Wednesday, August 5, 2009


So since my first Q+A! installment was such a success (a record-setting 28 commentz!) I thought that round two should get even a little more intimate with you blog-reading choloz. I want to know about ur that's why this entry's pregunta is...

What's Your Favorite Childhood Toy?

Before billz, literary theory & other men's weinerz took the reignz of my mind, what bounced around inside mah cabeza? When I was just a little Josher-Tot, I wasn't like other cholitoz my age. While other young boiz were playing sportz or beating each other up, I sat inside or in my yard playing with little effing dollz. Yes, I went through a Barbie phase where I would break my sister'z toyz via beheading and then cry to mah parents before she would find out/hit me, but the dollz that this entry is about are of course...MOTHER-FLIPPIN' ACTION FIGUREZ!!!!

But not just any, I was a selective prick when it came down to what enterprise I became obsezzereskatez with. And there were three in particz that I was the most dedicated to...

1. Ghostbusterz

Don't try and act like you hos didn't own the movie and its sequel on VHS! I tink it was mandatory for any child of the 80s/early 90s to be IN LOVE with this franchize. The filmz kicked azz [they made the Statue of Liberty, mah first crush, come alive!], the video gamez were torturous and addictive, the merchandizing was inescapable...but none of that shit matterz, when it comez down to the true beauty of GBz...those fucking plastic figurinez. Mis padrez knew they were in deep shet the first time they bought me one of those little bastardz...flipping over the cardboard backing that Egon Spengler came strapped in, they could see the gloriouz collection of Ghostbuster action figure bounty that was awaiting mah grubby handz and their empyting walletz! Lucky for me, that didn't spoil the shiz outta me, or else I for probz would own every single piece of crap that had that cutesy logo on it!

But they did keep me satizified. Of course I had each of the Ghostbusterz and they each came with a little accessory ghost that I of course pretended was their domesticated pet that would follow them on all of their adventurez. I also had the Ecto 1 toy car that came with a ray gun arched on top and a sheet of decorative stickerz that you could use to pimp out the vehicle (or in mah case, make it look like shit cuz I just haphazardly stuck those tingz everywhere).

I also had the creme de la creme of all action figure havenz: The Ghostbusterz Head Quarterz that was a massive chuck of plastic with huge red doorz, three floorz (decked out in more decorative stickaz) and this nausea-inducing spiral elevator that alwayz got stuck/eventually broke [if you look at DIS PHOTO you can see that someone else also had a malfunctioning lift that eventually broke off...I'M NOT ALONE!].

They had a whole bunch of rando ghostz monstaz that never once appeared in the movie or television show, so I steered clear of that bullshit. My one regret from this era of mah life? Never getting my sparkly gumdrop sausage fingaz of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man figurine. ALWAYS. WANTED. IT. ::criez::

2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtlez

Again, another epic franchise that filled mah early yearz with endless hourz of make-believe life. What's better than ninjaz + mutant reptilez + talking ratz + sickening amounts of pizza?! In my peanut-sized baby brain, NUFFIN'! The moviez were epic and I started to grow irrationally affectionate towards Leonardo. Maybe cuz blue was my favo color and large swordz kick taint and I found Michelangelo (everyone else's favo tortuga) to be obnoxiouz and possibly artarded.

I had all da turtlez and the standard crop of enemiez for them to know, large warthogz and rhinoz dressed in armor with trashcan lidz as shields and nose ringz. I had Masta Splinter who came in some ill-fitting red robe that alwayz fell off and evil nemesis Shredder, who came equipped with buzzsawz on his jointz that spun around and made a terrible gyrating sound [I couldn't find a pic, but trust me...he was a pimp.]

As with the GhostingBusterz, I had both a vehicle and a home for my axxxtion figz: There was this cumberzome van that had enough room to fit all of the turtlez (feat. their awkwardly shaped bodiez & jointz) and a door that swung open for some reason. The second time I played with it, I broke the door off and was forced to use an intricate combo of rubber bandz and masking tape to keep it secured. Then I had this sewer playset that had way too many piecez but was still incredz. It allowed me to explore mah domesticated lady side by giving me a home for the tortugaz to rest and place house in. Neat! Odd...but neat.

