Monday, January 11, 2010

My Monday Muse

The Itty Bitty Titty Committee

I know all you hoz have been creaming in anticipation for the beginning of 2010's Monday Muses. Now, I have a list nearing 40 musez lined up, but my main problem was deciding which of the soon-to-be-unleashed lovez of your livez would be grand and beautiful enough to start off the year. I was terribly torn and lost mah appetite for minutez dayz while the voices en mi cabeza deliberated...but I finally picked a muse that will take us all back to a more simpler [read as: emotionally vulnerable & depressing] time of our livez: PUBERTY.

Now, I want to confirm the rumors that yes, I am a man and yes, I do happen to have a weiner. So therefore this week's muse may not specifically speak to my childhood insecurities, but I can still sympathize wiff all you ladiezzz out there! I had no idear that magical fun pillowz could cause so much distress for young women! Be enlightened...

Who knew changing for P.E. could be so fun and/or educational?!?! Sychronized dance numberz and rebel-rousing against the social cliques of the school's hierarchy?! Wowza! This genius clip is from a brilliant [read as: more or less unheard of] 1970s movie-musical called Junior High School. And yes, that is Paula "Seal Clap" Abdul @ the end [feat. pre-surgery nose]. Grrrl even had her own song elsewhere in this gem about throwing a sexxx party. But hey hey! Let's not get side-tracked here! This entry here is about BOOBIEZ [aka mah favo thing in the world aka I don't even understand them and I'm mildly frightened]!

The Itty Bitty Titty Committee is comprised of three desperate chicaz who are all peeved off about not having ratatat patties bouncy enough to get them any boyfriends [feat. superficial respect]. My favorite one is Macaulay Culkin the cholita all the way on the left in the above pictura. She's so spunky [aka unfortunate looking]!

And I didn't know all you ladiez had such fantastico impromptu danceathonz while you stripped and showered! Kick legz, point to tits! Jazz hands, towel whip! Kick legz, flash vagina! How much fun...such great bonding! And here I am tinking it was all blood and padz and complete degradation like what happened to that fucked-up Carrie bitch. I lurrrve how there are groups of rando grrrlz just squating on the ground, waiting for the IBTC to saunter by so they can pop out from behind their lockers and oogle them. I guess the IBTC has its own fanz too! Oh...and please take note of how the P.E. teacher's name is Ms. Van Dyke. Real cute, film producerz.

Wellz, I hope you have learned to be discontent wiff your bodiez and that you have enjoyed my first installment of the Monday Muse for 2010! Now that's that! ::SLAMZ LOCKER::


David said...

I loved this.

My favo was also the tomboyish girl on the right.

And I saw the Dyke teacher name tag too. Totez clever.

I have to say the dance sequence with all the girls in towels was a little creepy, with the potential for jail bait flashing. Ew.

Excellent start for the new year of muses.

hoteltuesday said...

OH MY GOD! I'm not lying! While watching this vid I thought "I'm gonna leave a comment about how this reminds me of Carrie except not feat. blood/pads/nudity/telekinesis/murder/prom" and then YOU mentioned Carrie!!

That girl at the end (who is not Paula) is the worst actress I've ever seen!!!

Jere Keys said...

Wow, my sisters used to reference this song as little kids before they all got frequent and generous visits from the boob fairy.

"yes, I am a man and yes, I do happen to have a weiner" This is where some other person who is not tasteful and scared of David might say "prove it!"

David said...

Good thing everyone is tasteful and just a bit wary of me. Right? ;-)

Laurie said...

Oh sigh yes those were the days--we performed in locker room musicals all year long.

At that age I looked like a boy except I was already 10 feet tall, but I, for one, was glad to be on the IBTC and to not have to worry about padz and booiez yet. I mean this was PE ...hello?? Three (two boobz+one period=three) pains in the a**!(per se)

Love idea that boobies are frightening ....bullet-bra girlzz!!!!

Hilarious Josherz--you outdid yourself.

Michelle M. said...

But why do they have to make THOSE FACES when they're singing?
This reminds me of the awesome musical locker room number in Teen Witch, "I Like Boys".

Dave2 said...

I have lost my will to live.

If that doesn't define the awesomeness of this Monday Muse, I don't know what could.

Tam said...

Why was there a bunch of 30 year old women dancing in towels in the Jr. High change rooms? What kind of perverted school is this?

I seriously don't remember this EVER being a topic of discussion when I was a teen. Weird. If you were easy it didn't matter how big your titties were.

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: The boy-grrrl was the best cuz she made the nastiest snarl facez!

E. Copterz: Proof #657 that you and I are the same persona.

Jere: And then to that person I'd say, "Chut uh, Polt!"

Laurie: I can only imagine what sort of Fosse shit went down @ all-girl sleepovaz!

Michelle: I know, right? Instead of getting boobiez, deez grrrls should worry about fixing their choppaz, since they seem so prone to flashing them @ us!

Dave2: I love ur compliments, Dave. They're always so thoughtful and detrimental to your well-being.

Tam: It's the same perverted high school that would allow Paula Abdul to sing sans electronic voice manipulation. So sick.

hmwhat said...

Boobs scare this shit out of me.

Polt said...

The little on the left is really a 10 year old boy into crossdressing. With a pretty tasteless choice of clothes.

And I had to immediately go back and make sure I DID see Dyke on that ladies shirt. Subtlety was a strong suit of the 70's.

As was drug use. And don't be too hard on the blond at the end, cause she's obviously had a bit too many of them before filming.

What upsets me the most is, at the very end, right as it's cut off, someone is holding up a jockstrap in a box! Were we gonna get a song in the boy's lockerroom with three guys in jocks complaining about how small their jocks were?


