Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.

Went out tonight to New Hope. Had a few drinks and watched karaoke. Someone sang "Wonderwall" by Oasis, and while their vocals were nothing to boast about, I found myself reading the lyrics on the prompter machine and gaining much appreciation for the song itself. Never really paid much attention to this song before...but damn, some nice and simple lyrics that really say a lot. Fantastic.

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Monday, December 22, 2008

It's late; I should be asleep.

This weekend was a roller coaster...Saturday it felt as though the whole sky was crashing down on my skull, but what a difference time with certain people and 24 hours can do to completely reverse a mood. Work was wonderful and hella busy. I was the only server but I rocked that bitch and took home a nice hefty wad of money to make a significant dent in my holiday season debt. I also was able to snag a few half-filled bottles of wine that were left by drunken tables. + 2 points.

Anyway, I took Shawn to the train station today. He is going away for a few months and living me basically in charge of the house and adorable kittens. I'm excited to have this beautiful farm house to myself, but I must say that it is rather disconcerting to stay in all by oneself during the winter in the late hours. Why is it that old houses, without fail, will always make noises and creak and have loud heating systems that demon-roar when they come on? Anyway, this post is completely pointless. For the past four hours I've just been chilling in front of the wood burning stove's fire (that has dissipated to ashes within the past hour), listening to music and just surfing about. It's this that really calms me down and makes me happy and fulfilled. Just the chance to flip through my music library and enjoy music for the sake of music. I love being able to just be by myself sometimes and zone out and just listen.

Christmas is in a few days. I'm going out tomorrow to do some last minute shopping. Hooray.

I just started reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. Maybe not the best idea during such bleak economic times and the cold sad winter, but sometimes a heartfelt and depressing story can get the emotional and creative juices flowing.

sleeperz -> soonerz


Friday, December 19, 2008

My future wife.


One of my favorite people in the entire [VH1 Celebreality] world has to be the deity above, Ms. Saaphyri Windsor. She was on Flavor of Love 2 for prox two seconds before she was kicked out for beating some white whore who stole her bed. She then went on to win Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School, which is by far one of my favorite shows in the entire world ever. Why in the holy name of hell is it not on DVD yet? For fucking out loud, it drew in high numbers for VH1, plus there are DVD series of every other stupid Flavor Flav show and their accompanying spin-offs!

Anyway, Saaphyri is perfection and I'd thought as an early Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa present to anyone that happened to stumble upon this blog, I'd share the infamous aftermath showdown between my love and that dumb powderpuff slut that caused the too-soon ousting of my beautiful muse.

ps...her lip chap is poppin'!

Morning grub.

I woke up this morning to God shitting snow all over the ground. Here's to getting into car accidents! Weee.

I am starving and just remembered that I have a derricious piece of salmon and cream cheese quiche waiting for me in the fridge. +1 point!

All for now.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

10 Scariest Music Videos

Being an avid fan of both music and the horror flicks, I have always had a fascination with the merging of these two mediums. Though there may be scarier videos out there, I haven't seen them yet and I wasn't about to go searching -- these are simply the ten most unsettling, freaky and down-right shit-yo-pants terrifying music videos that I myself have evaaaa seen. [ooooOOOoOOoOoh! Spoooooky!]

10. Radiohead - "Karma Police"

GASP!ing moment: (3:41) Oh shit! He has matches.

9. Basement Jaxx - "Where's Your Head At?"

GASP!ing moment: (3:55) Monkeys with human faces = strange. Humans with monkey faces = Effed up.

8. Kittie - "Charlotte"

GASP!ing moment: (2:18) The brain-dead, vacant zombie stare on the drummer's mug. Creeperz!

7. System of a Down - "Spiders"

GASP!ing moment: (3:03) Singer Serj Tankian + growling + angry face + dreads + sepia tone = an image that haunted my teenage years.

6. Marilyn Manson - "Disposable Teens"

GASP!ing moment: (2:07) Marilyn's best Jaws impersonation.

5. Squarepusher - "Come On My Selector"

GASP!ing moment: (6:30) The screaming Asian wheelchair ride from hell.

4. Pink Floyd - "Another Brick In the Wall, Pt. 2"

GASP!ing moment: (4:40) Discovering what is happening to all those mask-faced children...it might make you heave.