For some reason and I still don't understand why, they created a line of turtle figurez that all had guitarz and shit, cuz you remember that episode where they put off trying to defend the city from the evil Foot Clan so that could start a popular worldwide mod-rock band, don'tchu?

BONUS PIC! Herre is me dressed up all TMNT style for Helloween one year! Cutez!

3. Jurassic Park

But without fail, the single greatest obsezzion of mah entire childhood would have to be Jurassic Park. Durhz I loved the moviez (even the shitty third one), durhz I played the SNES game (that was impossible to beat) and double durhz I collected as man goddamn action figurez as possible! I had all the main characterz from the first film and as many dinoz as I could get my greasy little mittz onto. I remember asking for Christmas (and then later my burfday) for the T-Rex figure, sadly to be told by mis padrez that every store ever ran out of them. Don't get me wrong, I had the raptorz to rip everyone in half, the gallimimus to stampede to death, the triceratopz to gorge, the stegosaurus to whiplash and the dilophosauras to shoot jizzam with, but still, nothing was quite like the T-Rew gulping up your existence in one swoop.

Then one day I was hanging out with some runny nose gringo I had just met, and low and behold, that bastard had the mutha-sniffing Tyrannosaurs Rex figure! Complete with stomping sound action and realistic roarz, I believe that was when I had my first erection. Well, being the wise business man I was and still am, I immediately offered to buy it for $10. And to my surprise Bobby Whoever sold it to me! Yay! Then my collection was more or less complete.

I had some jeep that was awesome until I lost all the extra pieces to it. I had some hospital room laboratory something or other. I had more outrageously futuristic weaponary than you could shake a snare trap at. It was a glorious time. My sister and I used to take my shopping bag of toyz down to the creek behind mi casa and play with the figure in the mud and water, just like they were frrealz in the wild! Realistic!

But let's be serious, the best part about playing Jurassic Park was having the dinosaurs murder and consume the helpless humanz in as many terrifyingly brutal wayz as possible. I was so obsessed with the figurinez' demisez that I would set up elaborate scenez where every fucking dino I had would be chasing after/annihilating my poor characterz. Then I would force mi padre to take a half a roll of film on it, making sure he got every nuance and specific detal. Somewhere those photoz are floating around in my parent's attic and one day I will need to trek on over and find them. It showed a lot of dedication, I think, on my part. That or it just proved that I was a huge nerd-parade that really needed some social interaction.

So what about you out there in da blogosphere? Did you have any childhood toyz that you couldn't possibly imagine your younger yearz without? Share! All aboard the Memory Mobile! Next stop: Nostalgia City! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Nathan V said...

I was all about the darkwing duck action figures, batman action figures, lego, k'nex and any combination thereof.

callonmevalerie said...

I'll always remember my Skip-It (RIP), 'cause the "very best thing of all, there's a . . . counter on this ball!" and I distinctly remember Kristin Caiazzo breaking the counter on my Skip-It, like, two dayz after I got it. MIFFED TOWN USA!

I think my favorite specific toy that comes to mind is the remote control Ferrari Testarossa that I used to have, that I named the DeLorean even though it clearly wasn't a DeLorean, and I'm pretty sure the Ferrari company would be pissed that I would name their model car so. I used to strap my Barbies to the top of them and race them through the kitchen, pissing off my mom as she cooked/heated up macaroni and cheese.

OH, and my American Girl dolls, which are probably over the heads of any guyz reading this. I had Samantha and Felicity, and both I cared for too much (story of my life), and because of that, Samantha had to be sent to the American Girl Hospital, where she got a new head because I brushed her hair too much. I tried fixing my Felicity dollz head by cutting her red hair, and when my mom found the remnants on my carpet, I tried to convince her it was her own hair. Fail.

Michelle M. said...

You kids and your teenage mutant ninja ghostbuster dinosaurs! When I was a child we played with silly putty and pet rocks. And we liked it!

I always loved a big box of brand new crayons.

I remember getting a Barbie Townhouse for Christmas. It kept falling apart when I used the elevator, so "Santa" took it back. It was too traumatic for words. To this day I still want a dollhouse. And one of those mini porcelain tea sets, too. And a big Barbie head to put makeup on. And a puppy. Wait, what was the question again?

