Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Moviez teach me thingz!

Over the weekend I had the luxury of a) not werking and b) not having anything planned to do, so I was able to sloth about mah casa and catch up with Netflix [aka best friend]. We kabitzed about the weather and how beautiful it's been. Then we talked about American Idol and how great Crystal Bowser's Sox is and how uncomferz we get when forced to watch the mentally handicapped tree stump that is Siobhan Mania. Then we cuddled. Three horaz later, Shawn walked in on me spooning my laptop, so I thought it would be best to use Netflix for its main usage taking advantange of free postage! watching peliculaz! And I watched three movies that each taught me some great real life, day by day lessonz! Lemme share [read as: judgmentally lecture you].

Synopsis - This flick was a documentary about how douchebag Wal-Mart is apparently the gateway to Evil Centrall. I never really shopped at Hell-Mart because mis padres always yadda yadda-ed about how corrupt and disrespectful of a dump it is. And since I was young an impressionable, I did what they said and never really went there. PLUS, the Wal-Mart near my hometown was always messy and the CD section never had albums that I wanted to buy [i.e. SoulDecision, Samantha Mumba & Willa Ford]. Anyhoooooo, this movie pointed out the numerous reasons why Hell-Mart is dragging the world to hell (not in the good way) and how you're a prick if you support it.

What I learned - Wal-Mart hatez women, Asians, health care, the environment, communities, sad old men that own hardware stores, schools, children, rainbowz, kittenkatz, walks on the beach, candy corn and sparkle-time happiness.

I Like Killing Flies

Another documentary, this Indie flick fantastico focused on a small restaurant in Nueva Nueva called Shopsin's that's owned by the (durhz) Shopsin family. The patriarch of the family, Kenny Shopsin, is the head chef and most definitely crazzzy. The movie basically follows him around on his daily happeningz in the restaurant where he cooks bizarre-ass shit that confuses and delights a steady stream of loyal patrons. He also verbally assault [feat. kicks to the curb!] any bitch that comes in with a party of five or more and/or anyone that uses a cellphone in the building.

What I learned - Kenny Shopsin is my effing hero and I wish I was him. Everyone is a piece of shit, but those that acknowledge that they are a piece of shit and occasionally do sumfing nice are in fact better people than those that don't acknowledge they are a piece shit and think they are genuinely of a great caliber. Understand? No?! IYou iz a dumbalo!

(500) Days of Summer

Synopsis - This is every college st00dent/self-proclaimed intellectual's favo movie of the year. It starz that used-to-be-ugo-now-is-HOT actor from 3rd Rock From the Sun and Katy Perry Zooey Deschanel. It's about how love suxxx and how it kicks so hard/breaks your bones/cuts so deep/hits your soul/tears your skin/makes your blood flow. It was arty and cute and depressing and opened wiff a Regina Spektor song, so of course I dug it hardxxxcore.

What I learned - Nothing. Considering I have been in nearly the same kind of relationSHIT as the peepz in this movie and had someone put my tender heart in a blender and watch it spin around into a beautiful oblivion, I didn't learn anything but sure was erupting with burning sympathy.


Delisa said...

I shop at Wal-Mart because I iz poor but I guess I really should stop supporting them.

500 Days of Summer is a favo of mine and I'm not ashamed to say it. I guess what I took from it was the ability to move on because love exists but the person you think is the one may not actually be the one. Of course if I ever get a boyfriend (let alone go on a date) I probably won't remember any of this!

Thank you for my new vocabulary word though: "relationshit"

Mel said...

I haven't seen any of those - guess I should put them on my queue. The onliest time I pretty much ever go to Mal Wart is when I'm back in my hometown in SC, 'cause they've driven pretty much everything else out of bidness there.

Tam said...

I haven't been to Walmart in at least 6 months. I'm not thrilled with their policies but don't hate them to boycott them completely, mostly it's because they are quite a distance from me. Plus you go there or shampoo and come out $100 poorer because everything is so cheap you feel compelled to buy it anyway.

