Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Wrap it up!

So today is World AIDS Day. I'm sure all of you folkz already know this and the day is nearly ova, so I'm not sure why I felt a need to post about it, but fuck it, I AM!

HIV & AIDS are the single most terrifying ting in my life and I can honestly say that there is nary a thing I am more weary of. I know I joke about not hooking up and wanting to get married and shiz, but it's cuz of HIV & other scurrry diseases that I am totez serial!

Be safe folkz! Don't hook up wiff rando peepz you don't absolutely trust! Nazty! And while I think it's absolutely disgusting to touch p33nz & vag33nz wiff someone you're not committed to, I know quite a few otras personaz who view things differently and would fight me on where I stand. So instead of getting all judgercopterz on everyone's lifestyles, let me just plead that if you wanna do the bedroom tango with a million rando peepz, please be smart and cover your body wiff condamnz so you don't get sickerz and make me cry!

Take care and I <3 you all!


Dorkys Ramos said...

Thanks for getting the word out in your own special way :)

Now where are these videos?

goblinbox said...

AIDS and HIV are scary because they can be fatal.

Perspective: simply being alive is fatal. There's only one way out of here.

Being easy (in the sexual sense) is stupid. It's emotionally and physically unhealthy. Being intellectually rigid about sexuality and sexual expression is also unhealthy.

The world is complicated, but one neat thing about being human (rather than a cabbage or something) is pleasure. Rub two bodies together and, well, it can be really nice.

Doing so indiscriminately can be, as you point out, dangerous. No one thinks circuit boys are truly healthy. But there's nothing wrong with a little joyful humpin', honey, nothing at all. Moderation is the key.

It is often true that feeling judgercopterz about others' choices of sexual expression is more about yourself than about them. We often have very high expectations of love and sexual intimacy, and a lot of anger about the frequent disappointment we experience when dealing with actual people in the actual fucked up world. I'll quote J. Giles here, because it makes my point about trying to find true love in the real world: "And all I can say is / Love Stinks."

Sex, though, well, it works as advertised a lot more often than (romantic) love does. Don't get bummed at folks; they're just tryin' to get by.

Hope I haven't said anything awkwardly; I'm just sharin' my two cents' worth. Excellent, thoughtful post, you!

Mel said...

I'll just point out that there are also things you can pick up from even "safer" sex. While I'm not generally the sort to go all judgey on peeps who just want a good time, I've learned the hard way that you need to be able to trust the one you're with.

goblinbox said...

I once had a (str8) guy friend who wouldn't engage in any kind of sexual contact with a woman he wasn't willing to have children with.

I've always been impressed by that; it seemed like a really good place to set the bar.

I set my own MUCH, MUCH LOWER and spent a lot of years recovering from the emotional damage I caused myself by sleeping with fucktards.

David said...

Well said.

Tam said...

Good points Josh. Playing safe is really just smart. My friend posted some stats on her blog today about this:

500,000 people are living with AIDS in the US
45% of this number are Black
35% of this number are White
50% of this number are women.

I'll bet most women are shocked by that. I would think most people still see it as a gay man's disease. I know some of those numbers come from drug use, sharing needles and stuff but certainly not all of it. No one is immune.

Chris D. said...

I appreciate your concern. I don't hook up because I don't have any interest in physical intimacy without emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy with strangers just seems gross to me.

However, I am also concerned about communicable diseases. I don't even like to kiss lots of guys for fear of catching something. From what I hear, HPV is very common. Herpes is also floating around. That is all MUCH easier to catch than AIDS, and has NO CURE, either.

I tend to think that the odds dictate that guys who make-out with or hookup with lots of guys may have a collection of various STD's. Yuck!

I am not afraid of sexuality. I want to be intimate when I think that the right person comes along. I may not always know in advance WHO the ultimate right person will be. That is something you learn in a relationship. I do believe that _some kind_ of sex is a part of a healthy relationship. But I certainly don't want to risk my health for unfulfilling flings with strangers.

Great post!

David said...

For what it's worth, I think it's very sweet and romantic that you take things as seriously as you do. And anybody who doesn't appreciate your stance isn't for you. Thank you for caring about all of us and wanting us all healthy! ::snuggles::

Laurie said...

Yay Josh for making point of it ...is important!!!!!!

Don't make us cry for you people out there!

Be smart ok?

Michelle M. said...

To each their own. But I always subscribed to the Clueless philosophy: You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet. - Cher

that's J-O-S-H said...

dorky: what duet shall we do? "nobody wants to be lonely" by christina aguilera & ricky martin is always @ the top of mah list.

