Friday, February 27, 2009

American Idol - Group 2 Performances

Here are my thoughts on Group 2. Shit, I'm mad underwhelmed this season. Bitchez better start to BRING IT.


Matt Breitzke ("If You Could Only See")
Large beared sensitive teddy bear with distracting floaty hand movements.

Megan Corkrey ("Put Your Records On")
Tattooed mommy with weird voice and the judges love that.

Matt Giraud
("Viva La Vida")
Ditched the piano for earth shattering vibratto and terrible falsetto.

Mishavonna Henson
("Drops of Jupiter")
Terrible arrangement with decent vocals and too much facial emoting.

Kris Allen
("Man In the Mirror")
Puppy dog eyes and great vocals. David Archuleta after puberty.

Allison Iraheta
("Alone")
Sick of Idol peeps singing this. But damn, she's good.

Kai Kalama ("What Becomes of the Broken Hearted")
Puffy face and puffy hair, I guess he can sing.

Jesse Langseth ("Bette Davis Eyes")
P!nk's attitude, Joss Stone's vocals, Regina Spektor's looks. She's aight.

Nick Mitchell ("And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going")
Freak of nature with out of world performance. I'm terrified.

Jasmine Murray
("Love Song")
Her spaceman jacket has more shine than her congested vocals.

Adam Lambert
("(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction")
Jonas brother with the voice of an 80's hair band.

Jeanine Vailes
("This Love")
Sexy sasspot with legs that just won't quit. True diva.



LOVES IT! - Best way to start the morning...

So I've never been a breakfast person. I actually get nauseous thinking about eating before like 10 in the morning. Eating doughnuts makes me feel pregnant and waffles/french toast/pancakes/anything else you coat with sticky-ass syrup makes me actually want to puke. Too much sugar waaaaay too earlerz. I love eggs and pork roll (mmmm, say what you will, that shit is glorious) but I'd rather have that later on in the day. I think that my stomach doesn't wake up until around noon, but when it does, watch the fuck out...I could devour an entire underprivileged village.

And herein lies my problem: since starting my job in New York, I've had to put off eating until 1:30. But since I'd rather sleep for an additional ten minutes then quickly make myself some cereal or granola to throw back, I basically start gnawing on my lips like beef jerky to try and suffice my hunger. But then, two weeks ago, a glorious beacon of light can shining into my life. In the Port Authority bus station that I get dropped off at early in the morning, there is this little chain cafe called Au Bon Pain that I happened to stumble into one day. I was especially tired that day and zombied my way into the place for some coffee. And while I was pouring my drink, I saw a bucket of ice filled with these plastic cups. Curious to the oatmeal like concoction inside I bought it and it was love at first bite.

The savior of my breakfast blues is called muesli and it's pretty much the most fucking derricious thing on the face of this piece of shit planet. Oats, dried fruit and nuts make up this simply captivating early morning meal...the kind I get at the Port Authority has chunks of bananas, apples and dried cherries/cranberries (I inhale it so fast I barely can tell which fruit is really in there). There some lightly sweetened milk also thrown in which makes it a well-rounded start to any day. I absolutely LOVES it and thinks that everyone should head up to the NY Port Authority bus station just for a taste of this edible jewel of morning consumption.

LOVES IT!!!


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Is this even the same person?

I'm sure I'm not the only one that pretty much forgot that Lil Mama existed. I mean she did "Lip Gloss", which was mad annoying and then was exploited by Punk-Ass Lavigne for the "Girlfriend" remix. And didn't she do another song with that one dude and Chris "Check YoSelf Before You Wreck YoSelf" Brown? I dunno...who cares. Whatever...let's cut to the chase...

She has a new song/video out called "Truly in Love" and it features some dude named Peter Toh that does something or another. I am completely shocked by the transformation that has taken place in this bitch -- I would have totes written her off as some sort of one-trick pony, but I will admit when I've been proven wrong, and Ms. Mama, I shall eat some humble pie on your behalf. Aw hell, two slices! It's derrrrricious!

Quite surprising to hear her sing, and I must say that I am very pleased that she doesn't sound terrible...horrendous are the results usually when a rapper tries to sing (cough...Nelly) or when a singer tries to rap (cough...vomit...Madonna..cough), but Lil Mama has proven that she has skills in both fields.

Now I wouldn't say her voice is at all as powerful as the Dreamgirls whose movie she is clearly ripping a scene out of for her video, but I think the deeper hard sound of her voice gives something unique to a song that could have easily become forgettable if sung by someone with a more crafted singing voice.

