Sunday, December 27, 2009

Cookies never lie!

A few weeks ago, I was spending some time wiff Mr. Pasteeeeeeeeelnick and we were hungerz so we decided to go to China and get some grub. Turnz out China takes longer than five minutez to get to from Brooklez so I got pissed and tired of walking. To chut me uh, David ordered us take-out and it was derrrrriciouz. But forget that! We all know that the best part of Chinese food is the fortune cookie fortune in the cookie. So after I smashed my stale faux-dessert into dust, I looked at what the Chinese gods [read as: food distributorz] had in store for me...

At first I was depressed cuz it didn't mention anything about the Lamia coming to visit me in three days and drag my excited azz to hell, but then when I actually read over the fortune, I started to appreciate its message. [cue nostalgic reflecting on the year remembrance post]...

This year has been a (cliche!) roller coaster with several huge highs and quite a few small lows. It started wiff me gettin' mi corazon broken and the emotional cluserfuck that ensued within me afterwords. It hurt like a bitch and I cried for hours on end listening to really depressing music. In order to keep myself functioning in a semi-productive manner, I plunged into side projects and work.

My jerb in Nueva Nueva side-tracked my mind into learning the world of music publicity, while I spent mah tiempo libre focusing on Josh Is Trashy and changing its purpose from that of a self-loathing high school-era LiveJournal to sumfing to make me happy and dedicated to. A fun little escape, this blog has let me talk about the (dumbo, stoopid, fucktard) shet that I find entertaining and has allowed me to reach out to a modest audience of personaz. It's caused me to reconnect with a really good friend of mine, while also meeting a whole cast of colorful [read as: equally insane to myself] characterz that I look to on a regular basis now as a sort of entertaining support system.

I still constantly feel like I am goin' crazzzy. My anxieties are always racing and I am perpetually expecting a straight jacket to be slung around my emaciated torso at any second, but through all this chaos and bull to da shit I've been able to pick my crying ass up off the ground and create a person that sucks just a little bit less than the person I was 365 days ago.

This isn't going to be my last post of the year (I still need to do my End of the Year Supa Fiesta Media Splashdown Thunderclap Round-Up, of course!), but I thought it would be nice [aka oddly vulnerable] to share with you this little wink of reflection and to remind you of what we all already know...the Chinese know everything.


hoteltuesday said...

WHAT??? A "End of the Year Supa Fiesta Media Splashdown Thunderclap Round-Up"?! Are you copying me?!?!

Anyway, my favorite moment of the year was IMing you about housing prices E>

Tam said...

Sometimes it's good to stop and look back, we don't notice change as it sneaks up on us. I never would have thought "berserk" is a word the Chinese use, but then again they had Attila the Hun I suppose.

Looking forward to your big round-up.

Polt said...

the Chinese DO know everything...especically sexually...or at least the Chinese Ive met in Toronto do (oh stop! I've been very chaste recently in my comments, I was due!)

I'm glad you popped up on Puntabulous as well, Josherz, and it was super sweel to meet you in NY. And the bloggy gift exchange...what an awesome idea was that!! :)

Thanks, Josherz, for all the 2009 memories. :)


Laurie said...

"little wink of reflection" ....nice Josh.

Justin said...

Josh, Josh, Josh. It's not the "food distributorz" that are responsible for the fortunes. Don't you know that writing fortune-cookie fortunes and salada tea-bag fortunes are the universal fate of English Majors everywhere? (Sorry, Enrico.)

Big ;-) emoticon :-)

That being said, what a sweet post. This is one of the coolest, most creative, funniest, most intelligent blogs I've discovered in a long time, and the same goes for hoteltuesday and puntabulous as well. Not to in any way diss perspectologist's or polt's or david p's or any of the others' blogs, which are all great blogs in and of themselves -- but you 3 guys are just wicked genius-level creative. :-)

Looking forward to your end-of-year post.

Can I borrow Polt's "HUGS"?

Michelle M. said...

"Stale faux dessert". Exactly!

I once had a fortune cookie with NO FORTUNE in it. The night before a plane trip. Eek.

I'm glad that you decided to focus on your blog (aka entertaining me) and that your year is ending on a better/happier note.

Justin said...

Ah, the blank fortune. That's always a good feeling. Right before a plane trip is pretty impressive though.

At least on this occasion, the cookie *did* lie.

While we're talking of cookies, I've been horrified to discover -- in a conversation over on Facebook where Polt has been singing the praises of his mother's cookies -- that if there's enough ginger in the ginger snaps you eat, your poo will smell of it. I just felt I had to share that lovely experience with the rest of you in case you missed Polt's thread.

Mel said...

You do know, of course, that you have to add "in bed" to the end of your fortune in order to give it true meaning. Once upon a long time ago, I created a website that would give you a randomly generated fortune from particularly good ones I had collected over the years. I believe the ex killed it, since it was under his intarwebs account. Anyway, my favorite of all time was "Constant grinding can turn an iron rod into a needle." In bed.

David said...

So glad I'm part of the entertaining support system.

And so glad Justin can tolerate the blandness of my pathetic excuse for a blog.

Pardon me while I stick my head in the oven and blow out the pilot light.

madtexter (corey james) said...

Phew! What a year you've had. I only came late to the party, but I'm looking forward to keeping up with your musings and day to day blissful absurdities. All best for the new year.

that's J-O-S-H said...

E. Copterz: My favorite moment of the year is any time we had an awesome convo about muzak/poetry/life/gross peepz [aka every conversation we had].

Tam: They meant to use "completely lose your shit and go crazzzy like a fuckin' nutbar," but it didn't fit on the cookie's paper. So "berserk" it is.

Polt: Your welcome for all the memoriez! Now pay personality and online presence runs a steep rate!

Justin: I'm was an English major too and I refuse to work for anything related to those tasteless fart cookiez!

Michelle: Da Chinese just couldn't fathom (just like me!) how amazing you are, so they gave up and assumed that you already know everything in the world, including your fortune!

Mel: That is awesome (and sick)! "Constant grinding?!" I feel like I could include that line [read as: steal from you] in a poem I am working on! Thanks for co-writing with me!

Dave: Yay for S. Plath-inspired deathz!

MadTexter: Better to come late than never (in bed). Wow...Mel was right!

Chris D, said...

I am glad to hear that you are progressing well on your journey and I am glad that you joined the cult of Puntabuland. :)

Just as you may have drawn support from your Internet friends, you have also provided it. Thank you for that.

Best wishes on a continued journey toward an always better future.

Justin said...

For crying out loud -- isn't it about time somebody had "The Cult of Puntabaland" t-shirts made up?

And David -- for heaven's sake, you can't blow the pilot light out from INSIDE the oven; you have to open the drawer underneath first, blow, and THEN turn the gas on. Sylvia Plath would be ashamed!

(And David -- there is ... NOTHING ... "bland" about Wednesday Tent-Pitch.)