3. Tool - "Stinkfist"

GASP!ing moment: (1:36) Crazy bitch coming atcha!

2. Nine Inch Nails - "Closer"

GASP!ing moment: (3:11) The whole video is totally fucked, but the scenes with the ball-gag in Trent Reznor's mouth is just depraved.

1. Aphex Twin - "Come to Daddy"

GASP!ing moment: (4:19) What's freakier than a bunch of children with a grown man's face, a demon on a television screen and the repeated mantra of "I want your soul, I will eat your soul"??? -- Just watch and you'll see.

Feline Instincts

Cats are incredible. When I get bummed out, Mowgli and Hermanita (seen here) always show up and somehow make everything suck a little bit less.


Saturday, December 13, 2008

Songs of the Moment

Some months have passed and now I have a new swarm of songs that are constantly rattling within my skull. I've gotten a boatload of new music within the past few weeks, so I haven't updated considering the pure volume that I'm listening to, but here are a few specific gems that I'm sure many of you have heard (with a few you may not have).

Solange - "Sandcastle Disco"

I believe Kevin turned me onto this song sometime over the summer. I've been progressively listening to it more and more as the months go on. The video is a fucking trip and a half with crazy outfits, interactive cartoons and epileptic dancing. There's also a giant baby. Anyway, the song itself is pretty refreshing itself. Channeling a more old-school up-beat R&B style, the song has a "classic in the modern age" feel to it. Solange handles the low notes well and easily keeps up to pace with her sister. My favorite part of the song? When she glamor-pusses the camera and moans "DON'T BLOW ME BABY!" during the bridge.

Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours"

This song has been out for a long time now and even though I heard it as early as last spring, I've only just recently become quite attached to it. I think Mraz's recent Grammy nomination for Song of the Year is what shot it back to the front of my brain. I always am cognizant of which songs are nominated for this specific award, because of the attention that it focuses on lyrics. Having to do with how the song reads and looks on paper as opposed to how the final recording sounds, the nominees always are filled with thoughtful and creative lyrics. Well, I read them over and after I "Aww"ed over how sickeningly sweet they are, I started to become addicted to the simple melody, gentle island tempo and Mr. A-Z's trademark vocal scatting and hurdle-jumping.

Forgive Durden - "Life Is Looking Up"

The latest CD by once-band-now-solo-project Forgive Durden is a concept musical that must be approached with an acknowledgment that it will most definitely be different than anything the band has done. In the vein of other successes like Pink Floyd's The Wall or Coheed & Cambria's entire catalogue, Razia's Shadow is the transplanting of an extreme auditory experience within a narrative frame. It's a moving and captivating story of love, death and good versus evil (I swear it's not as cliche as that soundzzz!) This song is particular really captures the grandness of a theatrical production with majestic vocals and instrumentation popping out every which way. Deep rushed strings collide with demanding percussion while a story unfolds in front of the listener. A lot of sound that is handled very well within the confines of a singular song. Though it is a little uncomfortable to take this one track out of the home of the album, it still stands on its own as an example of the talents of sole member Thomas Dutton.

Beyoncé - "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"

Everyone in the world knows this song now. It is number one on the Billboard Hot 100 and for good reason. Catchy and empowering lyrics matched with an absolutely unavoidable beat with a surprisingly menacing bass synth makes this POP GOLD. Plus, the video and its choreography is mad hott and has been copied by gays, the morbidly obese, Alaskans and that who must not be mentioned. But who am I to judge? Kevin can tell you that I too have been caught dancing to it [my fav move is the fist-pumping march seen at :43 on the original video].

Janet Jackson - "Rock With U"

So Janet, Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) hasn't been having the greatest luck recently with her music career. Her past two-three albums haven't sold nearly as well as the monster hit All For You did back when I was still in high school. It's a shame, because this track is pretty effing delish. A hypnotic nigh-club dance track that features lazy seductive vocals by Janet is the kind of tune I want to get drunk and strip to. The video is dark, sexy, a little scary and really highlights how short Damita Jo is. It's a travesty this didn't really make it in the United States, but I believe that it was a much bigger success across the pond in the UK. I guess us Americans just can't appreciate a good ecstasy dance pill like those Europeans.

State of emergency.

