Tuesday, January 19, 2010


So last week in a desperato attempt to have sumfing to blog about, I asked all mah Twitter stalkers followerz to heave some questions over my way so I could pretend to be a celebrity.and amuse my readerz [read as: myself]. So here are a batch of a few Qs that I will A. Feel free to comment wiff your answerz too! I'm always up for knowing more pointless detailz about peepz' lives!

House on fire, what are the three things you grab first?
[from David]

If my house burst into flames (tanx for putting this image into my head) and I could only grab three tingz...well I tink it would be obvious what I would choose. Mowgli. Hermanita. And Baberz. Even though my catz aren't retarded and wouldn't just be farting about while the casa got dragged to hell, if they were unable to get their little rearz in gearz, I would of wiffout tinking grab them and bolt out of the burning inferno death shack that was mah humble home.

But let's consider the factz here that even if they didn't run out of the house and needed to be carried, mah housemate Shawn is for serial much stronger than me and would probably save their assez. So in that case, I would have to grab: 1) mah CD collection (durhzzz, I couldn't let mah copiez of Lindsay Lohan's Speak and Kelly Osbourne's Shut Up get melted down into nothingness!); 2) mah complete catalog of Simple Life seasonz (I need to have sumfing hilarz to watch while I'm homeless & crying on the street); and 3) mah candy apple red lappytop so I can blog about how brave and heroic [read as: scared shitless and pitiful] I was during the fire. Oh, and I'd also use the laptop to beg non-stop for $$$ from all you folkz. Fill up mah PayPal and buy me a new house, please!

How old when you first kissed a boy? First kissed a girl?
[from Polt, duh]

Even though I thought for sure that I had answered this question once before, I might as well assume that you all care and want to hear the answer again. Oh who am I kidderz? Y'all are some nosy pervertoz (which is pretty much why I get along so well wiff you folkz). Well, lemme start wiff the question that you probz care about the least. The first time I kissed a girl, I didn't really like it. In fact, it wasn't even what I tink you hoz would call a full-fledged kiss. It was a peck on the cheek and it happened when I was ugly and in high school [circa 16 yearz young]. I was standing outside the school auditorium. It was Spring I believe and I was waiting for mi madre to come pick me up. I was chitterchatting wiff my [non]grrrlfriend...

...now lemme digress for a hot second. My definition of a "[non]grrrlfriend" is a cholita that a gay guy will date in high school, pre-coming out, largely due to the fact that everyone tells him that he should and that it would be "cute." [Non]grrrlfriendz often times have crushes on the gay d00d and since the gay is afraid to openly adore p33n and since this grrrl is in their group of friendz, it seems to make sense that they should "go out" [read as: carpool wiff each other when they go to group movie nightz wiff 12 of their closest friendz @ the local cinema].

Anyway...throughout high school/middle school, I had prox three [non]grrrlfriendz. This one chica was chillin' outside the auditorium after play practice one day and we were gabbing on about sumfing unimportant [aka was probz some juicy gozzip that MeAnT EvErYtHiNg tO Us @ the time]. I don't know how it happened, but I saw my mom's car pull up by the school, so as I was leaving, I thanked [non]grrrlfriend for keeping me company (weird?) and as I leaned in to faux-hug [aka wrap arms around each other but still somehow have your hips three feet away from the other's] she puckered her lipz and planted one right on mah cheek. Considering that I had no idea what to do or if this was supposed to be cool/scary/fun/arousing/retarded/gross/whateva, I pulled away and quickly kissed the side of her head before bolting off to mah mom's car and probably vomming.

Now, in regards to boyz...the story is much more direct and easy to tell. Me and three friends, one of which was a fellow queermo, were @ a high school dance. I was a senior in high school (roughly 18) and the DJ was playing terrible muzak [aka not playing Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent" on repeat]. We decided to be rebelz and peace out and catch a flick. Since I love violence and pain, we all decided to go see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Yay! One of mah favo peliculaz!). We got to the theater. We watched peepz get slaughtered. We reveled in their misery. Then we drove home. Of course the two gay d00dz were assigned to sit in the backseat together. Then for some reason that still escapez me we started making out while our two friends in the front seatz rambled on and on about severed limbz & Jessica Biel's manface. It was a romantic moment that I will forever cherish [read as: drunkenly retell and laugh about when I'm feeling especially sloshy & self-important].

What made you start a blog?
[from alifethatfitsu]

Yay! Good pregunta! Josh Is Trashy has only been crapping up the interwebz for goin' on two yearz this Spring. But it's been in the making since middle school. I alwayz had a lot of rude insightful opinionz that I constantly felt compelled to bark out @ peepz when I was younger. Howevz, I also had crippling self-confidence issuez and could never muster up da strength to tell hoz what I really thought about shiz. So prox 9 or so yearz ago, I created mah first website. It was mad fucking pointless and stupid, but it kept me entertained so I contiunally updated it for a year or so. Then college appz started to pop up and I got a jerb (serving tablez...yes, that's the same place I werk at now...tanx for noticing), so I kinda gave up on it.

