Friday, September 11, 2009

Demon DELUXE!!

I almost died yesterday! Dear, dear bloggy friendz, it is only by a miracle of Gawd that I didn't get murdered. And who was it that was hungry for my soul?! This terrifying devil angel of death that was haunting the subway connection to the Port Authority in Nueva Nueva yesterday. As you folkz might know, one ting that absolutely terrifies me is "standing still." Someone could be chasing me with a chainsaw or trying to Jeffrey Dahmer mah existence and it would not be nearly as frightening as me being faced with someone that is just standing in front of me and staring. "WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?!" is what I would shout before sprinting my stupid ass out of the house and into the protective bicepz of my [non-existent] boyfriend.

Anywayz, this monster succubus of crimson terror was posed in the subway and was oddly rotating back and forth without moving her legz. "HOW ARE YOU MOVING?!" I screamed in my head. She had a hat full of dinero in front of her blood-soaked wedding dress...

...and rando peepz that clearly have bigger pelotaz than I approached her and put Washingtonz into it. As soon as they did, she would spring to life like a devil Jack-In-the-Box and pull out these little heart coinz from a satchel of hers. A defenseless and foolish little boy deposited some ching-ching into her sombrero and was given one of those cursed coinz. I thought for sure that little tot was gonna be dragged to hell...

...but he wasn't and his stupid parents giggled as he almost was murdered. I kept a safe distance and let everyone else flirt with el diablo. However, the most terrifying part was when she put her armz up and struck a Cholo pose...


...I ran away crying and found a police man and told him that people were being sacrificed by the devil. They arrested me for being a moron and beat me till I almost died. Then they threw me in jail and I weeped a lot. And then I went home and listened to The Wreckers. What an exciting day!


[note: the last part of this entry may be slightly fabricated. Well, not the going home and listening to The Wreckers part! They're soooooo good!]

11 comments:

hoteltuesday said...

OMG. This thing looks amazing. I wish I were there.

LAAAAAYY ME DOOOOWWWN... aka "I wonder what you could possibly know about breaking down that I don't" aka when M. Branch used to write good lyrics.

Milo said...

She looks like Satan's sister. Speaking of undergrounds, I had a delayed journey home as there was a 'person under a train' on the District line. Sigh.

Tam said...

Yeah, those living statue things are freaky weird. In Barcelona on the main drag there are dozens and dozens of them in all forms, some who do like to spring up and frighten the poor little Spanish children while their parents cackle with glee. Glad you are safe sweetie, we have to get you that boyfriend to protect you from these kind of incidents.

Chris D. said...

Yet despite your abject terror you photographically documented the whole affair. I respect your dedication. :)

Hmmm, I thought you were engaged. It must be true, because Facebook never lies.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

ROFLMAO.

I think that about sums it up.

FYI - there would have been a box, she/he was standing on.

Michelle M. said...

That's creepy and reminds me of Angela gliding down the hallway in Night of the Demons. Nightmares!

Rachel P said...

What a terrifying experience! You should have set fire to her and run away. The old flame-n'-run, employed by witch hunters globe wide. The woman is clearly a minion of Satan. But, on second thought, she probably would have devoured you with the gaping maw she hides beneath that polyester nightmare. Speaking of which, I'm in Minnesota. Everyone's nice here. How should I punish them?

that's J-O-S-H said...

E. Copterz: "I used to get away with so much. Now I can't get away." = Consistently my high school away message.

Milo: Um...that's disconcerting! Thank goobness it wasn't you stuck under there!

Tam: Those poor little niƱoz! They probably ponen caca en sus pantalones!

Chris D: Anyting for my blog. And yes, I am engaged.

Soul Seared: But was the box hooked up to some sort of rotating platform!? That was the scariest part, the rotating sans moving her legz.

Michelle: I don't know what that movie is, but after being almost demolished by this demon subway ho, I don't think I wanna see it!

Rachel: I tink you answered your own question deary...sent those happy and content fuckerz on fire. And then laugh HARD at their pain.

David said...

I just fine them annoying. And I laugh at the tourists.

goblinbox said...

So glad you ESCAPED! Scary, scary public transportation encounter.

chris said...

Why do you insist on scaring the shit out of me!!!1 Never mind Id do the samething... If I have to suffer than so does the world!