Monday, February 15, 2010

My Monday Muse


I don't know shiz about female parts. For serial, I just found out two months ago that the chipclip is actually outside the hootenanny and not in it like I originally thought. Sure, sure, I had that sex-ed crap in high school but to me that was just another study hall where I could do mah math homewerx (all wrong) and sleep. Aw hell, half the time we just ended up watching documentaries on growing armpit hair and our voice getting deeper or movies on rape victims [see: We Were the Mulvaneys]. Soooo please forgive me that I missed the class where we talked about the vag33n and its do's & don't's!

Luckily, Wonder Showzen is here to provide me with all the schooling I need. I give you, D.O.G.O.B.G.Y.N.:

Oh! So that's how babies are farted out! Cute! When I get my wife (through unlawful meanz), I will be sure that when she's ready to shoot out the spawns of the devil my beautiful children, that we will break the record for highest skydive by a preggerz woman! I alwayz win!

I hope my dreamwife is like the genius lady in dis video...Cesarean sectionz all the way! D.O.G.O.B.G.Y.N. made it looks so easy too! ::scratch, claw:: ::dig, scrap:: ::bite, pull:: & then you have it! A wonderful little black infant to add to your family! Laughter! Gigglez! Take a couple hundred photoz of your new child and post them on FaceBook! Everyone cares, I swurrr.

Considering how ugly I am, though, I doubt that my bundle of airborne baby joy will come even close to looking as angelic as cross-eyed Elinore there! How adorz!

So if all you hoz got freaky wiff your S.O.'s yesterday & have gotten your fragile bodies plump wiff child, may I suggest you get D.O.G.O.B.G.Y.N on the phone as soon as your water breaks all ova your hubbie's puss. And guess what?! All he will charge is the price of gobbling up the umbilical cord and the right to have the first shag on you post-pregnancy! I don't tink that it's too much to ask.

Shugadug quack-quack!


Dave2 said...

Good doggie!

Polt said...

Hmm, I couldn't view the movie. but just having you say chipclip and hootenanny all in the same sentence made it all worthwhile! :)


Ryan said...

I am disturbed and amused at the same time. There is probably something wrong with me, but at least I am in good company.

the naughty butternut said...


Regarding dogobgyn, words fail Butternaught. So rarely does that happen. (And after yesterday's, Butternaught was loathe to click the button, but she did it anyway...)

Butternaught hopes that Sweetie raked up at la bistro on VD and is getting some well-deserved rest today.

Regarding all this silliness about Stalkernut: do Justin dear and Cottontail John not have comment sections Butternaught could stalk? She is an equal opportunity busy body.

Mel said...

Um, oh dear.

Must remember to use "chipclip" more often, though.

Justin said...

Alas Stalkernut I do not have a (currently live) blog. I may get off my fat lazo asz and create one, and if I do, I hope to have its comments section stalked by you :-)

The past couple of days' videos *have* been rather disturbing, haven't they, Ryan.

Plus, I'm not entirely sure what about the video made Josh even *bring* up the "chipclip", let alone its anatomical relationship to the vag33n. What has David been teaching you, Josh? I'm scared. :P

john said...

The best part of the video was when her water broke and hit him in the face. The rest was a little disturbing. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was amused.

Butternut: You are no more a stalker than most of us. And no blog for me. I can barely hold my own attention long enough to not be bored, never mind the attentions of a blog fan base.

Word verification reside. Wait, isn't that actually a word?

Tam said...

Wow, that was pretty ummmm. Yeah, really. If only I'd been that perky after having my gullet slit open and the girl child pulled bodily out.

hoteltuesday said...

I LOVE how the baby in the pic turns into a real black baby at the end of the clip!!!

Michelle M. said...

Wow. Where do you dig this stuff up?

Maybe I'll sing D.O.G.O.B.G.Y.N (to the tune of B.I.N.G.O) with the kiddies tomorrow...

Laurie said...

Wah! It won't work for me!! I was all ready to be freaked out & grossed out!!!

Ok but this is what I get from the others ....a dog has a cesarean section up in the sky after it's water breaks on the dog-husband's face and subsequently gives birth to a black baby girl?

Am so intuitive don't even need to watch video!

Tam said...

Pretty close Laurie, but the dog is the Dr. and performs the c-section on a woman. The baby is a boy not a girl. But well done.

David said...

The video worked fine for me, especially with you peering over my shoulder and forcing me to, er, suggesting that I rewind and view certain sections again and again.

Laurie said...

lol ...I'm totally intuitive!

Justin said...

I'm with John on the water-breaking thing. That made me LOLIRL as they say.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Dave2: That's my kinda dog! Airborne, violent and horny!

Polt & Cindy: Try and Google "D.O.G.O.B.G.Y.N." and see if sumfing comez up!

Ryan: Disturbed and amused? Sounds like another successful Monday Muse!

Butternaught: If you were to leave my bloggy comment womb in search of other pastures to roll about in with your clever witticismz and lovely bantering, then I would most certainly be stricken a wiff postpartum something or other and die from a horrendously nagging case of the sadz!

Justerz: He's been teaching me wondrous"educational" thingz... (call the police! help me!)

John: Water is good for you and David said I have to drink 8 glassez of it a day! So I follow pregnant women around all the time hoping they'll break so I can get mah fill! ::gulp::

Tam: I gotza hand it to you...if someone ever pulled another body outta me, I think I might die. I'm serious.

E. Copterz: [feat. deformed dog baby]?!

Michelle: I dug for it deep in the bowelz of a pregnant Internet. D.O.G.O.B.G.Y.N. taught me how!

Ray Avito said...

**stunned silence followed by insane shrieking**