when rock stations started playing HaWdEr RaWk, Matchbox Twenty had numerous hit singlez and four multi-platinum albums. They are Grammy nominees and singer/lead songwriter Rob Thomas, has won several awardz for his lyrical werding talentz.

I've often pondered which of MB20's albumz I would consider to be my favorite. And this installment's Musical ABC is one of the major reasonz I always lean towards the band's second album, Mad Season. The song "Last Beautiful Girl" won my heart before I even heard it/got home from the store. I remember picking up the album at the record store, reading the song titles on the back and LOVING THE TITLE to death. I made it my mission to listen to that song first and fall in love.

And I did not disappoint myself! I did fall in love with it. The track is a spiteful and ultimately enpowering kiss-off anthem for any peepz that have been double-kris-krossed by any dumb ex-whorez that they use to date. If you have a bitter break-up with your former significant other, don't cry like a bitch and wedge yourself under your ex's refridgerator like I did once, just take a letter opener and gouge the lyrix to this song into the side of their new car!

(please ignore the dumbazz Twilight fuckery that's accompanying the song)


"The Lights and Buzz" by Jack's Mannequin
"Let You Down" by Dave Matthews Band
"Lollipop" by Mika
"Love You Down" by INOJ

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Eat Turkey, Be Merry!

Hooray! TANXGIVERZ IS HERRE! So okay...it's not my favorite holiday (that's a tie between Christmas + Robert Downey Jr.'s birfday), but I still appreciate it for getting me away from the office and planting my ass down with mis padres and my sisters for an entire day. I got to my parent's house around 9:30 to them putting that p00r bird into the oven...

After chatterboxxxing with my parents for awhile, my one sister Cindy finally woke up right when my other sister Melody arrived at the casa de mis padres wiff her fiance John. We immediately planted our nalgaz onto the couch and proceeded to watch [read as: verbally assault every aspect of] the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade [feat. scurrrry ass floats, a bizarre Kanye West cameo & absolutely obnoxious commentary from that bitch that played Tracy Turnblad in Hairspray on broadway. Marissa Jared Winkmeyer or some shit].

Then we drank some spiked cider, chuggled down wine, and ATE ATE ATE ATE ATE the shiz outta the beautiful foodie spread that my loving parents whipped up. Seriously, my mom & dad churn out Tanxgiverz Dinna like it's nuffin'. It would legit take me prox 2 weekz to like open the cranberry sauce. I gobbled so much grub that my stomach esssssploded and I started to get drag to food hell until my family took my ass to the hospital to pump it clean. Here is a scientific X-Ray of what my stomach looked like:

Then they sucked all that comida outta me and I was sent home to eat a whole other nother serving! MMMMMMM! We ended the night playing tunez for each other via YouTube and watching Christina Aguilera bark about how grrrrreat Burlesque (I'm seeing it tomorrow!) is on Chelsea Lately.

I hope you've had a glorious holiday that was nuffin' @ all like this following video that I found online earlier today when I typed in "Thanksgiving Family Dinner"...

Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

I for serial don't know how you folks can go about your dia to dia lives...I know I am literally glued (ouch) to my computer screen, anxiously awaiting each Tuesday morning Monday for the next round of the Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

Both Muses this week helped us keep our cooooool during the asshole hot summer. Now it's your chance to repay them! Did a smorgasborg of derrrriciously cold cocktails help you survive the July swelter or did some nice afternoon conversation help you make it through the August heat?! Let me know...

Make sure your fingers are attached correctly and vote vote vote!

Sandra Lee vs. Marcel the Shell

The Monday Muse of July 2010: Sandra Lee - the queen of culinary clusterfuckery incorporated

The Monday Muse of August 2010: Marcel the Shell - the cutest exoskeleton this side of the Atlantic who will impale your shiz on a brush (if provoked)

::crack, crack:: Okidokerz...Mis dedos are all limber and ready. I hope yours are too! Voting below...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Gonna get their tails wagging...

What are my two favorite things in the whole world? Complaining about my life & being jellerz of peepz that have more $$$ than myself Pop music & cute animalz...DUH!

And as we're all aware, Katy Perry is the "new queen of pop." And as we also all know, mi gato Baberz and my god-child puppy Penelope are two of the most adorable things in existence. And what is the best way to exxxpress your never-ending love for something?! Singing delicately of your adoration to your loved onez [aka SCREAMING into their ear holez]!

So that's why I am presenting all you bloggy peepz wiff some home videoz of mine where I gush over the animalz in my life that own my heart. Try not to fall TOO in love wiff me. I might have a dreamy voice, but I am a soul-crusher. Trust me!

"Teenage Dream" [feat. Penelope & Mariel]

"Teenage Dream" [feat. Baberz]

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Blogger Appreciation...

