Monday, July 13, 2009

My Monday Muse

Amy's Diary

We all were kidz @ one time, and we all had problemz that seemed unbelievably dificil. No one uNdERstOod us! Life waz so hawd and unfair and we were les miserabez and hated everything. But, unless you're me, you've grown out of this phase and realized what an annoying prick you actually were and how easy ur life actually was. And what better way to reflect on how obnoxious and stupid you once were than to reread old journal entriez that you wrote back during those simpler dayz? Well, this entry of My Monday Muse is dedicated to the art of the childhood diary and how wonderfully embarrassing it truly is.

A long while ago, I stumbled upon a short collection of flash animations based around some chick named Amy and her silly little diary dairy entriez. Basic and candid, they frrealz had me cracking up at some partz. CHECK THEM OUT, GRINGOZ! My favo is the December 17th entry, cuz who hasn't been at a birthday party just to have it ruined by a stampede of screaming babiez?! I also remember when I was a tot, and I also had the misfortune of only being given three horsey back ridez when I clearly wanted four! BoYz ARe sO stoOoOpidZ!

Well, after looking through the glory that was this little girl's anger, fear and private thoughtz, I thought I would venture back to my pitiful high school dayz and share with all you bloggy friendz my My-Diary [entitled "No Name Face"...tanx Lifehouse (feat. my faux introspective youth)]. Written between October 2002 and August 2003, it's filled with pointless meanderingz, unvalidated anger, entries comprised solely of (Michelle Branch) song lyrix and yearning odez to the several crushez I had throughout those terrible yearz. Since I was a stupid closeted cholo, I never really referred to my crushes with proper pronouns or namez, but instead talked about da two boiz I liked with the [oh so clever] aliases X and Y. Well, I shall leave you with some of my favorite quotez extracted from this goldmine of blackmailing goodness. Share with me some of your favorite quotes from either Amy or I's journalz!

- Sigend, Josh

" Jordan told me something very important today. She told me to not get so upset over a test grade."

"Here are some more lyrics that remind me of "X". It makes me sad to read them and think about "X"... :-(

"God...I hate it when people are assholes. Stupid slut, I hope she goes online and stumbles upon this diary, so she can read about how much she blows."

"Ms. Morse broke my cello by ripping off one of the strings. YES!!!"

"I wanted to go to prom with this girl I know, but she is going with someone else. It kinda got me down, and my
friends are tellnig me to just go with "the group", but that is stupid."

Oh...we also put oranges underneath some guys car, but he didn't crush them! Asshole."

If "Y" wanted to...I would totally be having sex right now! LOL!"

"I didn't fully understand....but that was cuz I was in a sassy mood."

"Anyway, I am an idiot and left my cell phone in the kitchen, so I have to go back
there...wish me luck!....ttyl."


David said...

"last Friday was the
school dance. It was suprisingly fun, even though my
heart's desire did not attend. :-("

Too cute.

hoteltuesday said...

NOOO!!! This person totally stole my idea!
I was JUST about to start a new blog series where I scan pages from my childhood journals and share them with the world

Tam said...

"... everyone thought we were either mentally ill, or that we were doing some kick ass drugs."

How little your life has changed since those days Josh. :-P

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

Chris D. said...

I poked around a bit. I enjoyed reading some of your writing before the invasion of the "Z"s changed your life. I found it touching.

The interesting thing is that just before you published this post I was digging into my older writing (looking for old poems to post [I was a pretty crappy poet]), when I found some old journal(?) entries. They had the tone of a letter or maybe an article. I have no idea who I was writing to. One was about my increasing "social dependence" phase. I obsessively checked e-mail and became fixated on making sure I was reachable by my friends every moment of the day (before that was the new normal).

As expected I can relate to much of what you wrote about in your journal. I had my own "X" in high school. Never moved on to a "Y". ;) My experience with my "X" may have progressed a bit further than yours. We were both homophobic. It was messy and it nearly drove me crazy. I learned a great deal about life in the summer of my 16th year. I'll be blogging all about it.

Hotel: Post anyway! All of the best ideas are stolen at least a hundred thousand time over.

that's J-O-S-H said...

David: And by "too cute" you clearly mean "artarded and desperate."

HotelTuesday: Now that I have given you all access to my embarrassing shiz, I think it would be fun to see that I wasn't alone. Though I'm sure journal entriez were much more eloquently written than mine were.

Tam: Don't apologize...with the way I act/write, I'm surprised someone hasn't serial had me checked out for problemas con drogas o mi cabeza.

Chris: I wanna see! Let's share embarrassing adolescent emotionz!

Michelle M. said...

I hate math, I am having so much
trouble understanding it. And there are these three bastard freshmen in my class, that know everything. And it PISSES ME OFF. Stupid fuckers. But everyone hates them so it's ok! ;-)

This is my fave quote so far because math is my mortal enemy and why I haven't won the Nobel prize for curing cancer.

Polt said...

"I didn't fully understand....but that was cuz I was in a sassy mood"

I love this one cause, really, who CAN fully understand anything when they're in a sassy mood! :)

I should call you Sassy Punkin from now on. OR, Sassy josh. :)


that's J-O-S-H said...

Michelle: Math is the bane of my existence. During college I had to take two semesters of math. I got As in both. Reason being was cuz my first math class was taught by a man who was older than dirt and who spent half the semester in the hospital. My second math class was taught by a teacher who died during the second session, leaving us with some surrogate professor who learned all those bullshiz equationz along with us. He told me that I bombed the final, but that he gave me an A for the class cuz it seemed like I cared.

Polt: Sassy Punkin is fun! If I'm ever in a pop singing/dancing troupe, I want that to be my alter ego aliaz!

Anonymous said...

OMFG! How did you find my diary?!

Amyyyyy said...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh my. One of your first entries from Oct 2002 references working at the restaurant (and it being "awesome" ?!@#$#@>?! might i add). wooooah

Ryan said...

Amy mentions that she hates Glenn B. Was she the one who started Glenn Beck on a spiraling path of insanity?

Ryan said...

I forgot to subscribe.