Sunday, July 25, 2010


I've come to accept the fact that I am getting mad old...ancient really (24 is like 44 in popstar yearz!), and mah chances of becoming a world famous singer writer actor celebrity are diminishing exponentially everyday. So since I will probably lose @ my life game and never be important [aka on the cover of magazinez], I thought it would be wise to look into celebrity impersonationz. If I can't be a famous person, I can at least look like one and steal their identity. Good idea, right?

So I enlisted the help of some goofy scientific online program, Heritage, and got to work uploading several photos of myself to see what my closest celeb dopplegangers are. Of course, Jared Leto (who peepz constantly say I look like), was near the top of the list...though I would fart on a thousand shiny glittery wishing stars to look half as sexxxy as he is. But here are some slightly more unexpected likenesses and potential future identities and why I'd be qualified to take over their glamorous vidaz!:

Johnny Depp: We both have been fictitiously involved with Helena Bonham Carter. Though his relationship wiff her is based around a movie, whereas mine is contrived solely in my daydreamz.

Sean William Scott: We both have the personalities of 10 year-olds.

Anna Paquin: We both were child actors. Anna won an Oscar @ the age of 11 for her role in The Piano. I cried myself through an audition and later scored [read as: guilt-tripped the directors into giving me] a solo in my 5th grade musical rendition of Johnny Appleseed.

Jamie Cullum: We both proficiently play the piano. He has made a career of it. I can play "White Houses" over and over.

Carrie Underwood: We both have competed on American Idol. Once again, only en mis sueƱos de dias.

Gillian Anderson: We both think David Duchovny is Hot City Central.

Jena Malone: We both have sung along with Mandy Moore; Jena in Saved! and me in my car.

Adam Brody: We both adore Death Cab for Cutie.

Ricky Martin: We both gay.

Edith Piaf: We are both suckaz for a good, slow, sad ballad.

Silvester Stallone: We both w33nz.

But above all deez peepz...there was one celeb that came out #1 on all 5 photos I ran through the face recognition software bullshit program...Chad Michael Murray (?)!

He's some actor that doesn't really matter that had the privilege of working with Paris Hilton in the brilliant epic cinematic masterpiece that I saw in theaters, House of Wax. What do you peepz think? Do I look like him? Do I look like any of deez hoz? Who have you been told you look like?


john said...

There is a similarity to your faces, especially in the smiles. Not sure there is much of a career in it though.

I've been told I look like, Robert Downey Jr., Matthew Perry, George Clooney and Brad Pitt by my 84 year old Aunt. All lies with the exception of Brad Pitt, which is the delusion of a nice old lady.

hoteltuesday said...

He's lame! Perez hates him, so I do too!

Winona Ryder: You both enjoy the free things in life!!

Kelly Clarkson: You both know what it feels like to really cry.

Josh Duhamel: You both are named 'Josh' and think that Fergie is stupid and ugly.

Ali Lohan: You both believe in Christmas Magic

Michelle M. said...

I see the resemblance to CMM. You are more handsome than he is, obviously.

No one has ever said I look like any celebrity, but think I look like Steve Buscemi.

Mel said...

I suppose I can see the Jared Leto comparison, though you'd have to put a bit of meat on your bones, honey chile. Mostly peeps just tell me I look like my dad.

Adam said...

I love almost everyone on your list, especially Jamie Cullum. Wanna make out or something?!

john said...

I ran my results and got:
Orlando Bloom: Holy crap! I look like a chick!
Nicky Byrne: Who?
Johnny Depp: Do I need a shower that bad?
Gareth Gates: Who?
Rick Schroder: Not Ricky
Dominic Monaghan: It's the nose.
Ewan McGregor: Not even close.
Josh Duhamel: I wish, but I'm glad I'm not married to his wife.

David said...

Someone once told me Jon Cryer. Whatever.

that's J-O-S-H said...

John: CMM was in "A Cinderalla Story"...a movie that I not only saw in theaters, but also thoroughly enjoyed (thanks largely to the heavenly presence of Jennifer Coolidge)! If I could get to work wiff her one day, I think it would make up for the rest of mah mediocre axxxing career!

E. Copterz: I thought you hate Perez! And YAY for Kelly and Ali! SEXY for Josh Duracell! AMBIVALENCE to Lidia Deetz!

Michelle: LUCKY! Steve Buscemi is AMAZING> "Shut the FUCK UP, Donnie!"

Mel: Have you SEEN Jared Letozzz sanz shirt?! He is nuffin' but skin and/or bonez!

Adam: Only if we're having a slumba party en mi basement and you simultaneously play "All At Sea" with your toes...on repeat.

David: I HATE "Will and Grace" this newz makes me uncomferz!

Polt said...

CMM, nah. I do see the Jared Leto, but as has been said, you'd have to actually eat food and not just gulp down air to fill out some more.

Me? I've been told John Candy...and I wasn't very happy with the comparison. I mean i DID weigh 313 pounds at the time, so I could see the weight thing, but John Candy had been DEAD from liek 8 years at that time. Not happy with being comparted to a corpse.


tornwordo said...

That Chad dude looks pretty close! I've been told Pierce Brosnan way too many times. He's all ancient and stuff.