Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Ten Rando Tingz

Time to start another semi-regular blog entry! Now that I have a grown-up person phone (feat. texting keyboard, high-definition camera and touch screeeeen), I've been taking photoz like mad. But what for?! Mah vida is terrible and no one wants to hang out with me in person, so who am I gonna show 'em tooooo?! Well, I thought I'd start a series of postz where I share some randomly themed photoz so all of mah bloggy friendz can look @ them with disinterest and sigh over how desperate I am for love and/or attention.

Today'z theme is...

Ten Rando Tingz From Around My House

Cowboy Hat - So back in mah younger, wilder Nueva Nueva dayz (circa 6 monthz ago) I frequented this gay watering hole on Christopher Street called Duplex. I've had many fun/crazzzy/terrifying experiencez there, but one of the most memorable momentz is summed up in dis sombrero. I was schwasted with mi amigo Bill one night and we wound up @ Duplex around 1 in the morning. Being the drunken flirt I am, I took note of an...er...elderly gentleman sitting at the end of the bar. He was wearing a pair of aviatorz and this here cowboy cap. Being the neglectful friend I am, I abandoned Bill to accost this older sir. Pepawz are one of my biggest vicez and I proceeded to talk his ear off for an hour and a half. He seemed amused with my drunken tirade and bought me a drink I didn't want, but of course consumed with much vigor. I think I started talking about pop muzak and seeing as though he knew nuffin about the big band renovated musical stylingz of Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics or the hilarious irony of Carey Hart being in P!nk's "So What" music video I lost interest in the convo and told him I wanted to leave. As I was leaving he handed me his hat (um...tanx?) and eyeglasses. I proceeded to wear both of them for the rest of the night morning, while repeatedly nforming Bill, who wanted to punch me, of how F-R-E-E both gifts were. I had mah picture taken @ four en la maƱana in the middle of Times Squared wearing both articles. The pic is now infamous [among my FBook picturaz].

Stolen Parking Sign - Pennington, NJ is the standard suburban meetz urban town of America. Everything centerz around the high school (GoOoOoOO BullDAwGz!) and all the extracurricular crap that goez along with it. There are prox a million pizza places for kids to go get fat in after school, a large grocery store where every adolescent, give or take one or two, works in, gas stationz to illegally buy cigz in and miles of sidewalk for aimlessly walking and gossiping on. Yes, it's where I spent the most gawd awful, depressing, worst fucking best four yearz of mi vida. Well, each May, the main street of this heavenly town gets shut down to traffic and is crammed full of food stands, face paint and tents selling stupid crafty shit. Children are everywhere, loud music blarez from mediocre bands that our parents put together in a dire attempt to stay young, dogs are taking dumps anywhere and everywherez while disgruntled teens (aka me and mah friendz) traverse the debauchery judging every single ting in sight. This here sign I ripped the eff off a telephone pole to remind me of how beautiful magical a holiday Pennington Day is. For serial, anyone want sumfing ridiculous and borrring to go to and blog about? Come with me nexxxt May. P-Day is for def def defferz not to be missed.

HIV Test - I know this photo is blurry and you can't read da wordz scribbled on it. I'm still figuring out my camera phone, but at the moment I'm too fucking lazzzy to retake the picture correctly. This gorgeously beautiful piece o' paper is what I received after getting my bloodz tested for the HIV early in the summer. I had a semi-irrational scare earlier this year in regards to this nightmarish monsta and I forced my best friend Val to hurry her nalgaz down from Boston to get tested with me. We went to a terrifying FREE clinic in Trenton and got tested. The little check in the first box meanz I am negative. I drowned my counselor in tearz of relief when she told me the outcome and then I taped the results up on the wall next to my bedroom's door, so I look @ it each day and remember that no matter how desperate I get, I should never start charming trouser snakes for $$$.

Worry Dollz - January of last year was absolutely hellish for me. I started my jerb in Nueva Nueva, had to get used to an exhausting daily commute and the shift from working three days a week at the restaurant to working seven days split between both places. I also had my heart brutally and unflinchingly ripped out of my chest and stomped on by mah ex. I didn't eat for a week and barely functioned for a good month. The night of mi corazon's execution, I called my good friend Jess and she had me stay with her for the night. Wellzzz, a week later she gave me deez cute wittle Guatemalan Worry Dollz. Apparently they are supa special little iconz that someone with a lot of life stressorz [see: me] can use to help pull some of their anxiety out of themselvez. You are supposed to put a worry or antagonizing bullshiz issue into the doll and focus all your attention on removing it from yourself and placing it in one of these tiny little figurez. Then you're supposed to put it under your pillow or bury it or sumfing. I didn't get that far in the directionz! Whooopz! Anywayz, it was still a sweet gesture from mah amiga Jess. I attempted to name each of the dollz after American Idol contestantz that I liked, but I lost track after getting to Amy Adams and Lisa Leuschner!

High School Yearbook - Yeah. That's me. Bottom row, third from the left. I pseudo-dated the girl to the left of my picture. The girl above me is my friend Laura that I've mentioned several timez before. Oh, and why yes...I do look like the guy that made your sammich @ QuikChek this afternoon. I have nuffin more to say other then that I despise everyone that knew me during my teenage yearz who said nary a ting to me about how terrible my shoulder-length hair looked. For a closer up picture of my hideous senior portrait, click HERE [although I hold no responsibility for my crackerjack face blinding your ass]!

That's all for now folkz...tune in next week to see the remaining five rando pix!


Chris D. said...