And although the shots of her in the dress and the close-ups on her face/defined cheek bones may make me question certain design aspects of the video, all in all, I think that this is a nice turn for Mama and a smart move to reinvigorate her "fish caught on land" career. She still looks like she's gonna kick my ass and then eat my flesh, but at least there is a cute little melody to play during the carnage.






Monday, February 23, 2009

Mr. Milk wins it.

I am ecstatic that Sean Penn beat out expected winner Chowda-Face Rourke for the Best Actor Oscar for Milk. That film really fucking moved me and a lot of that had to do with his amazing performance. The beginning of his speech is kinda goofy, but when he starts to get serious and discusses the importance of equal rights in the world, I was crying like a little baby. Well played Mr. Penn, well played.





Sunday, February 22, 2009

It's difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over.

Once again, sitting here on a Sunday in the early afternoon in the coffeehouse. Went for a run this morning after my previous entry and my thighs feel like tightened cured beef jerky. Just ate a derricious peach muffin with a cup o' coffee. Listening to "3 Libras" by A Perfect Circle on repeat, realizing that it is really one of the most beautifully crafted songs I have ever heard -- just LISTEN to that violin in the beginning, if it doesn't give you the goosing bumps then you're colder than a million Fla-Vor-Ice. Sometimes it seems cruel that there are songs that can so accurately capture someone's emotion...it's to a point that it really illuminates certain aspects of our feelings that we may not want to admit...some lyrics literally couldn't express certain complicated feelings any better. Case in point:

I threw you the obvious
just to see if there is more behind
the eyes of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
And here I am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded.

This song is pretty much everything I have been thinking the past few weeks and it scares the living baby Jeebuz outta me. Damn music for being such a wonderfully fortifying wrecking ball (oxymoron much?) in my life .







What occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel?
Oh well, apparently nothing.




[i really miss.]

Muchas peliculas

I've been watching a lot of movies lately...being that by the time I get home from New York all I really want to do is sloth myself onto my bed with a bowl of granola and a minimum of three string cheese, movies have become an easy and enjoyable escape that requires no lifting of any kind and pulls me away from the computer. I've had the pleasure of seeing quite a few good films recently (well...except for one, take a guess):


Lars and the Real Girl - It's one of those pseudo-Indie dram-comz that always make me feel unashamedly warm on the inside while keeping a certain edge that prevents it from dipping into the melodramatic pool of romantic and cheesy cliches. I like to call this the Juno-experience. Anyway, Lars was a film that I saw a preview for once and always had bouncing in the back of my head. With the gorgeous advent of Netflix in my life, I was able to find it and oh boy am I ever glad. It was the touching story of a sweet yet socially-inept man who falls in love with a mail-order sexy doll. Yeah, the kind with fully authentic bits. It might sound silly, and very well could be, but the film's ability to take this absurdity and turn it into a moving and semi-powerful viewing experience really says a lot about the cast and the director. + 3 points.

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? - Yes...it's an oldie. But damn, I stay by my opinion that there are very few films that have character development as expertly and cunningly executed as this one. Based on the famous play by Edward Albee (I really need to getting around to reading it!), the movie takes place during a single night and has only four main characters. There is little to go on other than the dialogue of the characters to unravel the detailed and incredibly twizzzzted back story that slowly begins to haunt the present. Elizabeth Taylor gives one of the best performances I have ever seen and the film itself really captures an uncomfortably burgeoning madness that manipulates the viewer's perception of reality. A film that really is in a class all it's own, it for totes must bee seen by everyone...everywhere...NOW.


Grizzly Man - I knew that this film was going to be a difficult one to sit through. I've researched wiki'ed it and knew the general premise of the documentary. A man obsessed with protecting and befriending grizzly bears eventually becomes the victim of his passion. The film puts on no airs about the fate of the subject (Timothy Treadwell) and goes into great detail to explore his past to illuminate his love of the animal. There are some shots that are absolutely heartbreaking...he filming his beloved bears and talking to them, all with the ominous truth that he will ultimately fall victim to these creatures. It's a fascinating and sometimes chilling experience that really left me feeling kind of empterz and naked on the inside. Not necessarily the most cheery of filmz...not by a long shot.


