Friday, June 5, 2009

Songz of the Moment!

With summer comes a new collection of songs that I recently have become obsezzered with. They are all [partially] streaming at the bottom on this entry! Enjoy gringoz!

Jordin Sparks - "Battlefield"

So my relationship with Jordin Porksauce is a long and [uninteresting] complicated one. While she was on American Idol, I pretty much ignored her like I did with Carrie Underwood two seasonz before. And then before I knew it, she won and I was utterly confused as to who she was. My Idol guidebook over at TelevisionWithoutPity introduced her as "Jordin Sparks, 17, with all the hair" and I'm glad that I'm not the only one that takez note of her monstrous mane. I remember her singing alright, but I was too busy fawning over the majestic beauty of LaKisha Jones to give half a dump about her, or anyone else for that matter. Plus that was the Sanjaya Malakar season, so J. Sparxxx and her large frame were never at the forefront of my mind. But then she won and released some songz that I liked a little too much. Against my will. Here's my perception of Porksauce as a singer...she reminds me of that girl in high school choir that has a good voice [not a great one], but she's a little bigger and has a nice smile so they always give her the solo in the school play and everyone viewz her as the "singer" in school, even though the lead cheerleader is technically a better vocalist, but she has her squad and her boyfriends and her lookz and the admiration of her peerz, so everyone collectedly thinks, "yeah, let's give Jordin something to standout by...she's decent @ singing...she can have that."

But here I am critiquing her existence (cuz durhz, it's Josh Is Trashy, would you expect anything else?), yet I am painfully addicted to her new song. Sure, it's totally ripping off Pat Benetar's "Love Is a Battlefield" in every shameless way possible, but still...the ominous pounding of the war drum percussion, the token Sparxxx shouting, the weird radio tuning effects that give me a headache from behind the's all just pure pop heaven. Derricious! This could very well be the track that finally propells Porksauce into my Last.FM top 50! Ohmahgawdz! The day that happens, I will feel completely and utterly ashamed of myself.

T.I. (feat. Kanye West, Jay-Z & Lil' Wayne) - "Swagger Like Us"

So what do I know about T.I.? Pretty much nothing. I remember back when I lived with my parents and had the glorious music channel MTV2 that a song of his called "Rubberband Man" got played all the time, but since I was scared of rap, whenever the video would come on,I'd run to my room, hide under my covers and play Natalie Imbruglia's Left of the Middle as loud as I could to try and comfort my soul. But then I got older and through my father's growing obsession with hip-hop, I slowly began to become less terrified of it.

Well...fastforward to a few monthz ago, this gringo that I work with burned me a copy of T.I.'s Paper Trail and I fell instantly in love with this mega rap explosion collabo called "Swagger Like Us" that featurez a million people on it. It samplez M.I.A.'s calling card "Paper Planes" and is basically just the featured rappers sucking their own weinerz and complimenting themselves on being so awesome @ everything. So humble! Kanye West sounds like a robot and talks about Thanksigiving dinner and his asthma problems, Jay-Z is still rapping after retiring 14 times and openz up about his inability to wear skinny jeans, Lil' Wayne sounds like a demon Daffy Duck after huffing on a bong for an hour straight and T.I. then ends the song saying that he's in a lot of deep shit lately but he's still the hottest guy around, or something. And boy! Isn't he in some doodoo as of late! I think he's in jail right now for having gunz or something, but I can't wait till he gets out so he can have more pictures taken of him with his shirt off. Yumz! Ludacris better watch himself, because there is another thug rapper working his way into mi corazon! Derricioso!

The Used - "Find a Way"

Out of their three full-length LPs, The Used's latest album, Lies for the Liars was by far my least fav. It felt overly produced and it lost some of the spunky energy that made their first two albumz seem so raw and fulfilling. What I love about the Used is their unapologetically abrasive attitude. Though I know a lot of peepz think they are mad lamercopterz and disgusting (lead singer Bert McCracken looks like a pedophile crack addict and regularly vomz on stage), I can't help but appreciate their bluntly sincere lyrics and Bert's surprisingly well-trained vocal stylingz.

As of late, I have been attempting to listen to CDs I own that maybe didn't get the fair listening trial that they deserve, and this album was at the top of the list. Well...I'm still not crazy about it, but I have to admit that the track "Find a Way" is definitely a stand out. It starts off sounding like an updated version of Pink Floyd's "Money", what with the use of soundbitez to create an opening rythm. The song is a nice meshing of the cold, factory-produced kind of sound of the music with the warmth of the song content, and I effing LOVE when artists are able to create such a unified mixture of seemingly polar opposite emotions [i.e. Björk's masterpiece Homogenic]. McCracken's voice gets real high at some points and he sounds like what I would think murderous clowns would. Oh! And aside from the song freaking me out a little bit, I love how Samara Morgan talks in the background after the chorus and before the second verse. Scary!

