Monday, May 10, 2010

My Monday Muse

Britney Spears

This spicy little mamacita really needz no introduction. If you don't know who Britney Spears is, then you really should check the calendar, cuz chances are you live in a boring, lameazz time period [aka anyting pre-1999]. BritBrit is the epitome of modern day pop, and whether that's a good ting or a bad ting, there's no denying that grrrlfriend for def def defferz has some power over us all.

Oh, don't be a pretentious little snickerpuss...I know you've all fantasized about seducing your professorz while singing "...Baby One More Time." I know you've all dance around in front of the bathroom mirror in nuffin' but your home-grown sprouts to "Toxic." I know you've all cried yourself to sleepz for a month straight to "Everytime" (or was that just me?). Admit it, B. Spears has some catchy jams and a failure to admit that will leave me to only assume you hate fun...and who could possible hate FUN?!

But aside from the glitz, glamor and glitter (in the air), Britney has gone through a rough couple of yearz. And that's why this week's Monday Muse will take a look @ Britney during her trashiest of momentz.

An artist, a model and an equestrian-enthusiast, Britney is a down-to-Earth, well-rounded beauty qwueeeen, even when she's @ her shitnastiest! So she likes to take a few sniffz of daddy's magic powda. So she drinks a wittle of the hard schtuff once in awhile. So she enjoys a good slab of bacon [feat. genitalia] on occasion. GIVE HER AN EFFING BREAK! LEAVE BRIIIIIITNEY ALONE! It's so e-z for wieners to criticize celebrities (trust me, I'm one of those wienies), but chut uh! YOU never recorded "Stronger" aka one of mah FAVO POP SONGZ EVER.

So I hope this entry has made you all a tinsy bit more sympathetic to the plight of the legendary Ms. Britney Spears. You'd go batshit, head-shaving, lesbian-kissing crazzzy too if Rumer "I Don't Do Anything" Willis was hunting your nalgaz down!

P to da S: Isn't Gerald cute?!


madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

BritBot is a force - absolutely true. She's a money-making machine that employs a lot of people. (And yes, 'Baby One Time' sent my ears into eargasm when I first heard it. (You know, because I'm so butch and all.)

Tam said...

Gerald was adorable.

I'm not a huge Britney fan (aka Enrico) but I have enjoyed her work as much as any other pop star out there. I feel badly for her, to have to go through a total meltdown in public (or maybe I feel bad for her kids who've had to deal with it and will for years since the internet is forever) but fame usually comes with a price, she seems willing to pay it.

Polt said...

Couldn't watch the video because once I saw Perez Hilton was involved in it, I had to throw up, died and was dragged to hell. And once I was reincarnated and got back to Joshistrashy I didn't want to risk it again, so I didn't turn the video on.

The only reason I ever watched Baby One More Time was to watch the cute guy dancing next to her. Toxic is pretty good, especially with the hot sweaty dudes in it. And I've never heard Everytime. Why you failed to mention Womanzier, her best song. Espeically when sign languaged to by a hot deaf boy.

And may I say 1992 was a pretty rockin' year.


hoteltuesday said...

In a million years, everyone will remember Britney. And Jojo.

that's J-O-S-H said...

MadTexxxterz: I actually didn't like
"...Baby One More Time" when I first heard it. The primero BritBrit song that I fell in lurrrve wiff was actually her second single "Sometimes." It was so cornbally and silly and had a video that featured cutesy dancing on a boardwalk.

Tam: I'm glad she decided to not hook up wiff the bag of garbage and instead get her shiz together. Now her babies have a chance of not dying!

Polt: I HATE Perez [feat. his wifey]...but he isn't affiliated with the video in anyway other than having his name pasted to the beginning to try and get it more webviews. WATCH IT.

E. Copterz: And Samantha Mumba, Willa Ford, Kelis and Blaque.

David said...

OMG two of my favorite things, cartoons and mean-spirited satire. Love!

Michelle M. said...

Like I would ever dance around in front of the bathroom mirror to "Toxic." "Do Somethin'" is what I shake my home-grown sprouts to.

And when is Jojo coming out with something new? It's been FOREVER already.

john said...

Brit has her moments, both physically and musically. She has a nice set of hips that are pretty sexy and Toxic and Womanizer are totally fun songs.

Westopher said...

Britney is in such a Prozac haze she can barely walk in heels, let alone dance in them -- every performance is a testiment to her skillz for not falling flat on her ass. Keeping her wobbly butt off the pavement truly takes talent!

Laurie said...

Yay for calling us out Josh! I wanna say that Brit is just a dumb redneck skank who got lucky ....but yup .....her tunes are FUN (mostly).