But I still had a lot to say. Plus, I started going through that "I'm dEpReSsEd & NoBoDy UnDaStAnDz MeEeEe" phase that all high schoolerz seem to suffer through. So I created a My-Diary and later a LiveJournal so I could have an open forum to bitch about mah life [feat. milking complimentz and attention from my concerned peerz]. I continued wiff da LiveJournal into college, but then gave it up when I discovered alcohol and hooking up (a past time we all know that I have since abandoned). I then spent roughly a year or so not really doing any online writing.

I then thought that it would be a supasexxxy idea to start another site to chronicle mah post-college adventures. I started it prox a week before I got mah diploma and I used it mainly to write crappy short stories [feat. no funny fake werdz/mispellingz and very few MS Paint pix] and to bitch about not finding a jerb. I kept up wiff that for prox nine monthz and was happy when Josh Is Trashy could score 3 hits a day. Then I reconnected wiff mah BFF and was introduced to a motley crew of nutbarz and hence changed mah site to be a goofy clusterfuck of artarded ramblingz and witty [read as: desperately mediocre] commentary from yours truly. I don't know about you folkz, but I much more enjoy the current state of this dumping ground of blog as opposed to the snooze festival it was prox a year ago. Plus, I don't have TV, so this silly little interweb shitstain that I called Josh Is Trashy has pretty much taken over mah vida as my main source of entertainment. Vain yes, but at least there's no commercialz!

So what about you folkz? You got stories to share and answerz to these questions?! Spill the beanz!


Laura said...

The magical moment when you first had a tongue shoved down your throat was in the back of ma car! woo! fun fact: the backseat off my car has seen more action from you than me.

1. I would save my hound doggie (who IS too dumb to get out herself) but not Quinn because she's fat and deserves to be a piggy roast (kidding! ...?), my photo albums because we can't lose all those pRoM mEmOrIeS and my laptop because it holds all my music.

2. My first (legit) kiss involved a monster so it was erased by the time gods when I became skinny and pretty! But when I was like 6 a super cutey named Matthew Cracker kissed me on the playground because we were in LoVe.

3. I don't have a blog because I'm too busy expressing myself by DSing your (and mi espousa de facebook) wall when I should be paying attention en clase.

Dave2 said...

If my house burst into flames, the three things I grab are my MacBook Pro, my iPhone, and my box of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.

I was 14 when I first (seriously) kissed a girl. I've never kissed a boy.

I originally started a blog because I travel a lot and I wanted a place for my friends and family to go so they could read where I was and what I was up to.

Justin said...

"From Polt, duh" ... heh ;-)

1. Circe (dog), Prospero (dog), Lisa (human; she'll grab the cat)

2. hmmmmm girl=15-ish? boy=22

3. I started a blog because I thought I would have all sorts of cool things to say. But it was SOOO MUUUUCH WOORRRKK and I'm not creative and brilliant like some peepz so I stopped. I think about starting it up again, though, since every once in a while I have a bit more to say than I can tweet :-).

Craig said...

"motley crew of nutbarz" Yay!

1. First and foremost my computers! Wouldn't want to lose all my Super Viagra files and my writing. Then maybe some DVDs.

2. Boy: 18, Girl: 21 (more as a joke because the straight boys wanted her and I was her friend and could kiss her at parties) never really kissed a girl for reals.

3. Because I was reading Perez Hilton, and was totally like "I can do that!" Obviously I succeeded and am on the same level and Perezdouche.

Craig said...

Damn, same level AS Perezdouche.

Tam said...

I always wanted to be part of Motley Crew. Do I have to glow my hair long now?

1. Two cats and a rabbit (assuming the kid was out of course) although I'd likely die trying to get the cats because they'd be hiding in the basement somewhere. Non-live, our two computers and my purse.

2. First boy was ... Huh, can't remember his name, I remember his last name, it has no vowels, or nearly none. Drunk, party. I've never kissed a girl, guess I need to do that drunk at a bar thing like Katy Perry. I see a theme here and it involved blood alcohol levels.

3. I joined a book challenge and the way for the moderator to keep track of what you read was to have a blog, thus, I have one hidden away that I ramble about what I read. The odd author finds it and freaks me the fuck out so I try to be nice.

john said...

Fire: The rabbits, my Mac Book Pro and my tool box.

Kiss: I was in 7th grade and kissed my then girlfriend. It was nice and sweet. I've never kissed a boy.

Blog: I don't have a blog. I had a live journal page for all of five minutes until I realized I don't have anything that interesting to say.

Mel said...