So I was just listening to the beautiful and talented Goddess of the world also known as Björk and her song "Jóga" from the masterpiece Homogenic. Well, upon researching the track online, I discovered that not only is the song perfect in every way, but that Timbaland and Missy "Misdemeanor say so" Elliott sampled the strings from the song during "Hit Em with da Hee" from Missy's Supa Dupa Fly. Hot cakes! I effing love when artists can cross over genres and leave these little bread crumbs of musical utopia for me to find and freak out over, ten + years later.

Check It Out:

Björk's "Jóga"

Missy Elliott's "Hit Em with da Hee" (sample starts at 3:12)

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I found an old post from my high school/college LiveJournal. The chain of comments that accompanies the entry is one of my most favorite things in the entire world ever. Val and I are funnier than everyone. PROMISE!

originally written on 6/28/2005

Quick Bites

- Working at a restaurant may have some very distinguishable perks such as under-the-table tips, free eats, a friendly working environment and flexible schedules, but there is one thing that really pesters me that I can't avoid. Regardless of whether I am hosting, server, eating or just passing through, the moment I step inside damn place (or heaven forbid the kitchen), my skin, hair and clothes will be stained with the stench cloud of everything being cooked at that point in time. Similar to the smell of leftovers that have been left over one day too long. Not gonna make me heave, but it is pungent and further taints everything I touch. I showered after my shift last night and even now I still smell that stench. I'm in a constant state of washing laundry attempting to rid my threads of this cancerous odor.

- I work tonight and I am excited because I am hosting. Which means I can dress up all fancy like and wear a tie and be handsome and pretend to be in charge.

- The Golden Globe (aka the poor man's Oscars) nominations came out yesterday, and what the slut is with Tom Cruise being nominated for Best Supporting Actor for Tropic Thunder??? He was in the film for prox ten minutes and there was nothing spectacular about his performance. I would bet two dollars that he only got the nomination because of a) the tight-lipped surprise that he was even in the film and b) the surprise that would come of him being nominated for such an unimportant and forgettable performance.

- My music library is on shuffle and Beyonce's Spanish version of "Irreplaceable" (titled "Imprescindible") just came on. WHY. THE. SHIT. did she record a song in Spanish? Unless I am misinformed, I highly doubt 'yonce speaks Spanish fluently. Her annunciation is decent enough, but still...what the hell? Sure, J. Lo and Christina Aguilera recorded entire Spanish albums, and even though neither of them are fluent, at least that have some Latina heat pulsing in their blood. But Deena Jones? That shit ain't right.

- Yesterday in the library, some eleven-year old was sitting next to me at a computer attempting to find PowerPoint. I helped him find it. For the rest of my break from work, he continued to ask me questions not only about the program, but actually about the topic of his project. Note to self: don't be nice to children.

- I watched a good portion of Sister Act at Kevin's last night -- there's no way that's actually Whoopi Goldberg singing.

- Brand New's The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me is incredible.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Waking with an ache.

I am sitting here listening to The Avalanches. Crazy stuff but it keeps my mind occupied. Had what felt to be a long-flowing dream last night. Not a bad one or a nightmare, but still I woke up at eight with my stomach in knots. Mind racing, even now I feel on edge. It's strange...sometimes I will have these dreams. They make me feel like I'm in a flashback to a movie -- weighted with emotional meaning and important clues and black & white sentimentality. Folding my heart in on itself like dough. Even now I can feel my pulse pumping through my chest and down into my stomach. I'd rather not say the subject or premise of the dream, but it's not dirty and would not be embarrassingly silly by any extent. It felt like just a normal everyday occurence with a certain individual, yet this woke me up in a sweat.

Sometimes I feel like I am going mad. I know that thinking such a thing will only reaffirm my suspicion, so I guess I will try to tell myself to just calm down. Men are always labeled with being cold and void of a sensitive thought-process, but I see myself as the antithesis of such a stereotype. I am going about my life in this state of constant vulnerability. When I was younger, I remember my family being attuned to my timidness and my sensitivity. I was treated well, but delicately. Like some sort of fragile creature that must be handled in just a certain fashion, in fear of easy-bruising. I recall going to these sessions that I guess my guidance counselor in elementary school planned for me where I would sit in a small room with her and close my eyes and practice "relaxation techniques". Something about envisioning clouds and floating or some flowery garbage like that. But though silly, I think it does provide an insight to who I am today.

