Monday, April 5, 2010

My Monday Muse

The Exploding Whale

So we all know what happens to dolphins that find their flipper azzes up on the shore. They get magically converted into tasteeeeful cans of tuna fish! But have you ever wondered what would happen if something LARGER than a derrrriciouz fish or shark comitted suicido and peaced themselvez out on the beach? I know I have(n't)! But don't you fret another fuzzing momento! Watch how mother nature the all-knowingly brilliant and intellectually superior HUMAN BEING fixxxez such problems...




Oooooooh! So that's what you doooo. If you can't bury a corpse (peepz will dig it up!), chop up a corpse (what creep festival would want to do that?!) or burn a corpse (cooking sumfing well done is such a waste!) then you better shoot the corpse to the heavenz via Hiroshima-level dynamite esssssplosionz!

Serial...pretend the whale is the Challenger and that the beach is almost outer space and BOOM BOOM BLAST that shiz like there is no maƱana! Then fool the seagullz into tinking that charred nasty fucking whale fat is a delicacy aaaaaand PROBLEM SOLVED!

Everything is fixxxed, well except for the hailstorm of zillion-ton whale blubber, but aside from cars and dumbass bystanders, does anyone really suffer? Fuck no. So nexxxt time you have a body you NEED to get rid of A.S.A.P., Ouija up a convo wiff John Wayne Gacy let the Exploding Whale remind you that poorly planned destructive combustions can fix life's messiest problems!

13 comments:

sara said...

great monday muse! minus the part of chuck

Mel said...

OMG that was funny! Especially when the woman says "Ow!" I wonder how big a chunk of burning, rancid blubber hit her.

Adam said...

mmmmm that looks delicious!

john said...

I wonder how that conversation went? "What do we do with the whale?" (deep inhalation of breath and smoke and said while holding breath: "Let's blow it up!"

goblinbox said...

I have a special umbrella for blubber rain.

Ryan said...

The Mythbusters could have done a better job than that. The cement truck they blew up didn't have a giant part of it left over.

Tam said...

I'm with Ryan. My first thought when the guy said "We don't know how much dynamite it will take." was "Get out of here, hire professionals, the Mythbusters always know EXACTLY how much it will take."

A shower of decomposing whale. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Ummm. Uh. Don't even know what to write!

-Cindy

Laura said...

Smashed car is my fav!

the naughty butternut said...

Sweetie,

I think Cotton Tail John has the right of this one.

There was a lot of deep breathing going on. It was 1970, after all.

And I love the shots of the guy just carrying carton loads of TNT down to the carcass. "Well, we're not sure how much it'll take, so we're just using a metric shit ton!!" Jeebus.

seth said...

watch the movie the cove.

Ray Avito said...

I giggled in anticipation throughout this whole video. Nice sci-fi intro sound effect, what the heck was that?

Chris D. said...

I think I saw this one before. I am glad I wasn't around to experience that. ;)

My parents recently found a stinking dead Possum on their property. Fortunately they didn't decide to blow it up. ;)