Santigold - "Lights Out"

Like half of the tingz I end up blogging about, my friend Xtina told me about this crazy bitch a few months. On a whim while I was @ the Princeton Record Exchange, I saw her album and decided to not be a stingy bastardo and I spent some of my hard earned hooking dinero on her CD. Well I was not disappointed! Santoigold is some insane lady who makes bizarre music that defies genre and will punch you in the taint if you dare try to classify it. She's for supa-serialz this year's M.I.A., only with more vainity and less politix. They even sound semi simz, but who cares?! She's the mother effing shet. Her entire album is fabo and a half , featuring elements of rock, hip-hop, electro, pop...has a little bit of something for everyone!

I knew the first time I listened to the album that "Lights Out" was gonna be my fav cut off the track. It starts with a drum beat and distant guitar and then turns into a mid-tempo rock song with Santi's vocals impersonating those of Debbie Harry while singing about how unique and great she is. Like me! I would make an awesome friend for her. She just doesn't know it. Like the rest of the album, this song features a great beat that is purrrrrfect for strutting and preteneding you're hot shit. I put on my Pepaw aviator glasses, let my unshaven face shine in the sun and catwalk my aneorexic ass up and through Brooklyn all the time listning to it. Seriously, if being a self-obsessed wannabe famewhore was a sport, I'd be the M.V.P. every fudging seazon.

David Archuleta - "Crush"

Another Idol contestant?! Geeeeeeebz me! With the season finale just now starting to fade into the back of my mind, I went on an Idol binge, listening to all of the 100s of performancez I have on my harddrive from the past 8 seasonz and I began to recall the little Muppet-that-could[n't quite win] from season 7, David Archuleta. He's the one that had the terrifying father that got banned from the show, he singz like any well-trained 10-year old girl does, and he looks uncomfortably like he's made out of fabric and has a hand up his ass ala Fraggle Rock. He didn't win, David "Jowlz McGee" Cook did, but who carez cuz neither of them are selling the amount of albums that K. Clarkson or C. Underwoodz are.

Well, to appeal to his main audience, young deaf tween slutz and old ladies obsessed with Disney collectibles, David his record company released this cheesy pop gem "Crush" to radio and everyone loved it for .5 secs. Since I am forevz behind the curve and am known to become completely enamored with a song a good 7 months after everyone else on the planet has completely forgotten about it, I just downloaded it two weeks ago. Yay! Terribly unoriginal lyrics and standard soaring vocals over the chorus! But I still love it. And although I would be scared to place this song in the presence of anyone other than my catz, I am confiding in you, my beautifully seductive bloggo-audience, this dark secret of mine. Don't hate me [too much]

Bonus: Did you all know that I met D. Archuleta before?! My dear friend Enricocopterz over at Hotel Tuesday and I ran into him once when we were spelunking through his native habitat. Check it out!


hoteltuesday said...

BATTLEFIELD?? Seriously? You disappoint me. Not only does it copy Pat Benetar, but the "Battlefield" refrain sounds JUST LIKE "Energy" by the glorious Keri Hilson.

I always hear of this Santigold broad and thanks to your player at the bottom of the entry, I finally heard her music! Light's Out is pretty great.

And The Used? They're sooo 2000 and late. Aka, as soon as the lead singer broke up with Kelly Osbourne and stopped appearing on "Meet the Osbournes" or whatever that show was called, he completely vanished, as did his band.

That is an amazing pic of our meeting with David. And EXACTLY what we both said, obviously.

that's J-O-S-H said...

I make no claim to the musical validity of certain "Songz of the Moment" (aka "Battlefield").


Nathan V. said...

Meh. I just did a side-by-side comparison of those two songs on youtube. If Battlefield and Energy have the same chorus then all pop is guilty. Didn't sound quite the same to me. Although the last sentence of the refrain did trail off into the verses.

Anyways, I agree that it is a long standing right to enjoy a bunch of sub standard music for short bursts of time. Sometimes you've just got to rock out to whatever you feel like.

But, that being said....The Used? I think I vomited in my mouth a little....


Michelle M. said...

Yay! I looooove Crush! What a great little song.
I'll let you know what I think of the other songs in 7 months.
I call her Jordin Spanx.
Because I'm evil that way.