Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.

Went out tonight to New Hope. Had a few drinks and watched karaoke. Someone sang "Wonderwall" by Oasis, and while their vocals were nothing to boast about, I found myself reading the lyrics on the prompter machine and gaining much appreciation for the song itself. Never really paid much attention to this song before...but damn, some nice and simple lyrics that really say a lot. Fantastic.

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Monday, December 22, 2008

It's late; I should be asleep.

This weekend was a roller coaster...Saturday it felt as though the whole sky was crashing down on my skull, but what a difference time with certain people and 24 hours can do to completely reverse a mood. Work was wonderful and hella busy. I was the only server but I rocked that bitch and took home a nice hefty wad of money to make a significant dent in my holiday season debt. I also was able to snag a few half-filled bottles of wine that were left by drunken tables. + 2 points.

Anyway, I took Shawn to the train station today. He is going away for a few months and living me basically in charge of the house and adorable kittens. I'm excited to have this beautiful farm house to myself, but I must say that it is rather disconcerting to stay in all by oneself during the winter in the late hours. Why is it that old houses, without fail, will always make noises and creak and have loud heating systems that demon-roar when they come on? Anyway, this post is completely pointless. For the past four hours I've just been chilling in front of the wood burning stove's fire (that has dissipated to ashes within the past hour), listening to music and just surfing about. It's this that really calms me down and makes me happy and fulfilled. Just the chance to flip through my music library and enjoy music for the sake of music. I love being able to just be by myself sometimes and zone out and just listen.

Christmas is in a few days. I'm going out tomorrow to do some last minute shopping. Hooray.

I just started reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. Maybe not the best idea during such bleak economic times and the cold sad winter, but sometimes a heartfelt and depressing story can get the emotional and creative juices flowing.

sleeperz -> soonerz


Friday, December 19, 2008

My future wife.


One of my favorite people in the entire [VH1 Celebreality] world has to be the deity above, Ms. Saaphyri Windsor. She was on Flavor of Love 2 for prox two seconds before she was kicked out for beating some white whore who stole her bed. She then went on to win Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School, which is by far one of my favorite shows in the entire world ever. Why in the holy name of hell is it not on DVD yet? For fucking out loud, it drew in high numbers for VH1, plus there are DVD series of every other stupid Flavor Flav show and their accompanying spin-offs!

Anyway, Saaphyri is perfection and I'd thought as an early Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa present to anyone that happened to stumble upon this blog, I'd share the infamous aftermath showdown between my love and that dumb powderpuff slut that caused the too-soon ousting of my beautiful muse.

ps...her lip chap is poppin'!

Morning grub.

I woke up this morning to God shitting snow all over the ground. Here's to getting into car accidents! Weee.

I am starving and just remembered that I have a derricious piece of salmon and cream cheese quiche waiting for me in the fridge. +1 point!

All for now.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

10 Scariest Music Videos

Being an avid fan of both music and the horror flicks, I have always had a fascination with the merging of these two mediums. Though there may be scarier videos out there, I haven't seen them yet and I wasn't about to go searching -- these are simply the ten most unsettling, freaky and down-right shit-yo-pants terrifying music videos that I myself have evaaaa seen. [ooooOOOoOOoOoh! Spoooooky!]

10. Radiohead - "Karma Police"

GASP!ing moment: (3:41) Oh shit! He has matches.

9. Basement Jaxx - "Where's Your Head At?"

GASP!ing moment: (3:55) Monkeys with human faces = strange. Humans with monkey faces = Effed up.

8. Kittie - "Charlotte"

GASP!ing moment: (2:18) The brain-dead, vacant zombie stare on the drummer's mug. Creeperz!

7. System of a Down - "Spiders"

GASP!ing moment: (3:03) Singer Serj Tankian + growling + angry face + dreads + sepia tone = an image that haunted my teenage years.

6. Marilyn Manson - "Disposable Teens"

GASP!ing moment: (2:07) Marilyn's best Jaws impersonation.

5. Squarepusher - "Come On My Selector"

GASP!ing moment: (6:30) The screaming Asian wheelchair ride from hell.

4. Pink Floyd - "Another Brick In the Wall, Pt. 2"

GASP!ing moment: (4:40) Discovering what is happening to all those mask-faced children...it might make you heave.

3. Tool - "Stinkfist"

GASP!ing moment: (1:36) Crazy bitch coming atcha!

2. Nine Inch Nails - "Closer"

GASP!ing moment: (3:11) The whole video is totally fucked, but the scenes with the ball-gag in Trent Reznor's mouth is just depraved.

1. Aphex Twin - "Come to Daddy"

GASP!ing moment: (4:19) What's freakier than a bunch of children with a grown man's face, a demon on a television screen and the repeated mantra of "I want your soul, I will eat your soul"??? -- Just watch and you'll see.

Feline Instincts

Cats are incredible. When I get bummed out, Mowgli and Hermanita (seen here) always show up and somehow make everything suck a little bit less.


Saturday, December 13, 2008

Songs of the Moment

Some months have passed and now I have a new swarm of songs that are constantly rattling within my skull. I've gotten a boatload of new music within the past few weeks, so I haven't updated considering the pure volume that I'm listening to, but here are a few specific gems that I'm sure many of you have heard (with a few you may not have).

Solange - "Sandcastle Disco"

I believe Kevin turned me onto this song sometime over the summer. I've been progressively listening to it more and more as the months go on. The video is a fucking trip and a half with crazy outfits, interactive cartoons and epileptic dancing. There's also a giant baby. Anyway, the song itself is pretty refreshing itself. Channeling a more old-school up-beat R&B style, the song has a "classic in the modern age" feel to it. Solange handles the low notes well and easily keeps up to pace with her sister. My favorite part of the song? When she glamor-pusses the camera and moans "DON'T BLOW ME BABY!" during the bridge.

Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours"

This song has been out for a long time now and even though I heard it as early as last spring, I've only just recently become quite attached to it. I think Mraz's recent Grammy nomination for Song of the Year is what shot it back to the front of my brain. I always am cognizant of which songs are nominated for this specific award, because of the attention that it focuses on lyrics. Having to do with how the song reads and looks on paper as opposed to how the final recording sounds, the nominees always are filled with thoughtful and creative lyrics. Well, I read them over and after I "Aww"ed over how sickeningly sweet they are, I started to become addicted to the simple melody, gentle island tempo and Mr. A-Z's trademark vocal scatting and hurdle-jumping.

