Sunday, March 14, 2010

Off wiff dem headz!

So I saw dat Alice In Wonderland movie that's been pimped to the heavenz since the first wiff of it was farted outta Tim Burton's genius hole. And it was pretty good if I do say so. It's kinda like a sequel to the original in a way via plot twists and allusionz, but it also stood outside of da primero pelicula. Basically, Alice finds her azz back in Wonderzville ten or so years after the first movie. She vaguely remembers her previous adventure as a dream and then goes on a quest to do some shit. She meets weird, effed-up creatures and it's all kinda trippy and mildly frightening.

The White Rabbit is cute. The Caterpillar is a dick. The March Hare was the unstable, nervous underdog of the group [aka my favo kind of character!]. Tweedledum & Tweedledee are quite possibly the most terrifying things I have ever seen in my entire life. The Mad Hatter was played by Johnny Depp (duh) and I felt had a larger than necessary role meant only to highlight a big name star. The Cheshire Cat was able to transform his shape to look like other peepz for some reason. [*per note by Dave2] The Dormouse was annoying and made me angry.

Blah Blah...whatever. The best part of the movie was Helena Bonham Carter who kicked everyone's azz as the Red Queen. She was such a bitch and I loved how she sentenced peepz to death and was mean to everyone. When we get married (cuz c''s gonna happen), I want her to look exactly like she did in the movie. And YES, that DOES include the bloated CGI-head. Lovez her and dis movie further proved to myself that H.B.C. is one of mah favo actresses!

Grrrlfriend deserves an Academy Award and even though Alice In Wondertown probz won't get much notice, I thought she at least deserved a nomination for Sweeney Todd a couple of yearz back! I'd eat a million of her dusty bug meat pies if it meant I could stay in her presence forevz!

So did you see Alice In Wonderland?! How much did you lurrrve Helena [feat. the March Hare]?!


Delisa said...

I loved it too! The March Hare was my favorite character. I think that's who I would turn into if I stay in college any longer! Didn't you loved the ending when Alice laid the smack down on its candy ass?!

My favorite H.B.C. scene was the end when she kept ordering peeps to die but instead got you know what to you know who and he tried to you know what and she freaked lol.

Dave2 said...

No love for Dormouse?

Milo said...

I haven't yet seen it. But it reminds me of being 12 years old when I played the mock turtle in our school's production of Alice in Wonderland. It was quite a feat getting the part as this was secondary school (i.e. 11-18) and there weren't many of the younger lot in it. Enjoyed it. The only time I've ever really done acting. I was in Oliver after that but only a smallish part.

Thanks for the memories and agree that Helena BC kicks ass!

that's J-O-S-H said...

Delisa: I like how Alice was kinda lame @ first and wishywashy and eye-roll worthy, but she totez got her shiz together and stopped being such a wuss festival!

Dave2: FIXED.

Milo: The turtle wasn't in the new movie! If it was, you for serial should have been a front-runner for the role!

Tam said...

We saw it. I wasn't blown away, but it was enjoyable. I HATE paying $5 extra for 3-D. WTF is up with that? Soon all movies will be 3-D. $27 for two of us? Guess we' know who's paying for Johnny Depp's chateau in France. I always get the impression that HBC is simply channeling herself. That she's truly a vicious screaming harpy. I could be wrong.

I did like the March Hare. I also liked that big dog thing. That wasn't in the book was it? He was one of my faves. Him and the pig footstool.

Justin said...

I haven't seen this movie yet. I was afraid when I saw the previews that I was going to hate it because I really hated Sleepy Hollow and I really found Tim Burton's interpretation of Willy Wonka as a creepy Michael Jackson clone very icky and the movie slow and poorly paced. I used to love Tim Burton -- my favorite movie of his is still Nightmare Before Christmas, which I still think is funny and sweet -- but lately I've felt that he ruins everything he touches.

I'm also a colossal pedant and I always hate the way every TV or movie version of the Alice books ever done always manage to conflate the two books. I would JUST ONCE like to see each book done as a separate film, TV show, miniseries, anything.

Once I discovered, however, that this was going to be a sequel and not an adaptation of the books I figured I might give it a try. I did enjoy Avatar in IMAX 3D so I think I'd like to do Alice the same way.

What a shame the mock turtle wasn't in it, though :P I loved that character... *sniff*

Polt said...

Just saw it last night, so I can actually comment on something current that you posted about! AMAZING!

The movie? meh. I mean, I enjoyed it, mainly the look of it. But overall, eh, it wasn't all that great.

I did like the caterpiller, only cause it was the voice of Alan Rickman. I LOVE his 'villainous' voice. The only one better is Jeremy Irons as Scar in The Lion King.

I totally agree with your assessment of the Hatter role. You didn't mention the Knave, as played by Krispin Glover. he's a great villain actor too.

HBC, sorry peanut, I thought she chewed a bit too much scenery. But since the whole movie was a bit over the top, I didn't car all that much.

Didn't see it in 3D, refused to pay the extra money.


that's J-O-S-H said...