1) Well, seeing as we have three cats and the dog, that'd be four things I'd be getting out of the house. Of course, if David got two of them, then I'd maybe grab my current-est knitting project so I'd have something to work on as I watched my dreams go up in smoke.

2) First girl kiss was, I think, my high school girlfriend. It was okay. She was a tomboy athletic sort of gal who never wore makeup. Funny how that was the only sort of girl I was ever interested in.

First boy kiss would have been the Irish guy who was also the first guy I ever slept with - a colleague and friend of a friend I stayed with in England on a trip there. Other than being the first, it wasn't particularly memorable. He was decent enough to give a total stranger a place to stay, so I figured it was the least I could do. The first memorable kiss was my first bf, Justin, at the end of our first date. Fireworks!

3) I started my blog mostly for tracking my knitting - coming up on 4 years next month. It's turned into way more than just a knitting blog, but I never set strict rules for it anyway. I figured I had something to say and it was a place to say it. Sometimes it's even something other people care to read.

hoteltuesday said...

Kissed outside of play practice?!?! She should have known...

Polt said...

Yeah, Justin, I'm wondering about the "From Polt, duh" thing as well. Course, I'm just honored to be one of only 3 people to have questions chosen, so I'll let it ride.

And Craiggers, you kick Perez' ass. Without even working up a sweat.

1) My comic book collection. And since I have SO many of them, that's gonna fill all three slots.

2) Kissed a girl, I was like 9-ish, in my aunts backyard. First time I kissed a boy, 7th grade (13ish), with Wayne King. He was in my grade and a knew how to get his freak on. I didn't know anything about kissing guys but after Wayne kissed me, I was all about it. :)

3) I was trolling around the Interwebs, bored at work in 2005, and I saw all these crappy blogs and knew I could do better. Although that's never been actually confirmed.


Michelle M. said...

1)Harry, the hard drives, and our photo albums.

2)First real kiss (not just a peck on the lips) was college. And then I laughed at him.

3)I don't have a blog. Maybe someday. I don't know... I don't know how you guys can be so creative/funny day after day.

Chris D, said...

1) 3 things to take in a fire:
I have no pets, so I guess I would take my computer (which weighs a ton!). I would take my cell phone, but I don't know if that counts, since it is usually on my person. Wow, I can't think of anything else that I would obviously risk my life to take, at the moment.

2) I have never kissed a girl romantically. But I wrote a blog post about the time a almost kissed a girl ( http://perspectologist.com/blog/2008/09/her-name-was-johanna-part-1/ ). I had a huge crush on her at the time. I was very young, and didn't know what to do.

The first time I kissed a guy was after I had gone out with a him a few times. He took me to a club. I was drunk, tired, socially overloaded, and feeling ambivalent about my feelings for him. He was the first gay guy that was really into me. I told him I hadn't kissed anyone before. He decided that we should kiss. It was brief, not passionate, and tentative. I kissed him a few more times over the following weeks, and then we gave up on things going anywhere. It was all new to me. It was a learning experience. I think I was 28, and had just started to come out.

The first time I _really_ kissed a guy was at a club in NYC. I was recovering from a kind of rejection from a guy I really liked. I was drunk. My shirt came off. I was emotionally insecure, but superficially confident. I wanted to get drunk enough to loose myself in the mindless masses on the dance floor, hoping it would dull the pain of the emptiness inside me. The guy was cute, young, and made me feel sexy and strong. We danced a bit and got close. Everywhere we touched felt tingly. I loved his adoring smile and the way his perky bubble butt felt in my hand. The kiss seemed mutually initiated. There wasn't much tongue, it was a teasing sensual open mouth kiss. He didn't taste strange to me, it almost felt like I was kissing myself. It felt really good! Unfortunately, all that guy wanted was for me to fuck him that night. I don't do hookups, so I thanked him for the special moment, wished him well on his quest, and said goodbye. It was another educational experience, which I haven't repeated. I have nothing to offer vacant minded beauties. The next guy I kiss, I want to really have feelings for. That would be so hot!

3) I had been drawn into Puntabulous for a while. I really loved the sense of community we had there. I started blogging because I wanted to share my life experiences in the hopes that they could be of benefit to others struggling with similar issues. There was also a guy I liked, and I wanted him to get to know me better. ;)

Justin said...

Chris: Once again. And I mean this. You are just the sweetest. Guy. Ever. :-)

Polt: Did I say I was "wondering" about the "From Polt, duh" thing? ;-)

Enrico. *ahem* You didn't answer the questions, dude!!! :-)

Tam said...

Good point Justin.

I do notice a theme with some of us, kiss = drunk. Ooops. Ah well, we're all older and wiser now, we'll kiss THEN get drunk. :-D

Polt said...

I wasn't drunk in either 3rd grade with the girl or 7th grade with the boy. Just sayin.... :)

Hope you feel better soon, Josherz!


