Friday, December 18, 2009

Ten Rando Tingz

I thought that for this next installment of 10 Rando Tinz that I'd take you back to a time when I wasn't the grungy lil sasspot I am today! Enjoy this spread of childhood remembrancez!

Here I am wiff my mommy & sisters [feat. aunt & uncle] @ a picnic. As you can tell, I'm mad pissed to be outside and not playing Super Mario Bros. 2. I probably wasn't terribly sad though, cuz that thermos on the table is most likely filled with pink lemerlade [aka my favo gourmet childhood beverage!].

I'm pretty sure I've posted this pic befo, but mah dad's 'stache is so effing ace that I needed to make sure it had more time in the limelight! Look how jacked he is here! And he's prox 43 in this pic! Tanx for the awesome metabolism Dad.

[P to da S: I am was such a lazzzy bonez that mi padre had to open up my burfday presentz for me.]

This is me thinking that I'm cute enough to pull off this fabulous look. Me? As a gift?! Ha!

Here are mah sisters looking adorable. There's mi madre lookin' fucking sexxxy in hot pink shortz. And then there's me...taking a constipated volcano dump.

Here I am being a dirrty lush. That beautiful baby @ my feet is one of mah three childhood kittenkatz, Sam (R.I.P.). Chances are that I worked myself into an exhausted coma by playing Crystalis for 8 horaz straight. Or there is vodka in my Crayola sip cup. Maybe Probably a combo of both.

I'm pretending to make Kentucky Fried Chicken apparently. Extra cripsy [read as: actually just sand]!

Eat a crotch, Lindsay Lohan! The [the fully loaded] Love Bug is MIIIIIIIIIINE! Why do I always look Asian when I smile? ¡Extraño!

I will bet $20 (not really) that in this picture I am putting on a reenactment of Phantom of the Opera wiff Barbie and/or She-Ra dollz. GAY!

This is moi down @ the Seaside Heights boardwalk on da Jerzeeeee shore. This is the picture that inspired my favorite singer the goddess of mi vida, P!nk's latest album cover. I lurrrve me some Alecia Beth Moore, but grrrl better fork ova da royalties for stealin' my idea!

And finally, here I am on the first day I was alive. Hellz yeah I'm rockin' a teddy bear pajama top! Now don't all you hoz who have insinuiated [or blatantly said] that you want to sexually defile me feel disgusterz lookin' at me when I was so young and innocent?! Shame on you dirrty pepawz!


David said...

It's hard to comment when your heart has exploded into a zillion sentimental bits.

Cuteness times infinity.

Tam said...

You were freaking adorable. Still are of course. Not many guys can rock the bow on the forehead look but it works for you. You should get some teddy bear pjs so you can relive your youth. Get someone to take a picture of you sleeping like that and reenact the day of your birth. Except for the squeezing out of a vagina part, maybe pass on that.

john said...

You were such a little toe head. And who you calling a pepaw?

Your Dad was totally rocking the pornstache and you aren't kidding, he was jacked up! But not for nothing, but he had to be to attract a hot piece like your mom, she is beautiful.

The picture of you reenacting Phantom and making chicken feat. a care bear are too freaking cute.

Craig said...

It's hard to comment when you vomited all over your keyboard from David's comment.

I kid, I kid! :-P

Gift bow picture = amazingness! And my personal favorite.

hoteltuesday said...

Lulz! I LOVE how you tapped into the awesome powers of the carousel before P!nk did!

And Craig's comment was pretty funny!

Dave2 said...

Awww... cute! Not quite as adorable as I was when I was a child... but still cute.

Laura said...

I totes had that crayola sippy cup only mine was green and definitely full of vodka.

Polt said...

the bow on the head must be a gayboy thing, cause I have countless photos of countless Christmases when I took nearly every freakin bow off every freakin gift and stuck to my head.

Some of them are even from when I was a kid.

But seriously, anyone that knows you now should be nolo surprised that you were cute and adorable as a kid, cause the cute and adorable you now had to start somewhere (says the dirrty pepaw, hoping flattery with work where flat our leacherous statements have not).


Laurie said...

AWWWWWW ........!!!

You had older sisters of course you played with Barbies ....

Love how Sam's scratchin' on you.

You need bug-mobile in real life.

Milo said...

Such a sweet, angelic child. Who knew!!

Chris D. said...

Cute photos. You were a cute kid, and are still a cute grownup.

I wonder if you spoke as quickly as a child as you do now.

Your father does look rather buff in that photo. I hope I can look that good when I'm his age.

Michelle M. said...

Josh - Bow or not, you're the gift that keeps on giving.

Craig - hahaha!

john - tow head. I had a friend who thought it was toad head.

Dave2 - adorable. You both have a constipated volcano dump photo : ).

Anonymous said...

Aaw! Good times! I must correct you though; the pic with the She-ra castle...we weren't into Phantom yet (in fact, it prob didn't open on Broadway). You were probably playing them to Foreigner and Bat Out of Hell...Mom and Dad gave a couple of old tapes to Mel and I when were living in the "Red House". Love the photos you picked Josh!

-Sista Cin

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: Heart combustion [feat. instant death]...I've been known to have that effect on men.

Tam: I was not birthed from a vagina! I was born like how the little girl in "Knocked Up" thinks babiez are born.

John: My parents were pretty much the hottest peepz back in the day. How I turned out to be as fucking ugly as I am is a mystery to us all! ::fishing for complimentz::

Craig: Yeah...that bow is gorg! Too bad mah apple juice-stained puss is goon-grinning behind it. ::still fishing::

E. Copterz: Further proofz that Alecia Beth Moore & I are soulmatez!

Dave2: I ALSO LOVE WATERMELON! And I fully enjoy the pic of you channeling Lucifer. Cute!

Laura: If I'm not mistaken, I tink that sippy cup is still in my attic. Sadly, the vodka has long since been beefed up into a toilet.

Polt: Perverto! But tanx for calling me cute! It's good to know I have friends who have no qualms about lying to me!

Laurie: Sam was always kind of a dick to me. He lurrrve my sisters but always tried to make me bleed. Once he got on his hind legs and batted me into a corner. I was so scared. Oh, and I was 12 aka a huge wuss mobile.

Milo: Haha...cuz I'm such a Satanic prick nowadayz?! Alright, you got me there.

Chris D.: I actually didn't talk tooooo much as a kid. I did run everywhere though! I constantly was trying to body slam into mis gatos and crush their beautiful bodies against the kitchen cabinets.

Cindy: Oh yes...or I was playing "Jaws" and having the poor Barbies get dismembered for my entertainment...after of course they were raped by Ken.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh yes! I forgot about playing Jaws in the kiddie pool! Let's not forget about when Ken was a vampire and targeted Barbie to be his next immortal bride!


Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

YAY! She-ra castle. Can we go back to those days when our epic video game battles were the most intense and passionate we got about anything??