Monday, April 26, 2010

My Monday Muse

[Holy crabz! Has ANOTHER month waltzed by already?! Where the hell does all dis time go? (Answer: the time-suck black hole that menacingly existz somewhere between a Netflix Instant Queue & Most Awesome Thing Ever) Well, it's dat time to get your voting fingaz into shape and pick your favo Monday Muse of April! Study wisely, and scroll to the bottom of dis entry. And yes, this WILL be on the test.]

Mary-Kate

Wouldn't it be great to be rich and famous? To never have to do anything other than sit around and wear cute clothes and be fabo? I think it very well might be my personal the American dream! And don't forget what Don Key-oat-tea said, we all gotza "dream the impossible dream!" or some crap like that. So no matter what you do in your life, make sure you constantly strive for a frivolous and unproductive lifestyle of wasteful extravagance and societal disrespect! But having lotza $$$ and being awesome because of it doesn't mean that you have to be stupid and unambitious. I mean, just take a look at @ dis week's Monday Troll Muse:







Who woulda thought that Mary Kate [feat. her stigmata twin Asslee] was an Alberto Einstein genius-pop! So as you should be able to gather, this herre is a series created from serial documentary footage all about how dificil the lives of the Olsen twins are. Serial. Part of me wishes that I too could have been born adorably purrrfect [read as: horribly deformed] and been on a TV show wiff Pepaw Stamos, but look @ all the toughguy decisionz that these delecate angel flowerz have to ponder ova! So many trialz and/or tribulationz!

I mean, there you are. Your biodegradable clocking is ticking [aka rotting] away and your st00pid bodyguard and sista spend all their time just being mean to you! Your professor is giving you a F (for "fat-free"?!) on your visionary hybrid history/science/math essay because he's too artarded to appreciate famous peepz' autographicoz! How terrible! Forget him. Remember grrlz, listen to MK (Mortal Kombat?!) and trust your (Killer) insticts!

Now I gotta jet...I ordered a spring roll! Comet! Comet! Cooooomeeeet! Yay, my student loanz are a-paid off!


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Who is your Monday Muse of April 2010?!

The Exploding Whale
?
The Hot Dog Factory?
Commercial Peepz Selling Me Crap?
or
this week's Mary Kate?



10 comments:

Nathan V said...

This was very very funny. I have elevenure was priceless.

Adam said...

Comet, Comet, Comet! *splat* Yay!

Mel said...

LOL @ "elevenure", but I'm a still go with exploding whale. Because I'm all about chunks of rancid dead things flying through the air and killing people.

naughty said...

Despite the fact that the MaryKate vids did make me giggle, I had to go wif exploda-whale. Because nothing beats incompetence with dynamite + dead sea creatures. Not even some lady who can smirk her mouth up into that weird, alien marykateashlee pseudo-snarly rich girl pout. I can't stand those lil' anorexic ho-hos. I keep hoping one of them will trip over the ridiculously too long burka-mumus they wear and blow starbucks all over someone who'll sue. Maybe that's mean, but Naughty really intensely dislikes the Olsen clone stick figures. Srsly. So whale steaks it is! Let the blubber fly! Viva la leviathan!

john said...

Exploding whale. Nothing beats that level of stupidity.

David said...

Shut up, evil dragon, I'm voting for Mary-Kate!

Tam said...

Ditto what Mel said. The damaged car was priceless.

Craig said...

OMG these are amazing!

hoteltuesday said...

I prefer the real MK! She's an idol of mine cause she was rich and famous before she was even like three years old or something.

The winner for this month was so easy! DADDY!

Justin said...

Maaaaaan I sure was tempted to vote for the exploding whale -- I wonder if the county paid that guy for his car, let alone all the dry-cleaning bills for all the reporters who got pelted with rotting blubber -- but since we all know that government officials are MUCH smarter now than they were in 1970, I think I'm going to have to vote for the Dark Nature of Capitalism and go with the Hot Dog Factory (or, as Enrico said, "Daddy"). "That man has a cold heart" ;-)