Monday, February 1, 2010

My Monday Muse

MySpace Kid

Back during mah freshmen year of college, I joined the vapid waste of nothingness known as MySpace in an attempt to socially network [read as: attempt to find rando peepz to hook up wiff]. I had like 300+ "friendz" that were actually 1 part peepz I know, 1 part gross hoz that thought I looked cute & 1 part shitty bands who bombarded my page wiff requests to look @ their emo bangs and listen to their shitty alt rock garbage.

Then I realized that MySpace is mad desperate and for peepz that don't have real friendz. So I put up a picture of mah cat, changed my name and have nearly all but abandoned it. Every now and then I go back on when I want a good laugh and I have an urge to look at retarded douchenozzlez that think they're AwEsOmErSkAtEz, but for all practical purposes, my page is as desolate as Jennifer Lopez's album sales.

But even when I gave a shiz about MySpace [circa three months in 2005], I was never as adamantly enamored with it as this inspired young chap below. You want passion? This is passion:

There is nothing save my family, catz and friends that I lurrrve as intently as MySpace Kid loves Myspace. It's the cream to his coffee, the air in his lungs, and the Fla-Vor-Ice on his hot summer afternoon. And I would also completely flip my fartz if one of my siblings started sending goofball messages to mah [fake] friends and shaming my name all over the interwebz. Only I can embarrass mahself over the World Wide Web, tank you berry much!

If someone was to hack onto my page, how would I be able to write blogs about what DuMbAzZeZ my sisters are? I need to rack up my friends count in order to feel accomplished, cuz really, the truth behind a strong & everlasting friendship is clicking about a bland and possibly fictitious info page to learn nuffin' about somebody. MySpace isn't ruining my family, YOU'RE ruining my family! ::throws saltshaker::

I too would incinerate my vocal chords wiff demonic barking if my cyber personality was compromised by some dumb gringo who knew my passwerd. Go die! ::knockz over chair::

And sure, it might only be MySpace. But remember, you're only a stupid bitch!


Laura said...

It means everything bitch! I. AM. DYING. I also love the dog barking.

I'm going to throw salt at you the next chance I get fOr bEiNg A dUmBaSs.

hoteltuesday said...

"my page is as desolate as Jennifer Lopez's album sales." LOL!!!!!!!

David said...

Oh my god. I lasted 55 seconds before the screaming was just too much. I think the kid needs to be euthanized.

Mel said...

Holy histrionics, Batman! Kid needs to be on Intervention, fo' realz.

Polt said...

So when we see this kid on the evening news for killing his family members and friends of his brother's one at a time and mulitlating them in horrible, Freddie Kreuger kinda ways, we'll all know it was MySpace who is responsible. And not AC/DC or Marilyn Manson.

I guess. I didn't actually watch the whole thing. The kid screaming was like fingernails down a chalkboard.

Someone needs a hug.


Justin said...

I .... forced myself to watch the whole thing, though I agree with Polt that it was like fingernails on a blackboard. What I didn't get was that the (big) brother kept laughing. It was kinda ... not funny. Eekz!

Does anybody see any sort of ... mmm ... irony, though, in our making fun of the poor addicted kid when we're, you know, communicating with one another over blogs and facebook and twitter? I know I do :-)

*Excuse me: I must go throw a salt shaker at the person who is asking me "are you tweeting or actually working?"*

Tam said...

Okay, I don't feel bad for not watching the whole thing since most couldn't handle him. Where the hell are his parents in this? I think we may see him on the evening news someday. Scary.

Ray Avito said...

Really, somebody ought to take the supposedly more mature kids to task for torturing that brat. I'll give the brat a pass because of his age, but that kind of pack mentality teasing is not good!

On the other hand, that kid has now ruined my favorite curse word! I will never be able to call out stupid bitches without hearing his demon screeches in my head!

goblinbox said...

That child is unwell (meaning under-parented, off his meds, or just the product of a super lousy culture), and his older brother's a cunt for messing with him like that.

Dave2 said...

Adorable! I sincerely regret that I never had a half-dozen lovely children just like him! Maybe there's still time to adopt?

john said...

As Ray said, where are the parents? That child should not be allowed to use the internet without supervision, simply by virtue of his reaction in the video. I also don't like that his older brother was teasing him with his friends and posting the video on line. That kind of action could be so potentially damaging.

It reminded me of this:

Class act these kids.

Laurie said...

Ok this is like the worst example of humanity. I'm gonna go be a snail on a log somewhere ...right after I check my Facebook page.

PS--Thanks Josh! Now I totally feel better about myself and my family :-)

Tam said...

Laurie: Josh's Mondays are like watching Maury Pauvich. Totally makes you feel great about yourself after. It's a self-esteem builder for his loyal followers.

Justin said...

It's interesting how you guys are taking the brother and his friends to task for "torturing" the kid. I kind of took it in a slightly more nuanced way. And maybe I'm giving the older people too much credit.

It does seem obvious that the younger boy has a major, major, MAJOR addiction problem and that's something the entire family (including the parents, not just th eolder brother and his friends) needed to do an intervention with.

But I guess I sort of felt that the older brother wasn't *ONLY* teasing/torturing the kid but also felt that his younger brother DID have a problem, and had (at least in part) a sincere desire to get him over his addiction. I didn't see it as *ONLY* torturing. I more felt that it was an immature and ineffective way for the older brother to try to do an intervention, together with a little bit of immature teasing. But I could, again, be giving the older brother too much credit.

Dave2: IKR?! This is why I have dogs, and all the kids in my life are those of my friends. I love being a virtual "uncle". I love my friends' kids. I love that they get to go home with my friends instead of staying with me :-)

Anonymous said...

This child has some serious issues and parental intervention (or psychological) is the only thing that will save him. No, the brother wasn't trying to help in any way; his friends were around and he was using the reaction of his younger brother for their amusement. He obviously knows his brother well (I am sure this outburst is the norm for this child) and knew just the right buttons to push. He/they should be ashamed of themselves.

This really saddened me because at some point the younger brother really was starting to break down and no one cared. He has emotional/social/psychological problems that are clearly out of control. This is just another example of the break down of society and the family, and the victims are always the children.

What the younger brother needed was someone to talk to him, hold him, validate his feelings, and slowly (very slowly!) take the computer away. What the older brother needed was someone to remind him what it means to be a human being that is capable of empathy.


Anonymous said...

Also, I didn't think it was possible that someone could scream at such a high pitch that is usually reserved for sounds made by dolphins!

You learn something new every day!


that's J-O-S-H said...

I admit that this kid and his family for serial need to go into some heavy duty (haha, duty) therapy...but since I am a cold-hearted jerk festival, I still found mahself non-stop laughing over the profanities and screaming and crushed self-esteem. Sibling bonding! <3

Anonymous said...

I don't give the 'older kids' any credit at all. They are obviously tormenting the younger kid for their own entertainment.

That's the kind of thing that people do after they graduate from animal cruelty: causing intense pain and laughing about it.

Maybe the kid does have a MySpace addiction, but this is not the way to handle it, nor the way to intervene. It is pure and simple torture of the child.

The parents need to get involved and if they won't, they're going to have worse problems coming up.