Monday, March 22, 2010

My Monday Muse

News Anchors

Back when I was still a bright-eyed young & hopeful college student [aka two years ago], I took a class called Writing & Announcing for TV Broadcasting. The class was unlike anything I had ever experienced before and we did all sorts of great projects. I had to write and record a local news story [feat. interviewing a whiny grandpa landlord about how disruptive off-campus college kids are on the community], put together the script and basic outline for a sitcom and we even visited the HBO studioz en Nueva Nueva. And all of these components were great! There was however, something I was terrible at, and that was when we had to play news anchor. I stunk worse than a bathtub filled wiff sweaty Stilton, gym laundries & Ke$ha. I stuttered, I flubbed my lines and my hair looked terrible. Howevz, I'm sure that my grade in the class would still be a point or two above any of these visionary television yapperz...


You know, cuz gay & blind are really quite interchangeable. Some days I wake up and for a few seconds think I can't see. Then I roll over and see Mr. Pasteeeeelnick sleeping next to me and I'm all lyke "OOOOoOoOoOh! Gay, not blind. That's right!"


I hear ya loud & clear, Sue Simmons. I oft ponder wiff disgust at the audacity of cruise ships. Sailing into our bays, taking people to far off destinations. Who the hell do they tink they are?!


Fake or not, vomming is always hilarz! Tomato soup? Hoooorah! Watch how during his bile explosion, the audio reader lights in the back shoot all da way up into the red zone. Geebz Eric, we hear you. Can you bring it down a few notchez?!


Yeah, this is funny cuz I am kind of a douchebag (and if you laugh, then you are too).


18 comments:

Mel said...

Okay, I'm a douchebag, 'cause that shizz was funny. Kind of like that one of the reporter who falls off the high platform while stomping wine grapes. I do hope she was okay, though.

Adam said...

Hahahaha I'm a douchbag! And Mel, I LOVE the grape stomping lady. Whenever I'm feeling blue I just search for that clip on Youtube and it brightens my day!

I was watching Medium (back when it was on NBC) when Sue Simmons yelled the F word. I must have rewound my DVR about 100 times that night!

David said...

I lovez me some news bloopers.

When I wake up and see you next to me I'm not sure if I'm gay or blind, because I think I must still be dreaming.


You're all vomming along with the newscaster now aren't you?

Jere Keys said...

No mention of Ernie Anastos telling his weatherman to keep fucking that chicken? That was some priceless blooper material.

Tam said...

David's trying to put us into insulin shock again. The sugar levels are rising.

Jere's was funny and yes, I laughed at the poor woman. Like Adam I love to watch the grape stomping woman. It lightens your day. I come from a family that loves to laugh at other's misfortune's, especially if they are members of your family.

Tam said...

Ha, just went to YouTube to get some music (too deadly quiet here) and saw THIS which also made me laugh. I'm so mean.

Ryan said...

Climbing Mount Everest is very challenging to gay guys now that the Yeti have discovered waxing and are actually really hot under all that fur.

Polt said...

I went to school with a guy who became a sports anchor on our local tv news station. And one time, he was reporting a local college female basketball team's score and said, "We beat them by the cunt of...oh SHIT!"

OhmiGOD, it was hilarious! I saw it on a blooper show once, tho it was bleeped naturally. Haven't seen it since though.

I didn't actually laugh at the last one, I just gasped. And then I laughed. Does that make me a douchebag too?

HUGS...

Justin said...

*sigh* I guess I'm a douchebag. I laughed. And then I played it again and laughed some more. Then I played it a third time while laughing even harder. I do hope she was ok afterwards, but I do love me some slapstick, I admit it.

Heh. Ryan. I do prefer hair on a guy and generally think of waxing as a crime, but even I would draw the line at Yeti-levels of fur ;-)

David & Josh -- you two are adorable. :-)

Justin said...

Oh, and Josh, TWO QUESTIONS:

1) You never answered my question about why you got rid of your animated gif in the top right corner of your blog! I loved that pic. Why did you remove it? :-(

2) Did you think you were going to be able to write this post without your readers demanding that you post a copy of your stutterfest? And if you can't get a copy of the original video, then demand that you re-enact the anchor video? I vote for Enrico to be your co-anchor!!! :-)

Ray Avito said...

Angry, spittle-flecked cussing is always tops in my book! Oh, Sue...

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahha! I laughed at the last one too! Unlike Polt, I didn't even gasp first; I wish I did because I feel bad and hope she made it through ok. Then I played it 3 more times and laughed harder and harder.

Thanks, this was a nice little break from studying!

-Cindy

Mel said...

Tam: I love that one, too. And it's even better because you just know it's gonna happen and then *BAM*!!

hoteltuesday said...

LOL. I've seen all of these except for the first one, which is SO funny!! What the ef??? She was probz so embarrassed. And I love how she says "But he's gay! Ugh.. sorry, he was gay... He was BLIND!" Why she repeat it and sound dumber?!

Michelle M. said...

Oh my, I'm a douchebag.

I can't fault Chuck for vomming. He's just trying to keep his girlish figure.

Justin said...

The comment sections in this blog is a lot less fun when Josh doesn't respond :P

Dave2 said...

Ah yes... I finally have a chance to catch up on my blog reading, and here we are at THE MONDAY MUSE!!

Or more like MONDAY MUSESES!!

I wonder if the gay blind mountain climber knows that he was just outed on television. It would have been nice if he could have talked to his family first. :-/

And I must say that not ONLY am I a douchebag for laughing... but that I also scream "WHAT THE FUCK?!?" any time I'm trapped on a cruise ship with vomiting people. I would hope I'm not unique in that respect...

Justin said...

I just realized what hell is going to be like if that's where I'm going. I'm going to be "trapped on a cruise ship with vomiting people"...