Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
We've come a long way, but throughout the voting process, deez two formidable opponentz have both managed to secure impressive votes, week after week. But enough of that pansy shiz...every other Muse has fallen @ their feet [aka are relieved to be done wiff dis crap and are chilling out in the Bahamas].
It will be 2011 in less. Which Monday Muse will lead us into the Año Nuevo?! Review below and decide...
Marcel the Shell
Here it is folkz...the final confrontation. Gather your wits and prepare to make
Sunday, December 26, 2010
No Christmas would be complete without a sexxxy, decked out (fake) Xmas tree, just how no Christmas would be complete with a demented, perverted possessed talking Santa doll! My mom has had this terrifying Santa for yearz and no matter how many times he talks, he never seemz to run outta batteriez. Pure evil, I tell you...
As I was getting ready to bounce and make it back to my house before the blizzard (which is currently barricading me inside & will for totez ruin my life tomorrow morning when I try to get my azz up to Nueva Nueva for work!), mi madre asked if she could record a holiday wish to all of you bloggy readerz [feat. special-time shout-out to Anne Marie]. Isn't she just so dahling?!
Friday, December 24, 2010
I know that there are a bunch of scroogez out there that whine & bitch about how lame Xmas is, but whateva...they obvz don't carry Christmas magic [read as: a lot of booze] in their gut on December 25th! I have just finished wrapping all of my family's giftz [feat. Star, OK! & People magazine "wrapping paper"] and I'm about to ship out to la casa de mis padres, but I wanted to bequeath to you, my bloggy audience, some interweb holidaze cheer!
So scroll below to enjoy some yuletide delights from Ke$ha, the Osbourne famile & of course, Ali Lohan.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Marcel the Shell
Who made it soooo far only to ultimately fail and crash and burn and die in the flames of failure?!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Use your fancy fingawork to learn an instrument. Instead of typing out diabolical codes of disaster [feat. ruining many peepz' afternoons!], how about plunking about on a piano a delicious melody?! The first time you play "White Houses" all the way through, it will be like you've just been reborn!
Enrich your cultural mind and go see a critcally-acclaimed dark, psychologically provocative artsy thriller [ie Black Swan, Black Swan or Black Swan]. Then go home and have a 60-minute analytical discussion about the finer points of subtle symbolism throughout.
Why don't you extend your life by 10 years and start exercising to werk off that five-Hot-Pockets-for-dinner lard flab you've procured from yearz of over-eating greasy shit in front of your evil methlab of a computer?
I'm sure that since you started on your condemnable downward spiral into cyber-terrorism, you've lost touch wiff all of your amigoz. I'm sure if you picked up the telefono and gave dem a ring and apologized for ignoring them in exxxchange for ruining everyone's life via hackinating the interwebz, they'd forgive you and want to rekindle your friendship.
Monday, December 13, 2010
"Me and Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin
Surprised? Didjoo tink I only dabbled in the musical stylingz of current *popstarz*?! Thought I didn't have an appreciation for the classic rock n' rollerz of yesteryear?! Well, to quote Kelly Clarkson, "You thought wrong"!
Not only is dis my favorite M song of all time, but it is also my third favorite song EVER of ANY letter (right behind my choices for B & J)! As we all should know, the fantastico Janis Joplin is one of the best singers that ever existed. Her voice makez mah effing skin crawl and shivers my bones to their very core. I am beyond saddened by the fact that she died sooooOOoOoOo early in her life and left us wiff only a handful of her tunez.
And not only is her voice perfecto, the lyrix to "Me and Bobby McGee" are some of the rawest and most heart-shredding I've ever heard! I want to have a busted flat in Baton Rouge! This tune was implanted into my skull back when I was still a wee little tot, and my appreciation for it has only grown and blossomed into a full-blown obsession as the years passed by.
Four Muses remain. Who will survive your ruthless voting gauntlet of pain and/or suffering?!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Back when I only used the computer to commit homicidal death houses in The Sims and Saw-worthy murda contraptions in Roller Coaster Tycoon, I would never think of spending horaz surfing...da web.
But then I got my own computer, a faster internet connection & moved outta mah parent's house. Now NOTHING will stop me from wasting countless hours I can never get back (sob, sob) on the web.