Forgive Durden - "Life Is Looking Up"

The latest CD by once-band-now-solo-project Forgive Durden is a concept musical that must be approached with an acknowledgment that it will most definitely be different than anything the band has done. In the vein of other successes like Pink Floyd's The Wall or Coheed & Cambria's entire catalogue, Razia's Shadow is the transplanting of an extreme auditory experience within a narrative frame. It's a moving and captivating story of love, death and good versus evil (I swear it's not as cliche as that soundzzz!) This song is particular really captures the grandness of a theatrical production with majestic vocals and instrumentation popping out every which way. Deep rushed strings collide with demanding percussion while a story unfolds in front of the listener. A lot of sound that is handled very well within the confines of a singular song. Though it is a little uncomfortable to take this one track out of the home of the album, it still stands on its own as an example of the talents of sole member Thomas Dutton.

Beyoncé - "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"

Everyone in the world knows this song now. It is number one on the Billboard Hot 100 and for good reason. Catchy and empowering lyrics matched with an absolutely unavoidable beat with a surprisingly menacing bass synth makes this POP GOLD. Plus, the video and its choreography is mad hott and has been copied by gays, the morbidly obese, Alaskans and that who must not be mentioned. But who am I to judge? Kevin can tell you that I too have been caught dancing to it [my fav move is the fist-pumping march seen at :43 on the original video].

Janet Jackson - "Rock With U"

So Janet, Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) hasn't been having the greatest luck recently with her music career. Her past two-three albums haven't sold nearly as well as the monster hit All For You did back when I was still in high school. It's a shame, because this track is pretty effing delish. A hypnotic nigh-club dance track that features lazy seductive vocals by Janet is the kind of tune I want to get drunk and strip to. The video is dark, sexy, a little scary and really highlights how short Damita Jo is. It's a travesty this didn't really make it in the United States, but I believe that it was a much bigger success across the pond in the UK. I guess us Americans just can't appreciate a good ecstasy dance pill like those Europeans.

State of emergency.

So I was just listening to the beautiful and talented Goddess of the world also known as Björk and her song "Jóga" from the masterpiece Homogenic. Well, upon researching the track online, I discovered that not only is the song perfect in every way, but that Timbaland and Missy "Misdemeanor say so" Elliott sampled the strings from the song during "Hit Em with da Hee" from Missy's Supa Dupa Fly. Hot cakes! I effing love when artists can cross over genres and leave these little bread crumbs of musical utopia for me to find and freak out over, ten + years later.

Check It Out:

Björk's "Jóga"

Missy Elliott's "Hit Em with da Hee" (sample starts at 3:12)

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I found an old post from my high school/college LiveJournal. The chain of comments that accompanies the entry is one of my most favorite things in the entire world ever. Val and I are funnier than everyone. PROMISE!

originally written on 6/28/2005

Quick Bites

- Working at a restaurant may have some very distinguishable perks such as under-the-table tips, free eats, a friendly working environment and flexible schedules, but there is one thing that really pesters me that I can't avoid. Regardless of whether I am hosting, server, eating or just passing through, the moment I step inside damn place (or heaven forbid the kitchen), my skin, hair and clothes will be stained with the stench cloud of everything being cooked at that point in time. Similar to the smell of leftovers that have been left over one day too long. Not gonna make me heave, but it is pungent and further taints everything I touch. I showered after my shift last night and even now I still smell that stench. I'm in a constant state of washing laundry attempting to rid my threads of this cancerous odor.

- I work tonight and I am excited because I am hosting. Which means I can dress up all fancy like and wear a tie and be handsome and pretend to be in charge.

- The Golden Globe (aka the poor man's Oscars) nominations came out yesterday, and what the slut is with Tom Cruise being nominated for Best Supporting Actor for Tropic Thunder??? He was in the film for prox ten minutes and there was nothing spectacular about his performance. I would bet two dollars that he only got the nomination because of a) the tight-lipped surprise that he was even in the film and b) the surprise that would come of him being nominated for such an unimportant and forgettable performance.

- My music library is on shuffle and Beyonce's Spanish version of "Irreplaceable" (titled "Imprescindible") just came on. WHY. THE. SHIT. did she record a song in Spanish? Unless I am misinformed, I highly doubt 'yonce speaks Spanish fluently. Her annunciation is decent enough, but still...what the hell? Sure, J. Lo and Christina Aguilera recorded entire Spanish albums, and even though neither of them are fluent, at least that have some Latina heat pulsing in their blood. But Deena Jones? That shit ain't right.

- Yesterday in the library, some eleven-year old was sitting next to me at a computer attempting to find PowerPoint. I helped him find it. For the rest of my break from work, he continued to ask me questions not only about the program, but actually about the topic of his project. Note to self: don't be nice to children.

- I watched a good portion of Sister Act at Kevin's last night -- there's no way that's actually Whoopi Goldberg singing.

- Brand New's The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me is incredible.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Waking with an ache.

I am sitting here listening to The Avalanches. Crazy stuff but it keeps my mind occupied. Had what felt to be a long-flowing dream last night. Not a bad one or a nightmare, but still I woke up at eight with my stomach in knots. Mind racing, even now I feel on edge. It's strange...sometimes I will have these dreams. They make me feel like I'm in a flashback to a movie -- weighted with emotional meaning and important clues and black & white sentimentality. Folding my heart in on itself like dough. Even now I can feel my pulse pumping through my chest and down into my stomach. I'd rather not say the subject or premise of the dream, but it's not dirty and would not be embarrassingly silly by any extent. It felt like just a normal everyday occurence with a certain individual, yet this woke me up in a sweat.

Sometimes I feel like I am going mad. I know that thinking such a thing will only reaffirm my suspicion, so I guess I will try to tell myself to just calm down. Men are always labeled with being cold and void of a sensitive thought-process, but I see myself as the antithesis of such a stereotype. I am going about my life in this state of constant vulnerability. When I was younger, I remember my family being attuned to my timidness and my sensitivity. I was treated well, but delicately. Like some sort of fragile creature that must be handled in just a certain fashion, in fear of easy-bruising. I recall going to these sessions that I guess my guidance counselor in elementary school planned for me where I would sit in a small room with her and close my eyes and practice "relaxation techniques". Something about envisioning clouds and floating or some flowery garbage like that. But though silly, I think it does provide an insight to who I am today.

Financially self-sufficient, all my expenses, bills, rents and leisure purchases I provide for myself -- so I have progressed past that point of turning to tears in my mother's arms whenever something foul occurred -- but yet I still feel that I am very much insufficient in handling emotional traumas. This has thus kept me from taking chances and letting myself be spontaneous, ultimately prohibiting many opportunities to enjoy myself and have fun. And this bothers me today to an unbelievable extent -- that I would be so timid to keep myself from enjoying the things I would like to.