Financially self-sufficient, all my expenses, bills, rents and leisure purchases I provide for myself -- so I have progressed past that point of turning to tears in my mother's arms whenever something foul occurred -- but yet I still feel that I am very much insufficient in handling emotional traumas. This has thus kept me from taking chances and letting myself be spontaneous, ultimately prohibiting many opportunities to enjoy myself and have fun. And this bothers me today to an unbelievable extent -- that I would be so timid to keep myself from enjoying the things I would like to.

Since the summer I've let go of a lot of my fears of the unknown, and I think that the weather and the atmosphere and the freedom that comes with such a season really fueled my shattering of these anxiety-induced chains. But it got colder and I think I fell inside of myself. Looking for validation and over-thinking the relationships with those that I love has only caused me pain and irritation for others. I am starting to feel like that scared child in the fourth grade classroom who is terrified to speak during show-and-tell and cried once when he had to talk during morning circle because his throat was hoarse and was embarrassed by the scratchy tone his voice had taken. Thinking too much is a result of too much time to spare. I will be trying to keep myself occupied, for both my mental sanity and my physical health. I am a hard-working person when I am given a job and given an agenda or goal to reach. Without one though, I start to become a hermit in my own head. I need to find things to keep me out of myself.

I need to remember, always, that things will be alright. Those who I love will eventually love me back in their own special ways. And those bonds I have with these certain individuals needs to shadow over any doubt or fear I have. I can't waste more time being this child crying in a school hallway.

[EDIT: Blah Blah Blah. After reading this over, I've realized that I sound like an cheezetastic after school special when I talk all serious and shiz.]

[check out The Avalanches.]

Sunday, December 7, 2008

SNL can be funny

It's become as natural as sneezing or blinking your eyes -- anytime anyone mentions Saturday Night Live, there is always a resounding groan with condemnations of the newer seasons with fond rememberences of the past, when the show was "still funny". Aside from the Tina Fey appearances as that crazy woman from Alaska, I rarely hear positive comments ever spoken. Well, I thought I'd share a few clips that I found on the motherload of legal copyrighted online videos, HULU, that challenges the notion that SNL has more or less jumped the shark.

Virgania Horsen's Pony Express
Looks like this mail is gonna get there early.

Extreme Challenge



And yes, I am a little obsessed with Kristen Wiig.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Questionable Album Covers - Part II

Time for round 2.

Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway

The album itself is probably one of my favorite female pop vocalist records of all time -- and trust me that I a good portion of my music library is composed of such -- and it won like 3 Grammys or sumthin' sumthin'. It had five and a half singles (they TOTALLY should have full-fledged released "Gone") and it was definitely a huge step of maturity for K. Clarkson. But the album cover still boggles me after all these years. She looks like she is fishing her head out of toilet after a night of binge-drinking. Her hair is a mess, her face is way too airbrushed to be even considered authentic (though her roxxors nose-piercing still remains quite prominent...hmmm), from this angle the bridge of her nose makes her look like one of those troll dolls and her arms look like flesh-colored tree stumps holding her disembodied head. What further grates my tenderz is the fact that the international release cover (seen here) is a beautiful shot of the singer that still has a little edge to it with wind-swept hair and a longing stare, while keeping Kelly from looking drunk as an effing skunk.


The Pussycat Dolls' PCD

Another disc that just didn't stop putting out hits...no matter how obnoxious and whorish they were. The album cover is actually quite a nice shot of the group. The font is nice that their name is written in and the girls look pretty enough, except for red-headed Little Miss Fugs-A-Lot all the way on the left (sorry Carmit!). My main problema with the album cover is a small one that resonates in a big way. What the fuck is with the ghostly blue shimmering light that is exploding from behind sole lead vocalist Nicole Scherenzingeroniandcheese? Is it supposed to be some sort of spotlight? Then why are they in front of it? And why is the light especially prominent around Nicole's waste? I mean, duh, we get it. She's hot and the ring-leader of this sex-pot singing slut circus, but could they make it anymore obvious that she is the only one that matters? They should just change the name from "The Pussycat Dolls" to "Nicole Scherenzingersausageandcheesesandwich & Some Other Hoes that Do Something Sometimes", but I guess they go with what sounds good as opposed to the truth.


