Monday, March 8, 2010

My Monday Muse

Movie Concessionz

So errrbody, didchu survive the Academy Awards last night? Did your favorites win? I hope so (if they are the same ones that I wanted to be victorious)! Going to the movies is one of mah favo things to do, especially since I am no longer in high school and seem to have less time to get my rump on over to the local cinema. And whenever I head to the multi-dulex-mondo-megaplex, I frrrealz shell out the ridiculous prices for the movie crap-food @ the concession stand. Poppingcorn? Check! Nachoz [feat. faux-cheez hell sauce]? Check! Neon-colored Icee drink that leaves mah teefz aching and mah head frozen? CHECK! Sno-Capz? BARF!

But none of these tastee delights appeal to me as much as the animated delicacies that make up this week's Monday Muse...give dem a taste, won't you?

This week's Muse isn't just entertaining, it's effing educational. For supa serial, how many times have you been @ the theater and had other jerkerz ruin your experience wiff all their nonsense? I know it's happen to me exactly 43 times!

How can I fully enjoy the thespian accuracy of Lindsay Lohan & cast in I Know Who Killed Me if dumboz take their shoez off and put me in a coma wiff their thick foot stench? How can I appreciate the sizzling on-screen chemistry of Hilary Duff & some d00d that no one carez about in A Cinderella Story when rude whorez are crack-a-lacking their food wrappers like this is an effing Noise Factory? How can I keep mahself engrossed in the horrific action scenes of House Of Wax when some cholo pullz his wiener out when it isn't absolutely necessary?! And c'mon, I paid $10 so I could thoroughly enjoy the plot twists of New York Minute [feat. the Olsen Alienz], not so I could listen to your ugly baby scream for its life. Babiez don't watch that!

Damn peepz, tanxz2gawd that we have the music stylingz of Mastodon and the geniuz animators behind Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the geniuz film Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters so we can be well-informed of movietime etiquette. I hope in the future you will only have a groovy time when it's movie time!


Tam said...

Oh wow, that was the best thing ever. My only question is what was the guy with the piercings? A muffin?

We went to the movies Sunday, everyone was pretty well behaved although the smell of that popcorn drifting up from the couple in front of me temped me to lean over and grab a handful. We NEVER buy snacks. After paying $27 for two tickets (freaking 3-D expense) I'm not giving them anymore of my moolah.

Adam said...

When I saw The Crazies on Saturday, some fat dude that was back a few rows kept yawning really loud during the movie. It took everything I had not to whip out my AK47 and blast his head off!

Ryan said...

Tam: Nachos.

Adam: Would pulling out your "AK47" be absolutely necessary?

josherz: This is awesome. It took me a few seconds to remember where it was from.

Tam said...

Ryan: I thought nachos was the drummer? The singer with the snake bite piercing.

Justin said...

Yep, Tam, I think you're right -- I don't think nachos are green. :-)




This may be my favorite Monday Muse for forEVERZ.

I love the "run it over in the street" baby comment. Heh. :D

Sadly, this sort of thing doesn't just happen in movies. It happens in (classical music) concerts and ballets and plays and operas too. And those tickets are EXPENSIVE! I don't understand how people can spend that kind of money and just blab away.

Ryan said...

Tam: Oh! That's a gumdrop. As in "Goodie, goodie gumdrops!"

the naughty butternut said...

Take the seed outside.

Sweetie, you have just provided Naughty with the best line ever for the cineplex. Naughty wants to dress up like an usher, bring her flashlight to the theater, and eject people who bring their under 6-year-old seeds to anything not G-rated. I ask you, who brings an infant to Sherlock Holmes? Who does that? Thoughtless seed spawners. That's who.

Word verification = shiet. Oh Please. The guy who used to be trapped in the Chinese cookie factory was carjacked over to the word verification farm. I do not believe these are randomly generated.

Justin said...

Ryan -- you *do* know your confections, don't you? ;-)

Butternaught -- it's so true. I once had the pleasure of attending a film with a young couple and their baby. The baby started *SCREAMING* during the previews -- they were, of course, very loud, very bright, and probably caused the poor baby permanent brain-damage (I know they did that to me!). ;-)

Tam said...

Ahhh. Of course, only a gum drop could pull off an eyebrow piercing. Thanks Ryan.

Butternet has a most amazing word veri.

Ryan said...

Justin: I love gumdrops. It doesn't hurt that they are often the cheapest candy around.

Ryan said...

Tam: I used to have a pierced eyebrow until an incident with a hoodie.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

Mastodon is a very talented band, which makes this situationa win-win for me. i have all their albums...saw them live at a Phili prog metal fest like 6 years ago and was sold.

That paired with food, and I'm in love.

David said...

I always enjoy the moment when the boring food creatures start to look really nervous and uncomfortable.

Jusitn said...

Ryan: *OOOUUUCCCHHHH* !!!!!! o-O

Melody: you appear to have forgotten to destroy any dreams in this comment.

David: yes, the moment when they start to back away slowly is priceless :-)

the naughty butternut said...

Tam - Naughty did draw the shiet end of the stick on word veri today! [I know. Bad. Really bad. ;*)]

Justin - I take earplugs to the movie for the previews, which are invariably deafening compared to the movie sound, which is usually practically inaudible. I esp. lovez it when people around me are coughing plague all over the place. Naughty's OCD germ anguish kicks in, and it's hard not to spray them with her pocketbook lysol.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

Justin: I left the dream destroying to Mastodon. The suffice this time. The whole bit about Satan raining fire down your throat gets it across quite well haha :D

I do appreciate your desire to make sure I stay on top of things though!

Tam said...

Ryan: Any parent with a pierced ear (usually women since they tend to wear danglies) and a small child has had the ear ring ripping experience. Not fun. Luckily the ear ring usually just pulls out with minimal damage.

My Mom loves gum drops but only orange ones. Go figure. And I never eat black ones. Gumdrops. You know.

Justin said...

Melody my dear sweet dream-destroyer. Please do keep in mind that these blogs are frequented by Puntabupervs. Making comments about "staying on top of things" is full of innuendo. Juuuuuuuust sayin'.

Tam: "minimal" damage? Just how much ear-lobe-ripping qualifies as "minimal"? I'd say **NONE**!!!! Same (if not more so) goes for eyebrow-ripping.

Ryan: in my horror in the previous comment, I forgot to ask if you have pix of your pierced self (eyebrows only! eyebrows only! For *ONCE* I'm being Puntabuchaste!).

Butternaught: yes, I was just at a city hall community meeting and the guy next to me was doing deep chest coughing right next to me. SOooo thoughtful of him. I definitely could have used some of your lysol :P

Michelle M. said...

That was fantastic. I don't go to movies on the weekends anymore because of all the PEOPLE. I can't handle the cell phones/talking/crinkling/straw squeaking/chair kicking. I once put gum in the hair of a girl in front of me who wouldn't shut up. And I feel no remorse.

Ryan said...

Justin: I lost it Fall 2004. I didn't get my digital camera until Christmas that year, and Facebook didn't come to my university until the next spring, so I don't have any digital photos from that period. I may have some oldskool photographs, though.

Anonymous said...

This should be played before every movie in every single theater all over the world. In multiple languages.

I really liked the guitar playing pretzel!


dcm said...

"You can't beat my meat for a special treat." You can't deny the incredible poetry that is that line.

hoteltuesday said...

"Do not nudge, kick, or jiggle the seat in front of you."