Friday the 13th - There is nothing wrong with bad horror movies. I mean, I love cinema and am totally about high-quality films and Oscar this and Critic's Choice that, but sometimes nothing really can hit the spot like a really dopey and senseless slasher flick. And really, is there anything that fits this bill more than the remake of Friday the 13th? The movie was mad goofy and really did lack any sort of genuine or even slightly interesting story to follow. Unlike the original, we are given a confused and shoddy opening 3 minutes that is supposed to work as a backstory to explain the origins of Jason Vorhees, but it reveals very little. It's obvious that the producers of the film know what the general public wants out of a horror film...and that's sexy horny teenagers being axed, stabbed, decapitated and bow-N-arrowed. There is also an obnoxiously unnecessary marijuana presence in the film...there are several instances where one of the no-name dumb-fuck hotties smokes or finds a hidden stash of weed and is then mutilated less than a minute afterwards. I guess Jason is pretty stingy over his crops. Damn boy, share the wealth. But aside from the druggie sub-theme, the acting sucked pelotas and even the death scenes weren't as brutal as they should have been to keep the film interesting. What. a. bust. Oh, and why is Willa Ford in it? Does that make any sense? Is she even a real person?







Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Yes, I can beat that.

This popped up on my computer while @ work on Tuesday:





Um...hey Internet, thanks for the headz-up, but I totes already knew that.


American Idol - Group 1 Performances

In the past I have been known to write scathing blogs about my favorite television show, American Idol, but due to my hectic 7-day work week and trying to keep myself somewhat socially relevant with my friends, I won't be able to write as in-depth about the "singers" and their sure-to-be-spectacular performances. Instead I thought I'd put myself to the challenge of only writing ten words per contestant...so here are my thoughts on the first 12 in group 1:

Jackie Tohn ("A Little Less Conversation")
Pants leave nothing to imagination. Is that even called singing?

Ricky Braddy ("A Song For You")
Strong vocals, fluttering eyes and a nice ass. Bend over.

Alexis Grace
("I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)")
Good singer, looks like a corpse. Why is Paula crying?

Brent Keith ("Hicktown")
Self-proclaimed hick with decent voice and personality of mud.

Stevie Wright
("You Belong With Me")
Weird face. Terrible voice. Annoying teenager. I want to die.

Anoop Desai ("Angel Of Mine")
Like Sanjaya only with a good voice and a penis.

Casey Carlson ("Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic")
Pretty girl, although she has porn mouth and weak vocals.

Michael Sarver ("I Don't Wanna Be")
A nice guy with only one dance move: constipated squatting.

Ann Marie Boskovich
("Natural Woman")
Gorgeous, mature and sassy...but she ain't no Kelly Clarkson.

Stephen Fowler
("Rock With You")
I love this song, so he wins points with me.

Tatiana Del Toro ("Saving All My Love For You")
The mentally unstable loony calms down and delivers elegant performance.

Danny Gokey ("Hero")
Dork festival. Not great, but better than Mariah's terrible remake.


He's gotta love nobody.



Can't read his, can't read his, no, can't read Mowgli's poker face!



Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Relating a little to Scarlett.

Things can get pretty blue sometimes. No doubt about it and as of late I feel my mind fluctuating like some sort of buoy on the ocean. Up and down and up and down. I'm keeping myself positive and stable and there hasn't be a lot of breaking down, at least not as much as I would have expected with all the changes that have taken place recently. However, I must admit that a solemn sadness does sneak its way through my locked doors and work its way into my chest sometimes while I'm laying in bed and listening to nothing.

There are aspects in my life that I know could bring me much happiness if I had the power to change them, but alas, sometimes we can't. It's frustrating and painful, but things can happen that we aren't prepared for and are unable to alter and all we have to do is get convoluted expectations out of our minds and accept the way things are. I've been trying to and it is quite difficult and while I still keep hope for this thumping deep inside me to come to a rest and for my anticipatory actions to lead me back to the comfort and peace that I felt earlier, part of me continues to try and stay grounded and self-focused on other issues of importance. But sometimes it gets difficult to not drift off down the Amazon River of never-ending twists and turns that is the emotional database in my own mind -- but still I must try.

Not forfeit any idea that things could turn out beautifully, like I want them to, but be realistic to the unspoken signs and hints that this silence provides me. Whether I get back what I feel like I've lost, or not, I will eventually be alright. But I need to keep my hope in me...when things are this important, it's foolish to pretend that they aren't. And there is no denying that this is all incredibly vital to me. But as the old saying goes, there's no need to completely give up hope, because...


...after all, tomorrow is another day.


Monday, February 16, 2009

My Blog Just Reached 666 Views!




I'm gonna kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is my pal!


