Thursday, April 29, 2010

Ding! Dong! That screech is DEAD!

Don't forget to vote for the Monday Muse of April 2010! If you don't vote, then you're a fudging poop-popsicle! Get the fuck back in the freeza'!

I tried to stop writing about American Idol. As you all may remember, I used to do occasional show recapz. But between mis amigoz ova @ Cocky & Rude thoroughly reviewing (and smartly agreeing with me!) and bloggy peepz tinking they're too good for Idol not watching the show, I felt like calling off my regular postz. Howeva...something glorious happened last night!

Almost as exxxciting as when Kris Allen beat the glittery overhyped ass wind outta Glamberpuss, I shouted to the heavenz when mah least contestant of the season, Siobhan Mania, was sent to pack her bagz and go rot in pop culture obscurity along with Justin Guarweenie, Antonella "Least Slutty Person I Know" Barba and everyone from season 2!

The token KoOoOkY bASkEtCAsE, Siobhan was known for her uncomfortable way of speaking, not hitting the correcto notez and her painful way of ending every song sounding as though Iceland was erupting from her garganta. Well, two days ago it was Country night and since Shania Twain (who has the best selling country album and best selling solo female album of ALL TIME) was their counseling den mother, they all had to sing her tunez. And Siobhan decided to sing that brassy, brashy, assy song "Any Man Of Mine."

As you can tell, she was awful and the judge were clearly clouded by the Caribbean rum in their trademark Coke cupz, cuz they actually said it was decent. But they apparently don't matter, cuz [non]grrrlfriend was voted off...THANK GAWD. I totally nearly kicked David in the face when Ryan Seamancrest read the results and crushed her sueƱoz! Then I remembered back to the fifth season, when a homophobic God-juicing beluga whale named Mandisa slathered her buttered chopz all ova the stage to the same song, and was promptly emergency ejected the next day!

The song is cursed. It even has the power to possess unsuspecting tw33nag3rz as seen in dis video clip (embedding disabled?! LAME).

So heed wisely the nexxxt time you are running down the road trying to loosen your load while listening to country radio or the nexxxt time you dare to attempt karaoke @ a redneck hick bar! You too could fall victim to the unrelenting demonic wiles of "Any Man of Mine." Proceed wiff caution.


goblinbox said...

Um. I don't have anything to say. So. Um. Hi! *runs away*

Tam said...

You missed a key Shania descriptor - CANADIAN. I would only sing "That Don't Impress Me Much" so I can pretend to blow off Brad Pitt.

No, I said blow OFF, the other is a different pretending moment.

adam said...

Ugh, so glad she's gone. Although I didn't hate her nearly as much as you did, here demise is also headlining my post over at Cocky & Rude too! What, shameless plug? Me? Never!

Dave2 said...

Horrifying. I don't watch Idol, so I am hoping for your sake that the rest of the contestants don't suck this badly.

Michelle M. said...

So happy Siobhan is gone.

Thanks for reminding me to vote. I don't wanna be a fudging poop popsicle.

Christina said...

MANDIIIISAAAAAA i remember watching that!

Anonymous said...

Granted, you hate her and granted I'm totally American Idol illiterate, but I didn't think they were that bad. I just put myself in their situation...can I judge because I feel I can do better? Probably not! However, I do very well on American Idol wii! I give them all a lot of credit for getting up there in the first place. So much pressure and anxiety!


hoteltuesday said...


Although I didn't really care about her in any way, I am thankful that she was on the season cause I have a sound bit of the above line that I can play over and over!!

tornwordo said...

I couldn't watch, the country music thing, ugh. I loved when you wrote KoOoOkY bASkEtCAsE. It's like a font named Onoemonopia Or however the frack you spell that. (I don't say frack irl.)

Milo said...

Haha, I like the image mashup you did up top! I have never liked Amy Winehouse though it has to be said!