A Facebook, Twitter, Blogspot,
My score? Only a 57%! Maybe I'm not a lost cause (or maybe I am, who cares?!)! Let's make our own little make-shift episode of mutual Intervention & share our stories of struggle over the Internet addiction we for obvz all suffer from! And don't try and deny it and say you have a healthy relationshit with the Internet...pages upon pages of Facebook thread comments, viral YouTube vidz and annoying FarmVille updates really beg to differ!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
[Click da names below to review]
Marcel the Shell
Missy the Cat
Next week, only four of these lovelies will still be standing. One will be dragged to Hell (not in good way). Save your favorite from certain torture!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I know, I know...we're blowing up faster than you can say "You guys aren't blowing up, you've only recorded like, two fucking cover songs that no one on You Tube cared about," but we still remember our rootz. And that's why we are debuting our pair of brand farting new videos on Josh Is Trashy & Hotel Tuesday. RollingStone.com was BEGGING us for the exclusive vid premiere, but since we lurrrrve you bloggy peepz soOoOoOoO much, we declined.
And since Jo$hr!co was snubbed [ala Ke$ha & AbLisa] for this year's Grammy Award for Best New Artist, I guess E. Copterz + I will just have to work exxxtra hard this year to prove to the recording academy that we deserve their golden gramophones!
So please look below for our cover of Kara Dioguardi's [aka the American Idol judge that isn't fat, drugged, British or a lesbanana]
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
OMFLIPPIN'GAWDERCOPTERSKATEZ! We are down to the last semi-finalz death match before the nexxxt round in the Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown! Next week we'll take the five top vote-getters from the past month, and dump their azzez down into a lion pit of d00m. Each week we'll eliminate another until we're down to the ONE MUSE TO RULE THEM ALL!
And could one of dis week'z Muses be the champion of 2010?! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YET! Both of these week's
assholes inspirations taught us a great deal about ourselves. One learned us in how to cope with loss and how we should never give up hope (or some shiz like dat). The other gave us a birds & beez lesson in how our sexuality blossoms into importance once we hit puberty [read as: get horny over some douche].
Which one meant the most to YOUR life?! Which can't you live wiffout?! Get ur vote on, ho.
The Monday Muse of September 2010: Missy the Cat - the long lost inspiration to all of our dreamz
The Monday Muse of October 2010: The Dirrty Little Mermaid - the outspoken undersea songstress with a libido that could cut glass
VOTE VOTE VOTE! BANG BANG BANG! (that's me shooting at your hoovez until you get your rump into that election booth)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
"Last Beautiful Girl" by Matchbox Twenty
We always remember the first band that we fell hardxxxcore in lurrrve with. The first band whose entire catalog is intimately etched into our brain, that no matter how many artists we listen to in our lifetime, will forevz be an important part of our history. For me it's the Goo Goo Dolls and the creator of mah favorite "L" song, Matchbox Twenty.
Big in the '90s on modern rock radio, with a crossover to pop radio when rock stations started playing HaWdEr RaWk, Matchbox Twenty had numerous hit singlez and four multi-platinum albums. They are Grammy nominees and singer/lead songwriter Rob Thomas, has won several awardz for his lyrical werding talentz.
I've often pondered which of MB20's albumz I would consider to be my favorite. And this installment's Musical ABC is one of the major reasonz I always lean towards the band's second album, Mad Season. The song "Last Beautiful Girl" won my heart before I even heard it/got home from the store. I remember picking up the album at the record store, reading the song titles on the back and LOVING THE TITLE to death. I made it my mission to listen to that song first and fall in love.
And I did not disappoint myself! I did fall in love with it. The track is a spiteful and ultimately enpowering kiss-off anthem for any peepz that have been double-kris-krossed by any dumb ex-whorez that they use to date. If you have a bitter break-up with your former significant other, don't cry like a bitch and wedge yourself under your ex's refridgerator
like I did once, just take a letter opener and gouge the lyrix to this song into the side of their new car!