We have Zellers, which is closer and like K-Mart but Canadian. I don't love sopping there but when you need socks, mascara, bread and a birthday card, it's nice to get it all in one place.

Haven't seen or heard of the others. I watched that Lindsay Lohan move Pure Luck I think it's called with my daughter. Well, I read and glanced at it periodically. What did I learn? Lindsay Lohan still sucks as an actor and Chris Pine is still a hottie even if his nose is a bit too upturned.

Lora said...

I call her Slowhan

Because, she's a little bit mentally incapacitated for shizzle.

I can't stand watching her.

But I can't look away.

But last night I did.

But I still heard her screeching from three rooms away.

Justin said...

The kid from 3rd from from the sun isn't uggo any more?

Tam? "nose .. a bit too upturned"? Are you always ... quite this picky about men's looks? :-)

What *I* say about Chris Pine, on the other hand, is: "he's still a hottie even though he's smooth". It's always a bit of a disappointment, but I try not to let it bother me ;-)

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

That Walmart - dare I say 'film' erked me to something aweful. Damned happy face profit mongers.

I'll have to watch that 'flies' movie. I like ANYONE who bitches at people who gab on cellphones in restaurants.

'500 Days' wasn't what I expected. And what a shit she was for what she did. Been there done that. Never again.

Tam said...

Justin: Yes. I have tons of photographic evidence to prove I can afford to be picky in who I ogle. I didn't say I'd turn him down if he shows up at my door, but from a distance I can be a critical bitch.

the naughty butternut said...


Naughty loves the Netflix/Roku because she's addicted to dialing up weird ass documentary, among other things. Naughty recommends: Maxed Out—"With sobering facts and black humor, this thought-provoking documentary unveils the consequences of our collective addiction to debt..." And then there's The Atheism Tapes hosted by Jonathan Miller, which I have found verrah interesting. And then I really liked Small Town Gay Bar, which was sad but, I think, was a pretty well made doc. The next movie in my DVD cue is 500 Days of Summer. Yea! I've got these 3: Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, King Corn, and I.O.U.S.A cued up in my watch instantly pile, which is now 205 movies deep . . . What would we do without the interwebz? Glad you had such a lovely day on your sofa wif your laptop. It's good to reconnect with our loved ones, yes?

Justin said...

"reconnect with your loved ones" -- *chuckle*

I-I-I-I tend to stay away from these documentaries. They get me too angry and depressed. I already know how horrible Walmart is and how horribly America is in debt and about Corn and anything I don't know about them yet is probably worse than what I already know. It's not that I'm unplugged from politics but after 8 years of Bush, 12 years of a Republican Congress, and 30 years of insanity since Reagan -- who at the time was perceived as an extremist right-wing nutjob like Palin is seen as today -- got elected (in part thanks to a lot of college students -- including a lot of my friends -- who voted for Anderson), I just like to enjoy knowing that at least for NOW, we have somebody non-insane in the White House and running Congress, and I just like not being depressed about politics at least for a BIT. At least until Palin becomes president. :P *shrieeek*

Tam - wow, you must be quite the hotty!!!!

the naughty butternut said...


Roku doc is part of Naughty's 12-step program. She admitted she was helpless in the face of CNN, and she turned the cable OFF. Naughty now only has network T&V so she can watch the Glee. And occasionally Bones b/c that David Boreanaz guy is hot (N. encourages you to google his name). But Naughty has not yet been able to step down from Roku doc or the Sunday NYT. She has to get her fix of righteous indignation from somewhere.

Polt said...

What I learned is that Josherz likes Documentaries! I had you pegged as a chick-flick, sad, sentimental, sappy, hearts-break-but-everything-comes-out-alright-in-the-end kinda movie person.

Live and learn, I suppose. :)


Justin said...

Haha Butternaughter I'm with you on keeping CNN off. I do use other sources for news: political blogs (fivethirtyeight, eschatonblog, andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com, the New York Times online, the BBC online, the Guardian online. For TV news I only watch John Stewart and Colbert. For paper newspapers I get the Sunday NYT and the Boston Globe.

