Monday, October 11, 2010

My Monday Muse

Dusty Gozongaz

Remember the first love of your life? The first person you laid eyez on and had your dumb heart skip a thousand beatz for? The first person who had you at their beck and/or call? Their desires and cravingz were yours to fulfill...they were the center of your world and you were wrapped around their little pinkie finga...

I don't. But for those of us out there that haven't spent an entire weekend listening to La Roux's "Bulletproof" on repeat in a delusional attempt to self-affirm your personal strength (it didn't work...I'm still a wimpy baby), I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of being completely blinded by your love sickness. But even though I'm a cold-hearted icicle prince, when I first caught a gander at dis week's Monday Muse, I must admit that my frozen heart did start to thaw an eensy weensy bit.

Be careful...Dusty Gozongaz should not be taken lightly. Sure, she may seem like the ideal lady what wiff her beauty, grace, style & intelligence breastz, but she isn't actually into you! Heartbreak City, I know...I think she was what Nelly Fartretardo was singing about in dat "Maneater" song.

The main reason I stay away from elegant establishmentz like The Wild, Wild Chest, Crotch Town, Nipple Hut & FunBag Junction is becuz I know the second I see a gorg specimen of the female gender basting her loinz all ova some dirty-ass stage, I will fall in lurrrve, jump the gay fence and empty mah back account into whore pantiez.

Women are a dangerous flock of beingz...they'll take everyting you have and as soon as you're broke as a joke, they'll up & run away and leave you wiff nuffin' but broken dreamz and a baseball bat in your undarooz. Or they'll leap out the window and dance for aliens that are inexplicably shaped like wrenches.


Polt said...

Well seeing as how I've lived all 42 of my years in Pennsylvania, I can attest to the fact that we do indeed have a lot of lights here.

Josherz, I think Dusty Gozongaz should be your Halloween costume this year. And David could go as Carl. Or Meatwad. Whatever. :)


john said...

The wife beater tan in the second video kind of grossed me out. But the baseball bat in the thong was pretty funny.

Jere Keys said...

I should teach you the super-awesome dance moves to "Bulletproof" sometime.

Tam said...

Some day, some day, Adult Swim will let us little northern Nazi's watch their programs. Will it be before my death at the rip old age of 112? I'm not sure. Sigh.

If you ever jump the gay fence for a stripper I'll be forced to come and kick it back over for your own good. Not that my cousin who was a stripper wasn't a lovely girl. *eye roll*

David said...

Polt, um, I should go as Carl, eh?

I forgive you.

This time.

anne marie in philly said...

"Women are a dangerous flock of beingz." - yeah, we can be...but men can be miserable SOB jerkoffs also.

the trick is finding one (woman or man) who doesn't suck and with whom you can have a relationship.

Tam said...

Umm, I think Josh wants one who does suck. ;-) I had to say it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll go crawl back in my pervy hole now. Okay, that sounds even worse. Cave, cave.

Anonymous said...

To Anne Marie: Word. You said said it sista. I'm so sick of the riding the single train! Where is he anyway?!


Anonymous said...

Oh, and Josh, these clips are sooo funny. I still remember the one episode I watched at Mel's with the dog. LOL.

I also learned that it is never wise to lump men and women into one category or another. True, there are women that men should stay far, far away from; however, the flip side is that there are some men that women need to be careful of. There are the good and the bad, no matter what your sex, or sexual preference.


that's J-O-S-H said...

Polt: I don't think my IQ is as high as Dusty's! =(

John: Wifebeaterz...ah hell, sleeveless tees in general, are dizzgusting.

Jere: She doesn't dance in the music video! She just walks around and glarez!

Tam: I want to live with your fun family! But only if we all move to da USA so we can watch Adult Swim!

Anne Marie: TROOF. Therefor I just hang out by mahself most of the time!

Cindy: STOP MAKING MY BLOG SO SERIAL. Men are jerkz sin corazonz & women have vag33ns which are sick. Both genders are even!