Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What is "Trashy?"

In a few months I will be reaching mah blog's second birthday. It's been a wild, fun ride the past year, attempting to pacify my foolish dedicated readerz & their sadomasochistic desire for me to continually butcher their senses with mah artarded rambingz & feeble attemptz @ entertainment. But as I peeled my slothful butt outta bed this morning, I had a revelation...I've been calling this dirrty hellhole beloved website of mine Josh Is Trashy since it creamed outta my brain back during senior year of college. Yet, I never once defined what I meant by said title. So I thought I'd do some research and possibly explain to all you folkz why I am indeed a trashy bitch and therefor why you all (kinda) love me (a little bit...right?).

Since I'm made entirely out of lazzzy bonez, I of course opted to have the interwebz do all the werk for me and provide a fitting definition. Checkin' out Urban Dictionary, this is what I came up wiff:

1. A combination of the names Tracy and Ashley. Both Tracy and Ashley must be marginally slutty to go as "Trashy." - I don't have a vagina.

2. Someone who portrays themself in a very "unclassy way". - I'm classy to an extent [aka I don't hook up and act like a drunk slut to hide my childhood insecurities].

3. Trashy men can be the natty-ice lovin, nascar fans with beer bellys and wife beaters, or the metro-sexual douche bags who overly groom themselves.....waxing eyebrows, tanning, making themselves "pretty." - I'm not fat nor do I have a wife, yet I also wouldn't even know how to go about waxing or tanning.

4. Little class, foul mouthed folk. - Getting warmer, yet I am still classy & smart enough to know that there should be a hyphen in between "foul" & "mouthed" in that definition.

5. A fat guy with tattoos who desperately needs a girlfriend in his life. - I reiterate: not fat, not into ladiez.


But after all these definitionz failed to truly encapsulate the real essence of "trashy," I decided to take it upon mahself [feat. my humbling MS Paint skillz] and enlighten you folkz in my own special way. Hope this clearz shet up...


Trashy is... having a decent amount of $$$ in your bank account from years of saving, yet still being so effing frugal as to ignore flaws, problems & major defectz in merchandise as long as it's cheap.


Trashy is... being a longtime admirer of the cinematic arts, even being a film critic for your college newspaper, yet still having gone to the movie theaters to see absolute garbage [i.e. I Know Who Killed Me, A Cinderella Story, New York Minute & Herbie: Fully Loaded wiff your best friend].


Trashy is... having studied literature for four yearz en la universidad yet still being in the process of devouring Nicole Richie's "The Truth About Diamonds."


Trashy is... having werked in a high-end restaurant for about eight years, yet still constantly craving the worst [read as: best-tasting] food on the planet [aka boxed mac & gleeze, cheesesteak pizza, pork roll sammiches & Fla-Vor-Ice].


Trashy is... being @ an exciterbiking crossroadz in your life, yet still spending the majority of your time daydreaming about being on American Idol.


Trashy is... having studied professional writing in college yet still making up werdz, adding rando "Z"s, mispelling shiz and slipping into EspaƱol so da sentencez you write start looking lyke mumbalojumbalo caca like dis.


So there...does that help? Do you folkz now understand me a little bit better? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!? I can only do so much...I am just a man! I hope this has shed some light on the mysterioso nature of my blog's title and consequentially provides you wiff some inner reflection on your own inner trashy slut. Cuz let's be supa serial, the fact that you're reading dis (and enjoying?!) means that yes, you too have a little trashster inside of yourself. Don't be scared to embrace it! It might hurt a little at first, just a little sting, but then it will feel soooo good. Just like sex!

34 comments:

Justin said...

YAY!!! First commenter!! :-)

THANKS for helping unexplode my brain just a little bit more, Josherz! <3 <3 <3 your bloggy brilliumpts as always! :-)

Michelle M. said...

So trashy means fun, cute and intelligent yet not pretentious.

I would give you a hard time about seeing I Know Who Killed Me if I hadn't seen it myself.

Laurie said...

I just read Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life (A Collection Of One-Night Stands) & Josh ...if you tell anyone ....I WEEL HAVE TO KEEEEL YOU!!!!!

Word Verification: rereu (Scooby saying ...KEEEEL YOU!)