Nice phone. I love having a qwerty keyboard. I was a very slow texter when I had to use the numeric keypad on my old phone.

I've been to the Duplex a few times. It always seemed quiet when I was there, may have been off nights. I tended to hit the Chelsea bars more than the Greenwich bars. I love that photo of you in the hat. Very cute.

I am glad to hear that your HIV test was negative. It is good that you were proactive in addressing your concern, and have learned from your experience. Not to concern you too much, but remember to be re-tested in 6 months as a precaution, due to the incubation period.

It sounds like the worry dolls can be a good visualization exercise. Sometimes simply gaining a slightly more distant perspective on an issue can help one to deal with it in a more constructive way. I am sorry to hear that you had a painful breakup. Love lost can be very messy.

I sometimes had longish hair in high school. My hair alternated between long and short. I don't think mine was ever quite as long as yours was. My long hair days are well behind me now.

I like this new theme.

David said...

I think I love that photo of you in the hat even more now.

I could probably insulate my apartment with all the paperwork from my HIV tests. At least every year, if not every six months, my dear cholo.

Word Ver: Winglit (n) Books you buy at the airport just so you have something to read on the airplane.

Tam said...

1. I'm with David, with the back-story to the hat and shades its even cooler. I wonder what stories the guy told his friends? But really unless you ARE a cowboy and ON a horse, leave the hat at home.

2. Every town has their version of Pennington Day, every town's is lame. It's the law.

3. Yay! Glad you got it checked and your fears relieved. Good reminder for one and all.

4. I think worry dolls are weird but hell, if they work for you, then let them suffer on your behalf. And she's a good friend.

5. You were still cute even with the ... interesting hair. :-)

Have fun with your new phone. Mine is old school (i.e. no keyboard, no touchscreen, basic camera). I'm going for that retro (i.e. 6 months ago) vibe.

hoteltuesday said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hoteltuesday said...

Incubation period??? Omg, you totally have incubating HIV in ya. Let's go to TCNJ's free HIV testing together! I always want to go but my lame friends are like "We are straight, so we don't have HIV." I've also never been to Pennington Day. So we're going together next year.

The photo third from the left is a black chick btw.

Tam said...

Enrico: You're friends are living in a fantasy world if they think straight people don't get HIV.

Laura said...

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE'S THE EDITORIAL NOTE THAT I'M WAY SKINNIER AND PRETTIER (read: sexzers in Boston) THAN THAT PICTURE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!?!? hahahahahahahhaha. It's ok because I'm self actualized and not a monster like certain other things on that page.

Polt said...

Sassy josh, I must say the yearbook photo looks quite stunning. Course, it is blurry enough so it looks like i'm looking at it wearing my grandmother's thick glasses and through a full aquarium, but still, stunning nonetheless. :)


AMY said...

hahaha a. pennington day is, in fact, the shit. and how can you not have adored growing up in the wondrous metropolis that is hopewell valley?! b. i like how you shamelessy posted a picture complete with a story about the HIV test...but congrats on failing it!

john said...

A hat and sunglasses? That must have been some chat.

The worry dolls were a nice gesture, but dude, seriously, aren't they a little wee tiny?

David: LOL at winglit!

Nathan V. said...

As I believe I have previously noted somewhere in the extensive comments sections on the Internets, I too went through a long haired phase in high school. You wear it much better, of course. I did it even though I knew it was uggers just so that now that I'm older I can impress people and regale them with tales of follicle fortitude in my youth. This will be especially exciting to tell when the vast majority of my hair has gone the way of the dinosaur.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Chris D.: OMGAWDZ! Those worry dollz are gonna come in handy now that you are trying to terrify me via HIV! But don't anyone worry...the reason for the scare is from an incident that happened two year's ago to a former lover of my former boyfriend. So I'm not incubating anyting en mi cuerpo!

David: That Word Verification is priceless.

Tam: I hope he told them a story of how a beautifully youthful and foul-mouthed angel floated down from heaven and engaged him in pointless and probably irritating conversation. To ensure that I was pacified, he bequethed his hat and sunniez in an attempt to rid himself of me. Mission. Accomplished.

E. Copterz: I'll go to HIV testing with you! We can be unnecessarily nervous together and write anxiety-provoked poetry about it. And she's not black...she's Indian.

Laura: You totez dodged a bullet.

Polt: I won't lie anymo', I made it blurry on purpose to cover up my hideous mane and my fucked up right eye that alwayz seems to be slightly more closed than my left.

Amy: I adored growing up here when YOU were around to eat dessertz with me and neglect our waiterly dutiez. I miss you. Come home and make fun of everything with me! We can make pizza...again!

John: They are small so I can lose them hence metaphorically lose my worriez and paranoia!

Nathan: I don't know WHY I grew such a disgustingly lengthy and uncomfortable plume of hair. I tink I was honestly just too lazzzy to get it cut and I despised the first day back to school after a haircut and how every single person feelz a need to remind you that you're missing something that was previously growing out of your own head.

Michelle M. said...

One of my eyes is wonky, too. OMG, it's like we're the same person!!!

My first comment never made it. I'm sure it was hilarious, though. What does it say under your yearbook photo?

And I am adding David's word verification to my vocabulary.

goblinbox said...

You got the hat AND the shades. Nice skillz, baby boy!

Anonymous said...

I'm pleased to appear among the wild cast of characters in your blog! I take credit for snapping the glorious photo of you in times square, and also for peepaw "giving" you the sunnies. that's a nice way to put it.

-B :)

mkf said...

you are actually pretty damned amusing.