Sunday, February 15, 2009

Obligatory Entry About Hating Valentine's Day

So it's the day after Valentine's Day. I thought that since I was creamed last night at the restaurant (I ended up making $270, and I didn't even have to strip!!!) and then proceeded to get mad drunkerz after work, I'd play it low key today with a nice peaceful run through the park and some introspective creative poetry time (I'm such an intellectual!). I came to the local coffee house and to my dismay realized that it was chockfull of annoying gringo couples. Just throngs of irritated girlfriends and their desperate boyfriends who were attempting to make up for not planning something SuPa cUtE the night before by taking their skank-asses out for lattes and a garden salad this afternoon.

So I plop my rear down at the last available table and proceed to glare at everyone, eavesdrop on all of their conversations and enjoy to hear that hardly anyone was having a good time. I'm kind of a bastard sometimezzz...but whatever...I do what I want. And what I want is to hate everyone. I win.

Now I'm chilling here, reading Overheard In New York, laughing obnoxiously and writing poems about my cat and her insecurity issues. And though I didn't partake in the Hallmark holiday festivities that this weekend tries to forcefeed us to submit to like dirty whorez, I must say that this weekend pretty much rocked.



ps...there is this little girl sitting next to me that keeps begging her parents to play Candyland with her, while they ignore her and stare into each other's vapidly hideous eyes. Damn people suck sometimes.


ps (part deux)...another couple on the other side of the room started tickling their infant child's stomach while (in babytalk) began coaxing "Who's my little demonchild?" LOVES THEM!


Saturday, February 14, 2009

HATES IT! - Cardiac Arrest with a Cheese Sauce

What's something that really grinds my pelotas to a painful pulp? Pizza Hut's Bacon Mac n' Cheese. Slightly inspired by the horrendously blunt snapshot of America obesity, This Is Why You're Fat.com (check this shiz out...it will lift your spirits the next time you feel guilty about eating a candy bar for breakfast), I have become disgusted with this culinary clusterfuck of fast food debauchery. Every day I work in New York, I walk by this Pizza Hut that has a window size poster of this glistening and heart attack-inducing death wish.

Now don't get me wrong...bacon can be derricious on occasion, and macaroni and cheese kept me from starving in college. Both of these have a special place in my heart and, when done right, can be key comfort foods. But having a fast food company mix them together into an overly processed and greasy orgy and served in a tin trough for easy hog-like consumption just seems wrong and like another notch in the wide-load belt of fat-ass America. And I bet all the fake additional flavorings and neon yellow coloring in the world couldn't make it taste any better than if you were to just make it yourself. But alas, we are a lazy nation. HATES IT!




America, STOP BEING FAT!



Friday, February 13, 2009

Short & Funny Q&A with K. Clarkson.

Just thought I'd share this hilarious interview with Kelly Clarkson that I just saw on my newest online obsession, Pop Justice. Haha..."Am I on Punk'd?"




Blogs + Pop Music = NIRVANA

Hello? Nancy?

So once again I must pimp out Netflix for being one of the most ingenious concepts in the history of everything. I finally got around to renting and watching Capote, and I thought it was absolutely fantastico. I read "In Cold Blood" nearly a year ago in my Non-Fiction Literature study course at college and I found it haunting and impossible to put down. Having studied the novel, both in within its pages and in Capote's writing process of it, I grew very intrigued in the story, both before and after the novel. I had been aware of the film's prominence since it came out in 2005, but it wasn't until I started reading the book that I fancied the idea of seeing it.

Well...holy mother of Jeezuz. To say that it was emotionally draining would be an incredible understatement. I thought that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was epically superb and put on one of the greatest acting performances I had ever seen. I remember watching a documentary on the quirky little Capote and taking note of his intricate little behavioral flips and his famously peculiar voice; Hoffman executes his impersonation perfectly. I also thought that Clifton Collins Jr. , the actor that portrayed Perry Smith, Capote's eventually obsession, was marvelous. I am utterly shocked that he did not receive a Best Supporting Actor nomination for his performance. One scene in particular (posted below - but beware, it is quite graphic), where Smith finally opens up to Capote about the night of the murders, literally gave me chills and got my heart racing like some NASCAR shiz.

As I write this, I still feel quite taken aback by the complex emotional web that was woven throughout the film and am incredibly unnerved. The film reminded me of Monster (also featuring an incredibly leading performance by Charlize Theron) where the "villains" are given such a delicate and sensitive spotlight that the audience becomes vice-gripped into a perplexing state between disgust and sympathy. The ending result is neither happiness or sadness, but just a vague dabbling of both that feels more sullenly empty than anything else. And its when a film can make me feel this isolating reflection that I know it succeeded in its goal.

