Monday, April 12, 2010

My Monday Muse

The Hot Dog Factory

They are one of the staplez of childhood. Mothereffing hot dawgz are what summerz are about! Greasy, slightly sickening links of mystery meat that can be grilled, boiled or (mah personal favorite way of preparation) microwaved! Slather those little babiez in ketchup or mustard or mayo and dunk 'em in some faux cheez sauce, and you've got yourself a seriously sexxxy treat!

I used to cut those little weinerz up and put them in all sortz of crazzzy shit. Mac n' cheesez, chix noodle soup, sammichez...my creativity [aka childhood boredom] quite honestly had no bounds. I assume all you hoz also have cherished hot dog memoriez as well, so why not pay tribute to this wonder superhuman deluxe food by taking a look at where this heavenly phallic delicacy comez from?!



I dunno about you folkz, but I think I have found my IDEAL JERB! Ever have a craving to make the mundo a better place? Tired of receiving endless (albeit derrrriciouz) beatingz via a rope of hot dawgz? Ever dream of taking a naked whore bath in a meat poolie? Are you a proud weenie-smoker [feat. you're reading mah blog so I assume you are]? If you've answered yes to any of deez preguntaz, then may I suggest you get your sorry taint on over to the euphoric magic tastyland that is the Hot Dog Factory!

Where your dreamz come to troofz and where those selfish, prococious pigz learn their place in da food chain, it never stopz raining meat...just like mah nightmarez wet dreamz! What? Can't handle the pure beauty of all that raw meat?! Sheeez, you obvz never went to college then! ExperiMENtation is nuffin' to be ashamed of!

So if you crave a career in the booming business of yummerskating murder, then hop onto the hot dog highway and soar through the limitless skies of mass animal bi-product madness!

23 comments:

Jere Keys said...

My cherished childhood memory of hot dogs is declaring them gross at age 5 and never, ever eating another one for the rest of my life. I can't even manage tofu dogs.

Mel said...

Most tofu dogs taste a bit, um, plastic. Morningstar Farms's version is the closest in texture to the classic lips, snouts, and assholes of the original. I use those if I need to fool carnivorous nieces and nephews.

Michelle M. said...

I'm with Jere. No dogs for me.

Mel said...

If it's salty and phallic, I'm down with it. Just so long as no animals were harmed in the making thereof.

Tam said...

I'm not a huge hot dog fan, but everynow an then I enjoy it. With ketchup and relish and maybe a slice of processed cheese. Or chile, chile dogs are great.

Growing up for me nothing beat a wiener roast. A hot dog on a real stick (not a metal fork) cooked over an open fire. Yum. My Grandpa always liked them black. Ugh.

tornwordo said...

I always experimented with bologna which, I'm fairly sure is the primary ingredient in Hot Dogs. You should visit Quebec, they are the true hot dog consumers of North America. Still under a buck too.

the naughty butternut said...

Sweetie,

Yeah, I grew up eating the dogs, too. If there was a choice b/t the dog and the burger, I always picked the dog. If we have them now, we buy Hebrew National brand. I just feel so much better knowing it's kosher. I don't know if that really means it's not as horrible for me, but I totally trust the guys that go inspect that stuff. I just picture this really stern rabbi type with a clip board shuffling through everything on the shelves, and I'm calmer.

hoteltuesday said...

YAY! I hate hot dogs but love the hot dog factory!!!

Mel said...

butternut: Touring a slaughter plant on kosher slaughter day was what turned me vegetarian. Just sayin'.

john said...

Hot dogs are disgusting. I never liked them and was always completely disturbed when people put ketchup on them. Ketchup is for hamburgers, mustard is for hot dogs.

I will admit to having a "gagger" (pronounced ga-gah in my native tongue) every once in a blue moon. Gaggers a.k.a. hot wieners are small hot dogs with mustard, onions and ground beef. They are best done "all the way" and assembled on some dude's arm.

Of course, having them once is enough as you will taste them for a week and smell of them for at least two.

naughty said...

Mel,

Good to know. I haven't had a dog in a while, and I generally don't buy them unless they are requested for a BBQ. I'm attempting to go much more vegetarian. I've pretty much sworn off the beef and pork, and am trying to keep to organic chicken and fish-of-known-origin. My grandmother made me eat vienna sausages once when I was a wee squash, and I chucked them back up in her kitchen sink.

Laura said...

What's with all the healthy talking and hate of the hot dog? WE'RE THIN. Love them. nom nom nom nom. I love us eating free hot dogs because we're thin (drunk and FREE!!!!!!!)

Dave2 said...

I like Yves veggie dogs! Smart Dogs are also yummy. No animal slaughter required!

Chris D. said...

I enjoy the occasional hot dog, with mustard, relish and sauerkraut (when available). I am not watching the video, because I prefer not to think about exactly what the hot dog manufacturing process is. ;)

Anonymous said...

I looove Nathan's hotdogs Italian style (potatoes, cheese, onions and peppers), or grilled with mustard....so good! I don't eat them on a regular basis by any means; however, when I do, I enjoy them despite the fact that the knowledge of the contents will most likely make me hurl. I feel like such a carnivore compared to everyone on this blog! Oh well, there are worse things I could be; I truly turned away from going vegetarian (I really wasn't that dedicated to begin with)after watching a documentary that looked at the turning point of human evolution in which our ancestors started eating meat. Apparantly, the extra protein boost was also a big boost for our awsome and complex brains! Woohoo! Pass the steak!

I'm sorry, just playing devil's advocate here, I truly do admire anyone who sticks with a cruelty free diet that considers the welfare of our furry friends. Someday (hopefully within the next couple of years!), when I can afford it and on my own, I will seriously look into organic raised meat in which the animals are treated with respect they deserve...especially since we're eating them. Researching and looking at Grandin's studies for my project has had some effect on me.


Peace out,
Cindy

Tam said...

I'm a die-hard carnivore Cindy. Maybe because I grew up on a farm where I saw it go from the hoof/claw to table, EVERY step of the way. So I'm probably a tad hard-hearted were meat-eating is concerned. To each his own I say.

Anonymous said...

Tam: I raise my next burger to you, "cheers"! ;-) Actually, an omnivore is more like it...no? We eat plants and meat so that technically makes us omnivores! I like that sound much better.

-Cindy

Adam said...

this post turned me from vegan to carnivore! Yay, I'm finally normal! :-D

Tam said...

Good point Cindy. I like my fruit and veggies too.

Then my life is complete Adam because I've been working on that.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

I love all meat. I have recently made the expensive but worth it transfer to grass fed meat and free range chickens though, so at least I can rest somewhat easy knowing I'm not supporting factory farming. The nutritional profile is so much staggeringly better and the taste is out of control. Certainly hurts the wallet though...

Josh-I am daydreaming of dirty water dogs mixed in powdery mac and cheese.

Westopher said...

As a kid I used to eat hot dogs raw. Not much has changed.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

hot dogs are really just tiny versions of a roll of bologna, so raw dogs are not dangerous. I used to eat them raw when real young.

David said...

I prefer hamburgers, myself, but who can resist a tour of the hot dog factory? Just like my nightmares!