...I really deserve it. I mean...I try and post at least tres dias a week, regardless of mah crazzzy work schedule and whether or not I have anything at all decent to fart in your direction. I try and make my blog list roundz at least twice a week and sprinkle derrrriciously thoughtful commentz about. I spend hourz and hourz slaving over my laptop, JUST TO MAKE ALL OF YOU BITCHES like me cuz I am really insecure and your comments really do mean the world to me HAPPY! And what do I get in return?! NOTHING [aka lotz of lurrrve/attention/support]! Goddamn you all the H-E-Double Hockeystix!

Okay...so I am for obz joshing wiff all you beautiful bitchez. I love you all and you're a great audience and tank you, tank you for consistently reading this crapfestival garbage I pollute the interwebz wiff every week.

And since it's largely cuz of you readerz that I am still so dedicated to churning out postz, I wanted to make y'all a little more of a permanent part to Josh Is Trashy. So that's why I am asking all of those who are innnnerested to send me a drawing/picture/Photoshop masterpiece that represents the theme and message of mah little slice of cyber heaven [aka I write like an idiot and bitch about the world, make fun of online shit & talk insessantly about pop culture].

When the new year rollz around, I'ma work on incorporating all the submissionz into permanent residency somewhere on my site. Need an idea of what I'm loooooking for? My sister's fiance John already sent me one:

If you wanna submit...send your glorious artwerx to DIS HERRE EMAIL ADDRESS. MWUAH!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

Things are for def def defferz kicking up in the race for Monday Muse of 2010! The outpouring of votez makez me feel like all this time I waste dedicate to mah silly little blog is really worth it. I remember back when no one commented on my shit or even came to my site...you all ::wipes fake tearz away while pretending to cry:: make me feel like the luckiest betch in the world...

...Okay...pull your crapz togethers...you gotz a jerb to do. And that duty is to introduce dis week's competitors.

Both of deez Muses entertained my gringo azz when I was just a tot. They remind me of a simpler time when all I had to worry about was playing wiff mah toyz & watching uneducated loud-mouf strangaz on TV get berated for simply existing.

I hope you ate your Wheaties dis maƱana, cuz you're gonna need to concentrate hard and pick which Muse is the better muse...here...they...COOOOOOME!!

Judge Judy vs. Awesome Toyz

The Monday Muse of May 2010: Judge Judy - deliverer of sassy judgement wiff a side of venemous spitfire

The Monday Muse of June 2010: Awesome Toyz (click link for additional vidz) - the building blocks of ur childhood happiness [feat. corruption]

Alrighty, you beautiful sunofa-sunofaz, let's see which how man (or WOman) you really are...can you make dis tuff decision? I don't think so. Oh...what's dat?? You can?! Well...prooove it. Let's see this poll burn-up!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

My Musical ABCs! - K

Here we are folkz! Another round of Musical ABCs! Aren't you foaming @ the mouf with joy?! I know I am but it's largely cuz I gotz myself some ginger cookies con leche! Let's try and kick up the kraptastically kruddy komment kount we've had in recent weekz. Keep kalling out your favorite songs that Mr. K startz off for ya!

"Konstantine" by Something Corporate

"I'm slipping in between you and your big dreams."

My choice for dis week's Musical ABC is for deferishonishes the most epic song to be featured in my alphabeta-selectionz. It's prox 32 hourz [read as: 9-10 minz] long & is basically the psuedo-emo pop-punk band Something Corporate's opus. I first heard this painfully depresso espresso tune back when I was a freshman in college, and each line was respectively worn-out as instant messenger away messages.

I love to cry (probably the 439,583rd time I've said this on mah blog) and this song is just one gargutuan tear factory. Start blasting dis shiz and I need three jumbo towels to mop up the lake that forms out of my salty eye waterz. When I started my creative writing minor, I'd listen to SoCo (as the kewl kiddoz call them) all the time, especially "Konstantine." Cuz what better way to write effectively relatable yet endearingly personal werdingz than by listening to a band who specializez in such a songwriting style? I even tried to learn it on the piano. Then I realized that it is waaaaay beyond my capable talentz (largely cuz I don't got no capable talentz).

It's one of mah favo songz ever and is best listened to right after your heart is broken, while you stare @ long-long-ago fotografias of you and your ex-significant other with half a bottle of wine in your gut and enough tissues to clog the San Andreas Fault (trust me...I know from experience). Then you awake from your "Konstantine"-coma, call up your best grrrlfriendz and eat pint after pint of Ben & Jerry's [aka sadness medicine]. Broken heart mended!


"Kids" by MGMT
"Kings and Queens" by 30 Seconds to Mars
"Knock Down Walls" by Tonic
"Ken Lee" by Valentina Hasan

Thursday, November 11, 2010

So like...what's ya sign??