Tam said...

Oh Michelle, I HAD the giant Barbie head, it sucked rocks. The hair got all tangled. I also have a porcelain tea set in a box in my cupboard. Why? No freaking clue.

So Josh, what WAS your sister (?) in that Halloween pic? Nelly from Little House on the Prairie? You however were adorable as per usual.

Being a teeny bit older than Josh I was past the age to collect TMNT crap, but we do own Ghostbusters 1 and 2 and Jurasic Park on VHS that my daughter pulls out now and then.

I had a Bionic Woman doll. Ahhh. She even had an arm you could open up and see the components inside and she looked just like Lindsay Wagner. I think she was my first girl crush. I think I need to buy one of those sleep number beds so I can be just like her.

When I was younger I had a walking doll. No, it didn't actually walk worth shit but it was about 3 feet high and I loved that stupid piece of plastic crap. Not as much as the Bionic Woman years later though.

Jere Keys said...

Jurassic Park?!? Man, I was driving when the first one came out.

Anyway, my favorite childhood toys were the Go-Bots (really, I wanted Transformers, but we were too poor), He-man, and My Little Pony. That's right, I said it. I once had a tantrum because all my sisters got My Little Pony dolls for Christmas and I just got a stupid G.I.Joe figure.

Since all of siblings were girls until I was 12, we spent a lot of time playing with Jem and the Holograms and Strawberry Shirtcake, too.

john said...

When I was very young, I loved my Tonka trucks! I had a big yellow dump truck and some sort of digging machine/backhoe. I also loved Lincoln Logs, crayons and chalk (we had a chalkboard).

When I was 9, Star Wars came out and I was *all* about the Star Wars Toys. I had all sorts of action figures and the occasional vehicle.

Polt said...

Josher-Tot, hehehe, VERY cute.

Anyway, my favorites toys were actinos figures as well, but this was the 70's my friend. Bill Murray wasn't even on SNL yet when I was playing with these, so no Ghostbusters.

I had, and these were the fully posable six inch figures: Batman,Robin, Superman, Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Joker, Penguin, Green Arrow, Aquaman, Iron Man and probably a few other superheroes I'm forgetting. I also had Star Trek figures of Spock, Scotty, Uhura, and that half black/half white alien from the one episode. I had a Robin Hood. I had a 12 inche Bionic Woman and 6 Miiion dollar man AND a fembot (!!) I LOVED that one.

I had the batmobile and the batplane, and the bat cave, as well as the Super Friends headquarters (ah, 70's cartoons).

Man, Id play with these things for HOURS! And I played with them well into Middle School, acting out my own comic book adventures with them.

And yeah all this was WELL before Josher-Tots wasn't even a Josher-Twinkle-In-His-Mama's-Eye yet!


Christina said...

I used to have this huge ugly rockstar doll that had a little pink microphone and something in her hair light up. I thought it was the shit with her dingy blonde hair and awkward "rawkstar" accessories.

Also obsessed OBSESSED with Polly Pocket. I had like 5 of them, and theyre not the ugly pieces of shit they are now. Everything was so small and had a little peg to put her/her dog/her friends/random other shit into

My mom bought me and fe the McDonalds stand thing one year for Christmas and it was so disgusting we threw it away. I also was dying for an easy bake oven until i realized they try and legitimately bake things for ~3 hours with a lightbulb.

They just dont make gems like that anymore...

Melody, Destroyer of Dreams said...

During my fourth year of public schooling we had a unit called "Colonial Days". We had to make a costume in which we were "Colonial" looking in nature, I used the same outfit for Halloween that year.

Josh-I have like 30 pics of Jurrasic Park scenes at hoem in my treasure chest.

Ryan said...

I'd have to check the next time I'm home, but I think my parents still have a bunch of TMNT and He-Man actions figures stashed in a closet somewhere. I loved playing with them.

hoteltuesday said...

I had a TMNT! I also remember playing with a Venom action figure a lot.
But mostly, my favorite childhood toys were books.

callonmevalerie said...

I just shit myself at Christina's post and how I forgot to mention fucking POLLY POCKET! The new style Polly's are total shit! It makes me super pissed off, 'cause they're not really pocket sized, but I guess it makes sense because a) you'd always lose Polly and her stupid friends, and b) I'm sure some artarded children would eat them.

Christina - did you have her deluxe house that kind of looked like a Caboodles makeup kit?!

chris said...

G.I.Joe, Transformers, Star Wars, TMNT, Matchbox cars, Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pale Kids Stickers..... Oh god I played with sooo much shit... Well I got ALOT o hand me downs. I mean common 5 older sibs! I had alittle of everything! Though I did at one point have,and I want to throtlle my parentals for throughing them out, every single Star Wars toy out there! Im talkin the original shit! God I miss bein that simple!

Chris D. said...

My favorite toys were Matchbox Cars, GI Joe, Star Wars, Fisher Price action figures, Lincoln Logs, and wooden blocks. There was some Heman thrown in there as well. I also used to play with pencils and pens, pretending that they were spaceships. I was pretty good at using my imagination as child.

I watched TMNT and Ghost Busters, but never collected the action figures. I had a sister, but never had any interest in dolls.

Tam said...

Melody - so I was close with the Little House on the Prairie thing.

John - I forgot chalk. We had a chalkboard in our stairway and I spent HOURS drawing on that thing. Colored chalk was like nirvana.

that's J-O-S-H said...

Nathan: K'Nex were the best! I lurved making the ferris wheel! It was the only ting I could successfully put together and I would make it ova and ova and ova.

Val: I alwayz thought that those American Girl dollz would come alive and torture me and slowly eat my flesh.

Michelle: Crayons?! I'm an 80's baby and we played with LightBright when we wanted to draw...not actual writing utensilz!

Tam: Nelly Olsen was a fucking bitch. I hate that spoiled skank...I want to slap her with a sack full of sour panty pudding.

Jere: My Little Poniez always made me want to get tattooz on mah rump.
They further fueled mah desirez to become a prostitute!

John: Mis padrez got me one Tonka Truck and I used it to run over my action figures and thus stage dramatic death scenez (feat. Natalie Imbruglia's "Smoke" and too much time on mah handz)

Polt: I could never get into Batman...I dunno...Maybe cuz I was terrified of Danny DeVito as the Penguin and therefore wanted NUFFIN' to do with it.

Xtina: I was obsessed with the Polly Pocket COMMERCIALZ! They always were so colorful and exploding with glee! I correlated playing with those bitesize beautiez to having a wet dream on a bed of Lisa Frank stickers.

Ryan: My parents just recently yard-saled all that business. Bye bye memoriezzz...::fake tearz::

E.Copterz: I read books all the time too...aka Goosebumpz. [nerd festival?]

Chris (1): I forgot about Matchbox (Twenty?) cars! Those tingz were epic! I used to build entire roads outta blocks for them. Funny how I grew up HATING to drive.

Chris D: My interest in mah sista'z dolls came in the form of torturing them and pretending that they were being eating by a giant plush great white shark we owned.

David said...

I was pursuing an undergraduate degree during the TMNT and Ghostbusters era.

I remember Micronauts, super-elastic bubble plastic, Justice League action figures (Aquaman was my fave), and Slime. I also had an Evel Knievil action figure with rev-up motorcycle. And a gazillion stuffed animal plush toys.

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: Of course Aquaman was ur fav. He was the hottest!

Amy said...

pretty sure my favorite toy was like, rope, sticks and string. Us kids in the woods made swings over the brook and fished with home made fishing poles ...and we caught worms to that we stabbed with nails to use as a hook and bait. hahahaha

Anonymous said...

OK, I have to say Barbie's! However, my Barbie play wasn't your average Barbie having tea with friends. No, with the help from Melody, (my partner in crime of strange & depraved Barbie playing) she and her friends would experience dramas like no other. Some favorite barbie scenarios: barbies and music(Ken and Barb would sing Foreigner and Meatloaf's Bat out of Hell songs to eachother); abandoned out in the wilderness Barbie, Jaws barbie, vampire barbies, haunted barbies, monster barbies(those Star War monsters were very useful), dirty dancing barbies (it was the 80's afterall). Good times...!


Laura said...

My brother and I totally had Ghostbuster jump suits complete with those giant plastic gun back packs and every other necessary accessory to run around capturing our own ghosts. We were totally pimp.