Awww....remember those confusing teenage añoz when you'd collect rusty old cutlery and hide it under your pillow for those especially frisky nightz? Remember wishing you could spend the day warm wiff a p33n? Remember browsing through your dad's/mom's porno collection and being more than just a little bit confused by all the slimy flesh pretzels you discovered within? Remember pondering over the enticing possibilities that a world of prostitution could offer (or was that just me?!)?
Now think how awful it would have been if all of this wishing/hoping/thinking/praying/planning/dreaming led to nuffin', cuz you were born a fucking mermaid that is all stinky scale mania up in your private business instead of a glittery p33n or glossy vageen! You'd never experience the magic and wonder [read as: crippling rapage of your delicate innocence] of sexual intercourse!
I feel for you, Dirrty Little Mermaid. But just remember, might be butta off staying celibate your whole vida. Cuz if you have sex and some creep'z trouser chowder getz near ya, you will get pregnant AND die.