Ryan said...

I like itteh bitteh kitteh committehs.

john said...

For Ryan:

What is all the fear of breasts? They aren't scary and are quite nice.

I've seen the clip of Paula singing before and it is quite awful. This clip is equally awful..

Oh, and Josh. Prove it.

Ryan said...

john: Yay! I have a sudden urge to start researching how to slow cat development so that they stay like kittens longer.

josh: I'm sure that Craig would let you borrow his iPhone so that you can take the appropriate pictures.

hmwhat: Boobies don't scare me. They just seem overrated and often inconvenient.

Tam said...

"They just seem overrated and often inconvenient."

I have to agree with you Ryan.

Justin said...

Oh Em Eff Geeeeeeee Josherz this was the funniest Monday Muse EVER! I laughed out loud through the whole thing -- your post more than the clip itself, which was a gem. I don't know how I missed that movie when I was growing up.

"seal clap" -- rofl
"ratatat patties" -- lmao

David -- the dance was creepy, but not because of the "jail-bait" possibility -- quite the opposite since I'm with Tam that most of those gals were 30. Just the danger that ladybits might be seen ("flash vaginas!"). Scary.

Jere - "frequent" visits? Most women only have two breasts each.

Tam - "If you were easy" - PMSL!! Little correction though (though gay I grew up overhearing the talk of straight boys): it DID matter; just not enough.

Polt -- your comment was true to form to such a degree that I can breathe easy that all is right with the world. :-)

Jere, David, et al. Josh can't prove he has a "weiner". He CAN prove he has a "wiener" (hmmm -- I can't tell if those loud thundering footsteps are those of a T-rex or a J-rex).

Josh, John, Ryan, et al. Sorry. Boobies aren't "mildly" frightening, let alone non-frightening. They are SCARY THINGS. They can smother you, they are prehensile and can hang up phones or turn on/off stoves with minds of their own, and if you accidentally catch the nipple of one between a giant heavy pumpkin you are lifting and the edge of the giant bucket you are trying to lift it into that is being held by the owner of said nipple, you can get a painful kick in the shins, so they're dangerous. I know these things because I live with said owner. Oh, the humanity!

Josh & Enrico -- the only thing more frightening than boobies is cooch and you guys mentioned not only that (Josh even using the "v" word), but you reminded one and all about the blood/pads/etc. that is scariest of all.

Ryan - didn't you mean the "inappropriate picture"?

Dave2 -- I'd say that the tagline for this blog should be "Sapping your will to live, one straight man at a time" but this post has been an equal-opportunity life-sapper: (reminders of the very existence of) boobies and menstruating vajayjays for the gay boys, the disappointment of flat chests and itty bitty titties for the straight. But it was worth it :-)

Justin said...

Oh, and Laurie -- you think YOU had it bad; I looked like a girl all through junior high, high school, and pretty much college. The hairstyles worn in the 70s and into the early 80s didn't help, but I was a scrawny eensy stick of a boy at the best of times so that combined with That 70s Show hair and a less-than-entirely-masculine demeanor sealed the deal. It's a miracle I didn't get pummelled every day in junior high especially.

Ryan said...

Justin: Nope. I think they would be very appropriate. So appropriate that one might even say it would be rude not to post them. :)

john said...

Tam & Cupcake: "They just seem overrated and often inconvenient." I've heard this from several owners of said breasts. I can understand the inconvenience of them, hell testicles get in the way often enough, but I'm not sure I agree with overrated. But, I believe that big is not necessarily better when it comes to the breasts.

As for the "vageen" most men, gay or straight have been in one at least once. Unless they were delivered by caesarean.

Jere Keys said...

Justin - the Boob fairy is an old comedy skit (by Bill Cosby, I think) and the idea is that she visits many times and pumps 'em up a little more each time. The point I was making is that my sisters all eventually got huge boobs. Huge. Not one them smaller than a C cup. So, yeah, I grew up hearing about the Itty Bitty Titty Committee and the boob fairy all the time because breasts were a popular topic of conversation at La Casa Keys.

Craig said...

Every monday I die a little on the inside because my company blocks youtube and I never get to join in the Monday Muse fun.

john said...


As for the rest of the boob conversation, 33C isn't *that* big. The Mrs. is further down the alphabet than that.

dcm said...

Pause the video at :59 and tell me that homegirl on the bottom doesn't look like a blow-up doll. Go ahead, I dare you.

Justin said...

"as for the rest of the boob conversation" -- how many times have I heard THAT said :-)

Jere -- I'm so sorry. No gay boy should have to grow up under those conditions.

Craig -- can't you watch youtube videos on your iphone? ;-)

that's J-O-S-H said...

hmwhat: They confuse me more than frighten. I just don't understand their sexxxual allure, but I'm intrigued by their existence.

Polt: There IS a song I believe about the male gym class, but sadly (for you, perv!) it takes place outside and wiff significant clothing.

Ryan: Me too, kittenz are the best cuz they grow up loving me and forever want to be around me unlike other peepz' cats who are wimpy and terrified of everything and piss me off when the run away and won't let me love them which just further pushes them into a deep, unrelenting fear of human beingz [see: David's!].

John: "...quite nice." Durh, your get solid when you see nakie ladiez. I don't! And how can I prove it? By showing you mah driver's license?!

Justerz: I agree. The vagina is one thing I don't think I will ever understand. And I am FINE wiff that.

Craig: You can still read the post and enjoy my joyful [read as: painful] witticismz!

DCM: OMGAWDZ! I almost write that EXACT SAME THING in my entry!

Ray Avito said...

...and wanting to dance now, with tap shoes for some reason...