Thursday, March 11, 2010

Got some Spring in your step?

Hey folkz, I know I've fallen behind a bit on the bloggy train. Stop hating me! Because of Mr. Pasteeeeeeeeeeeeelnick's obnoxious, wussy devil catz sweet angelic feline babiez fucking wiff the wires under his computer, the Internet has been out-of-commission for a few days. Since I am in the city five days a week now (YAY!), I've been crashing @ his place to avoid a lengthy y hellish commute everyday. No Internet + Staying @ David's = No Bloggy Time. I know, sad. And really, I must commend anyone still alive from the Josh Is Trashy drought of 2010. It had to be really difficult. Did you eat the dead? How'd they taste? Well I'm back so let's get this crapfestival going...

As this creative and noble [read as: pitiful and lackluster] snowgentleman can show you, the snow from the zillion storms we had the past few months is nearly gone. And what does dat mean?! THAT SPRING IS ABOUT TO CREAM OUT OF THE HEAVENZ AND MAKE OUR LIVES BETTER! Yes, I am more than a little bit aroused @ the fact that Winter will be euthanized shortly. And why is that?! Well, let's point out mah ten reasonz why Spring rulez.

1. I can go running outside wiffout mah naughty bitz turning into diet icicles.

2. My car can be safely driven on the roads wiffout cascading over slippery pavement and pummeling peepz in the face with its tires.

3. Yearz ago when I was still in school, it was a sign of vacation! (however now it's just a reminder that three-month-long breaks are figments of mah imagination...)

4. I can have a huge celebratory kegger when Crystal Bowser'sSox winz American Idol.

5. I can comfortably sit outside in public places and (pretend to) read thick novelz [ie: Les Misérables, Ulysses and any of that boring crap by Jane Austen] so peepz are intimidated by an intelligence I don't quite actually have.

6. Smoothiez go back in style. Strawberry, banana & vanilla yogurt smoothiez own your azz!

7. It's the furthest possible season from February which always is the dumping ground of mah entire año.

8. There are fewer cockeyed holidayz to make me feel obligated to be nice to people.

9. Muthafuzzing Rita's openz up [feat. Alex's Derrrrrriciouz Cancer Lemalade]!

10. Even when it's raining bats and frogs outside, a storm in the Spring is still 10x more pleasant than the most beautiful sunny day in Winter.

So are yoooooouuuu looking forward to Spring [aka duh you are]? What do you love most about it?! How happy are you that Winter is being violently aborted [feat. coat hanger] out of our livez?!


SundayBRUNCH ke$haaaa?! said...

spring means not running from any building/shelter to my car, turning on the car, turnung the heat up/seat warmer on in record time. Spring means im more active( i actually hibernate in the winter=/) spring means that my un-normal pale skin tone will start to look average by the end of summer.
Spring also means people feel the need to dress like it 100 degrees out when its only really 60 and run around in shorts, tank tops, and flip flops....people its spring, not summer...DUH

Tam said...

J'aime beaucoup le printemps. See, it sends me into raptures in Francais. (I'm too lazy to find a c with a little hook on it.)

I love not having to manually lift/close my garage door twice a day because I can park outside.

I love not having my earrings feel like they are burning through my ear because of frozen metal (where freezing feels like burning - what's up with that?)

I love not having to wear boots any more, sneakers are my friends.

I love not finding my lane disappears into a snow bank during the commute forcing me to sit and wait my turn to get into the one lone lane.

I love watching the needle brigade pick up used needles in the park across the street from where I park my car. (Okay, maybe not that one so much.)

I love tulips.

Chris D. said...

I am sorry to hear that David's cats were trying to bring down the Internet. Welcome back. :)

Just last week, I recall suddenly feeling springy. I think it was a combination of the (relatively) warm weather, and the greater amount of day light. I am excited to see what I can make of my spring and summer.

Mel said...

Wait, you have naughty bits?

We've already got flowers blooming (feat. crocuses that shouldn't be up for another two weeks). I do like that I can soon start working on the garden, but it'll be another couple of months before I can wear sandals regularly, which is what I prefer to wear on my feetses all summer long if I can. Of course, if I get a job as a corporate whore, it may not be so possible, but you better believe I will whenever I'm home.

Laurie said...

You know how good bedsheets smell when they've been dried outside in the sun? ...well ok even I barely remember that's been a long time since I've had access to a clothesline. Anyway I think that smell is my most favorite smell on earth.

So I've actually had the window by my bed open for a couple of days in this so-nice weather we've been having and guess what my bedroom smells like????? Yep. Sunshine sheets.

(Mmmmmmmm .....I lurrv the warm & the sun)

Milo said...

Winter has gone on forever this year hasn't it? I flew back from Budapest yesterday and it was snowing most of the day. Weather in UK only marginally warmer and still not many signs I can see of spring. And solid slate grey skies which I hate which we always have here! Living in a cold climate is depressing.

john said...

OK, I'll say it: I hate spring. Winter is my favorite time of year as everything I am allergic to is either dead, in hibernation or is hiding from Josh and trying to take down the internet.

Spring is when everything comes back to life and makes me a snotty mess. Plus it eventually leads to summer and I have little to no tolerance for heat.

Sure, flowers are pretty and it is nice to not have to deal with icy roads and all, but I do love me some winter.

Tam said...

No wonder you and Michelle M. are such good friends John. Snotty messes seem attracted that girl. :-P

Milo: Sounds awful. Much as I bitch about winter, we do get pretty great summers in the sun department.

hoteltuesday said...

Awww. Stop picking on those Simpsons-inspired gatoz.

