Monday, October 12, 2009

My Monday Muse


Baby Num Numz

When I was a little tot, I used to watch the fuck of all those old school Nickelodeon cartoon showz. Ren & Stimpy was demented [aka I lurrrved it], Rocko's Modern Life was hilariouz, Aaahh! Real Monsters was clever...even that snorefest Doug had its momentz of glory. But the king of all the Nicktoonz is the undisputed childhood cartoon champion Rugrats. That shiz was epic and there should be nary a member of my generation who didn't grow up burning their retinaz with its PG humor and cutesty animation. It was all about these babies with big headz and stupid voices who could talk to one another and went on all these adventures building sandcastles and shit.

While the show was generally quite tame and moralistic, there were a few instancez where my 6 year-old mind questioned the age-appropriateness of certain episodez. I distinctly remember one episode in partix where the bratty skank of the group Angelica was bugging-a-boo cuz her bitch mother got pregnant with another child. Being the spoiled slut she is, Angelica startz worrying that her parents are going to quit her ass once a new bundle of joy hell popz outta her momma's uterus. She goes to sleep one night and dreamz up one of the most terrifying tingz I remember witnessing as a little child. The monster demon from her dream was so scary that I had to run my bunz outta the room as soon as the sequence started. Don't shittt urselvez too hard:



Why does the baby talk like a gangster? Oh yeah, to scare the living ballz outta me! But before that, let's reflect on how awesome the parents are in her dream. They don't remember her, force her to live in the laundry room and feed her single slicez of Kraft cheese for dinner. Those two hoz are mah parental role models (God help the poor child that ends up with me as a Daddy).

As mentioned, this nightmare infant (Baby Num Numz as I so fondly remember calling him while crying into my mother's arms) made me fear for my life and feel like I was alwayz on the verge of being dragged to hell. Older though and I really do appreciate and respect his attitude: Do what I want, when I want, or I'll digest your nalgaz. Wordz to live by! I had nightmarez about being all gummed up shortly after seeing this episode for the first time. I was scared my body would be nom-nommed up and then crapped out into that oversized diaper of his! I saw Jaws, Pink Floyd: The Wall and even The Shining around that age as well and none of that terrifying cinema came close to haunting my adolescent mind as much as Baby Num Numz. Hope you can sleep tonight folkz.


[P to da S: Take note of how the next morning, after the mom comes back from the doctor and tells Angelica that they actually aren't having the baby, that little bitch celebrates and ignores the physical and emotional strain that her recently-miscarriaged mother just went through. That ho deservez to be cut up into chopped sliverz.]

14 comments:

hoteltuesday said...

OMG BEST ENTRY EVER!
I miss Rugrats/my childhood!!!
I LOVED Angelica (duh, she was a lesser version of my childhood idol, Veruca Salt). I also love how her mom looks like a stripper and her dad looks like a nerd festival. And I forgot about that raggedy doll she carried around!!!
That part about the slice of cheese was hilarious.
If Rugrats is out on DVD, we need to have a marathon!
(And I was gonna comment on her "YES!" too, but your P to da S said it all.)

goblinbox said...

Nerd festival?!?!?! LOLz.

Julia said...

i really love this entry a lot!! Rugrats is my favorite show of all time!!
but Doug was definitely not a snorefest. it was genius.

john said...

All of these shows are WAY after my time, but I've seen enough from neices and nephews to know how big a twat Angelica was.

Michelle M. said...

I can't stand Rugrats. I want to beat them. Those twins are creepy and I hate the red headed kid and his stuffed up voice. And the voices of the other characters - middle aged ladies trying to sound like babies. Ugh.

Maybe it's because this show is after my time (Steamboat Willie and Gertie the dinosaur).

Ryan said...

I love the offer of cheese. Rugrats were definitely during my time.

Michelle: What about Bosco?

Michelle M. said...

Ryan - It's Bosko, you little whippersnapper : ).

Polt said...

When I watched Nick, they had "You Can't Do That On Television"...with a big haired, pre-angst Alanis Morisette and an almost cutie named Alistair and a lot of green slime.

And I was in college then.....

HUGS....

Verification word: Valli (n) a place in Southern Califonia where all the gay bois are from. "I was one lil' gay boi who was mucho happi to finallyz get out of the valli!"

Jere Keys said...

Stop making me feel old. From now on, whenever you or Enrico mention something from your childhood, just pretend you were in high school at the time.

Ryan said...

I wasn't even in high school at the time.

Laura said...

The Rugrats were super high quality and Doug was TOTALLY a snorefestival. Also every time Rocco's dog redrank his drool I wanted to vom.

that's J-O-S-H said...

E. Copterz: Yeah! Her mom always had a bloated cheek and it alwayz scared me. And we totez need to have a "Rugrats" marathon and reminisce about our childhoodz (feat. Reptar & Dummi Bearz).

GoblinBox: Yeah, Enrico and I are pretty darn hilariouz.

Julia: I'm suprised mi amiga de poemas! "Doug" seemz too low key and bland to even be recognized by someone as jaded and cutting edge as soon. Oh wellz...I guess all rawkstar poetz need at least ONE vice to indulge in.

John: Angelica was such a stuck up bitch, hence why I lovez her.

Michelle: I could never figure out the twinz (AZN?) or their weird parentz (dykish mom & effeminate father?!).

Cuppercake: What's Bosko?! [too lazzzy to Wiki that shit]

Polt: The opening scene of "You Can't Do That On Television" (feat. that creepy man's huge face), always made me feel unbelievably uncomferz.

Laura: Every time I saw Beverly Bighead my heart exploded over her raspy voice and disregard for common decency! Weeee!

Ryan said...

Bosko was an early cartoon character whose antics were based on blackface performers. I remember Nickelodeon playing Bosko cartoons with more modern Warner Brothers cartoons.

FitzLikeaGlove said...

I don't know if you know this .. but this show parodied (new verb, and I heart it!!) one of my fave films .. GREY GARDENS. (You know the one .. the one in which Tommy is taken captive by the Austrian butler to the decrepit mansion and renamed Bostwick by the two old spinstresses..!!)

So draw up some parellels to that!...