Monday, July 26, 2010

My Monday Muse

[For serial...July ripped by me like a chainsaw through Jessica Biel's ragtag group of dumb, hot friendz. I don't remember anything important happening dis entire month...well except for mah four gloriouz Monday Muses of July 2010! Make sure you get your shit togethz, do your research, and then vote for your favo of the month, @ the bottom of dis herre entry. Remember, it's important and blah blah blah [feat. 3Oh!3]]

Lez Chat

I don't know any lesbianz. Surprising I know, but I seem to have lived 24 yearz wiffout ever forming a really concrete friendshit con chicas who quieren otras chicas. I don't have any problem wiff such peepz, and I think I might be able to learn a lot from one (like, seriously, what's the dealio with vaginaz? Like...what does it do?), yet they still seem to elude me like a mysterious entity that I've heard of in childhood fairytales [aka Peppermint Patty and that artarded "friend" of hers, Marcy].

But apparently knowledge is just a phone call away...all mah quandriez about lezbananas can be answered by dialing just one simple number...

I've never even thought about spending $$$ to use a phone sexxx line (to talking to lame strangerz about orgasmz?! Isn't that what ManRoulette is for?!). For serial, when I was a teen and felt an urge to get my buzzer a-beeping, I would just clap off all the lights, turn the TV down real low and watch episodes of Strip Poker or the classic MTV soft-core sitcom, Undressed, while mah parents slept in the other room.

But look @ all the time I could have been wasting information I was missing out on! Field hockey? Period hypnosis? Bewbz? Recyclin'? Kleets Kleats Cleats?!?

And for serial...what's cuter than Lez Cat?! [answer: Nice Dog]

So call today, sillyface, some stereotypical dummy representations of an entire population of people are just waiting to turn you on [read as: bore you to death]!


Who is your Monday Muse of July 2010?!

Sandra Lee?
Rainbow Fanatix?
or this week's Lez Chat?


Craig said...

Yay Lez Chat! I feel like that infomercial starred my sister and all her softball friends. Not hot.

adam said...

Ahhh! Not Jill!

I don't know any lesbionic folks either ... but I've always wanted a lesbian best friend! Do lesbians have blogs too? Google to the rescue!

Ryan said...

I'm surprised people don't have more lesbian friends. Maybe I have a different perspective from going to a Catholic university for undergrad.

Mel said...

Practically all my friends are lesbians. Which is probably why the power tool aisle at Homo Despot always gets me excited.

Tam said...

Despite the novelty of lesbians, I had to go with the cooking chick because she's always making delicious cocktails and obviously drinks most of them before she even starts her meal.

Ryan said...

I waited until I finished cooking before breaking open the bottle of wine last night.

john said...

I actually know more lesbians than gay men. I used to work with a bunch of lesbians (at a very gay friendly employer) and a few transgendered men (women transitioning to men). There were a few gay guys, but I didn't really know them and the few that I did know were kind of dicks.

The lesbians are cool. I made a set of wedding bands for one couple.

Michelle M. said...

My older sister Cheryl is a lesbian. She and her partner live in a house deep in the woods (in New York). Cheryl makes her own kayaks. I don't know if she breaks out into "Come to My Window, though."

Dave2 said...

"These are not the lesbians you're looking for..."

Naughty said...


Naughty has lesbians in the family, and Naughty has a lesbian friend or two. None of them can compete, however, with the psycho-sexual prowess of Sandy Lee and her penchant for mixing booze with ice cream and/or juice.

And I quote: "One for me now, and one for me in just a little while!"

Anonymous said...

You Josh, are too funny.