Since the summer I've let go of a lot of my fears of the unknown, and I think that the weather and the atmosphere and the freedom that comes with such a season really fueled my shattering of these anxiety-induced chains. But it got colder and I think I fell inside of myself. Looking for validation and over-thinking the relationships with those that I love has only caused me pain and irritation for others. I am starting to feel like that scared child in the fourth grade classroom who is terrified to speak during show-and-tell and cried once when he had to talk during morning circle because his throat was hoarse and was embarrassed by the scratchy tone his voice had taken. Thinking too much is a result of too much time to spare. I will be trying to keep myself occupied, for both my mental sanity and my physical health. I am a hard-working person when I am given a job and given an agenda or goal to reach. Without one though, I start to become a hermit in my own head. I need to find things to keep me out of myself.

I need to remember, always, that things will be alright. Those who I love will eventually love me back in their own special ways. And those bonds I have with these certain individuals needs to shadow over any doubt or fear I have. I can't waste more time being this child crying in a school hallway.

[EDIT: Blah Blah Blah. After reading this over, I've realized that I sound like an cheezetastic after school special when I talk all serious and shiz.]

[check out The Avalanches.]

Sunday, December 7, 2008

SNL can be funny

It's become as natural as sneezing or blinking your eyes -- anytime anyone mentions Saturday Night Live, there is always a resounding groan with condemnations of the newer seasons with fond rememberences of the past, when the show was "still funny". Aside from the Tina Fey appearances as that crazy woman from Alaska, I rarely hear positive comments ever spoken. Well, I thought I'd share a few clips that I found on the motherload of legal copyrighted online videos, HULU, that challenges the notion that SNL has more or less jumped the shark.

Virgania Horsen's Pony Express
Looks like this mail is gonna get there early.

Extreme Challenge



And yes, I am a little obsessed with Kristen Wiig.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Questionable Album Covers - Part II

Time for round 2.

Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway

The album itself is probably one of my favorite female pop vocalist records of all time -- and trust me that I a good portion of my music library is composed of such -- and it won like 3 Grammys or sumthin' sumthin'. It had five and a half singles (they TOTALLY should have full-fledged released "Gone") and it was definitely a huge step of maturity for K. Clarkson. But the album cover still boggles me after all these years. She looks like she is fishing her head out of toilet after a night of binge-drinking. Her hair is a mess, her face is way too airbrushed to be even considered authentic (though her roxxors nose-piercing still remains quite prominent...hmmm), from this angle the bridge of her nose makes her look like one of those troll dolls and her arms look like flesh-colored tree stumps holding her disembodied head. What further grates my tenderz is the fact that the international release cover (seen here) is a beautiful shot of the singer that still has a little edge to it with wind-swept hair and a longing stare, while keeping Kelly from looking drunk as an effing skunk.


The Pussycat Dolls' PCD

Another disc that just didn't stop putting out hits...no matter how obnoxious and whorish they were. The album cover is actually quite a nice shot of the group. The font is nice that their name is written in and the girls look pretty enough, except for red-headed Little Miss Fugs-A-Lot all the way on the left (sorry Carmit!). My main problema with the album cover is a small one that resonates in a big way. What the fuck is with the ghostly blue shimmering light that is exploding from behind sole lead vocalist Nicole Scherenzingeroniandcheese? Is it supposed to be some sort of spotlight? Then why are they in front of it? And why is the light especially prominent around Nicole's waste? I mean, duh, we get it. She's hot and the ring-leader of this sex-pot singing slut circus, but could they make it anymore obvious that she is the only one that matters? They should just change the name from "The Pussycat Dolls" to "Nicole Scherenzingersausageandcheesesandwich & Some Other Hoes that Do Something Sometimes", but I guess they go with what sounds good as opposed to the truth.


Fergie's The Dutchess

Firstly, being that I was an English major in college, I really need to point out my dismay and my general confusion as to why "duchess" is spelled wrong. I really don't see the point of it or if it's a play on words or anything clever at all. Secondly, Fugalicious is humping a pillow, on a bed, in heeled short-boots. Her pose is terrible and her face is worst. Fergie's face, to me, has always looked like the unfortunate meshing of Carmen Electra, Frankie Muniz and a groundhog, after a night of snorting meth. But aside from her looking like herself, the whole cover shot is just poorly designed and the colors suck and everything is a mess. It looks like a fan-made cover that some loser did for a contest (Fall Out Boy, anyone?). And another thing, what's with the featured singles being listed on the cover?! They usually have those kind of things on a sticker that can be removed with some Goo-Gone. Not actually printed on the CD booklet itself. Did they think that after people removed the packaging and listened to the CD they'd have to remind everyone as to why they bought the CD and be all like "No wait! Don't throw out it out yet! Remember "Fergalicious" and "Clumsy"?! You liked them when you heard them on the radio! They're on here!!!"

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Got your makeup on and you're not coming back.

I love "Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl" by Broken Social Scene. When I get down and feel completely weighed down by everything, I want to just lay down and listen to it. Sometimes I wish it just never ended.

Park that car.
Drop that phone.
Sleep on the floor.
Dream about me.

It's a fashion face; a face full of fashion.

Last year I stumbled upon a collection of videos of old clips from a variety of shows starring has-been soap star Brenda Dickson. The clips were dubbed-over by comedian Deven Green with completely outrageous and spontaneously random comments that literally had me and my housemates drowning in our hilarious tears. I did a search today and found a new one that was also quite funny which then sparked my interest to compile all the videos together on this very blog. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVES IT!

Welcome To My Home: Part I
"I do not blink. Not at all. Good for me!"

Welcome To My Home: Part II
"I never met a carrot I didn't like, except for this one!"

Welcome To My Award
"I eat sea monkeys because I can always make more."

Welcome To My Holiday
"Mmm...diet icicles."

Welcome To My Face Off
"I said put on a swimsuit, not take a whore-bath."

Welcome To My Evil Twin
"This will be tough, but try playing a virgin.

Monday, December 1, 2008

I'm such a fucking softie.

I've already spoken about this and I'm sure anyone who would have wanted to see it would have by now, but I thought I'd post it anyway.

This is the wedding video that Ellen played on her show following her wedding to Lindsay Bluth Fünke Portia de Rossi.

I've seen this video probably 50 times and I still can't help bawling. Especially when the black and white photos start and the music begins to play (Joshua Radin's "Today").

"And this is the day I make you mine."

Questionable Album Covers - Part I

Here are some less than stellar album covers that I have some majorz beefs with.

