Sunday, August 22, 2010

Q+A! - If...If...If...

Remember dis book that Polt gave me a couple of monthz ago?! Wellz, I thought it was high-time we filled out another little questionnaire and got to know each other a touch better! And is there any way to get to know the ins and/or outz of someone's cabeza than by thrusting a buttload of "If..."-style preguntaz their way?! Let's revel in hypothetical majesty!

If you could change anything in the world...

I would make people less wasteful! I absolutely can't stand seeing peepz throw schtuff away (hence my inability to get rid of anything). Half-eaten food is the most obvious victim of this offense, and whenever I see friendz start to throw out any of their meal, I launch my tongue at their leftovers and rescue them from the garbage! Classy? No. But I am scoring free eatz saving da world!

If you had a plane ticket to anywhere in the world, you would visit...

I'd visit the nearest computer, go onto Ebay and sell my plane ticket for money and finally be able to buy groceriez! But if for some reason I didn't ever need to eat again, I'd fly my azz somewhere close and faux-exxxotic like Costa Rica so I could burn the shet outta my flesh, drown, get eaten my savagez/bugz and then make all mis amigoz jellerz when I tell them how amazing it was.

If you could visit any time period, you would choose...

I would visit the birthing period for confessionalist poetry in the 50s-60s, where I would lead numerous workshops featuring the likes of brilliant writerz Anne Sexton, Enrico Bruno, Sylvia Plath & W.D. Snodgrass!

If you could, you would spend time with one famous person...

This is a toughie, considering I have a list of celebrities I lurrrve that exceeds the list of people I actually know that I lurrrve, so if I had to pick one, I guess I'ma go all nostalgic on you bloggy peepz and pick an adolescent hero of mine...Rob Thomas! Mr. Thomas & his band Matchbox Twenty were my absolutely favo band when I was a teen and I remember countless nightz of falling asleep to their tragically written lyrics and beautifully composed songs!

A lot of mah teenage poetry was copied from inspired by the wordingz of Rob Thomas himself, so I'd love to sit down with him and discuss the finer points of writing and emoting [read as: desperately shower him in complimentz until I completely embarrass myself].

If you were in prison, you would spend your time...

God forbid I ever end up in prison, but if I did, I think I would just be raped a whole lot and cry handle the experience gracefully.

To keep myself busy, I'd do several things. I'd try and boost my morale by putting on song and dance numberz reflecting on my current situation.

When that wouldn't work to raise my spirits, I'd spend nearly 20 damn yearz trying to tunnel my way out of my cell via the craptastico sewer line.

When I got mad bored doing all that digging, I'd probably just sit around and wait for the day when I could cheerfully count the stepz to my impending execution while fruitfully frolicking through the prison with the greatest of ease.


Now it's your turn, amigoz! Let me suck a little more personal information outta your skullz!


Justin said...

1) Cure the mental illness known as conservatism

2) Japan

3) Ancient Rome before the fall of the Republic

4) John Stewart

5) Reading and nursing my sore butt

Of course I have more than one thing to put in all of these (except 5), but for once I edited :)

Delisa said...

1) Better access to healthcare for everyone. I hate that good health has now become a business that few can afford. I understand people need to get paid but I feel like general check ups and emergency care should be accessible to everyone. I know too many people who won't go to the doctor cause they're afraid of the bills that follow.

2) Thailand! I've always had this fascination with Thailand so I want to drown in the waters of Koh Pha Ghan, ride an elephant and hopefully not get sold into child prostitution.

3) Probably the 60s/70s. I'd like to hear Dr. MLK speak, be part of that hippie freedom fighters era and rock a humungous afro!

4) Obama, he just seems like a chill dude to hang out with or Johnny Depp so I can steal his sperm and impregnate myself.

5) Learn how to play guitar, write some songs and have them stolen by cell block lover.

Tam said...

1. I would have all people who abuse children burst into flames and ash where they stand. Can I do that? Maybe make all car companies develop hybrids then.

2. Australia, I would go and visit my friend Kris and Sean in Perth, then hop back to Sidney and visit there and go up to the Great Barrier reef.

