Monday, September 20, 2010

My Monday Muse

The Toilet Tiger Family

Potty-training a kid must be one of the most unpleasant parts of being a parent. First of, poop & pee are absolutely dizzzzgusting. Secondly, teaching people how to do anything is boring and tedious and not fun. Thirdly, you get arrested for slapping your child if they don't do it right the first time, and then you get sexually abused in jail and your life is ruined.

So therefor, when I finally decide to bring a bundle of glowing beautiful precious joy into the world kidnap a baby from a hospital for ransom, I will skip the whole potty-training hell no-fun part of the jerb, and just sit their azz down in front of deez herrre videos:



After watching dis informational learning aid [read as: disorienting frightfest], I know my little cucarachaz (that's the cute pet name I'ma use for my non-existent future demon spawn), will never soil their pantaloonz EVER. If their bucketz start a-wailin', they will know now to jet their special partz on over to a pisspot and drain their water reservoir for all it's worth.


They also will know that when it's time to take a dumpathon, they best have their bums firmly planted over the porcelain seat before they start to do their biiiizzzzznezzzzzz. I don't wanna see a single effing stain on any of their pantz...cuz I can't be jetting on over to Target [read as: Goodwill] every other day to buy them replacement pantalonez!


I just hope that my future babalooonz won't be disappointed when they use the toilet and I don't jump outta nowhere and start singing some dumbfuck jingle to them in congratulatory joyousness. Pish...I don't do song 'n' dance numberz for free, even if you are my brat child!


And I also hope they don't expect their scat and pizz to smile and talk to them like these hallucinating tigerz say they do. Nuffin has ever dropped outta my body that had a face and I pray to da Lawd dat nothing ever doez!


Seriously Japan, WTF?!


9 comments:

Justin said...

Japan never does disappoint, does it. It's a limitless mine of material for your Monday muses :)

Chris D. said...

An anthropomorphic turd. Wow!

I have never used a squat style toilet. Am I missing out?

Ryan said...

Wait . . .

Am I supposed to take off my pants and underwear whenever I use the toilet? I never got taught that.

Michelle M. said...

Japanese children must have very strong quads.

Tam said...

Wow, a laughing turd. How ... quaint. How Japanese.

Okay, that second one was rather disturbing, but I loved the subtitles. I've never used a squatting toilet either, and hope never to have to. I'm all about civilization.

madtexter (corey james) said...

Oh those Japanimation folks are always thinkin', aren't they?

I wonder if they also use cartoons to teach sex ed?

madtexter (corey james) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anne marie in philly said...

uh...we wave bye bye to poo and pee? yeah...

give me mr. hanky the xmas poo any day!

Polt said...

I'm at work so I can't watch the vids right here. When I worked at Borders, we had a kids book called "Everybody Poos", and it had this huge elephant on the front. When we had a new hire and we were showing them how to find books in the store, that is the one I ALWAYS gave them to find. And there was ALWAYS a copy of it in store. It musta never sold a single copy.

Course with a big elephant on the cover and Poo in the title, who really WANTS to read something like that anyway?

HUGS...