Fergie's The Dutchess

Firstly, being that I was an English major in college, I really need to point out my dismay and my general confusion as to why "duchess" is spelled wrong. I really don't see the point of it or if it's a play on words or anything clever at all. Secondly, Fugalicious is humping a pillow, on a bed, in heeled short-boots. Her pose is terrible and her face is worst. Fergie's face, to me, has always looked like the unfortunate meshing of Carmen Electra, Frankie Muniz and a groundhog, after a night of snorting meth. But aside from her looking like herself, the whole cover shot is just poorly designed and the colors suck and everything is a mess. It looks like a fan-made cover that some loser did for a contest (Fall Out Boy, anyone?). And another thing, what's with the featured singles being listed on the cover?! They usually have those kind of things on a sticker that can be removed with some Goo-Gone. Not actually printed on the CD booklet itself. Did they think that after people removed the packaging and listened to the CD they'd have to remind everyone as to why they bought the CD and be all like "No wait! Don't throw out it out yet! Remember "Fergalicious" and "Clumsy"?! You liked them when you heard them on the radio! They're on here!!!"

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Got your makeup on and you're not coming back.

I love "Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl" by Broken Social Scene. When I get down and feel completely weighed down by everything, I want to just lay down and listen to it. Sometimes I wish it just never ended.

Park that car.
Drop that phone.
Sleep on the floor.
Dream about me.

It's a fashion face; a face full of fashion.

Last year I stumbled upon a collection of videos of old clips from a variety of shows starring has-been soap star Brenda Dickson. The clips were dubbed-over by comedian Deven Green with completely outrageous and spontaneously random comments that literally had me and my housemates drowning in our hilarious tears. I did a search today and found a new one that was also quite funny which then sparked my interest to compile all the videos together on this very blog. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVES IT!

Welcome To My Home: Part I
"I do not blink. Not at all. Good for me!"

Welcome To My Home: Part II
"I never met a carrot I didn't like, except for this one!"

Welcome To My Award
"I eat sea monkeys because I can always make more."

Welcome To My Holiday
"Mmm...diet icicles."

Welcome To My Face Off
"I said put on a swimsuit, not take a whore-bath."

Welcome To My Evil Twin
"This will be tough, but try playing a virgin.

Monday, December 1, 2008

I'm such a fucking softie.

I've already spoken about this and I'm sure anyone who would have wanted to see it would have by now, but I thought I'd post it anyway.

This is the wedding video that Ellen played on her show following her wedding to Lindsay Bluth Fünke Portia de Rossi.

I've seen this video probably 50 times and I still can't help bawling. Especially when the black and white photos start and the music begins to play (Joshua Radin's "Today").

"And this is the day I make you mine."

Questionable Album Covers - Part I

Here are some less than stellar album covers that I have some majorz beefs with.

Fall Out Boy's Infinity On High

This debacle of chaotic mayhem won some sort of online album cover contest that the FOB boys pimped on their site. Apparently talentless nobodies were told to submit ridiculous and awkward album covers for the foursomes upcoming CD. Some nerd festival under the name "PT WNTZ" shoved a bunch of crap into a room, put wings on a sheep and used like five different Photoshop features to make this piece of "art". I had FOB's previous discs and it is def a good thing I liked them and that my friend burned me a copy of Infinity On High, because with this nonsensical and too-left-of-center-to-the-point-of-it-just-being-obnoxious cover I would have just rick-rolled my eyes and moved on past it at the store.


Alicia Key's The Diary of Alicia Keys

I don't really care that this CD got buttloads of praise and that half the world has it and that it's won a bunch of awards. Blah blah. I know Keys is a talented songwriter/pianist/singer, but this album cover has plagued my mind for the past four years. I just don't get it. It looks like she's dead lying under the piano staring blankly up. What is going on? Is the piano and its shit-stained keys supposed to be like a separate border for the left side of the cover? If so, why is it so big? Is it supposed to look like a crappy composite shot? Then mission accomplished. I hope whoever mad it flunked out of graphic design school and now flips burgers. I just don't get it. I really find it hard to believe that this is the absolute best cover that could have been come up with. Lame and poorly conceived.


Fuel's Sunburn

I wasn't aware that Leatherface did album covers.