3. I think Bronze Age Greece. I know that seems weird but just for a week (that lack of toilet paper, feminine hygiene products and running water keeps my visit short). I would want to go to Mycenae or I could handle Crete during that time period as well.

4. Oooh. Tough one. Maybe my current foodie crush chef Marcus Samuelsson who could teach me how to make some cool Ethiopian/Swedish fusion meals. And he's cute too.

5. I would read (probably not all that much more than I do now) and maybe write a few novels.

john said...

1. I would rid the world of religion.
2. Italy
3. Rome, 1508
4. Ingrid Slilakus
5. Drawing

Mel said...

1. Eliminate starvation.

2. India. Met so many wonderful people in a little village in the Himalayas, and I'd go back in a heartbeat.

3. I have one ancestor who lived here in Maine in the first half of the 19th century who is something of an enigma. I think she may have been African or Creole, but there's just very little information about her. I'd love to go back and learn her story.

4. I had dinner once with David Sedaris, which was great. I guess since I just watched one of her videos on YouTube, I'm gonna say Annie Lennox. I've always loved her.

5. Actually, I've given this one some thought. I think I'd spend my time meditating and doing yoga, since I'd finally have as much time to do so as I'd like.

David said...

1. End poverty. I think a lot of other problems, like war and disease, would fix themselves if this was addressed.

2. I'm with Tam - Australia all the way. And New Zealand while I was there.

3. I think I'd like to check out Italy during the Renaissance, but I'd bring indoor plumbing with me because, ew.

4. Leonardo DaVinci. And no, I would not ask him about his code.

5. It's a bit of a prison cliche, but I guess I'd get that law degree that grandma always wanted me to get.

Dave2 said...

Are we going to see you on Hoarders some day? :-)

1) I would eliminate all weapons, everywhere, forever.

2) India.

3) I'd go back to 1984, but as an adult so I could enjoy it more.

4) Steve Jobs or Betty White.

5) Learning new languages.

Polt said...

I SHOULD go get my copy of the book I filled out in 2001 and use those answers, but I don't wanna go upstairs, so here we go:

1)End overty. If that were gone, disease, war, etc, probably would go away as well.
2)Since I can drive to my first choice (Toronto) I'll say Berlin. I've been there and I'd love to spend some time there.
3)Dallas, Nov 1963, just so i can see for myself what actually happened.
4)Queen Elizabeth, just because.
5)On Proctective Custody, cause after working in a jail for 15 years, I wouldn't be safe anywhere near General Population.


Michelle M. said...

I like your Lord of the Flies Piggy and Wilson. But where's Christopher Atkins in a loin cloth?

1)I'd end all wars. Not because I'm noble, but because then we could use all that wasted money on an anti-aging cure. I'm not getting any younger here!

2)Back to the East Coast to hang out with you guys some more! (Just kidding. Someplace with white sandy beaches, crystal clear water and exotic drinks.)

3)The seventies. I could wear some groovy Brady Bunch clothes and go disco dancing!

4)The hilarious Kathy Griffin, of course.

5)Shanking bitches. Or is it shiving?

Tam said...

@Dave2 - Betty White - Excellent choice. I'd go for that as well.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

1. I'd get rid of greed. Impossible? Of course! But still-it would solve an awful lot.

2. Mediterranean-almost anywhere here. Greece, Italy...

3. Since watching The Tudors an awful lot, I'd be down with going back to that time just to see it. This is only temporary, though, right? I don't want sweating sickness or my head to be chopped off.

4. Jesus-assuming he actually existed. I'd be curious as hell to have a chat with him.

5. Probably just read constantly and earn some sort of degree.

Justin said...

Wow, Tam, your choice was actually my second choice. My third choice was Athens during the classical period, and my fourth was Hellenistic Alexandria. I have a host of other choices, too -- Heian Japan, the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth during its heydey, Carolingian France, the list just goes on and on. :)

As for everybody's #1, can we just all combine our choices? I especially like Johns, David/Polt's, and Dave2's. I think my #1 might not even be necessary if we did theirs. And Tam, of course your choice is necessary too. I'd add (not to equate them) people who abuse animals to that list -- bursting into flames is definitely the right option!