Tam: I hear (from the convincing voices in my head) that HBC is actually quite the sweetheart in the real world. She just plays a psychotic killer in her filmz.

Justerz: "Nightmare Before Xtinamas" is for serial one of mah favo movies ever. See THIS post yet? And as for T. Burton's recent flicks, I admit that some of them are a little too flamboyantly distracting, but his recent version of "Sweeney Todd" was brillz and even won Best Picture @ da Golden Globez! Check it out!

Polt: ::checks off Helena Bonham Perfection on the list of things that I lurrrve that Polt doesn't like:: We're getting into the triple digits here...geebz!

Polt said...

teehee...only triple digits? I'd thought we'd been close to the national debt by now. :)

but no, I don't NOT like HBC, I've enjoyed her in several films, although only The Fight Club comes immediately to mind. And I don't think she was bad in this flick, just not as good as you.

SO that may lower the count of your list...but it's still a large one, I'd agree. :)


Anonymous said...

Haven't seen it yet, but plan to! Or I may be a real downer and just wait for it to come out on dvd. The 2nd choice seems more of a reality.


the naughty butternut said...


Naughty can't wait to see this. I can't think of anything Tim Burton's done that I didn't just lurff. For example: Edward Scissor Hands - lurffed it. Sleepy Hollow - lurffed it. Nightmare/Xmas - lurffed it. Big Fish - lurffed it ... there's a theme here. And I lurffed the totally whack JD as Willy Wonka. Maxo-creepy.

And I'm with you about HBC - she did such amazing work with everything Merchant/Ivory put her in. AND OMG Sweeny was da bombalomba. And the level of EEE-ville she achieves as Bellatrix Lestrange is gasp-worthy. Naughty wishes she could act that psycho so she could scare away the bible people who come thumping on her door while she's all in her office writing down her heretical notionzzz.

You're influence on my spellingz is profound.

Justin said...

See, I don't like HBC as much as I used to. She was wonderful in Room with a View, Howards End, and the rest but I think I started liking her less when she was with Kenneth Branagh. Not sure why. Though she's great as Bellatrix Lestrange.

Edward Scissorhands is probably my second favorite TB movie after Nightmare Before Xmas.

And naughterbunz, a former roommate of mine taught me how to deal with bible people. It helps to be a gay male when delivering this line, but you might be able to pull it off. When they ask you "do you know Jesus is your personal savior" or however they want to word it, all you have to do is look down, pause, then look back up and say "do you know that those pants are so tight that they leave nothing to the imagination?" The gaping mouthed look on the face of that mormon when my roommate did that was priceless. *contented sigh* :-)

the naughty butternut said...

Mmmmm, yes . . . Naughty could lick her lips as she says it and totally scar them for life.

Helena screwed over Emma to get to Kenny B. That's just so wrong. Everyone loves Emma. Helena was on my schist list for a while, too. But in the end, she's just too talented not to be adored. If you haven't seen it, watch Wings of the Dove some time. The costuming is delicious. Ditto Venetian cinematography. And there's just all kinds of fun moral ambiguity.

john said...

I haven't seen it yet, but I have to tell you to get in line Josh. I've always had a little celebrity crush on H.B.C. and since I was here first, I get dibs. Besides, you already have the pectacular David in your camp.

David said...

I loved the doormouse. :-( I also loved Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. Overall I also thought the movie was a bit meh, but still enjoyed it. And I think it is rather cute that you say "Alice finds her azz back in Wonderzville ten or so years after the first movie." Not the first (or second) book?

that's J-O-S-H said...

Cindy: I will gladly get it on Netflix and bring it over! But be prepared for me to rewind the scenes wiff HBC & the March Hare.

Butternaught: I swurr, if you put out a book and I see JUST ONE out-of-place "Z", I better be getting a co-author notation [feat. royalties].

Justerz: Booo. The only thing I don't like that HBC has been in is that Harry Potter series. Harry Potter is for weinises!

John: Ugh! FINE! But when you're dating, you have to invite me over to dinner so I can eat dead Londoner piez!

David: No. I wasn't referring to the books cuz a) I've never read them so I have no ground to make reference to them, and b) I am not going to jump mediums. ::sassed you::

john said...

Josh: It's a deal!

Justin said...

"weinises"? I resisted Harry Potter for *years* because of how over-hyped they were, but I *love* **love** ***LOVE*** the books. The movies aren't as good, and they're getting progressively worse as they go along. The earlier books were simpler to adapt: the later books are more adult and serious and consequently easier to ruin in adaptation.

Honestly, though. You're the second English Major I've met who didn't read the Alice books. *face* friggin' *palm*. I made the last English Major read them because it's just such a sin not to have read them, if you care about books at all. *UGH!!!*

Speaking of dead londoner piez, I only recently saw a live performance of Sweeney Todd a few months ago. It was brilliant. And I love the broadway soundtrack with Angela Lansbury. I find it so hard to imagine HBC doing that part, but I guess I'll give the movie a try (though I hear it left out a lot of the best songs).

John -- "pectacular" :-) heh :-)

Anonymous said...

Josh: Sounds great...and I would expect nothing less my dear! :-)