Saturday, March 27, 2010

I'm safe up high?

I dunno about all you cholitoz, but when I'm bored as shit, I like to donkeypunch Wikipedia with an unending pummel shower of bizarre & macabre searches. Weird diseases? CHECK. Famous serial killers? CHECK. Historic natural disasters? CHECK. Babies born wiffout faces? DOUBLE TRIPLE CHECK.

But none of that awesome shit catches mah attention more than researching things that actually terrify me. I know I've rambled on about how mushroomz ruin mah vida, but last weekend I found myself silently crying petrified crocodile tearzzz while I looked into the hellish abyss of my second worst fear. HEIGHTS.

I'm of course scurrrrrred of plummeting to my death via my ass falling of a building, but my nervousness is not just confined to that logical reason. Just looking up @ tall things gives me the runz and if I'm actually on something high up, well...I'd rather have Adam Glamberpuss murder my existence and beef on my tombstone.

So to cope with this psychological horror zone in my brainz, I thought it would be therapeutic [read as: an easy blog post] to share wiff all you gloriously beautiful readerz what I discovered.

The Sears Willis Tower

In the grand spectrum of tall buildings, the Willis Tower is the tallest building in the United States. It's in Chicago [feat. Jennifer Hudson] and was built by a sadomasochistic butt pirate. And why do I say such a thing? Well, cuz only a douche that enjoyz torturing my heart would dare create a building that had 99th floor clear glass observation death chambers that those wiff more courage (and less of a brain) than myself can jump about on while staring down at the tiny world below. Yeah...fuckdatshit.


Next on my tour of places waaaaay too close to the sun for my liking is Stratospohe in Las Vegas. So as Katy Perry informed us, Vegas is the place you go to if you wanna lose all your $$$/boyfriendz, but those aren't the only things that can carelessly slip from your slippery, pudge fingers! You can also misplace your life into the hands of the devil after you slide/launch/bounce your nalgaz off of dis pointlessly terrifying structure.

Not only is it too high for my liking [aka prox more than 30 feet off the ground], but there are amusement rides up on the top as well. And by "amusement" I mean, "THIS IS BULLSHIT." The first ride is called The Big Shot and is one of those elevator lift-off rides that always have harnesses that aren't tight enough and always make you want to vom on the peepz below you.

The 2nd ride on this retarded tower is called Insanity. Since being a million miles in the air isn't stomach-disintegrating enough, this ride spins you around and forces you to look straight down at the world below. If someone held me @ gunpoint and said I had to get on this merry-go-kill-yourself, I would seriously considering opting for a bullet in the noggin.

Sure, why not take a ride on a rickety piece of track that violently hurls us over the edge of the tallest freestanding observation tower in the country? Soundz exciting, right? WRONG. It's called X-Scream, cuz it is exxxxxciting [aka st00pid]. If the whiplash doesn't kill you, then the heart attack you get from even looking @ this monster zone of an amusement ride [read as: death trap] will.

Burj Dubai

And then there's this. The tallest effing thing in the entire world. The Burj Dubai is prox infinity miles high and is some twisted hybrid of a hotel, office building, restaurant, swimming pool, torture chamber and PEZ factory. Shit looks fake, like that palace in The Neverending Story. And for good reason, cuz this kinda crap should remain in fiction so I don't break out in sweat and acne rashes when I watch videos like this...phew, I'm spent.

So what about you? Are you a-scared of heights, or are you brave [read as: suicidal] enough to crave the high-altitude crazzzy town excitement that these cursed places have to offer?


Tam said...

Okay, those rides are freaking insane, uh uh, never. Why would I want to experience the sensation of plummeting off a roof? That's fun? Those people need a psychiatrist.

I am afraid of heights to some degree. I practically started hyperventilating along with Dubai tower guy. However as long as I'm inside I'm okay. I have walked across the glass floor of the CN Tower in Toronto. (Those aren't my feet, just a random pic.) It was a bit freaky but the glass really is thick and it wasn't too bad, but I wasn't going to jump up and down on it "just in case".

My other big fear is snakes. When my kidlet was born I made a commitment to not pass on the fear so I learned to fake it, perhaps to my detriment as she has no fear at all and always wanted me to touch the damn things. Yes, they'd make a lovely handbag, they feel really nice. I used to not even be able to look at them in a book, now I don't freak if I see one in nature (although I have been known to stand on a picnic table while she chases them away from the campsite) and I would never hold one and I don't plan on touching any for oh, the next 60 or 70 years now, but I can be in the same room with one (preferably large because small ones move too damn fast) without totally hyperventilating, but my heart rate about doubles when it's happening. Bad shit. I try not to tell people (I'm trusting ya here Josh) because most people think it's really funny to scare the shit out of you with a garter snake. Umm. It's not. Thanks anyway, hope you had a good laugh.

john said...