Fall Out Boy's Infinity On High

This debacle of chaotic mayhem won some sort of online album cover contest that the FOB boys pimped on their site. Apparently talentless nobodies were told to submit ridiculous and awkward album covers for the foursomes upcoming CD. Some nerd festival under the name "PT WNTZ" shoved a bunch of crap into a room, put wings on a sheep and used like five different Photoshop features to make this piece of "art". I had FOB's previous discs and it is def a good thing I liked them and that my friend burned me a copy of Infinity On High, because with this nonsensical and too-left-of-center-to-the-point-of-it-just-being-obnoxious cover I would have just rick-rolled my eyes and moved on past it at the store.


Alicia Key's The Diary of Alicia Keys

I don't really care that this CD got buttloads of praise and that half the world has it and that it's won a bunch of awards. Blah blah. I know Keys is a talented songwriter/pianist/singer, but this album cover has plagued my mind for the past four years. I just don't get it. It looks like she's dead lying under the piano staring blankly up. What is going on? Is the piano and its shit-stained keys supposed to be like a separate border for the left side of the cover? If so, why is it so big? Is it supposed to look like a crappy composite shot? Then mission accomplished. I hope whoever mad it flunked out of graphic design school and now flips burgers. I just don't get it. I really find it hard to believe that this is the absolute best cover that could have been come up with. Lame and poorly conceived.


Fuel's Sunburn

I wasn't aware that Leatherface did album covers.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

A Wario Comeback Special

Kevin showed me this video last night. Holy shit...talk about awesome advertising. I don't want to give anything away, but this online ad is pretty much one of the coolest things I've seen in a long time and I'm still scratching my head over how they did it exactly.

oh, and Wario always one of my favorite Nintendo characters.

ps...I just realized you can interact with it and pick shiz up! TEN EXTRA POINTS!


Friday, November 28, 2008


Yahoo! creates these silly topical movie slideshow galleries and I loved their latest (Most Fucked-Up Film Families) for including the Burnhams, Leatherface's crew and (my favorite) Divine's meat-smuggling, shit-eating, trailer park-living clusterfuck of a brood from Pink Flamingos.

It sucks you in.

Wow...I don't think in the history of television that there ever has been a hyptonizing black hole as addicting as the entire BRAVO! TV network. Between Top Chef, Project Runway, Work Out, The Real Housewives of [insert luxurious town] and those like five real estate, house renovation shows, I find my ass planted onto Kevin's couch for hours on end watching these faux celebrities talk about how difficult their lives are. With the exception of Project Runway and Top Chef, most of the shows are basically just about gross rich snobs with too much money and too little to do.

But how can I complain? I'd be a hypocrite to condemn it completely...I'm watching Million Dollar Listing: Hollywood right now. I have no idea what's going on but damn everyone sure looks mad glamz. GEEEZ! Life sure can be FAB! ::pukes::

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Maybe it's because I'm a Pisces.

When things are bothering me, as much as I try, I can't seem to concentrate on anything else. This is frustrating and I end up wasting so much time just thinking.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

And to think that it all started with chickens.

I watched an absolutely fantastic film this evening that Kevin got off of Netflix. It was City of God, and may I just say that I haven't been so engrossed and unsettled by a film in a very long time. Based on a true story, it follows the life of protagonist Rocket as he grows up in a corrupt and impoverished community in Brazil. The film feels not really "acted" by a "cast of characters" but actually lived by real individuals. The raw filming style was sometimes harsh and hard to swallow, but always evoking. The story's ability to branch off into mini-segments to highlight specific individuals was very commendable in a film of such a large magnitude of this, and it was successful and very effective in its presentation. To see the corrupt ways in which society can come to function provides quite a disturbing view of society and to notice that by the end of the film that there actually is no resolution but just a progression and eventually repeating of the errors of the past is terrifying and boldly honest. This is definitely one of the best films I have seen in probably a few years, maybe ever. I'd recommend it to anyone that has a soul to feel for the heartache and plight of the human race at the mercy of its own power.

the first cut is the deepest...and it fucking hurts too.

excuse me in advance for the lack of capitalization during this entry. last night, towards the end of my shift at the restaurant, i slip in the kitchen while holding a handful of wine glasses. said glasses shattered upon me hitting the floor, thus deeply cutting my poor innocent left hand. luckily i washed it underwater right away and i am almost positive that there is no glass left in the cut. i dosed it with peroxide and covered it up with butterfly bandages and shit. it hurts like a bitch a little bit when i move my hand too fast, hence why i am only using my right hand to type, hence why i am careless with attempting to use the shift key to make capital letters. however, i think it should be alright. i went to kev's house right after it and sulked about how effing lame life can be some most of the time. i am feeling a little better, but i'm still a little down and pissed that lefty is temporarily an invalid. righty will pick up the slack while his bro is recovering (they are mad tight). this accident has made me reflect on a lot of heavily weighted topics like the fragility of our bodies and how delicate our lives are, but i won't bore whoever is reading this with such meandering bull. i'm done moping online for now.

kudos to me for getting this much written in fifteen minutes with just uno mano.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Fix your eyes and get out while you can.

I'm on a break from my double at the restaurant. It was rather busy, with me and my co-worker doing a total of 36 people by ourselves. And I've realized that being busy doesn't always equate to being exhausted and pissed off by the end of the shift. My demeanor regardless of how many people I end up serving is really based around how the people I am serving treat me. And all was going great until I had this one particular customer. A man, roughly around the age of 60 or so came in. He had a bottle of champagne. He was meeting another fellow though, and I can't help but be a little irritated with people who bring a whole bottle of champagne to a restaurant...at noon...with only one other person dining with them. Seems slightly pompous. Anyway, I brought over his chicken and sprout croissant sandwich and the second I heard the clink of the plate onto the table he started ranting about the half a pickle that lay on his plate. "Um...no, no no. I detest pickles." I find the world "detest" to be slightly extreme and overly serious for a matter of disliking a food. He then demanded that I not only remove it from his plate, but that I get rid of anything it touches.................I dislike mushrooms. I know they are good for me and that they are a very versatile and nutritious food. But I still don't like them. However, if I was at a restaurant and received something that had mushrooms in it without specifically asking the server to omit them, I would make do. I'd push them aside or just pick them out. No biggie. This grown man started whining like some sort of child and I just didn't understand how he can feel secure about himself when he starts to whimper like a bitch and as someone else to fix his food for him. I'm mean, I guess if his entire family was murdered by a gangster pickle or something like that, then maybe I could understand. But since pickles don't usually look like this, then I think he could be a big boy and deal with the slight inconvenience that he never mentioned to me before. Grow up sir.