Laurie said...

PS--Lurv this post!

hoteltuesday said...

If these things make one trashy, then I am SO trashy! YAY!

Polt said...

I think our definitions of trashy may differ slightly, but what does it matter? I've embraced my inner trashster since you, my lil sassy trashy josherz, were still in your lil sassy trashy diapers.

I shop at Wal-Mart, let's not forget.

HUGS...

john said...

I'm not sure I actually am trashy given these definitions, but I'm also not sure really want any more trashy in me. I do like to think I have my own version of trashy, so I think I'm covered.

Justin said...

Polt, sweetheart, some of us prefer to leave the "when you were in diapers" references to the imagination ... *shudder*

Laura said...

hmmm... what else do I want from you.... oh. I know. TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I ALSO SAW I KNOW WHO KILLED ME WITH YOU HOZ. I'm glad that time we picked Val up from the airport on the border of rape central (Trenton) and deliverance (the outer limits of Hopewell Twp.) meant nothing to you. You're lucky you're attractive (and thin and smart and not a monster) or I would hatez you FoReVeR feat pRoM mEmOrIeS typing

Tam said...

I wuv you. :-) At my daughter's school multi-cultural show some some girl had on a shirt that said "Don't be trashy - recycle". I poked my girl-child and said "I should so get that shirt for Josh." Of course tossing the young lady down and stripping her half-nekkid in the auditorium may not have gone over well with the administration. See, you've wormed your trashy way into my very consciousness. Trashy is good.

I'll teach you to wax this summer, we'll ave a waxing party. It will be good for a laugh, for me anyway.

Mel said...

Waxing? Since when does being trashy include masochism?

Trashy is good. I'm down with it. Some may even say it's the story of my life.

madtexter (corey james) said...

Ha! Josh, Eye thinx yer blogg iz brillience! And the time you take to craft such funny posts is incredible and worth reading all the way through to savor every little 'funny'.

And I like your definition of trashy much more than Urban Dictionary!!

Tam said...

Ya gotta suffer to be beautiful Mel. That's the way it works. Us girls understand these things.

Jere Keys said...

I watched Paranormal Activity with my sisters yesterday and laughed my ass off.

David said...

Tam, putting on my own trashy hat, I can firmly attest that there is not much real estate on Josh that would benefit from waxing.

Josh, I loved this post. You are my king of trash. But I will never serve you pork roll sammiches.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Justin: "Brilliumpts?!" I think I might like that! I'ma steal it!

Michelle: Did you suspect the piano teacher?! I didn't because he was mentioned for only half a second in the beginning with absolutely no character development! And mannequin limbz?! WHAT?!

Laurie: My friend Val is gonna let me borrow that book from her! It better be good and slutty and dumb!

E. Copterz: OF COURSE YOU'RE TRASHY! That's why I lurrrve you more than everyone else and why in my heart, "you're gonna come first!" even though you hate that song [feat. movie montage music video].

Polt: Ew...trashy as in "slutty and cheap" is sooooo boring and funky and played out! I am reinventing the word for mah own disposal! I'm allowed to, I was an English major. And Wal-Mart?! I never go there...soooo evil!

John: Basically, if you like cool shit [read as: anything I like], enjoy having fun [read as: check my blog on the daily] and aren't a pretentious bitch [read as: anyone who doesn't understand the importance of loftercopterz and lollerskatez] then you are "trashy" in the nicest way possible.

Laura: How about I acknowledge the fact that I love you enough to end your life if you ever gain more than ten LBz or if you ever step into Hillbilly Butthole Hall ever again?!

Tam: Fuck (Nick Jonas and) the administration! I want that shirt! Lemme borrow dat top!

Mel: You're down wiff J.I.T.?! Yeah you know me! Who's down wiff J.I.T.?!?! Every last homie [read as: homo]!

MadTexter: Ohmahgerbz! If you keep complimenting me, my head is gonna explode and all my derrriciouz razzleberry insidez will spray everywhere! Someone better get the Chipotlaway ready! STAIN CITY!

Jere Keys: I enjoyed that movie and wasn't scared till I got home and my cat attacked me while I was in the shower [aka walked through the bathroom and pushed open a creaky door].

