Saturday, September 5, 2009

Music Video Vault

Mandy Moore - "In My Pocket"

WHAT'S THE DEAL?: She's one of my favo female pop startletz that for mega dupa triple supa serial never got the pop radio recognition she deserved. Amanda Leigh Moore was birthed into mah life via TRL during the late 1990's via her fantastically pointless pseudo-hit single "Candy." The song itself was goofy and cute and the video featured underage driving, awkward straw-slurping, terribe vundervill faux-Jessica Simpson dancing [read as: more or less standing in one place and moving your armz around] and coy eye batting at the camera. But being the afterbirth of golden girlz Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera does have its drawnbacks, aka never having a top ten single and selling significantly less albums that than her contemporariez. She released prox 15 singles that no one loved except for me and mah friend Val and then she started making movies about dying of cancer and being a disturbed high school chick. She released some more albums and started transforming herself into a new-wave folky female singer-songwriter. She starred in one of my favo movies of all time, Saved!, and married some famous singer guy that I've always heard about but never heard.

But the tragedy that is Mandy Moore's musical failures always breaks mah heart when I tink about it. For my burfday one year, Val bought me her self-titled third album (feat. "Yo-Yo," one of the best pop songz ever!) and I listened to it non-stop for two hourz! On this record was a fantasico track called "In My Pocket" that had an even more brilliant [read as: bizarre and reeking in incongruity with the message of the song] music video. Of course, like nearly everyting else Amanda Leigh ever attempted, the single bombed and was all but wiped off the face of the Earth. So that is why I'd like to discuss this brilliant pop song and give it the sexxxy hot lovin' it deservez!

VIDEO SYNOPSIS: There is not much of a storyline to this vid. Basically, Mandy Moore is inside some sort of I Dream Of Jeannie bottle with a bunch of servants who cater to her needz while she dances with no one in an ugly up-doo ponytail. She spends the majority of the video shaking her hips, pretending to be authentically Asian, snarling @ the camera and attempting to look sexxxy. "Attempting" is the key word there, for Ms. Leigh Moore may try to seduce us with her sensual vocalz and come hither fuck-me eyez, but she ultimately fails, expressing four other less flattering emotionz/statez of being.

After numerous bouts of non-dancing, Mandy is lifted and carried by a harem of shirtless stud servantz who then begin dancing for her (aka thrusting their hipz into her face). She is accompanied during this debauchery by a collection of small, sad Tibetan children who are forced to smile and pretend to have some shred of understanding as to what is going on around them. Everyone thought that Gwen Stefani was the first to enslave Asianz for her own amusement
when she kidnapped her Harajuku slutz, but NO! Mandy Moore beat you to the punch, Gwennerz.

A bunch of circus freakz and stupid jesterz do some shit for her before the video ends with more camera-pouting and head-tilting. It's quite the experience. So enjoy its wonder, mah bloggy babiez and don't worry about contacting the international child protection servicez, I called and t hey are already on their way.


:01 -:13 - Have you had a seizure yet due to the uncomfortable neon colorz and quick shot changes? I have. Ouch!

- Notice how Mandy is totez checking out your package! Dirrrrrty grrrrrrl!

1:08 - Circus freak alert! A devil woman with long stick fingernailz that each have flaming marshmallowz speared @ the end! Scary (and derriciouz)!

1:26 - Mandy read mah mind! There is serial nuffin' hotter than watching two studs beat the shit out of each other, upside down, hanging from a tree trunk.

2:11 - Mandy is refreshed by black men rubbing their chestz.

2:22 - Amanda Leigh has apparently never seen a back-flip before. Her jaw unhingez to gasp in amazement.

2:30 - A bunch of hoz start spinning platez everywhere. I secretly wish that there were Chicken TV Dinnaz on each of them. I'm hungerz!

2:49 - Mandy does her best Björk impression. "Whooaaaaaaaa!"

THE CONCLUSION: This song only went to number #102 on the Billboard Hot 100 (aka #2 on the Bubbling Under charts). It breakz mah soul to think that it wasn't successful and that follow-up singles "Crush" (feat. monkey) and "Cry" (feat. blinding light effects) didn't make an impact either. Don't worry Ms. Moore, you will always live on in my mind and I will continue to digress into the mind of a teenage grrrrl by getting overly emotional over your shetty sappy love songz.

Love alwayz, Mandy Joshie


hoteltuesday said...

Love this vid.
I like how at 2:30, when the hoz start spinning plates, the kids/slaves jaw unhingez just like Mandy's does at 2:22. They must they they're finally being fed. Too bad those plates are empty.

P.S. Mandy Moore recorded a few songs written by The Weepies (#6 on my so she's OK in my book.

john said...

I actually love this song! I can't remember where I heard it for the first time, but I've had it on my iTunes for along time. It occasionally makes into regular rotation too.

Michelle M. said...

Her songs are fun to sing along with. I have her best of CD. My favorite is "I Wanna Be with You". There's a good acoustic version of it floating around out there.

I've heard her dissing her earlier hits in interviews (Candy in particular). I hate when musicians do that, because A)I paid money for it and B)I liked the song or I wouldn't have it.

FitzLikeaGlove said...

"nothin but pennies in my pocket"?? damn girl, now we know why you're not as big as the brit-brit .. you ain't no baller with the copper coinz.

Tam said...

Huh, a whole Chinese circus. Those kids did look rather confused and she "wanted" that lead dancer, she was giving him the eye, I saw it. Slut. There was certainly no lack of action in that video but I am unfamiliar with the works of Mandy Moore beyond her dating life.

that's J-O-S-H said...

E. Copterz: I actually seriously lurrrrve Mandy Moore. Weird? Probably

John: "Occasionally?!" You mean, it playz every day on repeat cuz it's awesome?

Michelle: I know, right? Mandy, you must learn to embrace your meager and offensively overproduced beginningz!

Fitz: I know right? All her $$$ must come from dying in moviez.

Tam: Do yourself a favor and check out "Crush" and "Candy." CLASSIX!

john said...


There was a time when that was true.

Katie said...

wow all of the colors and flashes from scene to scene every 4-8 seconds made me nauseous. I can't tell what cultural theme she's going for here or what it has to do with the lyrics of the song (presumably nothing) it's sort of like a bollywood/tibetan/chinese geisha combo with a throwback to Aladdin with the hawt genie pants those studs are wearing... Oh Mandy.... so silly