GoblinBox: i know i often piss peeeepz off with mah condemning of frivilous "oil changez" but what you say is for troofz...tingz in my past [read as: one guy in partix] made me extremely sensitive and slightly jaded in regards to casual sexual encounters. I just hate to see people not take emotional intimacy for serial, like dis persona pasado did with me. I try to keep mah emotionz under control but it's hard.

Mel: i've learned over the yearz that due to my intensely overwhelming anxiety issues [feat. smothering panic attackz] i can no longer casually stir the man butter with someone i don't a) have feelingz for, and b) trust to the end o' da world.

Tam: those statistix are for def def defferz eye-opening. It's alarming how ignorant people still are in regards to the disease.

Chris: mhmmmm...i hope peepz don't view me as a prude. Just ask mah past BFz [aka don't, because it would be mad awkz], i really am quite comfortable being sexual...it just has to be wiff mah husband [feat. Clean bill of health] and not some rando gringo who could be carrying lord knowz what around on his crotch. I also hate the promiscuity stereotype that gay men are pegged wiff. On more than one occassion, i've had peep assume i'd be all up for random hook ups wiff their friends or whoever. ANNOYING. Dat's anotha reason i get so fired up about this issue. It's hard to differentiate urself from a stereotype when there are so many forces working to support it.

David: i know quite a few gayz in mah generation that also follow a similar thought process as me. The tidez, they are a-changin'!

Michelle: i lurrrve dat quote. And it's true...my p33n pickiness is very finely tuned.

David said...

@Josh: Which is why you should marry one of them! ::raises hand to volunteer::

Tam said...

David, I believe proposing via blog comment is considered slightly less than romantic. You at least need to hire the guy in the gorilla suit to accost him in the subway with a corny sign. THAT is romantic. :-P

hoteltuesday said...

Wrapping it up is 4 loserz. Life is about taking risks.

goblinbox said...

I'd just like to state, for the record, that I hate panic attacks. So much.

Justin said...

I only have two things to say:

(1) @goblinbox: "No Anchovies Please"

(2) @david: 100% agree with the "very sweet and romantic" sentiment. 1000% agree. :-)

callonmevalerie said...

"It is often true that feeling judgercopterz about others' choices of sexual expression is more about yourself than about them. We often have very high expectations of love and sexual intimacy, and a lot of anger about the frequent disappointment we experience when dealing with actual people in the actual fucked up world."

That's a great way to put it. I think the anger and disappointment come from the fact that we're never all on the same page. Josh, you and I have had this conversation about not being able to hook up with people unless you have feelings for them, and also thinking that other people think the way you do. You assume that they know that you're being physical with them because you have feelings for them . . . and you assume wrong. I think people really discount the emotional after effects of hooking up with someone who doesn't appreciate what they have. Not to mention all the stuff this post was about - the physical effects, etc.

Good post, and good comments. Aaliyah!

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

The overall problem is people are sloppy, have a REALLY hard time learning lessons (aka, the history of the entire human race), and just overall suck.

Never assume anything. There came a point in my life due to lots of emotional raping on the romance front that I turned into what some people would call jaded, but what I would call intelligent. I decided "that's it. I am telling my next interested pary EVERYTHING as up front as I can." And now I'm getting married in less than a year. Honesty and communication pay off. Not everyone is on the same page as you. Some people are still lingering at the table of contents. And if you run across one of those "I'm not really good at communicating" types...either train them, or run.

thejjmg said...

Melody, you're not a destroyer of dreams, you're a romantic :-)

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

That's true, I am a romantic. I will not hesitate, however, to dash anyone's head in the clouds ideas about life and love. I do often dream about perfection though, and its possible attainability.

Justin said...

Melody I have no problem with your dashing (though I think you meant to spell it "dash anyone's head-in-the-clouds ideas" cuz otherwise it looks like you're dashing people's heads INTo clouds which hardly seems like a painful thing, just a soggy thing).

And I should just admit one other thing. I don't just agree with David's "very sweet and romantic that you take things as seriously as you do" comment because I find it romantic. I also just agree with Josh's take on things because it makes me feel less lonely and weird as a gay man -- hell as a man at all -- who has never been able to hook up or cruise or do any of those guy things that most guys do without (what seems to me) a second thought. Not that I "disapprove" of guys who do it -- I'd be stupid to disapprove of what I suspect 99.9% of guys do (or would do, given the chance). But I've always felt totally out of sync, being someone with woman-from-a-chick-flick views on sex and romance but being a guy, and it's nice to know I'm not totally the only one. :-)