But since I ain't gon be watching any of that telly, I thought I'd have MY OWN effing list in preparation of the upcoming holiday. So here are some of mah FAVORITE MONSTERZ OF ALL TIME!
For serial, one of mah favorite thingz of ALL TIME. The monsta from Cloverfield kickz the major azz of Godzilla, King Kong, Snorlax and any other gargantuan creaturez set on terrorizing large populationz of people!
Every time I am strutting myself through Manhattan, I constantly look over the skyline, half
expecting hoping to see a Cloverfield monsta come dancing in my direction. CUTE!
And the scariest thing about this plus-size beauty?! He doesn't give a h00t about patriotism! HELL NO HE DIDN'T... yes he did just decapitate the Statue of Liberty and wasn't even like "Oh...whoops," afterwards. He just smashed that shit and then went on to smash MORE shit [aka buildingz, monumentz, people, dreamz]. LOVEZ IT.
Yeah. So...yeah. You probably gave your computer screen the same confused look that the little princess gave in the photo above. I mean, sure, Turklez might not be "scary," but he sure is weirder and more uncomferz looking than a regular turkey!
But hey, that didn't stop the d00dz from MGMT from featuring his collapsing cuerpo in their video de musica, "Congratulations"! I finished that vid feeling so depressed with myself, that I watched it 5 more times on repeat (I like being pensive & sad!).
Though the guyz from MGMT are milez more charitable than my ass is. I wouldn't dare touch his decomposing saggy flesh pieces. Not without at least 3 layered pairs of heavy-duty rubber glovez, at least. Hellz, I don't wanna get any of the salmonella that Turklez is peddling. I get enough of that during Tanxgiverz!
You must be tinking to yourself, "Um...Josh...you IDIOT. Charlize Theron is a gorg, talented thespian who is the antithesis of a monsta," but since she did play a MONSTER in the movie Monster, I am still gon include her! "But Jooooosh! That was just the NAME of the movie...she actually played a serial killer!" to which I say, CHUT UT, dis herre is my blog and I run deez rules! Now stop your damn hop-scotching & getthehellouttamahyard!
Phew...where were we? OH YEAH. Charlize Theron playz that scary ass woman Aileen Wuomos who was a hitchiking hooker that killed d00dz and stole their cash while making out wiff Christina Ricci or some shit.
She won the Oscar for her performance (WELL DESERVED) and I think her make-up
artist magician should have also snagged a statuette, cuz grrrlfriend is fug in this pelicula. AaAaAhhh...the horror of split-endz! Seriously...wow.
As I'm sure you all know...I am a (not-so-)closeted video game n3rd parade. Especially when I was still in school, I would hurry to get all mah st00pid homewerx done, just so I could spend
hours days in front of the TV shooting crap & fighting crap & racing crap & RPGing crap & discovering crap out in my precious video gamez!
And one of mah favorite franchisez was Resident Evil (durhz...I was a teen boy wiff a serious streak of gothic morbidity)! They were challenging but I managed to beat a handful of them. However, Resident Evil 3: Nemesis was a hurdle I was never able to jump. A mountain I could never climb. A heart that I could never tame.
And it was mainly because of
the god awful controlz! the stud above. The Nemesis was the main villian of the game and from the get-go, would randomly pop up at odd moments and chase your ill-equipped ass around for what felt like hours, until he eventually put your outta ur misery and ended you via a collection of horrible (albeit entertaining) ways.
Mi hermana Melody & tired for weeks to beat this mess of a game, until we ultimately gave up and huddled together in fearful failure and cried ourselves into a coma. Thanks Nemesis!
I think I've already
wasted your time blathering shared wiff you my childhood OBSESSION with this hot chica above, but aw hell...she deserves anotha round of luving! (ew.) Oblina was 1/3 of every child's favo scaresome trio on Nickelodeon's Aaahh!!! Real Monsters.
Wiff her bigazz lips, candy cane bod and buggy eyez, Oblina was for def def defferz the sexxxiest monster that ever attended the monster academy of mah heart! And not only is she bootiful [read as: WTF are you?!], she's also 10x smarter than all the other artards that went to school with her.
She had dis trick where she'd visit peepz while they slept and massage their brainz through their earholez wiff her finger. Then they'd have nightmares and piss their sheets. WHO DOES THAT?! Oblina, that's who. Respect.