(please ignore the dumbazz Twilight fuckery that's accompanying the song)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Then we drank some spiked cider, chuggled down wine, and ATE ATE ATE ATE ATE the shiz outta the beautiful foodie spread that my loving parents whipped up. Seriously, my mom & dad churn out Tanxgiverz Dinna like it's nuffin'. It would legit take me prox 2 weekz to like open the cranberry sauce. I gobbled so much grub that my stomach esssssploded and I started to get drag to food hell until my family took my ass to the hospital to pump it clean. Here is a scientific X-Ray of what my stomach looked like:
Then they sucked all that comida outta me and I was sent home to eat a whole other nother serving! MMMMMMM! We ended the night playing tunez for each other via YouTube and watching Christina Aguilera bark about how grrrrreat Burlesque (I'm seeing it tomorrow!) is on Chelsea Lately.
I hope you've had a glorious holiday that was nuffin' @ all like this following video that I found online earlier today when I typed in "Thanksgiving Family Dinner"...
Monday, November 22, 2010
I for serial don't know how you folks can go about your dia to dia lives...I know I am literally glued (ouch) to my computer screen, anxiously awaiting each
Tuesday morning Monday for the next round of the Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown!
Both Muses this week helped us keep our cooooool during the asshole hot summer. Now it's your chance to repay them! Did a smorgasborg of derrrriciously cold cocktails help you survive the July swelter or did some nice afternoon conversation help you make it through the August heat?! Let me know...
Make sure your fingers are attached correctly and vote vote vote!
The Monday Muse of July 2010: Sandra Lee - the queen of culinary clusterfuckery incorporated
::crack, crack:: Okidokerz...Mis dedos are all limber and ready. I hope yours are too! Voting below...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
And as we're all aware, Katy Perry is the "new queen of pop." And as we also all know, mi gato Baberz and my god-child puppy Penelope are two of the most adorable things in existence. And what is the best way to exxxpress your never-ending love for something?! Singing delicately of your adoration to your loved onez [aka SCREAMING into their ear holez]!
So that's why I am presenting all you bloggy peepz wiff some home videoz of mine where I gush over the animalz in my life that own my heart. Try not to fall TOO in love wiff me. I might have a dreamy voice, but I am a soul-crusher. Trust me!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Okay...so I am for obz joshing wiff all you beautiful bitchez. I love you all and you're a great audience and tank you, tank you for consistently reading this crapfestival garbage I pollute the interwebz wiff every week.
And since it's largely cuz of you readerz that I am still so dedicated to churning out postz, I wanted to make y'all a little more of a permanent part to Josh Is Trashy. So that's why I am asking all of those who are innnnerested to send me a drawing/picture/Photoshop masterpiece that represents the theme and message of mah little slice of cyber heaven [aka I write like an idiot and bitch about the world, make fun of online shit & talk insessantly about pop culture].
When the new year rollz around, I'ma work on incorporating all the submissionz into permanent residency somewhere on my site. Need an idea of what I'm loooooking for? My sister's fiance John already sent me one:
DIS HERRE EMAIL ADDRESS. MWUAH!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Things are for def def defferz kicking up in the race for Monday Muse of 2010! The outpouring of votez makez me feel like all this time I
I hope you ate your Wheaties dis mañana, cuz you're gonna need to concentrate hard and pick which Muse is the better muse...here...they...COOOOOOME!!
The Monday Muse of May 2010: Judge Judy - deliverer of sassy judgement wiff a side of venemous spitfire
Alrighty, you beautiful sunofa-sunofaz, let's see which how man (or WOman) you really are...can you make dis tuff decision? I don't think so. Oh...what's dat?? You can?! Well...prooove it. Let's see this poll burn-up!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
"Konstantine" by Something Corporate
My choice for dis week's Musical ABC is for deferishonishes the most epic song to be featured in my alphabeta-selectionz. It's prox 32 hourz [read as: 9-10 minz] long & is basically the psuedo-emo pop-punk band Something Corporate's opus. I first heard this painfully depresso espresso tune back when I was a freshman in college, and each line was respectively worn-out as instant messenger away messages.
It's one of mah favo songz ever and is best listened to right after your heart is broken, while you stare @ long-long-ago fotografias of you and your ex-significant other with half a bottle of wine in your gut and enough tissues to clog the San Andreas Fault (trust me...I know from experience). Then you awake from your "Konstantine"-coma, call up your best grrrlfriendz and eat pint after pint of Ben & Jerry's [aka sadness medicine]. Broken heart mended!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Think about it! During the year, the Earth is at different orbital levels and shit like gravity or tides or some other nature crap like that all change, and when you're chilling out in your motha's stomach, you could be altered in how your fragile brainz and body are formed.