David said...

1. Bart, Lisa and you. Unless you were in NJ. Then all the porn. (kdding!)

2. First girl kiss was the senior prom. We were good friends and so I worked that angle since I didn't know what else to do. First boy kiss (well, man kiss) was doing summer stock theater in PA in 1992. That was a revelation.

3. I started a blog because I had to create one in order to comment on someone else's blog, back in the early days of Blogger. Then I realized I had a fun place to write things.

Ahem, Enrico, we are waiting....

john said...

David: Re: #1: No you aren't.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Laura: I LOVE the Time Gods! They for serial saved my azz when I wasted nearly three yearz of mah life getting all makerouterz wiff a monster brigade.

Dave2: Ah shit! Frosted Flakes are FUCKING DERRRRICIOUS and now I want a box more than I can even explain!

Justerz: You should totez start it up again! Where is it?!?!?

Craiggerz: Right? I think that the Puntabucrew frrrsealz is way more insightful and hilariouzzz than Perez Butthole. And our MSPaint skills are far superior.

Tam: Alcohol let's loose our truest, most hidden emotionz! [aka more or less eliminates any common sense and let's us think it is alright to kiss any Johnny Nobody that buyz us a drank]

John: I <3 LiveJournal! My favo part was the "Listening to:" box you could add on to each entry. I always made sure I had the most depressing/self-loathing/pitiful songz there so peepz would feel bad for me!

Mel: You put out so you could have a place to stay?! Good jerb! I wish I had the courage to do that...I'd probably just be homeless and crying cuz I don't know how to flirt!

E. Copterz: But I was on the stage crew! That's (kinda) butch...right?!

Polt: 13?! I didn't even know what kissing was when I was that young! I was too busy trying to save Princess Toadstool from Bowser to lock lipz wiff any fooolz.

Michelle: I love laughing @ peepz when they kiss me! It's happened more times than I think is normal.

Chris D: Well??? Did the blog work?!

David: Liar! You <3 your pron! Don't try and deny it. I just watched it all while you were @ werk today. Ugh, sick!

Chris D. said...

I suppose the blog did work, to the extent that it could. There have been a few people inspired by my stories. The guy and I did get to know each-other better and became closer, but alas the fundamental impediments between us didn't really change. It has been yet another growth experience for me. With all these, "growth experiences", I should be at least 10 feet tall by now! ;)

Justin said...

Josherz -- I never did comment on your original post.

(a) '"I'm dEpReSsEd & NoBoDy UnDaStAnDz MeEeEe" phase that all high schoolerz seem to suffer through.' :-) Sooooo truuuuue :-)

(b) "Of course the two gay d00dz were assigned to sit in the backseat together." You don't explain whether the other friends knew you were gay d00dz. Inquiring minds...

(c) WHERERERERE did you get that x-ray of kissing? Ok, yes, I know if you google "x-ray" and "kiss" you get it.

(d) Ugh. "Where is it?!?" you ask? Well, if you must know, here is the location of the most pompous and tedious blog ever: http://panbabelium.blogspot.com/

M. Nicodemus said...

1. I will assume the Mrs, three kids, and two cats are all safe already as I could get into serious trouble picking three of the six. :) Hmm... I would grab the books from my nightstand that I still need to read so I would have something to do, my cell phone, and a snack cause I am hungry.

2. The first girl I kissed was in third grade; I had a major crush on her so I would chase her around the playground at recess trying to kiss her. These days I would have been expelled for sexual harassment, but back then it was just good 'ol childhood hijinks. My first boy kiss was in college, I was about 20, I was at a party with a friend who had recently confessed that he was attracted to me. He got good and drunk and finally just came up and planted one on me. He was a friend and I didn't want to hurt him, and we both knew nothing was going to happen, so I went ahead and gave him a thorough snogging. He was a really good kisser :)

3. I started a blog when I moved to the middle of no-where three yeears ago. I figured it would be a good way to stay in touch with all my friends that I was leaving behind. I think I made about three whole posts before I stopped. I just recently started posting again as part of my New Years resolution to write more, and I have three posts up currently so I should break my record soon.

hoteltuesday said...

1. Richard Parker, my computer, my birthday card from Josh

2. Sophomore year of high school, 6th grade (and I did a blog post about it already!)

3. Hoping it would make me famous...

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

Chris D:"I was emotionally insecure, but superficially confident."-this is a pretty accurate description of the better part of my twenties.

Justin said...

Melody -- isn't that a pretty accurate description of the better part of pretty much EVERYBODY'S 20s? :-)

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

I agree completely, Justin...and if it isn't, I think you're doing something wrong.

callonmevalerie said...

I just read the Rant-O-Rama section of your original Angelfire website, and what the hell, nothing I said made any sense. Oh well, I'll blame it on the whole being fat thing.