I highly suggest anyone that enjoys high-quality (though incredibly exhausting) books/movies to check out "In Cold Blood"/Capote. With its unique frame of storytelling and the heart-breaking blurry dichotomy between author and subject, both pieces should be mandatory for any aspiring writer to experience.

Damn.







Monday, February 9, 2009

Like a hard candy with a surprise center.

I just recently heard the new Katy Perry song, "Thinking of You", and damn...I really dig it. It's the same old nostalgically sad and reminiscent love song that we've heard a million times before, but the just-left-of-center lyrics and Perry's rounded and robust voice give it a certain edge that I find really appealing. I've been watching the video over and over on YouTube and it's an addiction. Without fail, the song will bring me down...but it's such an oddly fulfilling emotional down that I can't help but listen to it on repeat. And damn...this is her fourth single that I've really liked...maybe...::gulp::...I should get her CD?!?!

Play the video...it will pluck on your heartstrings like pizzicato.





[ps: THE. LAST. LINE. KILLS. ME.]

In your eyes
I'd like to stay.



Sunday, February 8, 2009

Grammy Bites

I thought I'd catalog randoms opinions and observations about this year's Grammy Awards, while I watch. Luckily I got the rabbit ears to get a rather clear reception of CBS...so here we go.


- Ug...of course the Grammy's bitch sluts U2 open the show. Goddamn...when is this band and this award show going to stop 69ing each other?

- Whitney Houston is still alive? Damn...bitch still is crazy though. Why...is...she...stalling...between...each...word...like...some...sort...of... malfunction...robot?

- Jennifer Hudson just fucking won a GRAMMY. Damn right audience...get on your feet.

- Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson isn't funny...at all. And Katy Perry absolutely hates it.

- I will never find Justin Timberlake attractive, charming, intriguing or at all fun to listen to.

- I love "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green...even though the first time I heard it was when it was covered (poorly) by Leah "Forest Nymph" LaBelle on American Idol.

- Coldplay is performing. Time to make a PB&J sandwich and a bag of frozen vegetable medley.

- Carrie Underwood is wearing Dolly Parton's Vegas gold nightie.

- "Viva La Butthole" by Coldplay won Song of the Year, even though Adele's "Chasing Pavements", Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" and Sara Bareilles' "Love Song" have lyrics ten times better written.

- Too bad he's kind of a redneck dickhead, because Kid Rock actually has a pretty decent voice.

- Miley Cyrus is not a very good singer. She sounds congested and bratty. Taylor Swift on the other hand actually has a quite pretty voice and doesn't look like a wet rat.

- The teenage girl in me is crying because "No Air" didn't win a Grammy.

- J-Hud looks stunning and sounds even better. Definitely made her family proud.

- Jason Mraz looks effing SHARP...even with the goatee.

- The Jonas Brothers' "Burnin' Up" would have sounded a lot better if it was recorded by Stevie Wonder instead.

- Oh great. Blink-182 is making a comeback.

- Coldplay wins...again. ::vomits on laptop::

- Everyone really needs to STOP name-dropping Paul McCartney. Shut. Up.

- Craig Ferguson is funny.

- Katy Perry is a lesbian fruit basket.

- Blah blah blah...Kanye West...blah blah.

- Adele won Best New Artist which I am jazzed about cuz I like that one song of hers and her accent.

- Morgan Freeman's voice is soothing and comforting. I want a recording of him saying "Goodnight Josh. Sweet dreams" that I can listen to on repeat while I'm trying to go to sleep.

- I'm sorry you didn't win, M.I.A.. At least you are gonna have a baby in like...any second. Seriously, she's about to spray her water all over the damn place.

- AND SHE IS PERFORMING!??!?!? DAMN I LOVE HER. Watch for the placenta, Lil Wayne.

- Does Kate Beckinsale have anything to do with music? No.

- Bleh...I'm getting tired. When do I get my award for sitting through this whole thing?

- Jack Black suuuuucks...and looks like he might touch children.

- Whatever John Mayer...I liked Mr. A-Z's record way more than yours, plus he's better looking.

- I want to give Adele a million and a half hugs.

- Radiohead = simply incredible.

- Justin, stop pretending to play the piano. I can't even hear a piano in this song. T.I., please just beat his ass already.

- Jordin Sparks is clapping like a seal in Paul McCartney's ear.

- Neil Diamond? YAWN. BARF. YAWN.

- Damn a lot of people peaced out this year.