Anyway, I started searching about YouTube to eat up time before my next shift, and I stumbled across one of those YouTube protege singer-songwriters that spend all their time posting videos of themselves singing poorly into a grainy camera with terrible audio (like it matters). However, this individual I found to be quite captivating and incredibly talented. Her name is Mia Rose and she is pretty effing brills. I highly suggest her version of My Chemical Romance's "I Don't Love You", which can be found here. She brings a gentle and soothing quality to this song that really illuminates the lyrics. LOVES IT!

a post to be ignored - exhausted concerns

I started to fall asleep, but I then got so worked up...my heart is racing and my mind becomes just a foggy mess of all these emotions that I can't really figure out. A mix of anxiety and jealousy and just plain fear is keeping me from getting to sleep. I am so scared. I need this and I want it and I am scared. A train speeding like a bullet from a gun and I am trying to stay standing upright as it reaches its highest velocity. I don't know how to control these rabid thoughts and I wish I could just close my eyes and think only of comforting notions, but fear is like that: it doesn't let you rest and it takes over. Being brave can be so damn hard and telling yourself that you are strong is only a lie we keep for ourselves so we can feel more comfortable pretending to just not feel anything. I'm giving this all my best shot, shot, shot. Bang, bang, bang. And what is frustrating is knowing that I partially do this to myself and that my brain...my mind...the two Pisces fish swimming around in my head constantly are battering my skull with worries. This means the world to me. So much more than I hoped it would. Goddamn these human minds for allowing such fear. I want this to mean everything.

i tried not to worry
but you've got me terrified.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I want to be what killed the dinosaurs.

"I couldn't stop killing," Bonin once told a reporter. "It got easier with each one..."

I have to agree. It does get to be a bad habit.

In the excitement of getting my new laptop, I forgot to mention that I finished Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby a few days ago. Probably one of the strangest concepts for a book I've ever read (just behind Octavia Butler's Parable of the Sower and Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five). Spells and murder and magic books and dying babies, it was quite the mind-tripfuck. Once I got used to the very strange plot of the book, I really started to enjoy it and its very extreme and out-of-this-world characters. It definitely has intrigued me to read more of his stuff...I was researching him online (aka WIKI-ing him) and he has one book in particular that seems to have a pseudo-metafictional quality about it where a group of individuals are forced to write. It sounds lame when I write about it, but the same could be said about Lullaby. I have tried to explain the book to several people with each of them giving me a wary and amused smirk back, clearly thinking that the concept of the book is silly. But that's what I would assume is the secret gold of Palahniuk's work. His books have such elaborately creative and blatantly crazy premises, yet he is able to make sense of the bizarre and ridiculous situations he creates. I mean, anyone can pretty much write a cheesy and generic love story, but to write material as risky as that which is found in Palahniuk's novel and have it be entertaining and well-written is quite a feat that deserves much praise.

I have picked up David Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty One Day, which I read several stories from at the beginning of the summer. As always, it is hilarious and vulnerable. I'd love to meet him in person. He kicks ass.

(free) TV on the Web

Thanks to this absolutely fabulous NBC & Fox based television website Hulu, I am able to watch like a million different shows, some with clips from episodes and some with actually full-length episodes. Pretty sweet considering how YouTube and other sites aren't able to (legally) host copyrighted shows. While searching through their catalog, I came across Hell's Kitchen which I completely forgot about. Though a little trashier than Top Chef, I still enjoyed it very much and to my pleasant surprise, Hulu has every full episode from season 4, which thus explains why I am up at one in the morning. In a sick and kind of morbid way, it's very comforting to see pent-up and bursting tension in a restaurant kitchen that I am completely removed from. And Gordon Ramsey is pretty much a pimp.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

My New Baby

So being that I have always been the overly paranoid type about pretty much anything in the entire world, I have been known to be especially frugal with money, rarely spending a dime on any (as Kevin would say) "toys" for myself. My car is from '91, I always look for the most cost-efficient places to live and I rarely indulge myself in any expensive luxuries for myself. And up until this point, the computer I have been using for the past 7-8 years has been a quite dependable Dell desktop. Being the trooper that it is, my wonderful computer has survived numerous hardships including but not limited to a failed hard drive (and consequential replacement), numerous files and programs added and deleted, a dying monitor/speakers/mouse as well as a cooling fan transplant. So after years of relying on old faithful, I have decided to both treat myself and give my dear dear desktop a much needed rest. I caved and spent a good chunk of $$$ on this beautiful piece of machinery. The color is not pink though, but actually a deep red...think of a candy apple. I am more than a little ecstatic about my purchase and have spent the past two hours customizing and tinkering around with it and all it has to offer. And while it did cost a pretty penny, I fully believe that it is money well-spent. Mwuah! LOVE LOVE LOVES IT!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Somewhere, I'm over the rainbow.

I went over to Kevin's place tonight and (since he is wonderful) he taped for me the season premiere of Top Chef that aired yesterday. Quite exciting, and may I just say that I am proud of myself for being well-versed enough in my waiter skills and culinary knowledge to actually have been able to know a good portion of the jargon that the potential Top Chefers used. I already have my favorites like the one guy that started out as a dishwasher and worked his way up to being a head chef, or something something. His name is....Eugene? I also kind of dig this mad crazy girl with a bouncy head and big ole eyes that bug out when she's excited. Don't remember her name, but she's pretty rad. There's also this one contestant who Kevin out pointed that has an uncanny resemblance Vanessa Carlton, so therefor that is what I will call her for the rest of the season. And then there's the one contestant I like to call "Bangs"...if you watched the show, you would totes know who I am talking about. She's interesting and I am trying to figure out if I like her, or if I'm just simply curious about her and what lies beneath her upsetting hair situation.

Anyway, two people already went home. First off was some boring chick that doesn't matter who couldn't cut/dice/cook apples who was forcibly peaced out before they even got to the kitchen (ouch!). Then this one gay dude who is still in culinary school got the boot during the first challenge. He was a good kid, but just not experienced enough to go up against these other seasoned chefs who have been doing this for years. Novices always have it rough, and I'm sorry to say that whatever this kid's name was will not be the Christian Siriano of Top Chef.

I'm excited for this season and goddamn my working schedule for making me have double shifts on Wednesdays! But thank you Kevin for your delicious DVR. However, this season has already irritated me a little bit, and I hope that this doesn't come across sounding crass or rude. The three gay contestants (now two after this first episode), made this big deal about themselves and created some lame phony-baloney "click" called the RaINbOw CoNNEcTioN or something equally uncreative and obnoxious. It may just be me, but my whole stance on sexuality comes down to the fact that it shouldn't be someone's sole attribute that shapes their personality. With so many intricate nuances that people have about themselves, to highlight something like their sexual orientation and making it the founding basis for any sort of representation seems selfish and childish. I don't want to seem malicious or weak or unsupportive; I feel that gay rights are very important (see two posts before) and I am very comfortable with who I am. I guess it's a defense mechanism that allows those of a feather to flock together in order to feel a familial safety. I respect that, but in a way it also seems to segment the minority party in a counterproductive way. Why not try to merge with those that aren't like you and change perspectives, rather than simply inhabit an already detrimental image. This topic goes far beyond this single instance during the show. I am just not a fan of the gay male mentality in general-> the hooking-up for hooking-up's sake, so to add some sort of twisted notch in a bedpost. The attempt to mark one's territory regardless of disease and the shameful color it can paint oneself in. There's got to be a more productive way to spend one's free time.