Great post, Josherz!!! :) <3

M. Nicodemus said...

1. I totally agree with Tam, but baring that I would stop the destruction and domestication of the planet's wild places. We are not the only living creatures on this planet and we need to stop acting like we have some sort of entitlement to it.

2. Ireland, and just get lost hiking in the highlands for a week or two.

3. The height of the roman empire (I hated history in school so I have no idea what the name of this period is :P) so I could see all the great Roman cities and possibly head over to Egypt to check it out too.

4. Ditto Tam, I would love to hear what he has to say (especially about what some of his followers are doing "in his name" today)

5. Learn a musical instrument, most likely the guitar. One thing I regret from my childhood is not getting involved in music, another thing I regret is not getting involved with NPH. :)

Naughty said...

1. Whatever impulse drives people to need a supreme creator god? I would pluck that neediness from the human psyche. I believe 99% of all the shit that goes wrong in this world can be traced back to religion.

2. Paris.

3. The 1960s and 1970s art scene in New York, as my 42 year-old self. I have so many questions.

4. I have a huge crush on Rudi Nureyev right now. But he was so volatile, I'd have to issue the caveat that he'd have to be in a good mood so that I wouldn't get called the "c" word in Russian for some inexplicable transgression. He was a complicated bastard. If he was going to be a grumpy Rudi, I'd have to settle for Misha Baryshnikov. But come on. They both have Perfect Asses. So it'd work out either way, really.

5. I'd actually read Proust and Tolstoy.

Polt said...

Michelle M.: I beleive the correct terminology is being shived with a shank, although I thankfully have had no personal experience with such.


anne marie in philly said...

1. no more wars

2. new zealand/australia

3. the 1920s algonquin round table (dorothy parker et al)

4. eleanor roosevelt

5. reading and learning things I don't know

Anonymous said...

1. I would totally destroy that part of the human beings brain that believes it's O.K. to kill his/her fellow human beings. Imagine that, no war!

2. China

3. I would visit Paris during the later 1800's when the Impressionist period of art was going strong.

4. Howard Zinn

5. Learn to play guitar really well, continue reading, and draw. Of course I'd have to take time to give some serious thought to how I landed in prison to begin with!

Good post Josh!
Love, mom

To anne marie in philly...
Big yay to your #4, Eleonore Roosevelt would be my runner up.
Josh's mom

Chris D, said...

1. I like John's idea of ridding the world of religion. I would see it replaced by humanist philosophy. I think that might fix a whole lot of other problems.
2. I don't like flying, but I guess I could visit Europe again. I would fly to the UK, and then take trains all over Europe.
3. Either ancient Rome, or 100 million years ago to hang see some dinosaurs.
4. Gore Vidal
5. Helping other inmates heal their emotional wounds and rehabilitate their moral path.

anne marie in philly said...

confidential to josherz mom:

OMG, toulouse-lautrec is my FAVE painter of all time! you have great taste in art!

Anonymous said...

To anne marie in philly-

How cool! Toulouse-lautrec is one of my favorites! But Van Gogh is my very favorite, and he and Lautrec hung out together a lot!

Josh's mom

Anonymous said...

I know it's kind of late...but better late than never!

1. For people to stop abusing, killing, and discriminating, and instead focus energy on saving lives and the planet instead. The "world to live as one". I share the sentiment that the late John Lennon felt when he wrote Imagine.

2. So many places! But a ticket to China would be the first on the list.

3. At first I wanted to state the 60's and 70's, but after careful consideration I would love to see Ancient Egypt in all its glory. That would be amazing I'm sure.

4. This is a tough one, but perhaps Amy Goodman from Democracy Now!. She is fearless and relentless to bring much needed objective truth to reporting. I also like the idea of meeting Eleanor Roosevelt. FDR and Eleanor were the best first couple the country has ever seen in my opinion.

5. Read a lot and earn my Master's in educational psychology perhaps? I also like the sound of learning to play an instrument.