I've tried to deny it, but I admit that I am full-time believer in ways of astrology. Okay...I don't really put much value on that prediction horoscope fuckery that some peepz swear by (though that doesn't stop me from reading mine in the back of OK! Magazine whenever I'm in the grocery store line). However, the belief that your personality is partially decided based on when you were born during the year is sumfing I buy into.

Think about it! During the year, the Earth is at different orbital levels and shit like gravity or tides or some other nature crap like that all change, and when you're chilling out in your motha's stomach, you could be altered in how your fragile brainz and body are formed.

Oh, I can see you rolling your eyez all over the place...but I recently checked out the Pisces (my sign) page @ Astrology.com and wowza! The description is pretty precise in describing moi!

Let's check out some stated factz about Pisces, and see if this shit really matches up to WhO mAh ReFLeCtIoN sAyz I Am iNsiDE!

"Pisces alternate between reality and non-reality...many people associate pisces with dreams and secrets."

As we all know, I for serialz spend the majority of mah pointless wittle life daydreaming about a grand fantastical world where I am successful, rich, well-loved & famous. Since I highly doubt any of deez adjectivez will actually ever been used in the same sentence as mah name, I really do find myself blankly staring out into space like a dead person while my brainz pulse about with st00pid American Idol fantasies & dramatic Oscar acceptance speechez.

"These folks are selfless, spiritual."

I don't know if I'd really call myself patient enough to be considered religious by any stretch, but I do like to relate to peepz. I do believe in the practice of karma or whatever. I open the door for old bitchez and I compliment whores on their outfitz (if they're slutty enough), cuz who doesn't like to be told that their hot pink gummy bracelets match their smeared lipschtick just right?! In return, I've had people compliment my personality/sense o' humor/charity my shoes and a toddler tell me that my smile "wasn't ugly."

"They're not quite pushovers, but they're certainly sensitive. Yes, they could cry you a river if the circumstances were right."

Yeah...um...duuuuh. I am constantly on the verge of crying. Anything can pretty much set me off. Stubbed toe? Cry. Hard day @ werx? Cry! Cute baby/cat/Penelope? CRY! Pretending I'm okay with it all & acting like there's nuffin' wrong?! CRY!!!!!!!!!!! Shedding tearz ova the good, bad, happy & sad has become so customary en mi vida that I can actually force my ojoz to vomit up salty droplets of sorrow whenever I will them to! It's a great way to get what I want [read as: it doesn't fool anyone and just endz up annoying everyone around me]!

"More relaxation for the Fish comes in the way of sports, specifically water sports."

Okay...mountainz of sorriez to the zodiac king or whoever, but dis right here is so not me in any way dat I'm thinking about forcing mi madre to rebirth me during another zodiac month span (details still being ironed out about how to do this). I suck @ swimming & I blow hard frothy chunks @ playing sports. Combing the two? Probably a water-based death [feat. a lot of pain]. Sportz? Pish...I'll wait till Idol comez back on, tank you berry mucho!


So that was my astrological analyst. 3 outta 4 facts fit like a glove. Whattayaboutchooo? What's your sign? Check out Astrology.com and let us know if your fruity little star sign matches up wiff who you are as a person!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

The Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown! started off like gangbustaz last week! The race was neck y neck between Yatta! & Maxine Swaby. Who won? IIIIII'LL NEEEEVEEEER TEEEELLL (until the first week of Deciembre).

But enough looking into the past...we gotza pay attention to the RIGHT NOW! This week's Monday Muse gladiators both have one thing in common: They're both DERRRICOUS (?)! Popped cornz, candiez, hawt dawgz, ice pops, burnt whale blub. MMMMMM.

There is nuffin' I like more than sitting down for a high-budget thriller [IE I Know Who Killed Me starring La Lohan] with a nice steaming bowl of all of the treatz above and gaining 20 LBs. Actaully, by the end of that movie, my head was sooooo filled with annoyed frustration and boredom the engaging plot twists and the gorg theatrical stylingz of the cast, that my head ESSSPLODED just like this week's whale!

It was quite a mess. But enough about me...it's time to soak-in, study and suit ourselvez up for the voting booth...GO GO GO!

Movie Concessionz vs. The Exploding Whale

The Monday Muse of March 2010: Movie Concessionz- eloquent etiquette teachers who bring the rock and/or roll [read as: violent threats] to the classroom

The Monday Muse of April 2010: The Exploding Whale - aerodynamic sea mammal who owns the night like the 4th of July


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Bloggy Gift Exchange Cyber-Fiesta 2010!!!

Remember all that forced holiday joy & fun-time magic we all partook in last year with my ingenious Bloggy Gift Exchange Bonanza?! Well, after chatterboxxxing wiff my favorite person ever [aka Michelle McKeesport], I decided that we should try another round of non-denominational secret gifting wiff each other.