AND I'M SO GLAD IT'S ALMOST SPRING. I used to like winter the best, but now that I drive, I hate slamming into snowdrifts, slipping on ice, driving in the snow/rain with my bad windshield wipers/having to start my car 10 mins early to warm it up, etc. etc.

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

John-try a netti pot if you have not already.I used to get wicked sinus infections every spring, and now those are a thing of the past!

I Love spring, winter can kiss my ass, I hate it so much. It can be raining, I don't care, just as long as its not snow and sleet and slush!!!!

john said...

Melody: Thanks for the tip. I've been irrigating my sinuses with a bulb syringe and saline for years which works very well. That and three surgeries to fix a deviated septum and to open up my sinuses. You could drive a truck through there now.

Still love winter though.

Polt said...

The fall is my favorite season, spring to me is a harbinger of summer, and I hate heat and humidity. However, were I able to see you sitting outside Rita's with a fruit smoothie in one hand and reading Love & War whilst your naughty bitz pummeled peepz in the face on a holiday, well....I'm pretty sure I'd have to reevaulate my opinion of the season. :)


M. Nicodemus said...

NOOOOOOO!! I luv winter like a fat kid loves cake.. mmm, cake... Spring is ok, getting the bronze to Autumn's silver. Summer sucks rocks, I can't stand the heat unless I am swimming in a pool filled with slushy margarita goodness, and I don't own a pool so that is totally out.

john said...

M. Nico, are you my brother from another mother?

the naughty butternut said...


I am with everyone who thinks of Spring as foreshadowing of temperature tantrums to come. (Naughty has lots of those from April 1 through November 1.) In FL, winter is heaven. By the time we get to March, it's already starting with the muggy and the mosquitoes. Also, we have these abso-gorgeous live oak trees hung all over with Spanish moss, but they drop their leaves in the spring instead of fall. Their pollen is pretty much anthrax. Everything, including Olive, Naughty's green Beetle, looks like it's wearing oak leaf camo. It's a look Naughty appreciates on hot military menz but not her bug.

Word veri = gacente, Portugese for 'godz bless you' in response to sneezes.

Justin said...

I-I-I-I'm kinda with John, here (and yes, Melody, I am very good friends with the Netti pot). I *love* Winter. Autumn is my favourite season for sure, and I do love Spring, but I *really* adore Winter. And I have no tolerance for heat and humidity so summer is by far my least favourite season.

Granted, if I'm honest, I only really love the first half of Winter. The run-up to Christmas and NYE. The decorations, the lights. The worst time of the year for me is Jan 6 when you really have no excuse anymore to drag the Christmas Season out any longer and you have to take down the tree and the lights and all you have left is dirty, slushy snow and days that are too short. The dogs love winter, though. The whole thing, the colder the better, the more snow the better for them. And of course in the winter it's mostly only us nutty dog-owners who are out every day multiple times a day.

This winter in particular for some reason has felt too long. Last weekend and most of this past week were *very* warm and I was loving it. I loved that there was actually a point last weekend where I could be outside in just a t-shirt and jeans and no coat. I loved the sun and the warmer weather and the light. So I admit I'm looking forward to this spring.

Milo -- honestly. "Cold" climate? England has a pretty damn temperate climate. You guys had an unusually harsh and snowy winter for the UK this year, but British winters don't come close to North American ones for brutality and bitterness. Granted, you hardly ever get to see the sun -- it's a very cloudy and wet climate, like the Pacific Northwest of the United States. But I wouldn't call it "cold" per se.

John -- as I said earlier I sympathize with the allergies. Oddly enough, I spent most of my life without spring allergies. I've had fall allergies as long as I can remember (though my parents told me I had none in England before we moved here). But I didn't develop spring allergies until my mid-to-late 30s. I don't know if it was because that was around the time I bought my first house and perhaps moved to a neighborhood with different flora, or if it was just my metabolism changing. But if anything, my spring allergies are now worse than the fall ones. It's very annoying!!!

Oh, and Josh. "SPRING IS ABOUT TO CREAM OUT OF THE HEAVENZ" I don't know whether to go EWWW or LOLZ and ROFLCOPTERZ (or both)!!!! :D

Michelle M. said...

I left all that cold winter crap behind in Colorado. Now it's sunny skies for me (except for the occasional rain). Yay San Diego!

James Joyce = yuckers.

David said...

I love spring because it means summer is coming. Summer can't come soon enough. Love it.

Justin said...

Awww. Michelle. Why the hatin' on Ulysses?

Ryan said...

I broke out my shorts today, and took the beach route home. I think spring is officially here here.

Anonymous said...

Spring is by the beeeest!!!! Because it promises so many warm days in the sun!

1. I get to strap on my skates and kick some pavement ass at MCCC park! Skating has been my fav outside exercise since I was 4; I still can hear the metal wheels of my first skates!

2. Getting the garden ready, I have some new plans this year that I sketched out! The seeds have sprouted indoors already...the sunflowers are already 2 inches high.

3. Summer is on its way, when I can begin my new summer job working with children again, going to the beach, and what ev.

4. Leaving the house without a jacket!

5. Breaking out the toe nail polish to don with sandals and flip-flops

Anonymous said...

last comment by me!


Lora said...

you've fallen behind? Oh, I've fallen behind.

I read this post on time. But there was something in it that made me LOL to the nth degree but now I forgot what it was. And now it's Monday and not Thursday and I'm not as LOLly on Mondays. And we had Pretend Summer last week and now it's Rainy Spring so I'm all soggy and I can't remember what it was.

But anyway. This post? Was awesome.