Monday, February 8, 2010

My Monday Muse

Maxine Swaby

I know Valentine's Day isn't for another week, but the amount of love and affection that pulses outta this installment of My Monday Muse was too grand to hold off until then. I have only been in three relationshitz en mi vida and let's just say that the wisdom and beautiful wordingz in dis here song fully encapsulates all the wonderous feelings (and none of the crappy, self-centered, why-am-I-the-only-one-who-cares-about-our-love?! bullshiz) that comes with being in lurrrve wiff somebody. There is not much else I can say. Let Maxine's voice cover you like a blanket and whisk you away to a world of kissy red hearts and fuzzy intoxicating warmth...



No, no, no! I know you may want to, but you can't leave your significant other to start an affair with Ms. Maxine. I know it's hard and I have contemplated it mahself (sorry Mr. Sir), but you must remember that she lives solely on YouTube and can in no way be a REAL PERSONA.

I mean, for serial. That succulent orange skin, those dead swooning eyes wiff their zombie seductive gaze, that silky ramen noodle hairdo, those demon claw fingaz [feat. fully vaselined!]...she is too abundantly sublime to actually exist on this planet. And that voice! Well kick mah azz and call me Lady GaGa if it isn't what Gawd's naked angels sound like when they lullaby his holiness to sleep every night!

If the world didn't suck a lot [aka if I could get everything I want when I want it], then I would totez find whatever magical synthesizer planet Maxine Swaby is from and hire Lance Bass to take me there so I could propose to mah one true love (well...until next monday). I want to spend the rest of mah days running through open fields wiff her, watching the flowers bloom and the deer graze and the airplanes and trains go shooting off through the wilderness.

I'd get a job making sun-dried tomato curtainz (like the ones adorning the windows of her casa) and I'd save up so I could buy her all the stewardess outfits she could ever want. They really flatter her shapely figure! I'm always looking round & standing tall for this hot trick of a goddess lady. I love her sooooooo muuuuuuuuuch!

Now you all must pardon me, I have to go cry myself to sleep since this impossible dream fantasy will for def def defferz never come to troofz. ::crying & dying::


CLICK HERE to see some of Maxine's other admirers singsongy along wiff her masterpiece theater classic!

15 comments:

Mel said...

Wasn't this already a Monday Muse? I know I saw this really recently. Whatevs, girlfrien's got it goin' on.

that's J-O-S-H said...

I never repeat Monday Muses! That's the first rule on the Josh Is Trashy book of commandments! I guess you saw it on another site or sumfing cuz it's amazing and Maxine Swaby has legionz of fans that won't rest until the world knows of her greatness! HUZZAH!

Mel said...

Oh, and when she does the hand motions for "I see you when you fall", all I can think of is "plop the ham thusly".

Dave2 said...

This is just awful.

AWFUL!

Now I am forced to choose between the magnificence that is Maxine and the sheer majesty that is Wing. But how can I choose? This song heals my soul... but when I hear Wing sing "Dancing Queen" my life suddenly becomes worth living.

Polt said...

She certainly deserves some sort of award for all the emotions she conveys on her face (not) and for that hip, happenin' choreography (feat: standing still, swaying slightly and robotic hand movements).

But honestly, she had me at the orange skin.

HUGS...

Tam said...

Hey, I don't have a significant other so Maxie baby and I could start a hot lesbian love affair. If she can get me free plane tickets due to her job I can close my eyes and think of the Queen or something. I have no shame and will pretty much slut myself out for free travel vouchers.

David said...

I am bereft. I cannot compete with La Swaby. I hurl myself into the abyss. Goodbye cruel world!!!!

the naughty butternut said...

Sweetie -

Did you notice that her production company name, complete with "copyright" notice, is "Brightface media"?

There are so many ways to riff on that little tidbit I hardly know where to begin.

Thank you for this delightful muse-ette. I feel waves of exponentially increased inspiration soaking into my day from these three minutes and fifty seconds of unadulterated bliss.

best,

the naughty butternut

john said...

Um, Mr. Sir, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Mel: Hooooray for Monday Muses that correlate wiff one another! They should do a collabo song/recipe together! HOW DERRRRICIOUSLY TALENTED!

Dave2: Holy crap...is that William Hung's madre?!

Polt: I lurrrve how there are only like 5 shots of any sort of "choreography" and they just keep repeating them throughout, even if it's not in beat with the song. They were on a tight [read as: non-existent] budget!

Tam: Scissoring wiff Maxine?! I bet she has a very tender touch! ::barf::

David: Bye! Next time, sing off key!

Butternaught: You know they just made that shet up! I would hope that if she had a production company behind her that they'd at least spring for some wardrobe changes! No supastar during dis day & makes a music video wiff just ONE outfit! AMATEURS! Where was I during the production?

Justin said...

I'm ... just .... speechless.

Except that I *will* offer you the comfort, Josh -- no, don't look back at that gaping abyss or strain to listen to the ever-receding echo of Mr. Sir's final scream -- of knowing that *I* can sing off-key with the best of them. I'm sorry that I don't have orange skin, press-on nails, or a stewardess outfit from Good Will, but you can overlook that, right?

Michelle M. said...

This song haunts me. For reals.

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

Oh, for heaven's sake...with those Lee press-ons, that crazy weave and that military-style outfit, she makes a 1980's music video seem waaaaaay ahead of it's time. That get-up is trashymcnastee.

Did someone dip her in BBQ sauce or is that a spray tan? Either way, I think you may have located Ronald McDonald's long lost daughter. You'll probably get a reward for that...like a trillion bazillion free hamburgers, and have the keys to the city presented to you by Mayor McCheese!

Justin said...

I just want you to know, Joshlywinks, that this song has been stuck in my head for days. I feel dragged to hell and TOTEZ not in a good way! :P

Ray Avito said...

No, pardon ME, girl...I'm thinking Tina Knowles is gonna be coming after her for that House of Dereon knock-off..

I really had to stop before the first minute was up so I could compose myself and continue. And then she took it to church? Jesus wept...