- Lieutenant Dan just introduced Lil Wayne?!

- Will.I.Am and everyone else in the audience love Obama.

- Lil Wayne won Best Rap Album and then brought his entire family up on stage.

- A silly online jester was playing naughty on Wikipedia's Grammy page. Kudos to whoever did that...+15 points.

- Green Day are chowdah-face toolz.



Ok...I'm too tired and tuckered out to think of something silly or funny to end this with. It's time to take my teetering tots to sleep. Night skanks.


Wii = the New Weed???



There is nothing that anyone could say that could convince me that Super Mario Galaxy was not made specifically for stoners. It's like one big hallicunated, mushroom-eating, 360 degree-spinning, dreamy mindfuck of a high...and I absolutely LOVES IT!


Here's a quick contact buzz for you suckas.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Violence transcends the language barrier.

Last night at the restaurant I was talking to the dishwasher, Andres, in Spanish. I tend to try and say the most bizarre and morbid things I can conjure up in my head with my knowledge of vocabulary. I ended up saying "Pongo mi cabeza enfrente de el tren" (I put my head in front of the train). Andres responding by saying "Bueno. Quiero jugar futbol" (Good. I want to play soccer.)


Andres kicks ass.


Friday, February 6, 2009

At the opera tonight!

As mentioned a few entries back, I recently signed up for Netflix and it is with great anticipation that I am waiting to receive the sure to be ground-breaking and life-altering Repo! The Genetic Opera. The plot looks like it makes little-to-no-sense and former presidential candidate, Paris Hilton co-stars in it. She was even nominated for an Oscar a Razzie for her brilliant performance as some whore that probably can't sing. I'm gonna curl up tonight after work, reeking of the restaurant's kitchen, eat an entire effing derrrrricious peach cobbler I made and watch this beauty of cinematic euphoria. But while I sit and wait for the mailman to bring me my beloved, I thought I'd write a blog highlighting some of my fav movie musicals and why they are better than everything (the answer is because I like them).



Dreamgirls - Duh, as anyone that was within a mile radius of me knew when this film came out, I was clinically obsessed with this movie and its accompanying soundtrack.

Best Moment? Whenever J-Hud did anything, but especially when she ripped my soul out and crushed it with the pains of a thousand heartbreaks.



Phantom of the Opera - I feel like this film was for totes underappreciated by Hollywood and by the public. I just realized that I have seen it probably like 10 times and don't really ever grow tired of it. I grew up with dis shiz (even dressed up as the Phantom for Halloween when I was a wee little tyke) and just three weeks ago I finally saw it on Broadway ("OH MAH GAAAAWWWWWWD! THE CHANDELIER IS FALLING!!!1111!1!!1one11!!1!")

Best Moment? Emmy Rossum singing her pechos off...and we get our first glimpse of Gerard Butler as the sexy and deformed Phantom.



Dancer In the Dark - Active spousal support is the key to any strong and worthwhile relationship, so of course I have to gush about my lovey dearest Björk. She plays a woman who is going blind and then has God basically take a dump over her life. Ms. Guðmundsdóttir is brilliant in the lead role and also wrote the soundtrack, which makes me so hot in the pantaloons that I can't even focus on transcribing my orgasmic feelings about it.

Best Moment? The disturbing lead-up to the final scene where she is blindly dancing and smiling and singing her way through the prison, serenading other inmates and counting the steps to the...er...yeah.



The Brave Little Toaster - So my first crush as a little boy was The Statue of Liberty. Not for any reason having to do with what she stands for, but because it was a huge green woman that came alive in that one Ghostbusters movie. But after I realized things weren't going to work out (she was so damn needy!) and we parted our ways I finally was forced to face my sexuality when I fell for the sweet tenor voice and the noble incandescence of Lampy from this classic animated child's musical. He tugged on my cute little heartstrings and made me cry (I'm serious) numerous times because of how much I loved him. This movie caused me to talk to inanimate objects for the next two years, so thusly it deserves some recognition.

Best Moment? The song "It's a B-Movie" that I became reinfatuated with the last month I was in college. Not only is the song catchy and the harmonies fantastico, but the whole premise with the hodgepodge freakshow appliances is pretty damn scary for the young kids watching the movie. And scaring children always deserves bonus points.



Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - It features three of my favorite things in the entire world: Pie, serial killers and Helena Bonham Carter. Beauty of nature!

Best Moment? Mrs. Lovett feeds Johnny Depp some nasty-ass shit-pie, while singing about feeding him nasty-ass shit-pie.