I am proud of who I am as a person, a friend, a son/brother/student/poet/worker/boyfriend and my sexuality is simply that...who I am attracted to. Have I worn a rainbow color accessory before, yes. Was I deeply upset by Prop 8? Yes. Am I ecstatic about Obama's president-elect status partially because of his liberal and accepting view of homosexual rights? You bet. Am I disgusted daily by the pitiful use of the word "gay" as a pejorative and am I dumbfounded by ignorant hate mongering coming from the mouths of both elected officials and everyday nobodies? Of course. But being proud does not mean becoming and reaffirming a highly commercialized and self-prejudicing image. I'm proud to be me and I'm proud to be in a monogamous relationship with another man that I care about deeply. I want equal rights for all and I would like to get married someday. That's enough for me. I don't need the shoddy glitz and glamor of a stereotype to make me feel fulfilled or worth something. I feel life is too short to spend it wasting time and talents that could be directed to doing something worthwhile.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

We've all gone crazy lately.

I am beginning to feel a little stir-crazy. These days feel like repeating movies and the past few months, though enjoyable, have become more and more frustrating. I want to go on some sort of a road trip. Not to anywhere in particular, but just get that exciting lost feeling of being somewhere unknown and having no other choice than to travel your way out of it. There are times when I just can't help but feel stuck in routines and barriers and I'm in desperate need of a break-out. I want the open road and loud music and fingers through the whistling air. I want new faces and strange places. I want to get lost and let the unknown environment force me to get a grip on certain aspects of my life. Too high-strung and often regretful over what I haven't done, I need to take steps to punctuate my life with things that will make it feel worthwhile. I'm so scared of what is out there that I need to just throw myself into it. Let the oblivion cover me head to toe and accept all that there is to accept about myself. Become a better person. I feel out of sorts everyday now and want to just relax and let breezes skirt me across this overwhelming anxiety towards everything. Accept all I have and hope the people I care about will eventually care about me the same. Life takes time and though my patience is waining, there is always a chance to reevaluate. And here it goes.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yet bigotry still exists.

Though I am so incredibly happy for Obama's presidential win, the celebration feels shrouded in some bigotry-induced rainclouds. The fact that roughly 52% of Californians are supporting the detrimental and prejudicial Proposition 8 to eliminate gay marriage really honestly breaks my heart. A black man was just elected president, yet still all is not equal in this country. Equality is for everyone, not just those who are white or male or heterosexuals. Supporting some twisted and maligned vision of what family values should be is only hurting this country. How dare someone impede on my rights and how dare someone take away what's important to a whole sector of people. This country has a lot of growing to do and as for this historic day, I feel it is incredibly bittersweet.

Thank You America

For the first time in a very long long while I must say that I am proud to live in the United States. I nearly broke down in tears last night. Here's to new beginnings and fixing the debacles of the past. Barack Obama is the shiz.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Songs of the Moment

Every now and then, I'll start to fall deeply in love with individual songs that I thusly begin to exhaustively play on repeat until I reach a certain level of auditory satisfaction. Some may argue that doing such a thing can cause the listener to eventually become sick of said song, but for me it's like an addiction. There are certain songs that dig under my skin and just float about in my head for weeks on end. At the moment, here are several tunes that have infected me such a drastic way:

Adele - "Chasing Pavements" I first heard this song when Adele performed it on SNL a few weeks ago. I dug her soulful voice and the funky and raw roughness when she belts. I also was intrigued by the lyrics and the pretty awesome premise brought up during the chorus. The whole concept of "chasing pavements" is pretty awesome and from a literary standpoint, I think it kicks major poetic butt.

Joshua Radin - "Today" This was the song that played during the beautiful wedding video from Ellen Degeneres and Portia di Rossi's boda [NOTE: I cry every goddamn time I watch that video]. I instantly fell in love with the song in the background and downloaded it immediately. Some of the most heartfelt and vulnerably beautiful lyrics I have heard in a very long time. It reminds me of a certain someone as well, which makes it even more special to me. It literally gives me da goosebumps at certain parts.

P!nk - "Funhouse" & "Bad Influence"Of course I had to buy P!nk's new disc when it came out on Tuesday. As I've been telling everyone, I braved a minor massive snowstorm that included down power lines, falling trees and detours adding up to approximately 45 extra minutes of driving. It was well worth it though. I'm totes digging her new jams, though this album is much more serious and somber than I'm Not Dead from a few years ago. Granted she DID just get divorced by her husband, motorcross superstarstud Carey Hart, so I understand the abundance of sadder tracks, but I love P!nk the most when she's having fun. These two tracks are just that - P!nk getting wasted and burning down houses. Not only are they two of the best songs on the album, but they are just plain better (and riskier) than a lot of what else is topping the charts this year. Kudos to P!nk...duh.

dredg - "The Canyon Behind Her" I've learned just to trust my sister when it comes to music. She has proven to be a musical guide for me, turning me onto astonishingly talented acts like Deftones, A Perfect Circle and Incubus, so it is no surprise that dredg should also follow in those bands footsteps and enter the endless chasm that is my musical taste. Their albums are seamless masterpieces that really should be listened to all the way through, but this track in particular is quite captivating. The distant guitar in the beginning leads into a thunderous barrage of drums and lyrical repetition. As it goes on it becomes almost hypnotic - it creates this ethereal aura that just is unrelenting in its desire to drag the listener deep into the song. Quite stunning.

Paris Hilton - "Paris for President"Last and definitely least is the token guilty pleasure of the bunch. This song is utterly ridiculous, as is the gooftastic video. I enjoy this song purely for its obnoxious lyrics and terrible "singing" from Paris Hilton. It's quite addicting though and kudos to Ms. Hilton for owning up to the campy and bizarre premise of her even having a music career in the first place.

Monday, October 27, 2008


As the rest of the world is, I am terribly disturbed and frustrated with the recent tragic events that have befallen Jennifer Hudson and her family. Being a J-Hud fan since way back during Idol days, I have long-been a devoted fan of her and her career, and what has happened to her family during these past few days is absolutely terrible and I am beyond disgusted that such events can occur. Though things like this happen every day all over the world, seeing it take place in the Hollywood limelight really just brings to mind how dangerous a time we live in.