I'm not afraid of heights at all. I'm not sure I'm dumb enough to go on any of those rides though. I may not be afraid of heights, but I am afraid of wear and tear on machine parts and human error.

My only irrational fear is deep water. I don't go in the ocean and I can even freak myself out in a large enough pool. I'm not good with things that feel infinite in comparison to me.

Tam said...

What about space John. Could you go into outer space? No cruises for you?

Polt said...

Josherz, here is something we TOTALLY agree on. heights freak me the hell out. yes, Tam, the glass floor in the tower would be horrifying, but I'll never know cause there's not enough cute Asian hairthing IN Toronto to get me to go up in that tower!

I could only watch the first video, and even then, my feet got all tingly and I started sweating. I'll just have to pass on the other vids, sorry.

And Josherz, my pudge fingers are not, at this moment, a bit slippery.


Jere Keys said...

I've been on the Big Shot twice, but not the other rides on the Stratosphere. Although I haven't done the glass floor at Sears, I have been on a 50th floor glass terrace.

One of my apartments in Vegas was about 1/2 mile from the Stratosphere and sometimes at night if the traffic on the street died down, you could hear the people on the rides screaming because there was nothing but open air between my front yard and the top of the tower.

Word verification: comers !?!

Milo said...

LOL at the Neverending Story comparison. I also, as you know, hate heights.

I remember watching Man on Wire last year (about the French guy who tight-rope walked between the twin towers). Although fascinating, it made me feel soooo horribly queasy and faint.

I actually want to start rock climbing. Natural heights don't freak me out as badly as man made heights. Been talking about doing it for a while now.

john said...

Tam: No, nooooo cruises for me! I'm not sure about space. It's way too big for my taste, but the allure of it might win me over.

Adam said...

Heights never bother me, but I'm not stupid enough to go on those rides! Holy crap! I don't even like going on rides when they're close to the ground. Roller coasters usually freak me the hell out, and I'll only go on them if they don't go upside down.

Michelle M. said...

Blogography did a post about heights:

I, on the other hand, have never been and have no desire to go on any of these.

Justin said...

Yeah I'm pretty afraid of heights, but I think that's a very NATURAL fear. I'm not sure I'd call it a phobia per se.

Looking up at a building like the Sears Tower from right underneath is kind of disturbing, too.

I've been to the top of the Sears Tower, the Empire State Building, The World Trade Center (both towers), and the St. Louis Arch. Never been to the top of the Statue of Liberty. It's a little scary when you're right up against the glass and so high up. I've never done the glass floor thing.

As for the rides, um, NO FUCKING WAY. But then, I'm not one for roller coasters or anything like that. I just don't particularly see the attraction in simulating a near-death experience! Those rides on the Stratosphere look INfuckingSANE!!!

As far as phobias go, my biggest one is probably spiders and other multi-legged creatures. Insects for the most part I'm ok with, especially flying ones. Centipedes, millipedes, silverfish, spiders, scorpions, they all freak me out big-time. I've *never* been afraid of snakes.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Tam: are braver than me at least in regards to heights. I wouldn't be able to look down through that glass, mainly cuz it would be covered in mah soiled linens. However, snakes don't bug me out too much. I actually saved a garden snake from my cats last weekend. I also appreciate snakes cuz they tried to off Jennifer Slopez that one time...

John: Hmm..the ocean scares me a touch, but more for the impending terror it could cause via monster tsunami on Nueva Nueva. I have this terrible premonition that I will perish "Deep Impact" not sexxxerskatez.

Polt: What I lurrrve [aka am annoyed about] is how those dumbo little kids were able to dance about in the box and laugh and have fun, while looking down without the slightest bit of vertigo or vomming. I guess you & I are just wittle babiez then!

Jere: You've been on the Big Shot and lived to comment-blog about it?! Jellerz of your courage!

Milo: It was actually a post you did awhile ago about heights that sparked dis just took me forever and a half to get around to writing it! I watched "Man On a Wire" via Netflix and was too freaked out to finish it. I rated it 1 star and sent it back before getting an hour into it.

Adam: Funny thing is...I was pretty good with roller coasters. I lurrrved going to Six Flags and riding Nitro and Medusa ova and ova...but I think as I've gotten older and my life has gotten (hopefully) more valuable to mahself, I seem to want to limit the death-defying situationz I hurl mah tush into.

Michelle: I guess great [read as: wussy] mindz tink alike!