I know that all of us have been mad st00pid busy this year what wiff new jerbz, peepz moving + life just constantly getting crazzzier, so I thought that dis might be a nice way for all of us to reconnect and remember how much we lurrrve each other's cyber-companionship!

So if you're innnnerested in partaking in this year's festivities (you're so effing lame if you don't!), then comment on this blog with a reason why you love Josh Is Trashy exxxpressing your desire to participate and either Michelle or I will get in touch in a week or two to give you your surprise gifty amigo. Hooray for holiday wonder!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Pop Star Pride

Did you have a shetty day today? Did werx get you down? Fight wiff a lurrrved one? Feel under-appreciated? Does your life sometimez seem like a swirlin' toilet bowl of frustration where things always seem just a touch too overwhelming to handle?

I know I've been quite melancholerz lately & I know that what wiff the recent spike in gay suicidez, that a lot of other peepz have been struggling through their livez as well. But what do I turn to when everything else in the world seemz mad effing LAME CITY?! MUSIC!

And luckily for me (and after dis entry, you too), tres of my favorite pop *starz* have recently birfed some feel-good anthemz into the top 40 airwavez and I've found mahself locking down deez three jamz on repeat whenever I find myself in a rough spot. Partly inspired by the plight of da gayz, P!nk, Ke$ha and Katy Perry have given me [feat. the world] some hopeful tunez that inspire a brighter tomorrow and remind us all that WE ARE SOOOO WORTH IT! Check 'em out, PLEASE!:

"Raise Your Glass" - P!nk

Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways!

Leave it to Alecia Beth Moore [aka P!NK] to make a song honoring all the under-dawgz [feat. dirrty little freakz] of the world. Never backing away from opposition, P!nk's latest top ten single (her 10th!) is an ode to being proud of all your quirky differencez and lurrrving yourself even if you're gay, a different color, overweight, a n3rd festival, a milk cow or whatever it is that peepz try and put you down for being. P!nk wavez all of our fReAk fLaGz high!

"We R Who We R" - Ke$ha

You know we're superstars.

Sure, peepz are saying dis is just another party-drunkathorn from everyone's favorite trashgrrrl, Kesha Sebert [aka KE$HA], but the song (that just debuted @ mothereffing #1 on the Billboard Hot 100!) was written after all those gay teens committed suicide last month. You may not know, but Ke$ha has prox a bajillon gay fans (DURHZ), and da song encourages anyone that feels ostracized to flip da bird to all of dem haterz and then get their nalgaz on the dancefloor.

"Firework" - Katy Perry

Baby, you're a firework. Come on, let your colors burst.

We all fell in lurrrve with summer thanks to "California Gurls." We all fell in lurrrve wiff each other to "Teenage Dream." But it seemz like dis year'z pop queen, Katy Hudson [aka Katy Perry] is now demanding the we LURRVE OURSELVEZ! Don't act like you didn't get all soaky-eyed when the fat cholita jumped in the pool or when the cancer kid smiled. Sheesh...could this song/video make my heart snap/crackle/pop anymore?!


So folkz...after listening to these hit jamz, do you suddenly feel inspired to take of the world?! If not then you best give them another listen!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!

Holy nuggetbarz, folkz...can you believe it?! It's been a year & it's time to start the 2nd Annual Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown! Via complex + legit voting procedurez [read as: using PollDaddy], I've sorted through all you bloggy peepz' monthly votes and have your Muses for January-October. Now it's time to wittle that shit down to just one champ who will join the current (and gorg) occupant of the Muse Throne, 2009 winner Stephen the Beautiful on the side on dis dungpile website!

But enough of this st00pid chitchat...let's get to round 1! Dis week, you hoz will have to pick between the Monday Muses of January & February. Only one can be victorious. The other will be forced to listen to Hilary Duff's entire music catalog until their brainz turn to liquid hell and they collapse into a bloody pile on the floor (it happens after about the 4th song).

Here are dis week's combatants:

Yatta vs. Maxine Swaby

Yes...we are starting off with a doozy. Both candidates are musical visionariez, boasting knacks for melody, song structure & composition (just like Grammy Award-winning country-pop superstar Taylor Swift who released her critically acclaimed new album, Speak Now, this past Tuesday!). But which of this singysongsters get your heart throbbing a hummingbird heartbeat? Check out their shiz below and VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE!

The Monday Muse of January 2010: Yatta - delectably decadent advertistastico Japanese hypnojam!

The Monday Muse of February 2010: Maxine Swaby - angel-voiced goddess who harnesses break-neck dance moves & unstoppable high notes!

Come on folkz & vote! There is for serialz nuffin' more important for you to be doing right now. I promise!