West Side Story - It's a classic and everyone loves it. While browsing through the musical section at Netflix this morning I came across it and remembered watching it approximately 50 times when I was growing up. Both of my sisters were obsessed and would often sucker me into acting out the whole play with Barbies. Then I'd accidentally break their heads off and they would yell at me.

Best Moment? One of the most gut-wrenching and painful songs for me to hear...ever. So...much...LOVE.



Hairspray - Another film that I became sickeningly hooked on...I saw it three times in theaters and ducked out of some other crappy movie cuz I knew Hairspray was playing in the theater next door and that it was about time for "You Can't Stop the Beat" to come on. I have a dream now of performing that number during the group performance on American Idol Broadway night and I already have my lines and my dancemoves planned out. MMMMM...bizarre and self-indulgent fantasiezzzzz!

Best Moment? Fuck Zac Efron. Fuck Queen Latifah. Fuck John Travolta (feat. tranny fat suit). The best part of the film was whenever Amanda Bynes was on screen. I'm still reeling from seeing this performance for the first time and hearing Ms. Bynes sing. Ug! LOVES LOVES LOVES IT! It's nothing terribly special, but it was so unexpected and I love how throughout this entire song her vocal track is put to the forefront during even the group parts.



The Nightmare Before Christmas - Before Hot Topic decided to completely rape my childhood, this film was a special little secret to me and I collected all the action figures, had the soundtrack, drew pictures of all the characters and, of course, got the VHS tape the cake-eating second it hit the shelves. There are literally no words to describe how addicted I was to this movie when I was a tot. It makes me feel all warm inside and hate the world a tiny bit less.

Best Moment? "Kidnap the Sandy Claws and beat him with a stick. Lock him up for 90 years. See what makes him tick." Genius.



Junior High School - And of course no list of memorable movie-musicals is complete without this testament to the struggles and joys of growing up. A star vehicle for an absolutely stunning Paula Abdul, I am sure that this film must have been shortlisted at the 1978 Academy Awards for best picture. Goddamn you The Dear Hunter! You stole its thunder!

Best Moment(s)? The raw pulsing sexual energy that emits from these budding adolescents in songs about the anticipatory expectations of social gatherings and the trials and dismays caused by a small cup-size.




phew...that took like four hours to write the whole thing. I could have watched two of these films within that time span! Whatever...now I need a nap.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Post-NYC Loafing

Twas one hell of a busy day bringing home the bacon in NYC. So how am I going to unwind this evening?



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awesomezzzzzz

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

What's new pussycat?

I'm sitting here after an incredibly wasteful night at the restaurant and am chilling trying to listen to Kelly Clarkson sing about beautiful disasters, being gone and just missing trains when mi gato Hermanita starts clawing at my side before proceeding to climb my ass like its some sort of mountain range. I was annoyed at her pestering and looked like this:



But just like cats always do, her unbelievable cuteness and beauty permeated my irritation and led us to make out:




Damn I love that cat. My Mowlgi is wandering around here somewhere...

WAIT!

Just as I was typing, that camera-shy little bugger walked by my room. GOT HIM!




Why I want to become a vegetarian...

...see below.







Goddamn you, animals. Why is your flesh so delicious?!


Celebrity Bullets

I'm on my break from work and was going to nap considering my lack of substantial sleep recently, but fuck it...writing about celebrities is more entertaining.

I feel like I've been neglectful of my poor blog recently. It's become a dumping ground for my problems and an exploited release of dark and depressing thoughts...which it shouldn't be. That's what shitty food and my playlist of angry female singer-songwriters are for. So to get back onto my top blogging form, I thought I'd take a look at some of the crazy bullshiz that is going on in other people's lives... Loves it!


- In her attempts to further distance herself from the goodie goodie virginal parameters set by former Disney cash cow Hilary Duffster Deluxe Meal, (She's Just Being) Miley Cyrus has become a racist.

- Though I love her to death, Kelly Clarkson's new song "My Life Would Suck Without You" well...kinda sucks. Not only does it sound like a recycled version of "Since U Been Gone", but I think it shows her shrinking back into the clutches of her overcontrolling producers who are gonna make her release a bunch of stock poprock songs that are subpar and lame. Who cares if My December didn't sell as well as Breakaway? I think it kicked ass and showed the promising growth of a musical artist...not product. Hell, I may just be a little jaded. My blog = I do what I waaaaant.

- Jessica Simpson is now "fat", aka "normal and wearing high-waisted jeans".