Justerz: The Statue of Liberty is the one structure I can go on that doesn't bug me out. Though, I've only gone to the pedestal. The crown was too much of a walk for my 8-year-old legs when I went, and the torch is effing closed cuz some douchebags probz tried to kill their existences by leaping from it.

Mel said...

I think my fear of heights has something to do with my mom taking me on the Dumbo ride at Disney World when I was two (thanks, Mom). I've been up in the Sears tower before they had that glass-floored shizz-that-I-would-never-set-foot-on (speaking of which, what about that Grand Canyon thing?). I did not pull a Ferris Bueller and lean out onto the glass. Wouldn't have done it even if the observation deck hadn't been in the middle of a cloud that day.

I've also stayed at the Stratosphere and gone up to the observation deck, but no way in hell could I even go close to the railings. And I most definitely did not watch those screaming idiots all lining up to plummet to their pointless deaths.

Mel said...

Tam: If you do manage a visit this summer, just remind me and I'll make sure the snakes in the yard are all out of the way before you walk through. You're safe inside the house, because Cougar watches for them and kills them if they manage to get in.

David said...

I can deal with heights in controlled circumstances, like gripping tightly to a railing while looking out from a high balcony, but I agree with the distrust of machinery wear and tear and human error.

They are planning to build a glass observation deck over the grand canyon. Thankfully I've already been there so I won't have to decide whether or not to brave that platform of terror.

the naughty butternut said...


I went through a period where when I flew, I wasn't able to move in my seat for fear I would throw the plane off balance. When I was a wee squash, I was terrified of elevators. But I think this is more claustrophobia than highplaceaphobia.

And I loved that movie Man on Wire. I have Colum McCann's Let the Great World Spin in my reading que should I ever finish writing my thesis. It won a Nat'l Book Award and the event around which everything circles, apparently, is Philippe Petit's walk between the towers.

I watched that walmart movie, btw. **Shudder** It's worse than I thought.

Anonymous said...

Those rides are insane. While I probably wouldn't be too freaked out by going on an observation deck an any of those towers, I would neeever go on any of the rides. I agree that I'm more afraid of human error, and I wouldn't be able to shake the "what if" thought that this machine can malfunction at any moment! The ride that looks like your going to go off the building?! What the hell is that?! That is just toying with death to me!

However, I have enjoyed my share of coaster and height rides at amusement parks, but they weren't miles up in the air!


anne marie in philly said...

nope - no airplanes, tall buildings, water, ladders for me...I have problems with heights, water, and flying.

can do without any of them.

Ryan said...

I'm not a big fan of heights, but I can deal with them. I could probably do okay on the Big Shot or Insanity. However, the X-Scream just looks stupid. Who wants to slowly roll toward a cliff?

Dave2 said...

I'm terrified of heights, but everywhere I travel all the really cool tourist attractions are miles up in the air so I force myself to go.

As others have mentioned, there is one place I would never go... that glass catwalk out into the Grand Canyon. I would crap myself twice and then start crying like a baby if I ever attempted it.

Chris D. said...

I never knew the Willis Tower had a glass floor viewing platform (or that its name was changed). Just looking at that photo scares me.

I am afraid of heights. However I have fought my fear a few times. I walked to the top of the statue of liberty. I was very nervous, but I made it up and down.

I also climbed up to the roof of an cathedral when my family visited my English relations. I love old stone buildings, so it was worth it.

I also climbed up a mountain (multiple times!). I want camping with friends on an island in the Adirondacks as part of the trip we climbed up mount Ampersand. There were some very steep parts where people could easily fall to their deaths if they slipped. I think my mind kicked into survival mode and I just pushed myself through my fear.

I don't like roller coasters, but a friend convinced me to go on one once. That was my first and last experience.

I want on a skyline ride at Hershey Park with a girl I had a huge crush on. My heart conquered my fear. :)

I fear flying, buy I have flown, and may fly again if the need arises. The last time I had to fly I used Xanax to sedate myself. It worked well for me, considering I was also freaking out because my friend missed his connection and I was flying to Italy alone!

John: I am afraid of really big sharks in deep water. I have had a recurring nightmare about that. I see a huge great white shark racing toward me in the shadows and I swim as fast as I can to get away from it. I usually get away, but for some reason I keep going back in the water and the that damn shark won't stop chasing me. That is just bad manors. ;)

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

Oh, hell to tha jizzno! Uh-uh. No way, nada, zip, zilch...I would never go on those crazy pee-yer-pants rides. Faghettabouttit! The last crazy ride I was on was at Disney World. It was in the Bates Motel or some sort of contraption like that. You went up in an elevator about 10 stories up, then the doors opened to the outside, then the elevator dropped. I was not a pretty sight.