Yeah, I'm quite familiar with David B. He's kinda cute :-) That guy with the beard was *rather* cute too. Don't even know if he's still on the show.

Polt -- IKR?!?! But then we've been discovering *all sorts* of things about Josherz lately, like the fact that he can post pix of shirtless hotties and not call them "ugh. desperate" ;-)

Sadly, *big heavy sigh* Josh's new jerb seems to be keeping him from responding to our loving comments. *sniff* :'(

that's J-O-S-H said...

Delisa: Tanx for pimping out mah vocabufuckupz on your Tumblr!

Mel: Exactly! Reason #5,496 Wal-Mart is MEAN CENTRAL.

Tam: K-mart, Target and I'm assuming Zellers are better than Wal-Mart just for the fact that they treat their employees like actual personaz and not dirrty little plastic chess piecez.

Lora: You'd be angerz to know that I have her first CD. I'm serial. I LOVE [read as: am confused by the horrifyingly awful] "Symptoms of You"!

Justerz: He cut his hair and stayed thin [aka got sexxxercopterz].

MadTexxxter: I know! What an effing skankathon [feat. mah ex?]!

Butternut: See...I can't watch documentaries about gay shiz...hits too close to home and I start to feel like an alien in my own skinz!

Polt: WHAT?! I HATE happy endingz! All of my favo movies end wiff sadness: "American Beauty," "Brokeback Mountain" and "Drag Me to Hell"...death and pain!

Michelle M. said...

I liked the Hall and Oates number in 500 Days of Summer (starring Zooey Deschanel as Zooey Deschanel).

And without Walmart where would the beautiful, sexy People of Walmart go?

Justin said...

Michelle M -- jeez, thanks. Now you've given me yet another website I can laugh at and get fired for looking at instead of working...

*goes back to laughing out loud at peopleofwalmart.com*

Anonymous said...

Nice choice on the Walmart documentary! I haven't seen it though but did see Moore's Capitalism: a Love Story, in which some time is devoted to how the corporation is a true monster. They took practice in "Dead Peasant" laws (sweet name right?); a secret life insurance policy that targeted their young, female workers in which Walmart received a nice chunk of money whenever they died. Basically, their female employees were worth more alive than dead. Disgraceful. I will not shop at Walmart if it was theeee last store on earth. If that ever happens, I will refuse to live in modern society and live off the land in some remote cabin somewhere. Seriously though, I feel sorry for the population of people that have no choice to shop at Walmart becuase they bought everyone else out; they not only take advantage of their employees, but also their customers.

I haven't heard of I Like Killing Flies but have heard of 500 Days...I love watching reruns of 3rd Rock, and I'm sure Zooey's great in it. But it's a sad one huh? Not sure if I'm up for any sad romance right now.

Peace out,

hoteltuesday said...

Wal-mart may be corrupt... but it's also cheap city! I would so shop there more if it weren't far away. lol.

I wanna see (500) Days of Summer so bad!!! I love Regina Spektor (and James Morrison) so I bet I'll like it. We're li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-living in a den of theives!

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

Boo to Walmart-no thankz. They represent everything that could and does go wrong with a capatlist society.

I saw that docu about two years ago and have followed it up wuth such gems as Food, Inc and The Beautiful Truth. Just kill me now haha.

Anyway-I haven't seen the other two seeing as I am now addicted to live streaming netflix via my PS3 and am now finally watching the Lost series. Much betetr without commercials and having to wait a week in between painful cliffhangers.

Anonymous said...

Mel; dream destroyer: Yeah, kind of like the huuuge cliff hanger after the first season of heroes! I'm (and Mom) adicted to that show now and have literally been watching nothing else. Once I'm able, I WILL be buying season 2, then we can share! :-) Of course Syler isn't dead, I thought that whole sword bit was a little too easy! Well, at least we get to stare at him some more, even if he is psychotic with super powers.


ha! word verification: gator

Jim said...

(500) Days of Summer was a tedious and lifeless movie. There was zero chemistry between the leads and I could never see what either of them saw in the other. It was a waste of a slot on my Netflix queue.