Oh, I can see you rolling your eyez all over the place...but I recently checked out the Pisces (my sign) page @ Astrology.com and wowza! The description is pretty precise in describing moi!
Let's check out some stated factz about Pisces, and see if this shit really matches up to WhO mAh ReFLeCtIoN sAyz I Am iNsiDE!
So that was my astrological analyst. 3 outta 4 facts fit like a glove. Whattayaboutchooo? What's your sign? Check out Astrology.com and let us know if your fruity little star sign matches up wiff who you are as a person!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Monday Muse of 2010 Showdown! started off like gangbustaz last week! The race was neck y neck between Yatta! & Maxine Swaby. Who won? IIIIII'LL NEEEEVEEEER TEEEELLL (until the first week of Deciembre).
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! JUST SCROLL DOWN AND VOTE! HURRY! BEFORE THE JUNK FOOD APOCALYPSE COMES AND ENFLAMED WHALES START CRASHING ONTO OUR SKULLS!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I know that all of us have been mad st00pid busy this year what wiff new jerbz, peepz moving + life just constantly getting crazzzier, so I thought that dis might be a nice way for all of us to reconnect and remember how much we lurrrve each other's cyber-companionship!
So if you're innnnerested in partaking in this year's festivities (you're so effing lame if you don't!), then comment on this blog
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I know I've been quite melancholerz lately & I know that what wiff the recent spike in gay suicidez, that a lot of other peepz have been struggling through their livez as well. But what do I turn to when everything else in the world seemz mad effing LAME CITY?! MUSIC!
And luckily for me (and after dis entry, you too), tres of my favorite pop *starz* have recently birfed some feel-good anthemz into the top 40 airwavez and I've found mahself locking down deez three jamz on repeat whenever I find myself in a rough spot. Partly inspired by the plight of da gayz, P!nk, Ke$ha and Katy Perry have given me [feat. the world] some hopeful tunez that inspire a brighter tomorrow and remind us all that WE ARE SOOOO WORTH IT! Check 'em out, PLEASE!:
"Raise Your Glass" - P!nk
Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways!
Leave it to Alecia Beth Moore [aka P!NK] to make a song honoring all the under-dawgz [feat. dirrty little freakz] of the world. Never backing away from opposition, P!nk's latest top ten single (her 10th!) is an ode to being proud of all your quirky differencez and lurrrving yourself even if you're gay, a different color, overweight, a n3rd festival, a milk cow or whatever it is that peepz try and put you down for being. P!nk wavez all of our fReAk fLaGz high!
"We R Who We R" - Ke$ha
You know we're superstars.
Sure, peepz are saying dis is just another party-drunkathorn from everyone's favorite trashgrrrl, Kesha Sebert [aka KE$HA], but the song (that just debuted @ mothereffing #1 on the Billboard Hot 100!) was written after all those gay teens committed suicide last month. You may not know, but Ke$ha has prox a bajillon gay fans (DURHZ), and da song encourages anyone that feels ostracized to flip da bird to all of dem haterz and then get their nalgaz on the dancefloor.
"Firework" - Katy Perry
Baby, you're a firework. Come on, let your colors burst.
We all fell in lurrrve with summer thanks to "California Gurls." We all fell in lurrrve wiff each other to "Teenage Dream." But it seemz like dis year'z pop queen, Katy Hudson [aka Katy Perry] is now demanding the we LURRVE OURSELVEZ! Don't act like you didn't get all soaky-eyed when the fat cholita jumped in the pool or when the cancer kid smiled. Sheesh...could this song/video make my heart snap/crackle/pop anymore?!
So folkz...after listening to these hit jamz, do you suddenly feel inspired to take of the world?! If not then you best give them another listen!
Monday, November 1, 2010
But enough of this st00pid chitchat...let's get to round 1! Dis week, you hoz will have to pick between the Monday Muses of January & February. Only one can be victorious. The other will be forced to listen to Hilary Duff's entire music catalog until their brainz turn to liquid hell and they collapse into a bloody pile on the floor (it happens after about the 4th song).
Here are dis week's combatants:
Come on folkz & vote! There is for serialz nuffin' more important for you to be doing right now. I promise!