Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My [Belated] Monday Muse

AbLisa
Destiny's Child, The Pussycat Dolls, TLC, 3LW, The Dreams...seems like girl pop groupz always have their fair mess of bullshiz to sludge through. Hoz be gettin' mad when the main slut is given all the attention or there are "creative differencez" within the group which I think is just an excuse they give when peepz just start to hate each other.

It's mad suxxorz when groups break-up, especially when they have so much potential. When I found out Eden's Crush wasn't going to release a 2nd album I pretty much felt indifferent was crushed worse than a chair under THIS guy's nalgaz. So that's why I watch/mourn this week's Tuesday Monday Muse with a fountain of frosty tearz in my st00pid eyez.


Sigh...think of all the Grammys grrrlfriendz aren't going to win! With that full-fisted FALCON PUUUUUUUUUNCH, my hopes of one day seeing a Behind the Music: AbLisa have been dashed & cremated!


And it's all tanx to their asshole voices that are reminiscent of old people clearing their throats that Lisa bitch! Abby (the chica with the fake cran-razzberry pelo) is my heroine for smashing her porkrind loving (ex)friend in the braces! Just take a gander at Abby's puss every time Lisa did sumfing artarded.


She's thinking to herself:


a) Why is it that the first bloody thing you do when you march your buttered thighz on stage is call Judge Louis a d.i.n.o.$.a.u.r.?!


b) Why the shit did you say I was your cousin, and then reiterate and say that it's actually your sister who is my cousin, which would still make me your cousin, WHICH I'M NOT?!?


c) Last time I checked, you weren't goddamn Kelly Osbourne, and until you are, you best not be telling anything other than your own pregnant reflection to "shut up."


d) Of course we care what the audience's earholez are tinking. That's why we came on this show, twat.


e) HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF AUSTRALIAN SOAP OPERA ACTRESS AND RECORDING STAR (and Josh's teenage idol) NATALIE IMBRUGLIA!!!!!!


Pish...dat ho deserve a firm jowl-slap. Sure, AbLisa may not be the next t.A.T.u., M2m or Jo$hr!co, but I say Abby strikez out on her own, throwz caution (and good vocalz) to the wind and becomez the next Diana Ross, Kelly Rowland or Nicole Scherzingereringerfdsherkg. Go for the starz girl. GOOOOO!


12 comments:

Laura said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I like that p!nk started playing before that betch got punched in the face.

Also I'm so glad we're thin. so. glad.

TheJJMG said...

OMFG what a trainwreck!!! The whole time I was watching that I couldn't decide whether to lol or cringe. I ended up doing both (sometimes at the same time).

I'm trying to decide which is bigger -- the cruelty of the judges for putting such an obviously unqualified pair in front of an audience, cameras, and judges, or the stupidity and colossal self-delusion and utter lack of self-wareness of these girls for thinking anybody could *POSSIBLY* want to hear them sing?

"jowl-slap" -- heh :)

hoteltuesday said...

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!! http://tinyurl.com/2uqcycr

Mel said...

Feck. Can't get sound here at work, which means I have to wait to be able to hear what they're saying. I have a sneaking suspicion that Lisa's related to Vicky Pollard, though.

john said...

I couldn't do it. I couldn't watch the whole thing in one sitting. I watched until they started singing last night and watched the FALCON PUNCH just now. Awful, just awful

Ryan said...

They should have chosen a song that better fit their ranges (although singing it on key would have helped).

Also, if deal with nervousness by saying whatever enters your head, televised competitions are probably not for you.

RYAN said...

I love that these girls exist!

Polt said...

Was it really necessary for Simon to tell the stage people to relay to them it's 4 no's? Really? Was there ANYone in the audience, or in fact the entire building, who thought they'd get even ONE yes?

HUGS...

Tam said...

Wow. I'm curious if they are still friends? I have a feeling they probably have little hissy fits on each other (complete with punches to the face) on a regular basis. Pitiful really, their behaviour AND their performance.

madtexter (corey james) said...

THAT WAS BRILLIANTZ! I probably would have smacked that daft girl too! What a couple of dolts.

_______

I am selfishly redirecting you to my blog today, because my friend Brian needs your support about adopting a puppy that needs a loving home. Please visit and leave your comments of support for him at: http://www.madtexter.com/2010/09/pause-for-paws.html

David said...

Who needs AbFab when you have AbLisa?

Mel said...

I finally managed to come back to this and watch it with sound. Laughed. My. Arse. Off.

And I was right, Lisa is related to Vicky Pollard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxifmyYcOws