Monday, August 17, 2009

My Monday Muse

Pickle Surprise

Anyone that has read mah blog semi-frequently over the past few monthz would be able to deduce that I am a scare-D-cat. I get frightened easily, anxious at a coin flip and twitchy while driving. Yet nothing I've ever been faced with has filled me with as much fear and confusion as the infamous Pickle Surprise.

The video was made by some guy @ some point in time...blah blah blah who givez two shetz? All I care about is the terror that it forceably insertz into my heart. IT SCAREZ THE DUMPZ OUTTA ME! Like, drag queenz are terrifying. We all know that and we all accept it. Yet we still find ourselves laughing @ their anticz and poorly out of tune karaoke. And while there are spooky drag queenz in this aforeposted video, the most upsetting part is the drag pickle.

Pumping up from the depthz of hell like an atomic cornichon of death, Mr. Pickle Surprise's gorg Adam Lambert makeup and sparkletastic gold glovez, make his entrance in to my life a monumentally confusing moment that I will always cherish. And by "cherish" I mean "drink to the point of forgetting that it ever existed." And I'm all for derriciouz snacks (feat. Mah favo #1 condiment, MAYO), but the inclusion of the Ham Mantra just upset me to the point of heaving. Oh and why the taint does that one cholita'z mouth emit the sounds of a toilet bowl flushing?

I would write more, but that video needs to be viewed to full comprehend how mind-numbingly brillz it is. I hope you aren't too incredibly distraught/and/or blind.


David said...


David said...

I think that features a very young Lady Bunny.

Michelle M. said...

That was some weird shiz. The pickle guy reminded me of some Sid and Marty Krofft creation.

I think I need to watch it again.

john said...

Michelle: NOOOOO!!!!! Don't watch it again!

David: I thought that looked like Lady Bunny as well.

I refuse to watch this again as a friend of mine sent it to me a few months ago and I've been scarred since. I kept expecting the Pickle Guy to say "Mecca Lecca High Mecca Hiney Ho.”

Oh, and this: "Oh and why the taint does that one cholita'z mouth emit the sounds of a toilet bowl flushing?" made me spit take.

Polt said...

I thought the twitching druing the driving was just you dancing as you sang! :)

And drag queens are NOT scary. Well, some can be, but most are not. I love me a good drag show. (now a bad drag show...yeah, THAT can be scary).


hoteltuesday said...

Lulz. This is the best vid ev. We should do a sexy remix vid featuring pop music and mustard.

chris said...

What the holy hell was that!? I thought China Dolls Female penis was scarry! TOO MUCH!

John. Dito on the spit take!

Tam said...

Holy fuck. That was frightening. They were on some serious drugs when they made that.

However "an atomic cornichon of death" is like the best line ever. That would make a great Super Viagra villain. Funny stuff. You, not the drag queens with their pickle.

Julia said...

holy shit i remember early in our relationship you showed me this video. and you ran around the restaurant telling all your customers you were going to give them a pickle surprise.

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: I tink I actually read somewhere that one of those beautiez is frrealz da Lady Bunny.

Michelle: Sid and Marty! You are so right...good correlation!

John: Good warning...I found mahself watching it ova and ova if I was under some sort of evil spell!

Polt: Sorry Polt, every drag queen I have met has a) terrified me, and b) made me embarrassed and uncomferz!

E. Copterz: (also feat. spreading sammich spread?)

Chris: At least C. Doll's monsta clit is usually hidden in her drawerz...this pickle man though...he's everywhere. SURPRISE!

Tam: I'm stone-cold sober and I feel like I just did a shot of LCD-laced vodka after watching it!

Julia: I had to test you to see if this friendship was really worth pursuing. You didn't run from me screaming, so I knew you and I were gonna be tight.