Monday, November 2, 2009

My Monday Muse

Victoria

It seems like little grrrlz always seem to grow up craving to be a mommy. What wiff their baby dollz and the sexual boundariez imposed on them by society, it seemz engrained in little ladies to grow up and have a large, fruitful familia. And that's perfectly fine! Beautiful even. I wish more peepz would fill their lives with love and ambitions of such genuine happiness. I wish more peepz were like this ambitious young woman below. Victoria, please inspire us:



Beautiful soul! Talk about being a selfless martyr! Victoria is clearly the reincarnation of Mama Theresa what wiff her willingness to sacrifice [aka what real women do] her body to support her child. I mean, sure peepz may wanna slam her azz (in more wayz than one) for tryin' to sperminate her life away at the tender age of fifteen but all dem hoz are just mad jellerz that they don't have their "life game" planned out like Victoria here. College? Booo! A real-person jerb? Lame! Marriage?!?! Who needz all that goofy crap when you can have your raisin-boobiez flashed on Girls Gone Wild while shitting out a mentally-handicapped reject baby a bundle of innocent joy?!

Sure, you can call her a "playa," but grrrlfriend OWNz it because, as we all know, she's got it like dat. Prostituting her body? No probz! She'll do whatever it takes to give her baby whatever it needs. Clothes? She's gonna sell her rump so her baby only has designer threadz [read as: cheap street knock-offz]. Is that baby cold? Homegrrrl gotz all the beach towels blankets the little tot could ever want! Toyz? She shop-lifted all that gooood shiz outta the local Goodwill. She's even got three pacifierz (she uses dem in role-playing) so the baby, just like her mama, will always have sumfing to suck on. Cute!

And look at her mom, trying to front and step in on her daughter's life game! What. A. Bitch! She obviously knows nuffin' about having babiez, cuz as we can tell, she didn't give birth to a mere mortal human being. She gave birth to a goddess among goddesses and she should be tanking Jeebuz that her daughter turned out to be such a sacred deity. Saint Victoria, go on wiff your heavenly whore-azz! I lurrrvez you.

18 comments:

Tam said...

Josh honey, quit freaking me out okay? My daughter is 14.5. Ack!!!

Although I won't be facing that dilema, she'd rather cut off her right arm than touch a child under the age of about 8. LOL I sometimes wish she'd babysit and earn some money but she'd rather shovel horse shit at the farm than spend time around kids. So I'm good with that. LOL

I had to laugh at the Mom. You catch your kids having sex THREE times in your bed (what's wrong with her own fucking bed) and then you're shocked she's had sex in the park? Mind you, she's probably has so many STD's her tubes are clogged up and she'll never get pregnant. Be thankful for small mercies.

Julia said...

mom i just wanted you to know that i've had sex in public places over 100 times... HAHAHA favorite!

jeez, why am i in college when i could be having babies?! i really need to get my life together.

dcm said...

I want a baby really really badly. Maybe I should give her a call?

PS, I laughed a lot harder than I should have at the reject baby line. You're terrible!

FunWithGrindr said...

Where the hell does that accent of hers come from? It sounds like a upper-middle-class 'burb chick trying desperately to sound like she and her over-used coochie have street cred.

Well, okay, a fake over-used coochie, because I don't believe a word of it. I think she really just wanted a cameo on Dora the Explorer but her agent accidentally booked the wrong show...

Dave S.

FunWithGrindr said...

Oh, and "sperminate her life away" = hilarious! :D

Ryan said...

I still think Cartman is more of out control:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/153246

hoteltuesday said...

LOL!!! That the best video EVER! "I got three!" HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Oh, and LOL at "beach towels."
But seriously, what's the big deal?! I've had sex in public 100 times too! Who hasn't?

that's J-O-S-H said...

Tam: I might be the dumbest person alive, but "she's probably has so many STD's her tubes are clogged up and she'll never get pregnant,"...can that ACTUALLY HAPPEN?!

Julia: Your uterus is a goldmine of crushed dreamz just waiting to be expelled.

DCM: Do it...I hear she puts out ON THE WAY to the first date.

Dave S.: I too was trying to figure out her accent. White trash = gh3tt0 wannabeeee?! How did that happen?

E. Copterz: Whose definition of sex are you referring to? Sane people [IE you and I] or David?

Michelle M. said...

Ryan - that's exactly what I thought of when I saw this.
"I don't go to school and I kill people. Whatevah, I do what I want."

wrod ver. "copotere" looks like the french version of copterz

Tam said...

Josh: Yes, if you get Chlamydia it actually causes scarring of the fallopian tubes and is one of the leading causes of female fertility problems. I'm hoping that's the case here. Syphilis will just chew holes in her brain. Oh wait, that's already happened.

Ryan said...

Michelle: She doesn't even do things like digitally insert Jabba the Hutt into the original Star Wars. How out of control can she be?

Ryan said...

Tam: Maybe all of her STDs will cause a three stooges syndrome, and she will be fine.

http://globalnerdy.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/3_stooges_syndrome.jpg

David said...

If Enrico is using his (and your) definition of sex (i.e. "I'm a virgin if it didn't go up my ass") then he is the biggest whore in whoretown. Which we know is not true, as he is a pure and innocent anjel cholito.

Laura said...

LOVE the wanna be cholita accent.

I run with 12 gangs and they only commit hate crimes!

Ray Avito said...

I just can't take her giving prostitutes a bad name. Any self respecting hooker would not go wasting their hard earned dollars on blankets and pacifiers when they can just dump that dead weight at the nearest church or firehouse.

Joe said...

"If my baby gets cold and needs a blanket, It's ok cause IIIII've got it."

I forgot how much I love this gurrl.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Michelle: "I ran for Congress AND WON! Then I had sex with an intern and killed her body. Whateva, I do what I waaaaant." - CLASSIC

Tam: Not mah fallopian tuberz! I need them so I can have mah period where blood from inside mah body comez outside from an opening between my legz!

Laura: My future children will be raised strictly speaking the elegant language of the Cholitaz and Gringoz. The culture must be preserved!

Ray: Oh Ray...I don't think she can even spell the word "respect."

hoteltuesday said...

Dayz later, and I am still returning to watch this video again and again. I LOVE VICTORIA