Saturday, April 3, 2010

Best Friend Updatez!

So over the past año, all of you wonderville bloggy folkz have been introduced (via mah magnificently generous soul) to quite a few gloriouz beings. We have gotten laughs, cries and disgusted sighs from some truly fabo faux-Interweb heroez. So I thought that it would be nice to gather up our most beloved Josh is Trashy benefactors of joy and learn all about what they iz up to now...


Yay! As we all (should) remember, Victoria was the beautiful teenage wondergrrrl that made it to the top five finals of mah Monday Muse of 2009 Showdown!. The prodigal daughter of Mama Theresa and a hooker, Victoria is truly a grace of heavenly glory and we are so fucking lucky that she sprinkled her whore magik all ova our eyeholes.

After the show, apparently Maury [aka douchebag!] convinced Victoria to abandon her quest to get preggerz via 1(zoom)2(zoom)3(zooooom) different guyz! Thankfully, grrrlfriend broke out of Maury's hypnotizing power forcefield and was reawaken to her life's game: crap out a baby and fail to provide for it and ultimately exchange it in a back alley black market deal for a snort of coke and half of a Subway sammich lurrrve it unconditionally wiff all her corazon!

Now her dreamz have come to troooooofz and she released from her womb a sponge-haired troll doll that she calls her child. Good luck wiff the rest of your life [feat. a fully dependent being that will hinder you from ever being anything more that the amazing slut you are] and keep your bitch flag flying high.

Stephen Torrence

Remember dis cutiepie?! He's the geniuz sign language dancing king that got all you pop-muzak hating goony loonz to finally listen to Miley Cyrus' golden shower of synthetically sugary sweet perfection "Party In the U.S.A.". Lovez it! Remember how adorz he was when he was moving his hips like "yeah" and how explosively excited he was when a BritBrit song was on?!

Well, now he's recorded some mo' videoz including one to that stale-azz "Fireflies" by Owl City. Lo siento, Ciudad de Buhos, the novelty of that song ran out after it's second rotation (just admit you ripped off The Postal Service, douchenozzle!). Anywhooo, pay close attention to dreamboat Stephen Torrence and try not to melt in a puddle of swoon nectar as he gets a thousand hugz from ten thousand lightning bugs (circa 1:07) or when he saves a few of dem bugz and keeps them in a jar (circa 2:28).


And who could forget Rhonetta?! I hear that after Jeebuz got lost in that cave, he got all resurrected and shit and when they saw him again he was Rhonetta! So in honor of Easter [feat. me eating chocolate hard-boiled eggz all day], I thought that I would let Miss RhoRho have the the pimp shot in this entry.

She captured and violently murdered our ears wiff her sweet angel voice and was ruthlessly forced outta our lives by fatso Randy, artard Paula and prickmeister Simon. But now she's back aaaaand...sitting on her bed smoking her cigz and staring blankly at nuffin. After watching this clip, doesn't it seem like Rhonetta coulda given Mo'Nique a run for her $$$ if she auditioned for that role in Precious?! Grrrlfriend doesn't need to act. She is the act.


Polt said...

I like to practice the "slow" sign with Stephen....repeatedly...and slowly...and maybe not just on his arm.....


Tam said...

I absolutely ADORE Stephen and yes, I melt into a puddle of goo. He really gets into it. I still feel compelled to do the butterfly thing with my hands when I hear Party in the USA thanks to him.

I see Victoria is profiting from her pregnancy, raking in big gift cards. I never got a freaking gift card from Maury when I was pregnant. Noooo. I had to work for a living until week 40 and pay for it myself. Bitch.

Michelle M. said...

Rhonetta was strangely subdued. Maybe her shiny boots are the source of her vitality. Sparkle power!
But the girl sure can smoke a ciggie. Now that's a star.

Ryan said...

I love how Stephen adds a literal translation. I always wonder what exactly those sign language people are saying.

The Rhonetta video was weird. I almost worry that she was drugged.

rockson said...

hey! Stephen makes my heart melt.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Polt: Ew...sick!

Tam: I bet she is gonna spend her cards on baby blankets [aka towels] and then sell them for copies of her "Girls Gone Wild" tape!

Ryan: I don't worry about the drugs! I worry about her failure to flash her sexxxy leggiez to the camera! Why so conservative RhoRho?!

Rockson: And it feels sooooo good.

David said...

Oh Stephen, you may not be "the beautiful" but you certainly are charmingly entertaining. Love the "lightning bugs in a jar" moment.

Chris D. said...

Stephen does seem like a sweet guy. I am glad to see he is still signing songs.