This is a crazy and fucked up world.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The walls are awash in a fresh coat of paint.

"Writers, I suspect, are in this way like cooks. We practice a craft whose value increases tenfold once its yield is shared and consumed. A notebook inside a cupboard is a cake languishing inside an oven long grown cold, unappreciated and in danger of being forgotten."

So this morning I finished Monique Truong's The Book of Salt, and I must say that I enjoyed it greatly. Heartbreaking and comical, engaging yet distancing, I found it to be a fully developed emotional roller coaster told through the eyes of sensitively endearing narrator. I'm very glad I read it and even more glad that I saw her when she came to read at the college. Next up is Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby.

Oh...and a few days ago, I fell asleep while reading and I had the strangest dream where I actually met Gertrude Stein at a book signing. I remember telling her about Truong's novel and offering to lend her my copy, since it IS written partially about her life. I woke up and was a little freaked out.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Oil to get the gears going...

Yesterday, my alma mater (geeeez, don't I sound old?) had another installment of its visitor writer's series. It hosted the poet Joshua Beckman. Having never read anything by the man before attending, I was anxious to see what was in store, and might I just say that I was quite pleased with what I heard. Over the years Mr. Beckman received the title of a "rockstar poet", due to his "taking his poetry to the street" publicity mentality and his quite wild and free-flowing poetry styling. He has a book of poems out that falls into the vein of what I want to work on: many many many small two-five line poems that make a big statement out of very few words. I've been working on bite-size pieces like that for awhile. One poem of his in particular, called "Oh, atlas", I found to be particularly powerful and moving, even though it consists of under ten words.

Not only did I find his poetry to be moving and enjoyable, but he gave some great advice and insight into the path of becoming a poet. He detailed, after one student's inquiry about his life after college but before being published, a journey of dead-end jobs (his longest held job, he said, was only 7 months!), cheap living and lots of reading/writing. It was shockingly inspiring to hear an established poet comment on the frustrating and agonizing journey it takes to have your writing pay off. He was down-to-Earth and, though this may sound very corny, I am very inspired to continue with my writing and read read read, in hopes that one day, I too will have a means to share my poetry and an audience willing to lend me their eyes and ears.

For my information about Joshua Beckman, here is a link to his Poets.org page.

Monday, October 20, 2008

...and I cried a whole bunch.

So I saw The Secret Life of Bees last night, and I cried a lot. It was a good film, but definitely fell into the ulta-emotional swamp of melancholy that films like "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "Pay It Forward" get categorized in. Enjoyable and unspeakably draining, it sometimes got a little too heavy handed and relied more on throwing as much heartbreakingly painful material at the audience as possible than making a genuinely affective film, but still, I enjoyed it. Oh, and Jennifer Hudson was in it (+1 point) and she sang for four seconds in one scene (+3 points).

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Children vs. Parents - the Library Showdown

I am in the library today...one that I have never been in. My local redshoebox library is closed due to their desire to finally join the 20th century and automate their book catalogue. Good for them...bad for me. I thusly had to drive an extra ten minutes to go to the one in Pennington. Whatevs.

I'm sitting here, typing up some of the jotted and disjointed notes I have in my poetry notebook, when a tidal wave of small children came rushing by, followed by a less chipper and more heavy-footed brigaide of unenthused mothers with their hair tangled and deep bags under their eyes.

Three small boys decide to further torture their adult supervisors by running up and down through the shelves of dusty books: "Come on Lucas! We're playing secret agents!" Lucas obviously joins, forcing one of the mothers to enter the fray and try and rally them up. She is wearing a t-shirt that says "I am powerful" and even though it's purchase is noble in helping poverty-fighting organization CARE, in this situation, this heaving middle-aged woman seems to be nearly anything but powerful. She threatens to call the cops on the children (?!?) to which the kids don't start behaving, but instead begin to scream and cry and hide. It isn't until one of the librarians promises rubber stamp lady bugs on each of their pudgy little palms that they assemble like diligent little working ants at the front desk. They each receive a smear of smelly ink on their hands, and quietly exit the library. How wonderfully perplexing children are, and how even more interesting are their parents. When I (eventually) have kids, they are gonna kick a lot of ass and be the most well-behaved but incredibly awesome (and good-looking) children at school. If not, then I actually will call the police on them and arrest them for not promoting my good name to the extent that it should be.

And they better love P!nk,

and Aaliyah,

and cheesesteak pizza,

and kombucha,

and crappy horror movies,

and my poetry.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

My Reality Show

Two years ago, my best friend Val and I decided to create our own TV show. Basically just us running around yelling at people and talking about pop music, we were sure that it would become a national hit and would produce multiple seasons as well as a big screen adaptation and a poorly received duet cd. Sadly, due to lack of funding (aka us making all of this up in our heads and not actually taking a step to do any of it) our idea never got ff the ground. Years later I sit here reflecting on what our show could have been. And if it was up to me, this is what the cast of the show would have been...

Cast (clockwise from top left): Regina George, Christian Siriano, Kelly Osbourne, Valerie Chaikin, Saapyhri, Nicole Richie, Me, Cartman (as Hoochie Momma), Kathy Griffin

... ::sigh:: en mis sueños.....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

That *squeaky* clean feeling!

Yesterday, while in Target, I purchased a Preserve Toothbrush. Loves it!

Saturday, September 27, 2008


Somehow in the past week, bees have slowly begun to invade my life. Though my window is closed tight, they keep on somehow getting into my room and then proceed to annoy the hell out of me by repeatedly flying into the windows over and over and over again. This has to be some sort of psychological torture...they never stop! I'm going mad! They want me dead!

Friday, September 26, 2008

A Fish in a Tiny Fishbowl

No one can drive. I have reached this conclusion upon heading to and from the Mercer Mall strip-mall by my house. Due to car problems, Kevin's beloved vehicle is currently under extreme maintenance, resulting in me being a wonderfully dutiful companion and giving him rides to and from work everyday. Well, thanks to Facebook, it came to my attention that yesterday was free Coldstone Ice Cream. Now, never being one to pass up free anything, as soon as I picked up Mr. Kevin from work we headed straight to the Coldstone that is located in the aforementioned strip-mall. It was in the parking lot of this mall that I discovered how incredibly inept people are at driving. A lady in a soccer mom-mobile more or less was unknowingly stalking me around the parking lot, pulling in front of me and not using her indicator and in general just pissing the heck outta me. Her, along with the dozens of other insane drivers who pull out of spots without looking and who, for some godforsaken reason, don't pull over to the side of the road when I'm around so I don't have to deal with them, littered this parking lot giving me at least three separate panic attacks.

