Monday, October 4, 2010

My Monday Muse

The Dirrty Little Mermaid

Sex is cool. I mean, I like doing it and orgasmz are pretty sweet, but most of the time I feel out of synch with 99% of the male population cuz in all honesty, getting azz is not the end-all-be-all of mah vida.

However, I say dis from the perspective of a chico that's already done the mattress tango. I recall being a teenager and tinking of nuffin' but getting mah rox off [ala Ke$ha], so I can totally relate to dis week's Monday Muse:



Awww....remember those confusing teenage aƱoz when you'd collect rusty old cutlery and hide it under your pillow for those especially frisky nightz? Remember wishing you could spend the day warm wiff a p33n? Remember browsing through your dad's/mom's porno collection and being more than just a little bit confused by all the slimy flesh pretzels you discovered within? Remember pondering over the enticing possibilities that a world of prostitution could offer (or was that just me?!)?


Now think how awful it would have been if all of this wishing/hoping/thinking/praying/planning/dreaming led to nuffin', cuz you were born a fucking mermaid that is all stinky scale mania up in your private business instead of a glittery p33n or glossy vageen! You'd never experience the magic and wonder [read as: crippling rapage of your delicate innocence] of sexual intercourse!


I feel for you, Dirrty Little Mermaid. But just remember, might be butta off staying celibate your whole vida. Cuz if you have sex and some creep'z trouser chowder getz near ya, you will get pregnant AND die.


13 comments:

Dave2 said...

=sob!= Poor little mermaid whore! Somebody get her a vagina! =sob!=

Mel said...

Um, rusty cutlery? I'm not sure I really want to imagine what you'd do with that.

Michelle M. said...

Next she'll be smoking crack in her snarfblatt.

anne marie in philly said...

best monday muse EVAH! AND funniest post with imaginative writing EVAH!

"flesh pretzels" - bwhahahahaha!

"getting azz is not the end-all-be-all of mah vida" - true dat.

john said...

Michelle M. FTW!

Flesh pretzel was pretty damn funny Josh! I remember checking out the pr0n and less being confused by the pretzels, but more by the fact that I wasn't supposed to like all I saw.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

This is amazing hahaha

Ryan said...

If she does get her vagina, she will need to have a talk with Jill.

Tam said...

Ha, that was really well done. Poor dear. One talk with Jill and she'll be happy she has a tail.

David said...

Nice dog.

goblinbox said...

I love this post. It's, like, perfect.

hoteltuesday said...

My fave part is "Selling myself on the... what's the word again? STREEEEET."

Canadian Drugs said...

Very good idea and I laughed. Vocally could have been much better. A coin was in bad taste. However, it also could have been much worse.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha! This is great, love it, good one Josh!

You know, this reminds me of my children's literature class in which we read the original Little Mermaid (which has a really sad ending btw), and then watched the movie. Our assignment? To wright down all of the hidden sexual images, suggestions, and phallic images. Good times! I don't remember them all,and don't know how much of what we saw was influenced by the power of suggestion; but, it was interesting. Pay attention to the shapes you see in the sea castle, Ursula the sea witch's song about body language (suggesting a woman can use other means of communication besides talking). Also, notice the shape of the tunnel in the very video you posted, it actually looks like the inside of a vagina. There are others, but can't remember them, the class was early on in my college career!

Watch it Josh with a friend or two, and you may have material for Dirty Little Mermaid 2!

-Cindy