Jere Keys said...

And yet you deny that the cats are trying to scare you to death [feat. steal your soul and drag you to hell]

Nathan V said...

You guys are going to have a waxing party? That just sounds creepy.

Keep up the good trashiness Josh!

callonmevalerie said...

I am trashy not for one but TWO reasons, namely that I'm IN a photo (feat. Lohan) that when I first glanced on I thought was going to be a reference to when I gave you 10 bucks and "Speak" when I owed you twenty bucks, and the fact that I gave you the TROOFZ ABOUT DIAMONDZ!!!!

Craig said...

"it will feel soooo good. Just like sex!"

Or so you've heard...

I love me some trashy Josh!

JennyMac said...

you make trashy hot..why dont you come to Atlanta and teach a few people how to do it right. lol.

Waxing party...oh ouchie.

Tam said...

Come on Nathan it will be more fun than a sex toy party. Probably less embarrassing, well, maybe not.

And actually I have heard of waxing parties really. Everyone gets together, drinks copious quanitities of alcohol and rids themself of the body hair. Fun times.

Nathan V said...

@Tam: *shudders*

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

lol....amazing.

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: Waxxxing, maybe not. But I need a tan! You urself have said that I look dead & disgusting [construed from "a little pale"]!

Jere: For the millionth time, I would only be SO LUCKY TO HAVE MY CATS DESIRE MY SOUL AND DRAG ME TO HELL! I'm a black-hearted whooo-oooo-oooo-ooore!

Nathan: Creepy & painful! Just like Lady GaGa!

Val: You're a dandelion! <3 <3 <3

Craig: Whatchu talkin' 'bout Craiggerz?! I've run all the bases befo! I only do it wiff peepz I'm in lurrrve wiff and that I plan on marrying...aka 3!

JennyMac: I'd lurrrve to go on down to Hotlanta and rile up some shiz! Yay! Hopefully I wouldn't get murdered!

tam: Drunkerskatez and ripping hot wax off of people's tender zonez?! I'm in, but only if I'm the ripper and not the rippie.

Ray Avito said...

Urban Dictionary...I do love it. Wikipedia's country cousin.

I think I would fall under more of the category Trashed than Trashy, but only a couple of nights a week. (due to childhood insecurities? *giggles*)

Chris D. said...

I am glad you have finally defined what you meant by Trashy for us. When I first found your site I was a little put off by the term trashy. I thought that meant slutty, which is gross to me. I am glad I got past my initial aversion to trashiness and got to know you better. :)

BOSSY said...

That's it: You need a Trashy Is book contract.

Justin said...

BOSSY did you mean to say a "Trashy is ...." book contract? That's a pretty cool idea :-)

Josh: I'm so glad you enjoyed my word-play. I hasten to add that I've been using it for many years, long predating my acquaintance with the PuntabuJoshRiJereDaveDavePoltPerspectogargantublogiform. I was hoping you would enjoy the word. My use of it was by no means a naxydumpt.

David -- "not much real estate on Josh that would benefit from waxing" -- I hope and pray that if there WERE, you still wouldn't advocate it. L'homme doit rester naturel!!!! :-)

Kate House said...

But you forgot "Princess Diaries" and "She's All That." Oh, and Hostess cream-filled cupcakes.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Ray: In my case...becoming trashed just further exacerbatez my trashiness. I really need to post a drunken video of me @ some point...I think it is imperative.

Chris D: Then you realized that you are just like me and HATEZ sluttiness! Loving relationships for the win!

Justerz: Stop discussing el pelo de mi cuerpo con David in that language that I don't understand!

Kate House: Troofz be told, I've never seen "The Princess Diaries," though "She's All That" is a classic! HiGh SkOoL wAs SoOoO hAwD!

Anonymous said...

OK you owe me 2 hours of my life back! I stumbled across your blog today. I have been reading and laughing for far too long! Thanks for your ramblings, tunes, musings and incredible wit. I am coming back for more. Cheers from the west coast. ChristopherYVR

Anonymous said...

This was my favorite post yet : ) LOVEZ IT!!!

goblinbox said...

I just thought it meant you were a ho.