After delicious ice cream, we ate at Chevy's, were stared down by three overly groomed pseudo-punk rocking gays and then waited 20 minutes to get our check delivered to our table. We then stopped by a shoe warehouse where I let myself slip into a pool of depression over a) how fucking beautiful the shoes are, b) how expensive they all are, and c) how I don't have the expendable income to waste on them. Frowns all around.

I am starting to get indescribably frustrated with how impossible job-hunting is and how more or less worthless Monster.com turned out to be. I made an appointment with the career services office of my alma mater (that feels so weird to say) in hopes that they will be able to teach me the secret to getting a job, which I so obviously lack. I feel slightly restrained in this routine I am in now and am in great need of a career or something like that to get myself motivated.

The swollen balloon that is my angst for the job market feels a little de-stressed after writing this entry, so I will now get started on my writing portfolio.

I'm leaving you with the cover of a magazine I saw that made me :).

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Appearances can be...deceptive.

I saw Burn After Reading two days ago, and may I just say that it is one of the best movies I have seen in a long, long time. With my love of No Country for Old Men and me being impressed by this film, I am kinda interested in looking into the other films directed by the Coen brothers. I am always impressed by films/books that are able to introduce a large quantity of unique characters and successfully develop and link them all to one another. Both disturbing and incredibly funny, I would highly recommend this film. I also saw The House Bunny last week, and that too was entertaining...goofy and kind of dumb, but still fun to watch. It's about time I saw some decent films, considering all the other crap I suffered through this summer.

Also, I made some derrrrricious basil pesto yesterday... the secret is not too much olive oil and be generous with salt. Absolutely YUMS!

Kevin and I went to the Salivor Dali exhibit at the MoMA in New York and it kicked major ass. It started to break down my current case of writer's block and I think if I look at some more of his stuff I'll be able to pull myself out of this self-obsessed mediocre writing slump I feel trapped in. I've been writing, but it's all been kind of sappy and self-centered pieces that feel too drenched in self-loathing and confessing to be anything worth sharing or following-up with.

I more or less am taking a leave of absence from Sweeney Todd...I found it to be somewhat interesting at first, but ultimately it began very dry and taxing on my patience. So while I put that book to rest (for the moment) I am now reading The Book of Salt by Monique Truong. Now this book I am totally digging. Fun characters and an intriguing perspective...LOVES IT!

That's all for now.

Friday, September 5, 2008

I learned a few things in Atlantic City...

I spent this past weekend in Atlantic City with some friends and being as it was my first time there ever, I learned a few very important things. I will disclose these ten wise proclamations now:

1. Getting there is never fun and always takes way too long, no matter where you are coming from.

2. Drinks are way overpriced, but you're forced to pay because duh, it's Atlantic City and duh, you 're supposed to get drunk.

3. Don't forget to bring some nice dress clothes and shoes...if you don't you'll be denied from all the sexy clubs and will be forced to drink yourself into a stupor while suffering through Bon Jovi karaoke.

4. There are always, at anytime in your line of vision, at least 5 trashy girls wearing clothes that do not/have not/never will fit them correctly and 3 overly muscled, meat-head guidos ready and raring to call you a "Faggot."

5. Watching Pay It Forward in your hotel room is in no way an appropriate precursor to heavy drinking.

6. If you are not permanently attached to a breathing machine or are in a coffin, you will undoubtedly be stopped and asked for I.D. no less than 30 times while in the casinos.

7. "American Girl" is the most played-out bar song in the entire world, and only slutty 20-something girls and drunk 50-something moms get excited for it.

8. Sad old men sell ice cream out of large boxes strapped onto their backs...like ancient Egyptians, only instead of working themselves to exhaustion building the pyramids, they're handing out cool treats to beach-goers.

9. Boardwalk funnel cakes that have grown soggy due to berry toppings & gelatinous sauces can be both irresistibly tempting and shockingly sacrilegious at the same time.

10. If you ride in one of those slave-driving pushcarts down the boardwalk, you will, without fail, look like a DOUCHE.

Keep these commandments in mind, and you will have a great time. Hell, I didn't and I still had a blast.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Search Continues...

I just joined Monster.com and I hope it will further advance my up-to-this-point futile attempt to find a job. I don't think I can be a waiter for much longer...it is literally driving me mad.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Cooking & Drinking

So I believe that I have more or less redeemed myself in the realm of the culinary arts. After some much needed counseling from my organic food guru Emily, I was able to concoct a hearty and may I say slightly delicious quinoa and chicken salad, seasoned with a homemade basil pesto. I also bought a baguette from the restaurant and made some garlic toast that wasn't too shitty either. Kevin said he enjoyed it as well, so A+ to ME.

Last night a friend of Kevin's invited he and I to the restaurant she works at in Princeton to a beer tasting and six-course sampling menu. It was quite wonderful and I must say that I got quite toasted. The beers were a wide variety of flavors and tastes that ranged from the very sweet to the quite...well...not sweet. I have come to the conclusion that I am a wimp when it comes to alcohol and either want mixed drinks with only 5% alcohol max or my standard beers (Yuengling or Rolling Rock). Some of the beers last night were a little too big on the hops, which I am instantly repelled to. Just give me some fruity tasty little drink and I'm set. One beer, I believe it was called Berry Weiser, was absolutely delicious and I don't care if that makes me look faggy or not.

Whateva', I drink what I want!

Friday, August 15, 2008

I've got my rock moves!

So P!nk has a new single out and I must say that I think it is fantastic. "So What" has the funky spunky attitude that her past songs "Stupid Girls" and "Trouble" had and I think it is kind of brilliant. What I love about P!nk and her music is that she is so often labeled as one of the female pop singers that are pimped all over the radio, but there is an edgy and risky twist on all of her tracks that really lets her stand out. Any music elitists that pigeonhold her as just another brainless pop twit sshould seriously take a listen to her. There is a depth, whether she is being humorous or serious, that a lot of modern day pop severely lacks. But what I love about P!nk most of all, is that she simply doesn't even give a shit about any of this. Call her what you will and categorize her how you will, she will just keep doing her thing and pay the rest of the world no mind.

Oh and I saw Tropic Thunder last night. I hope it's not bad that I actually found it quite awesome and funny and entertaining. I know all the tightwads in the world are up in arms about it making funny of the mentally challenged, but I see it as so: It's in theaters and there is nothing that any petition is gonna do to stop it now. Sure, it's a little offensive, but what isn't nowadays?