- Michael "Sloth Loves Chunk!" Phelps smokes dope. Duh. Like his slack-jawed smile and stoner eyes didn't give that away. It personally makes me think of him as less of a tool, but then again he apologized for it. What a bitch.

- Everyone's favorite new mini-Madonna, Lady GaGa is obviously deaf after saying in an interview with Paris Hilton that "Stars Are Blind" is "one of the greatest records ever" which is the first time that those words have ever been uttered about that garishly horrible song. I mean, I've racked up a good number of plays on it in the privacy of my own home...with headphones on...and the curtains drawn...and the door locked...but to openly admit such a thing? I'd rather say I have two Lindsay Lohan CDs (which I do). What I love about the video is that after GaGa lies about her musical opinions, Paris is all like...let's do a song together, and GaGa says "uhoh" cuz she realizes what floodgates she opened up and she covers her mouth and curses herself for sprouting this potentially venomous idea into the cesspool of Ms. Hilton's mind.

- Hamburger Face Rourke claims that Harvey Milk star Sean Penn is actually homophobic. Makes sense...I mean, he let's himself get killed off in the movie! What a bigot!

- Jennifer Hudson mothereffing returns into our lives by "And I Am Telling You"ing the living shitballs out of the National Anthem during some sports game or something. And even though she was lipsynching, at least it was the good kind where she prerecorded that shit beforehand under the advisement of show's producer, and not the Asslee Shitson kind where bitch's overproduced CD played in the background while she farted about on stage like a marionette puppet.


ok...well. That's all for now. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I can get out of my night shift early tonight and catch up on some much-needed sleep. Seriously my eyes burn. Damn the Internet/Facebook to the fiery pits of hell for existing and keeping me from getting any sort of rest.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

My heart feels like an alligator!

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold...


These now infamous opening words really prepare you for the adventure that follows; I just recently finished Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by the sadistically genius Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. And may I just say that I am not only pleasantly surprised and pleased with the book, but I think for once in my life I have what those in the English major call a literary muse...a writer that really hits me hard and knocks some much needed inspiration into me. Though Dr. Thompson lived a rather extravagantly chaotic life, I find his writing to be impeccably thought-provoking, while still maintaining a certain level of respect to the humility and sensitivity of the writer. His blunt wit and fearlessness is something that I strive to achieve in my own writing, while his underlying themes of deprecation and societal failing really resonate with the inner pissed-off critic in me.

I need to get myself a poster or something of him to hang on my wall...next time I'm feeling distracted or closed in by a towering wall of writer's block, I'll just let Dr. Thompson's quixotically acidic stare light a fire under my ass and get my pen/keyboard a-writing/a-typing. There is nothing to fear within my own words, so just write and fuck all else.

Usually, as is evident by past book-related blog posts, I like to have a quote or two that I feel provides an illuminating insight into the inner workings of the book. While reading I'll mark off pages with stand-out passages that I might want to use in my entry. By the time I finished this book, if I had held it upside-down, it would have rained confetti for a week. I thought that I'd end this entry with the most riveting/silly/absurd/downright-fucked-up quotes I found:



"Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas. To relax, as it were, in the womb of the desert sun. Just roll the roof back and screw it on, grease the face with white tanning butter and move out with the music at top volume, and at least a pint of ether."

"But after a while you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth."

"Do they pay you to screw that bear?"

"The room was very quiet. I walked over to the TV set and turned it on to a dead channel--white noise at maximum decibels, a fine sound for sleeping, a powerful continuous hiss to drown out everything strange."

"What will the FBI make of that? This Great Red Shark full of Neutrogena soap bars? All completely legal. The maids gave us that soap. They'll sear to it . . . Or will they?"

"The sun was hot and I felt like killing something."

"Duke: Taco burger, what's that?
Att'y: That's a hamburger with a taco in the middle."

"There was no sense blowing everything for the sake of some violent ape I'd never even met."

"Every now and then you run up on one of those days when everything's in vain . . . a stone bummer from start to finish; and if you know what's good for you, on days like these you sort of hunker down in a safe corner and watch."



jesus christ, that's a pretty face...

...the kind you'd find on someone that could save.
if they don't put me away, it will be a miracle.

do you believe you're missing out?
that everything good is happening somewhere else?
but with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through.

and i will die all alone.
and when i arrive i won't know anyone.

well jesus christ, i'm alone again.
so what did you do those three days you were dead?
cuz this problem is gonna last more than the weekend.








do i divide and pull apart?
cuz my bright is too slight
to hold back all my dark.



this isn't as easy as i thought

fuck fuck fuck /goddammit josh/